Annoyance or Tolerance?
A quick break in my lovefest blogging of MomentumCon. Today’s post is brought to you by the never-failing producer of sex blog fodder, OkCupid.
Now, I could just ignore this email. But I’m actually not sure how I feel about it.
To preface: This guy’s profile is kinda weird. Not necessarily weird in a bad way, just that he’s using a type of humor that I’m not responsive to right now. Or wit. Whatever. So his language/wording is off-putting in a way, even in the first paragraph. But it’s the second paragraph that’s irking me.His reference to thinking ahead is that I have listed myself already in my new town noting that I’ll be moving to it soon.
You think ahead. I can appreciate that. I’ll probably be here in may, so I’m saying hi. You seem… competent. And confident. Good things that begin with C.
I’m pretty turned on by the fact that you’re married. Is that good or bad for you? I’m liking the idea of having you and then returning you to your main man. tell me about how that sits with you.
First of all, my profile is more geared towards friendship. I mention it twice, in fact. I do not have the “casual sex” box ticked off. But he probably only skimmed the profile anyways.
My first reaction is that I’m offended. Disgusted by him. He’s objectifying me and he doesn’t even know me! His primary interest in me seems to be the mere fact that I’m married. WTF happened to getting to know someone first before coming on so strongly? This isn’t AFF where sex is the bigger end-game target. Not one thing in my profile suggest that I’d respond favorably to such a blatantly sexual message.
My second, more thought-out reaction is leaning more towards tolerance. Ok so maybe that’s his kink. And if we’d already had a well-established rapport and chemistry with each other I wouldn’t be offended by that statement.
I’m debating on replying to him, and if I do, how and what to say. Do I play the indignant, offended “you misogynistic jackass” card? Or do I attempt to tell him that I’m not interested, I’m looking for friends and that he was out of line with his comment since it was his first message to me. Do I show tolerance? Or is he just truly a douchenozzle in an asshat that I can go off on?
Update: I replied. He replied. Apparently I’m a frigid bitch, lol, and there’s a lot of other gals on OKC who are much easier than I. Here’s the convo:
ME: It doesn’t sit well. At least this early on, that is. Perhaps if you’d admitted that after a connection and chemistry was established I’d be more accepting. It’s a valid kink.
But since you do not know me at all and that is the only thing about me that you showed interest in it very much feels like objectification and is a huge turn off.
HIM: ah, alright then. i guess i go for the sexual connection first and see what develops especially when there’s no relationship in the mix.
ME: But you cannot just snap your fingers, lead with an overt hit like that and expect a favorable response. A sexual connection is not instant.
You’d do better trying this attempt on women who have checked off the “casual sex” box, or in response to nsa craigslist ads.
HIM: you’d be surprised how often this works on okcupid, actually. I’m really not looking for more than someone to chat with, lean on/support emotionally in a light, friendly way, and fuck regularly… the bar for this is often passed after a 5 minute meeting in public. The only problem is that i can’t tell who’s into it till i ask :) I got your “no”, and that’s fine. let me know if you change your mind.