Jun 132010
 

This question was very simply asked of me recently on my Formspring. It seems to be a very popular question for men to ask of women. Is it perhaps those that might fall into the smaller-than-average camp doing the asking so that they hear more women say “No, it doesn’t matter” to bring up their confidence? Or are too many men made to think that anything less than 7″ is considered to be small?

Britni recently addressed something similar, regarding being a size queen with dildos but not with bio-cock. I’m pretty much the same as her. I am most definitely a size queen when it comes to my sex toys…but there’s a reason for that. Using a dildo is very VERY different from how I get fucked by a guy. The angle, the force behind it, the speed, etc. When I’m using a really fat dildo, I tend to barely move it at all. I like the full feeling, the pressure. I’ve never fucked a guy with a cock quite as big as the fattest dildo that I’ve used. My husband is fairly well-endowed, and there was a pretty long time period in my life when the first few moments of penetration with him were painful. I’ve luckily moved past that now, but why I did I have no clue.

Too big?

There is, in my opinion, such a thing as way too big when it comes to bio-cock. I have to be perfectly honest with you….if your cock is any more than 8″ long or 2″ around….I’ll likely pass on sex. Especially in length. The vagina can and does expand during arousal and penetration, especially the last 2/3; the cervix will retract as well. The amount of expansion and retraction though varies from woman to woman. Some women can accommodate a 9″ cock…some can only handle half of what I consider my max. To me though whenever I get the ubiquitous cock-shots from Craigslist or dating site emails, if the guy is showing off his monster cock…..I utter an “eeek!” and move along to the next one.

Some positions, for my husband and I, are quite difficult. Doggie style for instance. In that position, if he’s not careful, he’ll bang my cervix and it’s quite painful. And sex isn’t as fun for either of us if we have to focus on being careful.

Too small?

“It’s not the size of your cock, it’s how you use it” is true 97% of the time. But back in the day I can recall being with a couple of guys whose cock was shorter and thinner than I was accustomed to…..to the point where I had to actually ask “is it in yet?”. Either they were unskilled or what, I’m not sure but I do know that there is a “too small” for me…… However, I’ve yet to meet a man again who was that small and it’s not common. “Too small” in my opinion is less than 4″ long and less than 1″ wide. But that’s only my personal opinion and my vagina.

Average is not Average

Considering that the average length of the human male penis, aroused, is ~5-6″, the word “average” shouldn’t ever be taken here as derogatory. Average is more than fine with me. After all, my g-spot is probably only about 2″ deep, and the most concentrated nerve endings are in the first couple inches of the vagina. There are positions to change up the depth of penetration during sex and also affect the snugness of the vaginal canal during penetration.

One of the things that I feel bad about with my husband’s length is that I can’t really get much of his cock in my m0uth for a blowjob. I can’t deepthroat. Guys who fit into the average range are more likely to consistently receive a “full coverage” blowjob, where someone can meet their nose with pubes, lol.


We all have our hang-ups and fears about our body parts during sex. Porn can contribute sometimes to these hang-ups, seeing as how they tend not to show men less than 7″ in porn. Guess what guys? We’re not all multi-orgasmic from penetration like the women in porn. We don’t expect you to shoot your load across the room. We don’t expect John Holmes-sized cocks to be hiding out in your pants. Porn is a caricature, often times. (this is why I prefer amateur porn)

  • http://dangerouslilly.com Lilly

    The anonymous question-asker wanted to stay anonymous and responded to this post in my formspring box. I wanted to post it though:

    “i asked you the size question and i appreciate your response. Im young (20) and society conditions us to think negatively of our bodies. thanks for the response on your blog”

    We forget that guys get the unfair societal pressures, too. Guys – concern yourself less with what it all looks like, and focus instead on your sexual abilities and talents. A good lover means infinitely more than what they look like.

  • DEEPURRPELL

    As a guy with a 6.25×5.25 inch penis its marvellous to see it completely swallowed up inside of a women -and whichever way. Feels a perfect natural fit with no discomfit rather than her having to struggle with it. There might or might not be more physical pleasure with a well/over endowed man but can there be the same intimacy when he is half outside rather than completly within?

    ~ I’m sure there can be. Intimacy goes beyond the penetration.
    {Lilly}

  • Britni TheVadgeWig

    Amen. And I often have the same problem as you in doggy style, yet don’t have that problem when being fucked from behind while laying flat on my stomach or while standing up. I’m not quite sure why, though.

    ~ Minute changes in angle change the depth, and change the angle at which the penis hits your cervix. Tiny changes make a big different! Also the doggy style position allows him one of the best positions to gain speed and vigor of thrust.
    {Lilly}

  • http://blue-eyedvixen.com/ Vixen

    I used to be in the ‘size doesn’t matter, it’s what you do with it’ bandcamp. And not that I don’t think that might be true for many men. I did come to realize in the last few years, that it certainly CAN matter.

    And yes, there is such a thing as ‘too big’. And it can really limit sexual positions.

    Loved this post Lilly!

    xo

  • http://oversexedlibrarian.blogspot.com Oversexed Librarian

    Here’s one man’s perspective: Great sex depends on physical AND behavioral compatibility. I’ve found that vaginal dimensions are equally important. Some ladies are small and tight…sometimes too tight, sometimes too small. Also, some vaginas are deeper than others. I think that playmates have to be compatible in size and temperament to achieve truly great sex. Size DOES matter, but so does mutual physical compatibility.

  • http://100waystobeperverse.wordpress.com Janie

    I have the same problem as you and Britni with doggy style – bodies obviously don’t work that way as easily!

    xoxox

  • Bonny

    It definitely is about a lot more than just size. And sure it makes “a difference” but that doesn’t have to mean it “matters”.
    I guess it’s also a little about how one views mattering. It’ll always be a new experience, no matter the size. :)

  • doll

    I am happy to see a comment from a man that mentions vagina size as I have asked men about this many times with no real reply. I am always being told that mine is tight and I am glad to hear that one man at least is open to telling us that women come in many sizes too.

    I am very happy with a seven inch dick that has a good diameter but don’t ever want to go bigger that that due to the painful cervix experiences and the loss of variety in stroke when the penis is too filling. But I also don’t want one smaller than 5inches as I get bored with the loss of interesting sensation that comes from a penis well centred in the vagina.

    After having had quite a few ‘new experiences’ I am beginning to understand that choosy is good.