Oct 182009
 

As you can see, I’ve written very little this month. The words just won’t come out, the block is being stubborn. Perhaps I have expressive aphasia or perhaps I’ve just watched too many episodes of House while I was off from work. It’s honestly like someone stole my words before they can even form. This condition isn’t just affecting my blog posting, it’s affecting my online conversations as well. I’ll find myself staring at the IM screen, unable to say anything to my best friend, unable to start new conversation threads. The issues there are a bit more complicated than I care to talk about here, but luckily he’s swamped from all areas lately and doesn’t have the time to even notice.

I was off work for 2.5 weeks for health reasons as I mentioned on my side blog. However it was almost equally for mental health reasons; the pain can make you go crazy sometimes and I was cranky – mostly at work but some at home. During my time off I had plans, I even made lists of those plans. It all fell so very short and I felt so disappointed in myself. I had planned to write a great deal and have completed posts in backlog for times when I was too busy or otherwise unable to write. Ha! Ironic, eh? I had also planned to take a whole bunch of HNT pics. I did try, but I hate 98% of them. I couldn’t seemingly come up with anything creative enough or anything that translated onto film the way it did in my head.

And it’s not so much that I can’t come up with things to write about. Before my break started I had started about 12 drafts just to get the post title and/or ideas down so that I didn’t forget. At that time I could have written them; I guess I should have. Now I stare at them and I can’t put sentences and paragraphs together. I can’t nail down a cohesive flow or fully express what is in my head. Not surprisingly my libido is also down. But is it the cause of or because of the writing block?

So this post is as much of an explanation of my absence as it is my attempt to just fucking write SOMETHING. Heh, speaking of which, reminds me of the shining moment of my ADD test recently. I’m seeing a new psych and even though I’ve been tested before, he apparently didn’t believe me/it and wanted it done again. Basically a lot of questions are asked – some are “on a scale of 1 to 5” type, some are frustrating (count backwards from 100 in steps of 7, which was embarassingly difficult for me), and some are stupid (copy a few stick drawings). One oddball question was that he told me to write down on the piece of paper in front of me “A sentence, anything at all that comes to mind”. My “expressive aphasia” had already started and I just stared blankly at the paper for 10 seconds, felt stupid that I couldn’t even do it, and took the smart-ass cop-out route. I wrote “anything at all that comes to mind”. It wasn’t until much later that day that I lamented that I even fucked THAT up because it wasn’t a properly full sentence!!!

I need to go be somewhat productive today. Boring shit. Grocery store, laundry, try out a new curly-hair product and hope it works for me, make up my medication packets for the week, and do a few things for the NYC trip in November. I figure if I can do a little here and there that I won’t be running around like a madwoman for the 48 hours prior and end up forgetting things.


I’m not hitting spell check today. I’m not previewing it and rereading it. I’m just going to click “publish” and let that be that. I apologize for the snoringly boring post, but it had to be done. Yes, I know, every blogger (except AAG who never runs out of words or the ability to string them together) goes through writing block and blah periods. I know, I’ll get past it. So instead of telling me those platitudes, how about you recommend a blog to me that you think I might not know about? Or ask me a question that I’ll answer in a future post (not so much throwing out an erotica topic, though). Or, recommend places in NYC for me to check out. Even if it’s just a really awesomely cool example of fancy architecture in an old building. Or a place to get food that has “the best” something.

  • I can’t think of anything specific in NYC to recommend, however with as much as the city has to over, sometimes all you have to do is slow down and take a look around. What part of the city will you be in? If you’re waaaaay uptown, like north of Central Park, and interested in architecture The Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine is spectacular, even if religion isn’t your thing.

    Veronica knows her way around Manhattan better than I do, you might want to e-mail her.

    ~ I’ll drop her a line soon. We did see two beautiful churches last time…..near the Rockafellar area. Was that one of them? I don’t remember the names. We’re staying in Brooklyn, but any little sightseeing trips are not limited to a certain area.

  • Stress is the number one reason I can not write. I find that making a list sometimes helps, or sometimes dooms me when I can not complete the list.

    My best advice is to take a mental holiday from writing. Which means taking a mental holiday from the guilt of not writing.

    ~ so…..just quit writing for a bit? or quit trying to write anything of worth?

  • mrs. m

    seriously, this will sound uber cheesy, but PLEASE eat a hot dog from a hot dog vendor. ever since i can remember i have ALWAYS wanted to do that. i see it in movies and get jealous. my bucket list definitely includes going to NYC and eating a big, juicy hotdog from a street vendor. tyvm.

    as for blockage, i’m sorry. it sucks and i TOTALLY understand since i’ve been writing crap for months, because i have nothing to say that most people care to hear and the stuff i do want to say isn’t being verbalized well.

    all in all, i agree with shon on the mental holiday. i think it’s a positive step in getting your mind back on track.

    ~ I’m not a huge hot dog lover but I’ll try it so long as I don’t get a dirty look for being a newb about it and holding up others, hehe.

  • mrs. m

    i put a comment up on this subject earlier, but obviously i forgot to hit enter.

    this is totally unrelated, but i wanted to tell you i joined the revolution and give credit where credit was due!

    http://indeliblewench.blogspot.com/2009/10/hot-fat-girl.html

  • Amy

    Writer’s block is such a bitch.

    I’ve only been to NY once and I’m not sure I can make any amazing recommendations – but I hear the naked cowboy in Times Square is worth a gander and I really enjoyed the MOMA.

    xxxx

    ~ Oddly in the two times I’ve been to NYC I think I only saw Times Square from a few blocks away. I’m trying to figure out the admission fees to get into the museums, bc I’m also interested in the Cloisters Garden at the Met.

  • I think I’ve posted twice this month. I’m sick and have been for two weeks now, I’ve got so much going on with family and I’m stressed as hell. I blame all of that for my lack of inspiration for writing and blogging, lol.

    I wish I had some NYC tips to offer you at least. I’ve never been. One day I will get there and wreck havoc on a small portion of that huge place. Hopefully, lol.

    I have a question. My friends daughter asked me and I’ve quite lamely been asking everyone in my real life because I find it amusing. If you had to live off three carnival foods (funnel cake, turkey legs, popcorn, etc) for six months and wouldn’t gain any weight or be dealt any health issues during that six months, what three carnival foods would you pick to eat? I know, it’s a lame and silly question but I’ve had fun hearing what people would pick and seeing if I guessed right or not, lol.

    Hope your writers block takes a hike soon. Take care you.

    ~ Aw, I hope you start feeling better! Hmmm well, I think I’d have to pick nachos so that I have “cheese”, funnel cake for the sweet one, anddddddd…..I think I’d go for burgers. While I do so love turkey legs, I tend to get sickof them easily (we have turkey every other week)

  • Speaking for myself, I’m just glad to see you haven’t disappeared. Thanks for sharing even the boring bits of yourself with us. :)

    — PB

  • I’ve had my share of writer’s block too, and I have a list of several half-started posts that just don’t seem to go anywhere as well. Stress certainly plays into it. My solution is to just let it be. Write when you feel it, don’t try to force it.

    Another solution, when I am sick of “letting it be” is to jog my writing with silly “Question of the Day” writing. There are several websites out there that do this: http://questions.vox.com/ lists questions for you to ponder on your own, http://www.experienceproject.com/question-of-the-day is a kind of interactive QOTD site, and http://www.writingfix.com/Classroom_Tools/dailypromptgenerator.htm is a “writing prompt generator.” I don’t usually use any of these to blog about, but more to kick-start my brain into thinking about writing again.

    Good luck!

    Jade

  • aag

    Whoa, I totally get writer’s block. Especially when I’m stressed or sick. Or sad.

    I agree with Shon. Take a break and don’t feel a bit guilty about it.

    :)

  • Rat

    as a fellow ADD sufferer, I know how ya feel. I have the same issue – not for a blog, but simply trying to chart for work. Heck sometimes my mind goes blank on me when I’m attempting to talk to a patients family, not exactly a good thing to happen to a nurse.

    as for NYC.. the Village, SoHo, any on/off broadway show (Avenue Q, Wicked.. ). Make sure to enjoy a ‘Dirty Water Dog’ & a ‘Street Pretzel’

    ~ Sadly I don’t think theres enough time (or money, this trip) for anything Broadway. I do want to see Wicked. Second suggestion for a Street Dog, I guess I’ll hafta hunt that down!

  • Ah, me ADD too…*sigh*. I am totally, completely, 100% in tune with your writing block. Mine’s been in place for quite some time. In fact, I’m suffering major creative block overall.

    I know as well that it’s also related to the “ooooo, something new has caught me eye…pretty sparkly things”…like a damn crow…always off on some new tangent. Hence my follow through and completion skills get put to the test big time.

    NYC…St. Mark’s place, eat knishes with onions and mustard, meander Broadway south of 14th street/Union Square. If of the mind, head to Paddles (they have a website with info). Must visit Macy’s, Bloomingdales or Saks. Ooooooooohhhh…FAO Schwarz, they have the floor piano from the movie Big. And up in that area is Van Cleef and Arpel, Tiffany’s, etc. so nice eye candy. Bergdorf Goodman does fabulous window treatments and I mean fabulous. There’s Rockefeller Plaza as well. Take the subway at least once and a cab. My kids always get a kick out of the cab drivers and their apparent lack of following the traffic laws *grin*. Sssssssshhhhhh…I drive like that in NY as well…LOL

    Oh, Sephora!!! Must visit Sephora!! Ok, I think I’m finished…*wink*

    Enjoy your trip!!

    EE

  • Oh baby girl I hope first and foremost you’re feeling better.

    Writer’s block is sucky for sure.

    Just turn off the computer for awhile and let blogland be without Lily. You will miss it I am sure and then have something to write about.

    xoxo

  • jesz

    Sadness about the block, I’m just working my way around one myself, its been here for so long now I’ve almost forgotten how to write!
    I’m planning my own trip to NYC, though I guess it might be a bit bigger of a deal for me as I am younger (old enough to read this blog though!) and Canadian. I’m taking a certian gentleman friend of mine though, and hoping to get a bit of exhibitionism going on while we are there. . .I’m thinking Central park, or the Staten Island ferry. What are your NYC plans?