Review: Hardwood Dildo by Hans

I bet about half of you are thinking “a dildo made of wood????”. I did. Then I read a few reviews from other bloggers and then I looked at his site and thought hmmmm….yeah, that could be great.

The Facts:

First, get all thoughts in your head regarding splinters and rough edges OUT.

Each dildo is finished with at least five coats of Salad Bowl Finish, a food-quality varnish. The finish seals the wood, making them safe, waterproof, and natural-feeling.  (more FAQ‘s)

It’s -pretty-, you see the grain of the wood with a nice gloss to it. He never uses stain, just happens upon some really cool woods that look great. The really cool ones, like mine which is purpleheart, are limited. He makes these out of scraps of wood leftover from furniture and other big projects, mostly given to him. One day, Hans saw a piece of walnut, and like most woodworkers/woodartists, the raw piece of wood kinda spoke to him…..wood tends to carve itself in a way…you see what should be done with it before you really start. He went to work, fashioned a dildo; his partner loved it (of course) and down the road he started doing it for the public, once he realized he was not alone in this niche of wooden sex toys.

You’re paying for a high quality dildo here – each one is unique, they take 3-10 hours of time to craft by Hans, and there’s so many wonderful properties. They’re waterproof thanks to all that varnish ( for play though, not for cleaning). They’re really easy to clean. You can use any lube type you want. Also, if you have a specific style/size in mind, he’ll make it custom from the more common woods. My only request of Hans would be a few more with good girth to them. I’m a size queen when it comes to dildos ;)

My Toy:

Mine is the Purpleheart #269  (you can view previously sold toys on there to see if there’s a past style you really love). Now, judging by the soft ridges one would assume that the thinner end is meant for insertion. That’s NOT why I picked this one. The ball end is 1.9″ around. Come to mama *drools*  Ok actually I bought this to have more toys in my collection that pack a punch girth-wise, for someone to use on me before attempting to fist me for the first time.

Seriously….this should be a priority consideration for seekers of high quality sex toys. When you talk to Hans, you’re really dealing with -him-, not some company. I know that when I can afford a custom one from him, it’ll be my new favorite. If I had to create one now, it would be very similar to the Pure Wand, with one very very thick side and one regular thick side, in a pretty deep-toned wood with depth to its grain. I’m truly in love with the purpleheart wood but I fear his supply is gone of that. The deep Ziracote is nice. Black Mangrove was beautiful but appears his supply of that is also gone. Bottom line: if you see one you love, in an uncommon wood – buy it right away.