Review: Minna Ola

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May 152013
Image courtesy of

Image courtesy of

The Minna Ola looks unremarkable at first. It has no extreme curve, no extreme girth. It’s your average silicone-covered vibrator. It’s not plush. It is waterproof though, and rechargeable (although recharging this is maddening). 

But as soon as you pick up the Ola, you’ll see the difference. A portion of the handle feels like an air cushion. It IS an air cushion. The Minna Ola is the vibrator for those who adore patterns and don’t need lots of vibration intensity. With Ola, you create your own pattern. 

When you first turn Ola on, the power button will blink and it will give a friendly little pulse of vibration, but nothing happens. Until you squeeze that neat little air pillow on the handle. The harder you squeeze, the more powerful the vibrations become. You can slowly ease off and create undulating waves of ascending and descending vibrations or you can beat out staccato drums to the tune of your favorite Ace of Base song. This is called “freeplay mode” where you can do as you please. The trick is to play around with it at first and see what you like, then push the second button which records. This is called “loop mode”. During loop mode you can do whatever you want; once you’re done, you press that special record button again to stop recording. 

I bought the Ola because I was curious about this technology. Where so many sex toy companies create variations on the same thing, this was unique and different. Except I forgot one thing: I hate patterns. I need strong, steady vibrations. I can tolerate patterns as a tease, if I’m in the mood for that, but in general I’m not. So yay….my loop consisted of nothing but me holding down the soft spot all the way to create the most powerful vibrations Ola can spit out, unrelenting, unchanging. I don’t think that was their point. 

The nice part about this is that you can use it in either mode; freestyle requires that you press on the soft spot the whole time. If you let up, it stops. Loop mode means you can just enjoy the pattern you created. The Ola is long enough to be considered an internal vibrator but I don’t feel that it’s strong enough, thick enough, or have enough of a g-spot curve/swell to it to be of any real interest to me. When the Ola is surrounded (i.e. inserted) the vibrations dampen, as many vibrators do (especially the rechargeable ones) but it dampens enough so that I consider it to be on the low end of moderate. The vibrations are also somewhere in the middle of rumbly and buzzy. They’re not super deep, but they’re not irritatingly shallow, surface-only vibrations either.  They can easily be described as pleasant. I feel that the Je Joue Uma’s vibrations are stronger and more pleasing to me, though, for an internal g-spot vibrator that is similar in size, shape and “luxury” level.

Minna OlaThe only aspect of the Minna Ola that left me with any sort of strong feelings is the charging. I effing hate it. In fact, it’s safe to say that I hate ALL magnetic chargers. Seriously folks, amp up the magnetism or use the jack plug style. I have to have the Ola and the charger sitting just so, or it won’t charge. It took me awhile to realize that the power button had to slowly pulse and stay that way – and it took a number of tries to get it to do that, otherwise it blinked and then went dead without charging. It’s supposed to take 3 hours to charge it fully from dead zero but that time frame will depend upon the charger maintaining perfect contact with the Ola the whole time. The pulsing light isn’t easy to see in a very well-lit room, either. 

All in all, it’s a nice looking package. It comes with the ubiquitous satin drawstring bag. Due to the power & “record” buttons being circles, they’ve kept up with the circle theme as part of their logo and design of the package. The box is a tube, the manual is a circle shape, etc. Oh and the charger? Like the We-Vibe chargers there is a wall plug that ends in a jack, and a tiny little base you plug the jack into and then it clicks onto the Ola magnetically. Lose that little base and you’re screwed. Minna actually has  reason for this though, as annoying as it may be. You’ll notice a tiny jack hole in the squeeze pad; it’s not for charging. Since that squeeze pad is filled with air, when you travel sometimes altitude/pressure changes can deflate the squeeze pad. Poke around the hole with the jack (stop snickering, dammit) and it’ll re-inflate. 


  1. Charger is a pain in the ass
  2. It’s easy to forget to turn it off if you’re using it in freestyle mode. As soon as you stop squeezing the pad, it stops vibrating. All times I tried it out, it died on me because I accidentally left it turned on.
  3. You can create the perfect pattern but it will go away as soon as you turn the loop mode off to take a break, or turn the power off altogether. I feel like if you went to all that trouble to create an awesome pattern, you shouldn’t have to do it again unless you wanted to. 

I can only recommend the Minna Ola to people who prefer patterns, or almost like patterns if only they were slightly different.  If you want something WOW for your g-spot, move on. If you need definitive vibration intensity, keep looking. It’s just all around…..moderate. Unremarkable except for the main event. The unique technology and the “luxury” trappings jack up the price though, this usually retails for around $160ish.  I found this vibe on my own, but I’d recommend that you pick it up at SheVibe if you think it can work for you.

Apr 252013

iGino One fresh out of the boxFirst let me say that I really do applaud the individuals and small companies who try their hand at making sex toys and improving upon them, who see problems that could be solved and want to genuinely spread to joy of orgasm around via a sex toy made of safe materials. Of course many like to utilize as many advertising jargon words as possible and lay out their proclamations of being THE best sex toy, the be-all end-all, the best thing you’ll ever try, if you’ve tried the rest you’ll be instantly in love with this next new thing yaddayadda. I don’t think that the iGino has quite tipped that scale, but they do claim to be “What Women Want”. Yet despite all of these wonderful entrepreneurs trying to Build a Better Sex Toy, many fail.

That’s kinda where the i-Gino One comes into play. I can appreciate the reasons behind the developers design. It’s based somewhat on the fingertip with vibrations as well as a back-and-forth side-to-side sort of motion. The designer made what she feels is a supreme vibrator for clitoris-bearing people. The design is made to be discreet, slim enough to fit between the bodies during sex, it comes with a cap to prevent it from getting dirty, etc. All good things …….in theory. I do encourage you to please check out the information available on their website and their Indiegogo campaign to get a full picture of the intent of this design and the specs. I couldn’t cover everything, or this review would be over 4000 words.

According to the Indiegogo funding campaign:

  • iGino® integrates technologies and design into people-centric solutions, based on fundamental customer insights and the brand promise of “what women want”.
  • By improving the design, feel and innovation of our pleasure objects with sensual purpose, they stand as the most desirable products for individuals and couples alike.
  • All pleasure objects by iGino® give amazing sensations and complete peace of mind in whatever situations arise. Each product blends craftsmanship, design and innovation to give it distinctive character and style.

iGino for Indiegogo – What Women Want from iGino on Vimeo.


iGino One on top of a Samsung Galaxy S3 phone for size comparison iGino One in my hand

The shape and design of it is, I’ll grant you, discreet in that it does not resemble any current vibrator on the market or a penis in any way.  If someone where to happen upon this, their curiosity might make them explore it, wonder what on earth it is. Maybe if the colors were different? Like if this were say…black and grey, or all white maybe it could be mistaken for a tech item.  My husband thought that perhaps it was something for my e-cigs. My friend thought it was a case for candy (yeah I don’t get it either so I don’t ask), or a spare battery for a phone or an e-cig case. So I suppose that my original skepticism over the true “discreet” claim is just me being jaded. Or me having spent 28 years living with a VERY nosy mother who would most likely wonder what it is if she saw it and would try to pry it open. But for once I was able to show my husband and friend a sex toy and they didn’t at first know it was a sex toy until I took the cap off. Watching their puzzled reactions as I quizzed them “What do you think this is?” was kinda fun.


This is a little harder to describe. Instead of vibrating like you’re used to, the little head there actually moves at a very high speed side to side. The speed is so high though, and the sensation fairly intense, that it doesn’t exactly feel like anything different or special. One odd thing: you can completely bring the motor to a halt with decent pressure on the head. I’m not sure this is a good thing. Logically, if you’re stopping a motor from doing what it’s trying to do, it would sustain damage over time? That’s what my logic says, anyhow. I could be wrong. I don’t think you’ll apply enough pressure during normal use for this to happen, though. Maybe during sex if your partner on top gets too close? I know that pressure can stop it because did happen to me but I’ll explain that in a minute.

SkinTouch Head

SkinTouch Head - Looks like a flower!  iGino One - EVA pieces, showing how the collar piece tore

Here is where I’m baffled by a material choice. The entire body is made of shiny ABS plastic, except for the little light pink bit and the “skintouch head”, they’re made of EVA. From what I can tell, it’s body-safe. It’s foam. The everyday thing that I equate this with are those really lightweight sandals, or floating pool mats, I think even the soft colorful interlocking pieces of floor frequently used for flooring in kids playrooms is the same stuff. So, it’s water-resistant I guess, since it floats. Does that mean it’s non-porous? I asked iGino and they said that it IS porous but reiterated that it is “used in various medical products.”. Which is fine, I don’t believe it has any foul chemicals, there is no scent, etc. I’m just concerned that it is porous and easy to lose/destroy by accident.

Hello_Kitty_Pink_2981The Skintouch Head is kinda silly, really. It weighs nothing, you’ll likely lose it, it gets deformed quite easily and could also very easily be completely ruined. It adds a little bit in the positive during use, but yet not.  It looks like a Lucky Charms marshmallow and feels like one, too. It doesn’t feel “warm and soft”, it doesn’t replicate my fingertip.

This same EVA material that makes up the removable “Skintouch Head” is also present as…some sort of….buffer pad? I don’t understand how it relates to being a critical aspect of function. Is it to prevent lube/fluids from getting inside while allowing the toy to do its movement? If so, it is mediocre at best at doing that job. The nature of the moving-vs-vibrating head means that there will be something exposed, I guess, unless the design were altered. But the fact remains that the manual states that the iGino is not waterproof, nor splashproof, nor should it even be placed under running tap water to clean it. This is a bit troublesome to me.  I am unsure if it has these restrictions just because of the exposed USB charging arm, or if it’s because of the gap between the head and the rest of the thing.

The manual says only to use water or silicone-based lubes; this takes out oil-based lubes from the equation. However, I asked and iGino found out that you could use a natural oil, such as Coconut Oil as a lube and it would be fine.

Hygienic Cap

iGino SkinTouch Head can store inside the cap

The design completes its weird look by having a cap. This is to prevent the massager head from getting dirty. Ok, fine. I guess. It’s plastic. How dirty can it get? Problem is that the Skintouch Head can’t stay on if you want to put the cap on. Now, I was able to figure out that the cap will go on and stay on if I put the Skintouch Head bit up inside the cap, off to the side, but the bare minimum manual doesn’t tell you that. I think you’re meant to maybe keep it separate. Which means you will lose it. It will become a cat toy, or something your dog will eat in one gulp. Something your kid will ruin in 3 minutes flat if they’re young. Something a baby or toddler could choke on, since it does highly resemble a cereal marshmallow. But while the Skintouch Head is stored in the cap, something happens. When you flip the switch from off to on with that in place, nothing happens. No sound, no vibration. It’s because the pressure is preventing it from working. Which could be a good thing, unless that means that the motor is burning up….because if you’re traveling with this, there is no travel-lock feature and the slide button on the side is fairly easy to switch on.

Using the iGino One

This is, obviously, an external vibrator only. I’m going to go ahead and narrow this down even further: this design will best be enjoyed by people with small outer labia, who are not “plus size” and do not have a “fleshy” pubic mound and outer labia or crudely put, a fat cunt. I have a fat cunt because, surprise, I’m fat. My clitoris is not visible when I spread my legs, I need to part my labia for it to be visible. This is therefore a requirement for me to obtain contact between my clitoris and the vibrating portion of this massager. In fact, a lot more of the body of this massager gets in contact with my fluids and skin than I think was meant to. My body and vulva shape are just not meant for this type of sex toy. Simple fact. It’s similar to the Fixsation in that regard. Both products claim to be universal, “every woman” will like them, although iGino is less obnoxiously forceful about that implication.

While the iGino One is “discreet” in appearance, it is not during use. I’d say that it’s nearly as noisy as my electric razor. You would never be able to use this in the bathroom. This could be heard whilst under the covers and from outside the closed-door room. If your house is quiet, it would be heard down the hall, even.  The Magic Wand is more noisy, of course. I tried looking around for another vibrator that would be almost as noisy, and I couldn’t find one. It was so noisy that it woke up the cats who were soundly sleeping 3 rooms away and made them come investigate what the sound was.  Below is a simple sound clip:

And here is a very crude video shot from my cell phone to show you what it looks like during use. At the end I’m manually moving the head back and forth with my fingers without it being turned on just to show that it does indeed move side to side.

There is one, single speed. This speed is NOT for a person with a sensitive clitoris; if you can get off fairly easily with just your fingers? Stay away. If this speed is not enough for you, you’re out of luck. I pretty much never endorse a vibrator that has only one speed. 3 speeds are generally a “must” in all but the most rare circumstances. The feel of the vibration is somewhere in between buzzy and rumbly. It’s hard to classify. It’s also hard to like, but I think that also is down to the fact that the portion of the iGino One that actually vibrates is so goddamn tiny. It is not easy for me to use, at all.

The design is also meant to be slim enough to fit between bodies during sex. When I shared this fact with my girlfriend, she looked at me funny and then looked at the vibrator and then gave me that same, confused look. I asked her if it would work for HER body for it to lay flat against her pubic mound and she agreed that no, it certainly would not touch her clitoris in such a position. She is of slim build, and doesn’t have my “fat cunt problems”.

The charge vs use time on this is also ridiculous. It says that the iGino does not arrive charged, but mine did. I was able to turn it on to an eyebrow-raising speed immediately (my girlfriend’s eyebrows raised, not mine, they’re too jaded). However, the manual states that for a “one time use” you should charge it for 8 hours. I would say that mine has been turned on for no more than a total of 15 minutes and it is not yet showing any signs of decline in the vibration/”moove” intensity. A full charge is achieved in 12 hours, and the vibrator will last for 40 minutes.

12 hours gets you 40 minutes.

12 hours gets you 40 minutes.

Yes, that did bear repeating.

This thing charges via USB, with the cool looking USB port arm that swings out. You can plug that directly into your laptop, or use included extension cable, or plug that extension cable into the included wall socket adapter (you’ll get both voltage types of wall plugs). I can sort of appreciate the cool factor of charging via USB, of plugging this into the side of my laptop (if I had a laptop, which I don’t, I’m a desktop girl who dabbles in tablet) but it’s no longer a feature that tips the deciding scale for me.  It used to be, but like I said…I’m jaded and frankly, all of my USB ports are taken. Yes, even with a hub.

Showing the USB charging arm that swings out from the body

Here’s the thing. I pretty much knew by looking at the design that I wasn’t going to like it, and I was very up front with the designer when asked to review this. She responded with “I can not be sure that our product can meet your personal needs, but we believe that our technology works well and your personal honest review would be much appreciated. ” and I respect that. I really do. So that’s why I’m trying hard not to be snarky or mean, despite the fact that I would not recommend this to anybody. I think that the design, style, vibration type, etc is going to only appeal to and work for a very small portion of the population. I don’t think that it is worth $99 for that reason.  I actually dreaded having to use it for a second time to see if I could reach orgasm1, because I at least owe the review a fair shake at that aspect. But the angular case just isn’t ergonomic and frankly, it’s not a pleasure to use. It’s almost worse than a boring, weak vibrator! This also reminds me of the Fixsation, with how I feel about it.

My recommendations on improvement would first ask that the EVA foam pieces be changed out for something more practical, more sturdy. That little buffer piece? I ripped mine while poking around the vibrator. Good thing they give you a few extras. The massager should also be at least splashproof. If this means concealing that USB port and changing the head, then so be it. Also, the color scheme and design is very much Japanese-cartoonish and overtly femme. When you put the Skintouch Head on the massager, it looks like a flower. Not every clitoris-owning person is feminine or even likes pink. Give this thing at least 2 speeds, an on/off switch that won’t be so easy to activate, and a better charge-to-use ratio. Ditch the “velvet pouch” because it looks just like every other cost-50-cents-to-manufacture “velvet” pouch out there and it attracts dust and fur better than a Swiffer. A plain, cloth pouch (see: Jopen, G-Vibe, Extase) would look better and perform better.

iGino One is still in the process of being funded. If you think you’d like this sex toy and would like to own one and see it hit the market, you should contribute

*Disclaimer: As I mentioned above, I was provided this massager in exchange for an honest review by the iGino company.

  1. I lasted 30 seconds my first attempt, 2 minutes the second attempt and maybe 4 minutes on the 3rd attempt. It’s just not comfortable for me to hold, it’s not comfortable to use, the noise is extremely distracting, and I simply couldn’t stay aroused long enough to even think about orgasm. I think that, in theory, it is powerful enough to bring me to orgasm

Lelo Ina 2 Review

 Reviews, Sex Toys  Comments Off on Lelo Ina 2 Review
Mar 252013

Lelo Ina 2

Not usually like me, I’m pretty behind the times on reviewing the Round 2 versions of many revamped Lelo products. Honestly I wanted to review the Ina 2 partially out of sex toy reviewer obligation, partially out of a pipedream that Lelo could produce something to rival my only dual-stim love, the Jopen Vanity VR6 (which was never perfect). So what I’m aiming here with this review is to answer two questions: if you owned and weren’t impressed with the original Ina, should you give the Ina 2 another shot? And, if you’ve not tried Ina at all, is it worth the money and will it have a limited or broad scope of appeal?

While I find that the Ina 2 is most definitely more powerful than the original Ina, it still retains a commonality with the VR6 that I don’t quite understand: on its own, the clitoral arm is pretty unimpressive vibration-wise. However, the internal portion is packed with a nice amount of rumbly power so if the clitoral arm were say, equivalent to the We-Vibe Tango? I might be coming in a minute flat. A quick orgasm is really nice sometimes, and there’s always the ability to turn down the power, right? Well, sort of.  For some reason, there is a great divide in the world of Rabbit Vibes. If you insist on silicone, then you will have fewer bells and whistles. If you want all of the bells and whistles, then you’re stuck with a vibrator made of TPR or Jelly, which may or may not contain phthalates and VOCs but it’ll rotate in 2 directions, have a shaft of pearls under the TPR skin, and allow you to have complete control over the external and internal arm independently; one on, one off, one on and at high power while the other is on at low power, etc. With the silicone rabbits, you’ll be lucky if you can find one that rotates (and is actually 100% pure true silicone). You won’t always be able to have either/or running on the external internal portions, and if you can then it is only going to be one arm is off while the other is on. You can control the vibration settings, but the power levels will affect both the internal and external simultaneously if they’re both on.

As is standard these days in Lelo toys, the Lelo Ina 2 is waterproof and rechargeable. The control pad locks for travel, and the standard accoutrements are included: satin bag, sachet of lube, manual, 1 year warranty, charger.

Ina 1 versus Ina 2

Lelo Ina vs Ina 2 - top view Lelo Ina vs Ina 2 - back side Lelo Ina vs Ina 2 - sideview

So the Ina 2 will let you have either the internal OR the external arm running and change the power settings / patterns, or have both arms running at the same speed and same pattern. The Ina 2 is a claw-shaped rabbit vibrator, meaning it will apply pressure to your clitoris (many rabbits have a more V shape to the design, the clitoral arm extends straight out at an angle from the body, whereas claw shaped curves in). The original Ina applied too much pressure, and that is one of the major changes in the Ina 2.  In fact, a lot of things in general were changed. Let’s review:

  • The clitoral arm is positioned farther away from the g-spot tip on the shaft
  • This allows for more insertion length of the internal shaft – original Ina had about 3.5″ insertable, Ina 2 is closer to 4.5″
  • The clitoral arm is angled slightly more away from the internal shaft, giving a less “clampy” tight feel, less pressure applied to the clitoris
  • The seam between the while plastic handle and the silicone skin seems to be more snug, allowing for less dirt and fluid build-up to stick around after a quick wash
  • The vibration intensity of the internal shaft has been doubled (however, the vibration intensity of the clitoral arm remains the same)
  • The clitoral arm flexes away from the internal shaft more easily, while still applying pressure to the clitoris

One clarification that I want to reiterate, one that I wish I’d known before getting this, is that the vibration intensity is labeled as “100% more power than the original”, yet they fail to differentiate that this only applies to the internal shaft. The clitoral arm’s vibration strength and style is exactly the same. Since I prefer my vibrations to be primarily on the clitoris, I’m disappointed that they did this. However. I will say that the increase in strength in the internal shaft did make a big difference. I wasn’t able to orgasm most times with the original Ina, but I can with Ina 2. The increased vibrations on the internal shaft do a good enough job of stimulating the internal clitoris that I almost don’t mind that they didn’t increase the power overall. Almost.

Another oddity that seems to be more noticeable in Ina 2 is that the two motors can become imbalanced fairly easily. In the position I tend to use it in, there is nearly always this slight ~~~~~~~~ going on. I can’t really describe it in words. The vibration strength doesn’t waiver, just the motors themselves. And if I’m honest, I can’t say I complain about this. It allowed me to just position the Ina 2 into place, keep it in place with my thighs (since the handle is so short, my arms are short and yadda yadda) and get this nice added slight sensation with the vibrations.

Lelo Ina 2 versus Jopen Vanity VR6

Lelo Ina 2 vs Vanity VR6

 How does the Ina 2 compare to my much-loved Vanity VR6? It definitely is not as powerful on the internal arm, however the clitoral arm on the Ina 2 provides the proper amount of pressure for me and hits me in the right spot. The VR6 doesn’t quite, which is odd because when you look at them, visually they are very similar. I think it is because the arm on the Ina 2 is more flexible, allowing it to “open up” more and sit where it should. The VR6 has no patterns; the two buttons control the internal and external portions separately, which the Ina 2 does not do. You can lower the intensity of the internal arm on the VR6 whilst keeping the external arm at high, or whatever you want. On the Ina 2, as mentioned, it’s either both motors are on, or just one is on. The clitoral arm on both Ina 2 and VR6 feel powerful when you hold the vibrator in your hand and lightly touch the clitoral arm; but when pressure is applied, the vibrations dampen drastically on the VR6 and significantly on the Ina 2. Yet the internal arm doesn’t suffer this same fate.  The Ina 2 is less girthy compared to the VR6, in all facets. I appreciate the internal girth of the VR6 over the Ina 2, but like the Ina 2 clitoral arm better than the VR6.

I still prefer the vibrations of the VR6, but the fact that the Ina 2 fits me a bit better means that I’m not working as hard for the orgasm. And while the Ina 2 still isn’t built right for my round body and short arms, the VR6 is even worse with a smaller handle length. Both of these, though, provide definitive pressure on the clitoris. If you do not like that, then you will not like this style of rabbit. Many Lelo users have stated that the design of the clitoral arm and flexibilty is the reason behind them choosing the Soraya over the Ina 2, however the Soraya is much higher priced ($195 vs $144 Ina 2) with serious cosmetic flaws that will occur for most users.  You could consider trying the Picobong Kaya, but the g-spot curve is not as pronounced. The clitoral arm appears to be a little more flexible perhaps than Ina 2, but not by much. The Kaya also seems to have a much longer shaft so if your g-spot is shallow then you’d do better with the Ina 2. Most who have reviewed Kaya vs Ina did so with the original Ina. I would hazard an educated guess that the Ina 2 would be a little more powerful than the Kaya, if the vibrations of the Kaya are similar to the Moka. The Kaya is a lot less expensive ($90), but it is battery powered, not rechargeable like the Ina 2 and Soraya.  Of course, with any rabbit-style vibrator, these are far from one-size-fits-most.

Feb 242013


 JimmyJane Hello Touch

In general, I seem to have the reviewer’s equivalent to a trained drug dog’s nose when it comes to spotting outrageous marketing claims on sex toys. JimmyJane has a knack for turning out highly modern, yet obscenely priced luxury sex toys, many of which have fatal flaws in the design or have lackluster vibrations. I can still recall my visit to Babeland Seattle as the Day The Wool Fell Off My Eyes, as I turned on item after item from JimmyJane and cringed. Their Iconic Collection, as an example, is merely a bunch of overpriced, white-only reproductions of common, mass-marketed (and cheap) sex toys like the pocket rocket, vibrating bath ducky, slimline straight plastic vibe, etc. That line is 100% “mutton dressed as lamb”. Or then there is the mind-boggling one-speed-buzzy-wonder (and by wonder I mean “someone actually buys these??”) that is the Little Chroma/Steel, etc. I’ve owned the Form 3 and Form 6, but frankly couldn’t be arsed to even review the Form 6. I hated it, not quite as much as I hated the Form 3, but not enough to be bothered to review it.

So when I saw what appeared to be another “Iconic” attempt from JJ, I agreed to review it if only to prove that it’s not worth the money. Yes, I know. That’s awfully jaded. But you don’t get to where I am in reviewing without being able to smell the shit past the air freshener. I owe no one anything but the honest, hardcore truth in this review (one reason why I adore SheVibe).

JJ was promoting this sucker hard, and sent out press releases touting how “innovative” it is. Sure, they’re made a lot of changes but innovative it is not. There have been similar vibes, mainly by Fukuoko. Sure, visually this thing is an improvement on the glove. I’ve heard mixed reviews on the power of the glove, some say that the Hello Touch is more powerful than the Fukuoku glove. But “three times the power”? Of what?

I think it’ll be easier if I break everything down. Step by step down the road to the corner of OhGodWhy Lane and You’reKiddingMeRight Blvd.

Packaging and Copy

 The packaging is actually pretty damn minimal. In fact, likely the most minimal I’ve seen from a luxury sex toy company. I’m actually not complaining about this, though. Fancier packaging leads to a higher priced item, and ain’t nobody got time for that shit. But you see…when things like these are said….I tend to call bullshit:

JimmyJaneLie2 JimmyJaneLie3



I get it. They need to say things that will sell. It’s like the whole advertised-burger-vs-reality-burger thing that I’ve mentioned before, except this has to do with performance rather than visual aspects.



But these? Please, don’t listen to these people. None of them actually tried the thing, I’d bet my last month’s commission on that. So these words are why I write this review. Because people deserve to know the truth, and that truth isn’t sparkly or pretty.

But the thing I take the most issue with is this, and it will be explained further down:


Product Design (Flaws)

Prior to the Hello Touch, Fukuoku was the only company to make something like this. I seem to recall that there was a product just like the Hello Touch, except 3 fingerpads instead of just two. The Glove has 5 vibrating pads, but the downside is that it looks and feels like a damn ski glove. It’s not sexy, which I think is why JJ went to such lengths to create the Hello Touch with such a minimalistic, low profile.

Fingerpads: You can, in theory, put the fingerpads on any finger or your thumb, if it’ll fit.  I do not have particularly large or fat fingers, although thin women will have smaller fingers than I. But these pads are uncomfortably tight. There is no pain, but they do stop bloodflow. After 4 minutes of wearing them, my fingertips were cold and starting to hurt. If someone with big, burly hands were to try this? Well, they can’t even get it on. A friend attempted to try these on for me; his hands were big with thick fingers – he couldn’t even tolerate it for half a second, it was so tight.  You can see below what it’s doing to my fingers. Also below I just wanted to show you what I mean by “big, burly hands”. My awesome friend and his lady sent me this requested pic to show what I mean. If your hands look like his? Forget it. You’ll have no hope of wearing these fingerpads. Hell if you’re even close to his finger size, you’ll have no prayer. 

 BIG MANLY MAN HANDS! His, I mean, on the bottom. Her average-sized hand is on top.
JimmyJaneHelloTouch4  JimmyJaneHelloTouch5.

Also, the fingerpads CAN be removed from the vibrating pods and you should do so for more thorough cleaning. When everything is lubed up and has been in use, the lube can get inside these pads, in between the vibrating pod and the pliable material, making it quite easy for the pod to slip out. It is not, however, easy for the to slip back in. If you don’t get it just right before you shove it in, you’ll be trying for a few minutes. Sometimes I was able to get it right away, sometimes not.

Vibrations: I’m just not sure what JimmyJane thinks the Hello Touch is 3 times more powerful than. When you first turn it on, if the pads aren’t on your fingers yet, you might think it has a bit of a kick. But of course when a vibrator is held firmly near it’s motor, the vibrations will always dampen to some degree. That’s what happens when you put the pads on your fingers, especially since these things are so damn tight. But while the vibrations in this thing are not ever going to be enough to even tease me, they might be enough for those who don’t really need much in the way of vibrations for a clitoral orgasm. I wouldn’t at all classify the vibrations as deep, or rumbly, or thuddy. They are just shy of being surface-buzzy, so I have felt more buzzy vibrators (a perfect example is the Extase Liberte – the Hello Touch is actually just a smidge more oomph-y than the Liberte and definitely not buzzy in comparison to it). My very first reaction to the vibrations was “wow, this is utter crap” but I’ve shown this to a few sex toy noobs and am, uncharacteristically, amending my initial judgment …..slightly.

However, I don’t think that the vibrations would be enough to be felt internally, on the g-spot, nor would they really do a whole lot for a penis if you can manage to adjust your handjob so that the fingerpads touch flesh. Should you try to turn the fingerpads around so that they are on the top side of your finger and hope for just proxy vibrations coursing through your fingertip, you will be disappointed. I also don’t feel that the vibrations would really be enough to aid in body massage, at all. They’re about as effective as blowing on skin.  I have actually read a couple of reviews that indicate that the vibrations on this can be considered “powerful” and I am left shaking my head. I know that everybody likes something different but if you truly feel that the Hello Touch is powerful in use, then that is a good indication to me that I can’t read any of your other reviews because our idea of “powerful” is at opposite ends of the scale. On a scale of 1 to 4, as SheVibe rates things, I would rank the intensity of this absolutely no higher than a 2. If halfsies were allowed, I’d go firmly with 1.5. The beloved We-Vibe Salsa (Tango) blows this out of the water on its LOW setting. RO-80mm bullets are also much more powerful than Hello Touch. Even the Lelo Mia 2 on a Lowish-Medium setting (there are at least 10 discernible power settings) is more intense than the Hello Touch.

Power Pack: Moving on to the power pack, we find even more flaws. The most obvious being that the buttons take a good amount of pressure to turn off and on. If you have any sort of disability or weakness to your fingers, please don’t bother with this. I personally had to press really hard and dig my fingernail in, especially to turn it off, and that action therefore jammed the power pack into my wrist which also hurt like hell. In fact, sometimes I actually had to yank the thing off my wrist and use two hands to press hard enough to turn it off. When you take out the battery holder, you can see on it the buttons that turn it on and off. These line up with plastic dots glued to the silicone(?) button pad. When the battery pack is out of the case, the buttons are easy to push, so it’s merely just yet another design flaw. Also, in order to replace the batteries, there is a cap on the end that you must pry off. I have found that this is impossible to do without good, strong fingernails.


The grey wristband that holds the power pack is unbelievably confusing at first. If you don’t use this thing often, you’ll at first forget which button turns it on and which turns it off, because JimmyJane wanted to be so modern and minimalistic that there is no indication which is which. To up the confusion factor, they have imprinted three circles on the wristband. The top and bottom circles correspond to the buttons on the power pack, but that middle circle has no purpose except to annoy and confuse you. Actually when I looked inside (the inset bottom-right photo above) I could see that there were 3 raised buttons there on the inside of the power pack sleeve, yet as seen on the inset bottom-left photo, there is nothing in the middle for it to depress. The non-adjustable wrist band holds the power pack. The wrist band fit me mostly fine, but had to stay closer to my hand; on my girlfriend who is skinny, the wristband was too big and so the pack just flopped around. Could you sew the wrist band and make it fit a smaller wrist? Sure, but then it may not fit your partner.  Another design flaw, although minor in comparison, is that the wire that runs from the pads to the powerpack is a lot longer than in the photos on the JJ site. I have a lot of extra length and that would just end up getting in the way and getting caught on things during use.


And yes, there is only one speed, and no patterns. Adding insult to injury, the power pack takes AAAA batteries. No, this is not a typo. I actually thought it was a typo when I read Joan Price’s review because I had never even heard of AAAA batteries. The only thing that I’ve seen that these are used in are those portable blood glucose monitors. The average price for a 2-pack is around $3.50 from what I’ve seen, and the power pack runs on 2 of these. They do include 2, thankfully. But a AAA battery isn’t really all that much bigger, I don’t understand why they couldn’t add on a few millimeters and allow the use of a more common battery. If you’re feeling adventurous though, you can rip open a 9-volt battery and steal the AAAA’s from there.

Included: Alright so we’ve determined that the box and such is minimal and definitely not good to be reused for storage. They do give you two of the required AAAA batteries. They also give you a pouch. I think. Did they perhaps forget to put a snap on mine? Because honestly, this makes no damn sense. It only snaps on one corner and it really doesn’t take much jostling around inside a bag to open up. I had mine in a section of my handbag and sure enough after a day or so I pulled out just the pouch. The manual is very minimal and is basically a series of drawings.


Anal Play?? OH HELL NO

Yes. JimmyJane actually recommends the Hello Touch for anal/prostate stimulation. I am utterly dumbfounded and frankly, upset at this. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO. This is NOT safe. If for any reason you are dead set on doing this, then please use a fingercot to cover the pads and hold them on.

You see, each vibration pod is removable from the finger pad/strap. They are not one solid unit. This design does allow for easier cleaning, but it makes it not very safe for anal play. Once you are using this internally and rubbing around, lubrication (natural or from a bottle) will start to get in between the plastic vibration pod and the finger pad harness. With pressure applied, especially the sort of pressure that the rectum can provide, there is a chance that the finger strap harness thingie will slide off the vibration pod and stay in your butt. If the straps are not super tight on your finger, then the pressure combined with lube could make the whole thing slide off your finger, remaining inside. This isn’t a problem vaginally but could be anally; vaginally you could use your fingers to go retrieve it while anally you would likely end up tugging it by the cord. This could damage the vibration pod, or again separate the vibration pod from the silicone finger strap and leave that part inside the rectum.




  • Visually, it is an improvement over the Fukuoko gloves
  • Very small all around
  • The vibrations are not so surface-buzzy that they have no hope of getting someone off
  • Might be decent for a scalp massage, but you’ll certainly make a mess of their hair, possibly yank some out


  • Retail is about $65 for this, I feel it’s too much since it isn’t even silicone
  • Vibrations won’t be enough for most people
  • The buttons on the powerpack are obscenely hard to push
  • The powerpack wrist band is not adjustable, and will not fit very thick arms or thin arms
  • The finger straps are only comfortable on the smallest of feminine fingers
  • Requires an expensive and more-obscure-than-watch-batteries battery, AAAA size
  • Cords are mostly minimal but can still snag and get in the way
  • Vibrating pods require patience and dexterity to put back into the silicone fingerpad strap things
  • Useless even as a body massage companion, the vibrations are just not enough to add to the experience
  • You will need a travel pouch, as the silicone material will attract dust/powder/fur/hair, but the included pouch is fairly useless

So, NO Gizmodo, this is NOT the “best sex toy ever invented”, not by a long shot.

Unfortunately, this style of vibrator just cannot seem to be perfected yet. It’s kinda like the remote control bullet or panties. These types of sex toys are nearly always very expensive, fairly weak in vibrations, aren’t going to fit the majority of the population and simply don’t deliver on their pie-in-the-sky promises. These actually are “novelty” items. So I have nothing else to recommend to you instead of this, if the idea is something you like. I think that JimmyJane should knock it the fuck off with ridiculous shit like the “Jet Set” and the damn Bouncy House, because their collective brain cells are needed to produce something decent in the sex toy world (which this isn’t).


The Hello Touch was provided to me by SheVibe in exchange for an honest review.


Jan 312013


A few years ago a new concept in dildos arrived, called the Split Dildo. The reaction was as split as the sex toy itself. I’ve read polarizing reviews of both adoration and contempt, so when I was asked to review the Funtoys G-Vibe I figured I would land firmly in love or hate. I was a little nervous at first. I expected a lion, however, and got a kitten. 

I’ve never tried the Split Dildo but it seemed that the dildo was not modest in girth, and according to Kara Sutra required quite a bit of pressure to keep the “ears” together and was something you definitely felt. Unfortunately, the G-Vibe is….boring. It looks like a nice luxury vibe; in fact the stylings look a lot like the first Lelo Insignia line. The silicone is even the same as Lelo, with a matte silky finish to it. The buttons are nearly identical to the Lelo Insignia line and the vibrations even remind me of early Lelo and the Insignia Isla – very surface-buzzy and moderate at best. More bark than bite, actually – sure it’s “quiet” but it’s not “nearly silent”, yet even so the noise is more intense than the vibrations. There are two motors, one in each tip. At high speed the vibrations may fool you into thinking that they have potential, if you barely touch the thing, but any pressure at all gives you faux-vibrations. I’ve experienced this before in toys: the Extase Liberte, the original Lelo Tiani, and the Picobong Honi to name a few. It has the sort of vibrations that force you to try the patterns hoping, in vain, that the rapid-fire changing of the motor will give you something that maybe feels like a little more oomph. And in fact the final pattern does. Those staccato every-3-seconds bursts of just enough more intensity end up frustrating you more than anything.  It tells you that the motor might have had the potential to ekk into the realm of rumbly but stopped 2 miles from the border.  Funtoys describes the G-Vibe as having “six modes with changeable intensity from light tremors to intense vibration”. The “intense vibration” part of that statement couldn’t be more wrong. 

Fun Toys G-Vibe - The looped handle makes it easy to hold and the control buttons are well placed. The charging port is shown closed (Top) and open (Bottom)

The “intuitive controls” are just fairly average. An increase button, a function mode button to change between patterns, and a decrease button. Standard. The buttons are in a good place on the handle, maybe that’s what they mean? There is no button-lock feature, either, like Lelo and a few others. Also take note of the fact that the G-Vibe is merely water resistant. This confuses me greatly. The charging port cover is a silicone plug in the hole – a similar design to Lelo and many other makers of luxury vibrators. Hell, the Lelo Tor II has a completely open charging cover and it’s labeled as waterproof! Be that as it may, I’m not one to doubt what a manufacturer says. But if they want to get into the luxury sex toy game, then they need to make it waterproof. It’s one of those features that people who don’t masturbate in the shower/bath (like me) don’t care about but it doesn’t take away from what we DO like; and there are plenty of people out there who do really enjoy their playtime in the water. Speaking of the charging port, you should initially charge the G-Vibe for 8 hours. It’s said that you will get 4 hours on a single charge, but I would imagine that for at least 2 of those 4 hours the vibrations will be greatly decreased from the pittance they already are. 

The ears might look intimidating, especially if you use both of them internally, but they are very very pliable  and soft. In fact, I’m almost willing to say they’re just too wimpy.  The design is flexible and Funtoys thinks that you Fun Toys G-Vibe - Showing how flexible the "ears" are. It takes very little effort to keep them togethercan use this design for lots of various methods of stimulation. But the fact is, the vibrations are not enough and the split portion doesn’t do what it should – which according to their site, it should “create a sensation of fullness without stretching the vaginal entrance” and “Simultaneous stimulation of 2 spots:  G-spot and the opposite side of the vagina” – which, in case you were wondering, the “opposite side of the vagina” spot1 has a real name: perineal sponge. But since the ears are so pliable and the split requires very little pressure to stay closed, I don’t really feel what the company  advertises. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t aroused enough for the PS-Spot to want any attention but the bit of vibrations that I felt on the posterior vaginal wall just made me feel a little like I had to poop. My g-spot requires a decent amount of pressure OR an intense level of thuddy vibrations, neither of which the G-Vibe could ever come close to offering. 

With my skepticism firmly intact I tried to use this as a dual-stimulator in the traditional sense. While the upward-facing ear did actually touch my clitoris, the vibrations, lack of pressure and slim profile meant that I felt very little externally or internally. I decided to go about trying the other suggested uses Funtoys came up with.Sure, it feels slightly different from a straight dildo of the same width, but I don’t feel any sense of fullness nor do I feel enough pressure on either the G-spot or Perineal Sponge to register as anything special in my brain. Despite this, it doesn’t mean that it’s easy to insert. You still have to hold the ears together at the tippy top, you cannot just jam Squidward here into your hole and hope for the best. This maneuvering means, for me, awkward and uncomfortable positioning contortions.  In fact it was damn near impossible for me to insert this. I had to contort and reach to basically shove my fingertips, along with the tips of the vibe, up inside of me to get it started.

Drawn images are property of

No? Well how about…..

Drawn images are property of

First of all, my nipples don’t meet up like that. Second, when you try to hold it like oversized chopsticks or the JimmyJane Form 2, something curious happens. It sounds like the same “fatal flaw” that was described by many Form 2 owners – when pressure is applied disproportionately to the two ears OR applied mostly equally and the toy is held handle facing the sky, the vibrators in the ears get kicked out of cycle and almost form their own bizarre pattern. It’s no longer a steady vibration. 

Ok then.

Moving along.

 The G-Vibe comes in 3 colors – if you don’t like pink or purple though, you’re out of luck. The packaging is indeed very lovely to look at, even if it’s not very discreet for storage. When you open up the box the vibe sits in a foam-like cutout – the glue that is used in this bit (my best guess anyway, is glue) has a subtle but offensive odor to me. I can smell it on the vibe despite washing, and I can smell it on the included storage bag. The bag is drawstring and made of white nylon, it feels quite nice. It does have the Funtoys logo, “ft”, which is discreet.  The included charger is USB-only. I enjoy the *option* of USB, but I don’t want it to be the only way. Luckily I have a couple USB-to-wall-plug thingies and that works too. 

 At the end of the day, I just couldn’t get into this sex toy nor would I recommend it. The vibrations would have to be more like the We-Vibe Tango or hell even the Je Joue MiMi for me to even consider recommending it.  Perhaps with truly thuddy-rumbly vibrations that have more power, the stimulation of the G-spot and PS-spot could be felt but as it stands now it was nothing to write home about.  While a few people did seem to enjoy the intense pressure from that Split Dildo, the G-Vibe takes caution to the extreme and instead leaves you wanting something more from the split internal portion. 

  1. Until I did my research on split sex toys, I had no idea about this arousal spot. OF COURSE it must be added to the litany of Alphabet Spots. Most often it is referred to as the PS-Spot.  Sadly in their drawings, Funtoys just lists it as “P” to which I first thought “um….we don’t have a P-spot”.
Jan 022013

A reader pointed me to this article on by an author I know and like, Rachel Kramer Bussel. Said reader thought that the topic was relevant to me and my site. Sure. It is.

But then all thoughts of writing up something about what she wrote went out the goddamn window when I made that tragic, tragic error. You know that error. When you read sex-based articles outside of our blogging bubble and actually read the comments:

A clip from
image courtesy of from this comic

And then it all went off track. I actually can heavily relate to a lot of the comic that I’ll be borrowing images from, “Some thoughts and musings about making things for the web“. You see, I thought about leaving a comment. And then I found that I have to have an account on and log in and frankly, I’m too lazy for that shit half the time. So I read the comments, and immediately regretted it.


Really. Really?? You make assumptions about the writer and THIS is what you assume???


Again. They don’t even read, do they….


I think Willie99 is a straight man who likes vibrating buttplugs and is ashamed to admit it for some reason.



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know. I asked for it. But Mr. Oatmeal was right.


All of this is why I decided a few weeks ago to turn off commenting on a Youtube video I posted. I made up a clip with some introduction text about the rabbit vibrator scenes years ago from Sex and the City. Holy mother of pearl the COMMENTS. The women that I wanted to pet and take under my wing, who said in all honesty something along the lines that they would like one but their husband/boyfriend won’t let them. To which my inner feminist goes “what do you mean ‘LET’ you??? YOU own your body!!! [insert rage here]”. And the men trolling for fights, saying the things that I don’t have to repeat, you already know.  I know that sites like think that having open season on the comments like that increases their traffic and shit. Who knows, maybe it does. But it doesn’t mean people aren’t going to talk about it and link to it. However, it now means that (as depicted above) the experience of just reading the article for itself has been tainted, nay, ruined, for the other people who succumb to comment-reading.

The article in question, after all of this? Oh, it was fine. I have no issue with it. The title does come off a bit misleading but I blame Salon for that, not the author. It’s a little hard for me to be completely unbiased though on the contents of the article simply because the author, and her boyfriend, are acquaintances of mine. Although I have to admit that my go-to reaction is still “Seriously? A vibrator is making him feel insecure? *sigh*”. It’s a touchy subject with me. I usually do try very hard to see both sides and I have done my level best to see it from the jealous person’s point of view. After all, I used to feel the same way about my partner watching porn, years ago. But really it boils down to something that needs to be talked about and worked out, and keep this in mind: The problem lays with the person who thinks that the vibrator is a threat. The problem isn’t the person who wants/needs the vibrator. The problem isn’t the vibrator. Are you (the trolls, not you lovely readers of mine) really going to tell me that I AM A BAD PERSON, or that I am addicted to vibrators, or that I ruined my own clitoris because I rarely can climax without a vibrator???? Yes, I’m sure they will say that and truly think it. But when we judge a person for anything, we usually don’t know their path or their story. Learn their story and go beyond the surface, and you’ll find truths that shame you for your judgment. To judge me for my need of a vibrator is to tell me that my body is broken; I spent years almost never having a clitoral orgasm until I found vibrators. Do you really think I’m not worthy of something as base as an orgasm?