I’m supposed to be in awe of the smartphone/Bluetooth controlled aspect of the We-Vibe 4 Plus right now, literally right now as I type this, but I can’t be. In part because the Bluetooth aspect works only when I’m naked or in undies and dudespreading all over the place. But largely because THESE VIBRATIONS BORE ME.
We-Vibe, in theory, has always been a great idea. And for many people, it is a great idea in practice. For many people, the We-Vibe works exactly as advertised. Until the We-Vibe 4, with it’s different profile and more snug fit, there were also many people who experienced too much shifting of the We-Vibe for it to really be hands-free. But for me the We-Vibes have always been an “in theory” toy because the vibrations were never enough. Even when they increased the motors and made them a bit more rumbly, it doesn’t matter. When they came out with the Salsa and Tango, I knew they had the ability for something seriously awesome, but those motors don’t get used in the We-Vibe couples vibe. So I’m sitting here trying in vain to be excited. I’m even using one of the pulsating patterns, in an effort to fool my clitoris into thinking there’s more going on than there really is.
My clitoris is not easily fooled. The night got worse. My clit turtled. My beloved Rosa was only barely able to save me. I kinda want to like the We-Vibe 4 Plus but yet I dread having to use it again and am sad that now I have two of them** which is two too many.
On the way to finding a pulsating pattern I liked, something else very wrong happened. You see, with the We-Vibe 4 Plus’s We Connect app, you can do some interesting things like independently control the motors in the arm. In theory. In practice, I can’t tell any difference between level 1 and level 10 when it comes to the g-spot arm. And the only time I really feel it the vibrations in the g-spot arm is during certain patterns that seem to turn off the clitoral arm for a half-second or more, leaving the g-spot arm doing…something. It doesn’t feel good. In fact, I don’t ever want to feel that again. It reminds me of getting a pap smear. An uncomfortable, weird, foreign feeling in my vag. DO. NOT. WANT.
Alright, enough about these vibrations. Touted as a great sex toy for long-distance couples, couples too horny to get through the work day or even those who just want to play around in public together, the We-Vibe 4 Plus works with certain smartphones via Bluetooth to be controlled by an app by either partner. Using it when your partner is on a trip or lives long distance is a lot like literally penciling in sex to your calendar. If you’re on board with that, carry on. If you wanted the element of surprise, the ability to wear the We-Vibe for hours not knowing when your partner will flip the proverbial switch? Eh, you’d be let down a little. To be fair I don’t think it’s possible to let permissions idle for hours on end; currently your partner has to send over a request to control and then has 30 minutes for you to get into position and lay down the first tracks. But the problem I have with the We-Vibe 4 Plus isn’t about the permissions. It’s about my weight and my vulva.
At my current weight I have full, fleshy outer labia. They almost completely cover the We-Vibe when it’s inserted. And unless I have my legs spread a bit and am only wearing thin pants or no pants, the Bluetooth connection between the vibe and my phone gets cut. I went through a dozen and a half attempts between the two units; a dance where I press and hold the power button on the unit until it gives off two short pulses and then I grab my phone and try to control it and it just mocks me, telling me the connection is lost and to please make sure it’s charged. IT IS CHARGED. A few people told me that the same thing happens during sex when the We-Vibe is between two bodies. I had this problem with two WV4+’s. My original, in Slate Gray, wouldn’t ever work when inserted. My second one, garish Pink, works under the best of circumstances. The included remote only works from a distance of 1 foot or less and needs unimpeded access to the vibe, so having the Connect app for control is a big help, when it works. According to all of the info from We-Vibe on the SheVibe page, there are 10 intensity levels on the regular remote, too, but again I can’t really feel 10. And often I’m not even sure that the press of the button on the remote worked, so having the visual confirmation on the We Connect app is quite helpful. I’m really not a fan of patterns, so the bonus patterns available on the We Connect app don’t do anything for me (in fact the two that made me want to rip the thing from my vagina are Connect app patterns – Peak and Chachacha). Creative types can use the Connect app to make their own pattern.
If you ever owned an older version of the We-Vibe and felt that it was too loose, take heart. 4 and 4 plus fit much more snugly. In fact, I swear the 4 Plus is a little more snug than the 4. I had trouble getting it inserted and into the correct position and at first it almost felt pinchy it was so snug. This may not be a problem for those who are not overweight. The 4 plus is exactly like the 4 regular with the exception of the 10 mysterious levels of intensity and the app.
Here’s the real question: Should you spend the extra $20 to get the 4 Plus version? If your labia is nothing like mine, then yes – if you have minimal labia. If you can orgasm fairly easily from fingers and tongues, then the vibrations of the We-Vibe may be enough for you. If you can see yourself often being in an area where both you and your partner have either WIFI or a decent data connection for using the App, then yes. If you’re okay with the fact that it requires some personal scheduling and lack of spontaneity to use, then yes.
A big thanks to SheVibe for sending me the We-Vibe 4 Plus to try out, and to We-Vibe for being so great in making sure I didn’t have a defective unit**.
**Just in ensure that I didn’t receive a defective unit, We-Vibe sent me a new one. They had also updated their app while I was in testing phase. Neither of these helped.