Jan 272011

Facebook alerted me this morning to watch Rihanna’s newest video for her song “S&M”. They’re not even TRYING to be coy about it, lol. I for one cannot wait to hear the backlash from the conservatives, see if it gets banned from anywhere, etc.

Leave a comment if you spot a new toy/fetish/kink that someone before you hasn’t found. This should be fun.

My quick-look picks: Mummification; suspension rope bondage; age play; gags; slut-shaming….or is it acceptance towards the end?

 Posted by at 12:08 pm
Jan 232011

Well, consider it pretty much the entire torso, I guess

Many kinksters will likely talk about how they love to have their back whipped. Having a low pain tolerance and never really experiencing this, I can’t add much kink to today’s post. Many people will also talk about how a good back massage can be a lovely addition to foreplay or afterplay. I wish I could enjoy them but my muscles are generally just too tender for the way most people do a massage.

A back scratch, though?

I will damn near purr. Seriously. Nails-to-skin and especially if I’ve just unsnapped my bra. The entire back, please, shoulders to ass, big round ever-moving patterns. I will take as long of a back scratch as the scratcher has the arm strength/stamina to give. This relaxes me like little else.

Moving on to the front. I hate to have my belly touched, so that leaves my breasts. I’ve read in numerous places that the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less sensitive she is. The same amount of nerve endings are spread out over more skin. For me this leaves me in a weird place of “Either don’t touch them much, or do it hard/rough”. Gentle caresses are both barely felt and highly anxiety-inducingly-irritating. I can’t really explain it, honestly. If a lover is gently kissing/licking my nipples I am more squicked/irritated than anything else. If I have my eyes closed I barely know they’re down there doing anything.

So while my pain tolerance isn’t very high, and I can’t stand it for long, if you’re going to suck then make it rough, baby. Pull. Squeeze. I’ll tell you when to stop. Given this you’d think I would enjoy nipple clamps but they also squick me. I can’t view them on another person and I sure as fuck can’t tolerate them being on me. Hell for that matter even seeing pierced nippples bothers me. In a cover-my-own-and-cringe sort of way. It’s purely psychological but I can’t really explain it.

Previous weeks: Head & Neck; Face; Hand & Feet

Next week: Arms (See the full scheduled here)

Play along on your own blog or just comment here and weigh in….if you’re posting your own, leave your link here!

 Posted by at 4:45 pm
Jan 202011

Yeah this is just gonna be a long, rambly/ranty post about Twitter shit. Sorry.

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I’m not the sort of Twitter person who gives a shit about the numbers. Or rather, I don’t care how many follow me. I don’t ask for more. When people request to follow me, unless I know of them, I usually stare and get all grumpy-old-man-get-off-my-lawn about it. There’s a reason I have a locked profile. Well, numerous reasons. But one of them is so that I don’t have irritating/annoying/spammy people following me. Recently, what appeared at first to be a spammy dude calling himself tiny_penis, asked to follow me. Based on his first tweets and his profile I declined. Why? numerous reasons really but he just didn’t seem to be the sort of person I wanted replying to my innocuous tweets and making them relevant to his tiny penis revolution.

Tangent: I decline a lot of people who request to follow me. I say and do and show things on Twitter that are more personal than my blog and so part of my pickiness is privacy protection. If someone doesn’t have a profile/timeline that interests me, seems relevant to me, or if they don’t have any tweets or just look “sketchy” to me then I don’t allow their request to follow. Men, and usually even women, who make it clear on their profile that their Twitter profile is a means and method to flirt and get cybersex are a definite no. Submissive men who only play the submissive role on their profile and in their tweets also probably won’t get in. I don’t want or need or like seeing a random barely-relevant reply to my tweets along the lines of “May I kneel at your feet” or something. Yes, I’ve had it, and that’s why I don’t allow them anymore.

So the tiny_penis guy gets a decline. And then (man this irks me when people do this, like I’m gonna change my mind??) requests again. THEN he @’s me on Twitter saying he knows I declined and wants to know why. First of all, my profile is locked and so he wouldn’t even see my reply.

But ….. yes he will. Because I made a comment on twitter about this, he then replies again to me saying he’s sorry to bother but what’s the harm in asking why? Which means he saw my tweet. I ask how and he claims a friend relayed it to him. I’m thinking this is just a secondary secret profile of someone already following me. That or he’s telling the truth and it’s a little creepy. Either way it’s creepy. If someone with a locked profile declines your request it is bad etiquette to start demanding to know WHY. It’s my timeline, my Twitter, my circle. I have control over it for a REASON and no I do NOT owe anybody explanations every time I decline a request.

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Random irk: When people ask me on Twitter for my email address. Um, well, my blog address is in my profile and on this blog here my address is readily available. Lazy much?

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Random irk 2 (and 3 and 4, clearly): Why do some people RT a FollowFriday in which they were named? If you’d like to thank someone for it, then just @ them directly.  And why do some people FF me when they don’t ever interact with me? If you actually thought me interesting and worth following, wouldn’t you interact with me on Twitter? And WHY do some people RT a tweet in order to reply to the person. I don’t need to see your conversation if I don’t follow the person.

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I’ve gotten a little more heavy-handed with unfollowing lately. I’ve unfollowed some people and it doesn’t mean I don’t like them anymore (in most cases). Why do people get so pissy about that? It’s not always personal – I might very well still read and like your blog and you as a person. But some people that were in my timeline were either doing nothing by RT’ing/Tweeting about EF/Sexis articles and not saying anything personal; or doing so many effin contest tweets that it felt like it was all I ever saw from them. I’m sorry if I don’t want to see bombardments of contest entries, thirteen tweets about an article, you selling your used panties, or your incessant hashtag games. I clearly personally offended these people so most did the retaliatory unfollow. *sigh* Go for it if it helps you. Why does unfollowing someone on Twitter have to be taken SO fucking seriously?

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Actually, why does ANY of this shit matter? To me, to you, at all?

Man I’m ranty. I thought about being cheeky and adding a poll to see how many people reading this got personally offended, but what’s the point? If you are, speak the hell up and say so.

 Posted by at 1:44 pm
Jan 162011

I’ve been so busy trying to get e[lust] 22 packed up and ready along with myself that I forgot today was Sunday and needed a new prompt post!

Hands and Feet. I’ll be very interested to read what others are going to say about this because I just don’t have much on the topic.

My feet: I’m not into my toes being sucked. I hate foot massages because they usually just tickle instead or I’m so tensed up waiting for it to BE ticklish that it defeats the purpose. Plus I’m not the sort who gets pedicures so I have rough heels and crappy toenails. They’re just not pretty!

My hands: I like what I can do with my hands….but there’s nothing I can thing of being done to them. Kiss my hand? Eh. Quaint. Hold my hand? Romantic, sure. But not erotic. Rub your thumb over my palm? Don’t you dare. The repetitive motion makes me grouchy.

Previous weeks: Head & Neck; Face

Next week: Chest/Breasts & Back (See the full scheduled here)

Play along on your own blog or just comment here and weigh in….if you’re posting your own, leave your link here!

 Posted by at 8:34 pm
Jan 152011

Long ago and in a land far away I wanted a Cone vibrator. Eventually I read enough reviews that told me to avoid it. Sadly there were not enough reviews out when I asked for the Cleo that would have told me to stay away. In fact, nearly all of the people on EdenFantasys who’ve reviewed it already claim that it’s a lot of things that I claim it is not.

Brass Tacks – What does it feel like? The number one thing that other people claim it is (to which I say “Are we using the same toy?!?”1) is Powerful. While I can agree that to some women  this might be considered “powerful” it isn’t to me and I have enough to compare it to to say that with confidence. Here’s the thing – a deep, rumbley sort of vibration can feel like it’s more powerful than it is. That’s why I tend to enjoy them so much. That sort of vibration stimulates beyond the surface.  But then to those women who find the Cleo powerful the Wahl, the Harmony Bullet, or any electric massager will be considered “whoa nelly you’ll burn off my clit” powerful. This isn’t to say I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. But I cannot ever give this toy an intensity rating of anything higher than 3 out of 5. Maaaaybe a 3.5 out of 5 but EF’s rating system tragically doesn’t allow for half-star choices2. And I’ve even tried 2 different sets of batteries to be sure one wasn’t half-dead. How sad is it that I have toys that pack a far greater punch on half the battery power?? My Harmony bullet is the same deep vibrations and runs on 2 AAA’s and knocks the pants off the Cleo in terms of power. Sometimes even *I* have to back down off the top level of vibrations on the Harmony.

Ono Cleo vs Lelo Mona – I know, their shapes are nothing alike, nor are their intended uses. But it was the best vibe I could find that had the same type of rumbly vibrations. I would say that High on the Cleo is like setting 5/6 out of 8/9 on the Mona (I had trouble determining exactly how many levels there were on the Mona). I always expect a battery-powered vibe to be more intense than a rechargeable. That’s usually been my experience. Not this time!

The Cleo’s big draw is the unique shape which is great for those who like to rub/grind their clit against a vibe. The other big draw is that it’s meant to be used in the shower/tub because it comes with a big-ass dual-sided suction cup. Ah, the suction cup. I hate it.

  1. It stinks, and fairly noticeably at that
  2. Unlike the SinFive suction cup dildos, the suction cup base does not firmly affix to the toy via screwing in. It’s a suction cup on both sides. It suctions to the toy AND to the wall, leaving two points of possible instability.
  3. Suction cups are picky fuckers – they require a completely 100% flat and smooth surface. Too much moisture, too little moisture, it slides around or falls off. Do you know how cringe-worthy it is to have your solo tub session come to a clattering LOUD halt when your sex toy falls off the wall?!?

You can most assuredly use this without the suction cup feature. Unfortunately….this requires big hands if you need to hold it. As you can see below, I had trouble holding the base with my small hands. Sure, I could set it down on my bed/pillow/other surface and grind away but the base is slippery smooth, hard plastic. And the base unscrews very quickly – there are no threads, just a quick quarter-twist. (this also makes me highly question the waterproof-ness, since there’s no rubber o-ring)

What is up with that shape? It’s an interesting shape – in fact it kinda reminds me of a pommel horse (ex-gymnasts cheer! a vibrating pommel horse!). A design that, again, I thought would get me off. And it might have if the vibrations were a bit more intense or a bit more concentrated. They are concentrated to a degree in the larger protrusion but it’s not enough for me personally. I’m also not sure what the point is to the dual humps. For me this grinding/rubbing action is only good for the clit, not my vulva or labia (but others might love that) and it’s certainly not capable of penetration. I just don’t get it.

I’m supposed to reach around where now?? The controls are just two buttons discretely hidden in the silicone, plus and minus. They seem to be located in a really bad spot for changing the setting during use – they are located underneath the smaller of the two humps….and most of the vibration is in the larger hump. This means I would have to reach under or back around me to change it during use. So I had to choose the setting (high, straight vibrations for yours truly) and then put the toy in place. Since I hate patterns and found the lower levels of vibration boring, this ended up working out for me but won’t for those who like to change up their sensations during use. The buttons themselves require a bit of effort to push (certainly not as easy as Lelo buttons) and glow faintly when pressed. There’s a number of different vibration intensity settings and then eight different pattern settings.Really? 8? Overkill but if you like patterns you’ll be sure to find one here you can enjoy.

The packaging is also sub-par for a toy of this price. It comes in a colorful + black flimsy glossy cardboard box with a window. There is nothing “premium” about the packaging and so don’t expect to use it for storage. There’s no storage bag or anything for it. For the cost of this toy I’d expect at least an upgrade on the packaging.

Bottom line: I’m having a really tough time recommending this. Since it’s primarily marketed as a shower toy, the base is difficult to use without the suction cup action. But it also doesn’t quite work too well in the shower. For the flaws, the lack of oomph, the pitiful packaging and finally the high price tag – I’d say to avoid it unless you can catch it on a really good sale and don’t require direct / intense vibrations. If rubbing with moderate vibrations is your thing, you might like this. But, really Ono? A price tag of over $70?? No. Other than the fact that the colored, main portion is velvety silicone I can find absolutely nothing about this toy to justify this price. If it were priced more like the Pleasure Tops (which sadly isn’t silicone) then I could recommend it as a novelty addition. Sure, it comes in pretty colors and looks different and cool. Does that make up for everything else? No.


  1. When I read the first paragraph of the descriptive review I really wonder if I got the same toy, they kiss up to it like it’s going to win them money!
  2. this right here is a travesty because many times I’ve wanted to give a halfsie rating
Jan 132011

During the hiatus on e[lust], I revamped the site a little – new header, new sidebar buttons can be had, and a (very irritating) new theme that allowed for better/easier navigation menus up top. I’m hoping this allows people to find information easier on there.

Another thing I added in was the Blogger Education pages I’d talked about previously. The first one that’s up is the topic I always had people emailing me about, Paid Advertising. Basically this page tells you how your rate might be figured out; what sort of things to avoid that advertisers try to offer newbies with in hopes that they don’t know any better; basic tips on making the most of it.

The next one I’ve decided to work on is going to be about how to create a blog that people will take seriously. Many of you are bloggers just to have a place to kvetch and gather with your blogmates, and so can summarily ignore most of that page. Well, some will be of use because it doesn’t matter if you’re updating your friends everyday about your cat, your blog shouldn’t be an eyesore. Some things I’ve noticed recently that I want to write about:

  • Header images – what to avoid
  • Fonts – displaying a dozen font colors and types on the same page doesn’t help you
  • Language – again, not applicable to every blog really but if you write toy reviews, erotica, OpEd pieces….anything other than chitchat about your day for the love of pete don’t use text speak! Write out the full words, please. Please!
  • Sidebars – buttons and text and clutter, oh my!
  • Littering posts with photos that aren’t your own –  a few are fine. Go for it! But more than a couple is just overkill and makes you look like Myspace

I will do my best to explain all these offenses without showing screencaps of the offending blogs I’ve spottted :)

What have been your blog pet peeves that you wish people would stop doing?

Speaking of changes to e[lust] – FYI – I had to disable the Feedburner email subscription. Randomly it was sending out emails for old posts, and everytime that happened I’d lose a few subscribers. I was looking into Feedblitz, but they charge you for it based on the number of email subscribers – at 250, I’d be in the $10/month range. I’m still looking for another option that would quietly take the reigns from Feedburner without subscribers having to do a thing to change over.

The Blogger Education primary page lists some of my upcoming ideas – but I don’t have to be the one to write them! I’m looking for input from others, too. Maybe a few veteran toy reviewers can write up a few paragraphs on how to get started with sex toy reviewing? That way the page will give a few different viewpoints.

 Posted by at 10:48 am