Review: Berman Center Selene Clitoral Pump (kit)

(and a mish-mash of other things)

Right now sextoy.com has a lot of kits. These kits allow you to get a major toy of a brand name you’ll recognize (others include Rock Chick, Fleshlight, etc) and a few other “extra” toys that are of the cheaper variety (and you cannot tell the brand of the extra items, for the most part). I had requested the Berman Center Selene Vibrating Clitoral Pump Sex Toy Kit (boy that’s a mouthful!) mainly because I was very interested in trying a clitoral pump and also it included a Mini-Mite massager – which I figured might be the same brand as my old beloved red pocket rocket – and a Silver Bullet which appeared to be very similar to my original much-loved-may-it-rest-in-peace Bullet.

Due to a mix up and misunderstanding, I was sent individual but similar items to review – at the time I was told the kit very well might not come back into stock in that exact incarnation. The side items then that I’m going to talk about are not the items in the kit. So keep that in mind. I realize it’s a confusing review but…..well, it wasn’t really my choice.

First I need to start off by saying this: I was not aware that the manufacturer of these items is California Exotic Novelties. I’m sure that 99% of my readers won’t recall but CEN is at the top of my sex toy manufacturer shit list. Every single thing made by them that I have reviewed (or owned privately in the past) has been sub-par.

Imagine my utter SHOCK when I find that the Silver Bullet sent to me as part of the mock kit….is CEN….and I like it. It’s very similar to the old one, just the control dial on the handpack is a bit different. It’s not high quality but it is, so far, reliable and the power level I need. Go figure!

CalExotics plummeted back down the scale though with the other items.

Anything that is Berman Center “brand” is actually made by CalExotics/CEN. I didn’t know this. If you look around though there is a non-branded vibrating clitoral pump that is identical to the Berman Center Selene Vibrating Clitoral Pump and it is indeed CalExotics. The pump portion is the most important, to me, and it didn’t do a good job. The suction wouldn’t last more than 5 seconds, and it just wasn’t powerful enough suction to do anything for me. The vibrations were moot because the vibrating mechanism is in the handle – about 2 inches from the base of the pump. It’s also very hard to thoroughly clean this toy. Another big downfall is that there is no off/on switch. So if you want suction but not vibration you have to remove the batteries because without the battery cap on there is no suction.

Last is the slim vibe. They claim it to be waterproof but I didn’t bother finding out. I didn’t see a rubber washer where the battery cap screws on. The vibration level is fairly moderate but this is a no-frills vibe – unless you count the awesome hook that’s built into the battery cap as a frill. You know, for hanging it in your shower. Next to your Prell and loofah-on-a-rope.  Two speeds, you push the button on, you push it again to get to the next power level, and then you push it to turn off. What cracks me the hell up is the cheesy CEN packaging – it calls it a “2 SPEED HYDRO-POWERED MASSAGER”. Ahem. Hydropower in literal terms is water-powered. Yeaaahhh……no. Just…no.

Since the original kit also contains a version of the pocket rocket, I was supposed to get this, but never did.

All in all…..the only thing I could recommend is the Bullet. It’s cheap (under $10 as of this writing) and even if it lasts me only 2 months, it’s cheap enough to replace it. Everything else is crap and I can say with near 100% certainty that this is THE LAST time I will ever get a California Exotics product, be it purchase or review.