Jun 272008
 

I’m not sure if you all have read this, how long it has been circulating, and whatnot. I read a reposting of this on a social site I belong to. I, in turn, reposted it in my own journal and was inundated by some very uptight and defensive women complaining about it.

So I’m here today to share my particular thoughts on it. I won’t put up the whole thing, if you want to, you can go read it here.

I realize that there’s also a lot of women in kink who won’t feel this applies to them. For example, someone very dominant or very submissive. But as a switch exploring her submissive side, this all appeals to me.

When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still – I’ll get involved. But don’t make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don’t make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won’t go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don’t gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want.

Unfortunately for me I’ve been with a few guys who really should have read this beforehand. I was with a guy, in his bed, making out hot and heavy. Clothes were being removed, soon we were both down to underwear, my tits on display. I will give him credit, when I whispered “harder”, he did as told…and one cannot go assuming things like attention to the clit and nipples. However I did have to guide his hand downward finally (hey my hand went down all on its own and you enjoyed that thoroughly, what makes you think I don’t want reciprocation?) to which he replies “Oh I don’t have sex on the first date anymore.” Oh, nice. A. you could have mentioned that when conversation got intimate and raunchy online. 2. You could have mentioned that before we both got nearly naked and thoroughly worked up.

3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to “make love” every time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her (“Really? Spanking? Won’t it hurt?” – yes, it does. That’s the fucking point). We know you’ve read Stuff and Maxim, and that’s all those laddie mags talk about in their “How to Please Her” sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there.

A few extra pointers. Hair pulling. I have told men that I like it. The only one who got it right, really, was the one to introduce it to me. The first time he pulled my hair while deeply kissing me it went straight to my cunt and I was immediately throbbing and wet, whimpering and moaning in the exquisite pleasurable pain. The place to grab is dead center nape of the neck, the last inch or two of hairline. Grab as close to the roots as possible. Even better, weave your fingers through her hair there and then grab. Sure, you can grab a ponytail and yank during doggystyle, but that elicits a sharper pain that begins to delve into more kink. The throb-inducing pressure/tug/dull pain is achieved as I mentioned.
The ass-smack…the only response I expect to hear from you when I tell you I like that it is a low, growling “good”.

Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you’d like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, “I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot.” Is she still moaning in response? “Your tits are so beautiful.” Does that work? If she doesn’t respond well to the term “tits”, you might have to stop there. If she keeps moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200.

Ok yes…basically this boils down to a combination of sexy ramblings and hot compliments. The bonus to starting things out in the online world? We already know what gets the other person off. Now you just have to have the balls to actually let those words fall off your lips.

Just LISTEN. When I tell you to suck my nipple harder, not lick it like a kitten, that’s great that you took it up a few notches. But when I then wince “ow” and make an attempt to pull back a little, unless this is a D/s session you really need to be pulling back and/or giving me that exquisite pain in shorter bursts.

You know what? I really do want to hear you tell me similar things, too. In one of the pictures I sent “M”, he described my expression as “come fuck me” eyes. At one point during our rendezvous I glanced up at him with that lust and it made him crazy.
Look at me again like that…yes…

And honey when I say “fuck me”, don’t you dare delay. At that point in the game I do not want a whole lot of pause going on. Again, this is all different in a good D/s session in which I have no control, but that’s all another matter, another day ;)

I’m no china doll…I won’t break.

  • Facts and Friction

    I love the grabbing hair at the roots on the back of her neck move. It’s such an authoritative action, perfect for when the mood suits it.

  • Jack

    Pulling your hair back to expose your neck so I can suck and bite it can be fun for all involved.

    As for when you say “fuck me” a man shouldn’t wait? Hm, aren’t you a spoiled brat. A little teasing at that point can be perfect, if you do it right. Like just slipping the head in and making you beg for the rest.

  • Lilly

    Jack – then let me quote this section for you ;)

    “When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it’s not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you’re mixing a cake batter up there. It’s because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don’t be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes – I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out.”

    Like I said though, this is meant for the average man. Someone such as yourself who is fairly well versed in D/s is already going to behave in these ways. But if you’re not that sort, and many aren’t, I’m not going to beg you for it. I only beg to certain people in bed.

  • Jack

    lilly

    This is true. Listening, getting a read, paying attention. My first instinct is to tease, but that’s something that takes setting up from the beginning, kisses that suddenly pull away and so on.

    90% of good sex is just paying attention to the way your partner’s body and face are reacting.

  • Riff Dog

    I love this little “guide.” It’s a tough balance between slow and gentle versus now and hard, so this is great to read.

  • Jill

    I know I’m coming in late to comment here but I just discovered your blog today.

    I, too, am a fan of the take-charge man (or maybe even a woman). And you totally had me at the hair pulling. I love that. My husband and I were at a strip club last weekend and while getting a private dance, the stripper grabbed my hair, pulled roughly, and ground herself on me. OH.MY.GOODNESS. So amazingly hot and unexpected. I’m also a fan of the ass smacking and the dirty talk. It’s been great to experience my husband “stepping up to the plate” when pleasing me, having taken my desires to heart.

    Love your blog. Keep it up!

  • shouldk

    It’s nice to see that some know what they want. Now I’m a huge fan :)