Feb 062012
 

I swear it’s almost like creating that douche-proof contact form was like a request to the blogging angels for comedic gold.

If by comedic I mean bashing-my-head-off-the-wall I’m-surrounded-by-idiots haha funny.

Bloggers, a heads-up here, please…don’t be taken in by this guy. Greer is a part of a group of “entrepreneurs” who have this awesome idea of a “sexual lifestyle brand for women that takes the guess work out of choosing sex toys and related products while providing a narrative fantasy and user content- all in a monthly format”. I’ve read that line over a bunch of times and I still don’t get what they truly mean. It gets better though.

“I came across all of your companies and site through my research and was wondering if you ever consult with new companies? We are a young group of entrepreneurs who do not have previous contacts in the sex toy or erotic writing industry and could really use professional guidance. We want to appeal to woman in a huge capacity and contribute to female sexual autonomy.”

I just had to be SURE before I continued on, so I asked “Ok let me make sure I understand things. You want to create something that will help women choose sex toys, yet you have no experience yourselves in this subject and are looking for free consulting?”

“We are not looking for free consulting. We are looking for people to network with who are experts in the industry and could point us in a constructive direction. Someone who has a lot of contacts within the industry. These people could be future contributors once our company has more funding and we are able to compensate them. It would become a mutually beneficial business relationship. We know how to build brands and have a great idea, we just need to start meeting individuals who know the industry better than we do.”

I mean, that’s the very definition of CONSULTING. He even said the word consulting in his first email. Oh and he tried to be sneaky and chose the “I’m a reader of your blog and I just want to say hello!” option on the regular contact form. tsk tsk, Greer, you didn’t really read much here, did ya? You know I love helping people. Genuine people who need help choosing a sex toy and have specific questions that couldn’t be answered on any retail site or book. That’s the beauty of blogger reviews. We’re real people with email addresses and we love to answer questions. But to try and take advantage of that good will and use it to make money while giving me the “well maybe someday when we’ve turned enough profit that all our bills are paid and we’re paid you could possibly become a paid contributor” schlemiel. The other day in my site tracker I noticed that I was getting a lot of hits to my Jelly Sex Toys are Dangerous post from a UK Mommy forum. Whenever I get hits from forums I go check out the conversation and sometimes I register so that I can clarify things, which is what I did. This poor gal is pregnant and as many pregnant women are, utterly hyperaware of keeping her fetus safe and healthy. When she read my post about the jelly toys she freaked and wasn’t sure how she could possibly broach such a shameful topic to her doctor and ask if she was poisoning the fetus. Sadly she’s so freaked out and hormonal (I get it, I do, I’m not mocking her or invalidating her) that she’s sworn off ALL sex toys despite what I said. But I did my best to confirm that they can be very bad or they can be ok, but you never know and how porous they are, etc etc etc. Told her to switch to silicone or use a condom. I’m more than happy to answer these questions. But try to take advantage of that for your own profit and I’m suddenly not so sweet. My reply to him basically said all of the above but a bit more concisely and bluntly. He agreed that oh yes, I’m very smart which is why they asked for my help and weren’t trying to insult me. Riiiight. Please repeat your 2-year college course on business, you didn’t absorb anything. I would be thrilled to consult on a project that doesn’t read as insulting or sexist and I know my worth.

Please, know your worth. Ok?

Recently another head-bashing moment occurred completely unrelated to my contact form because I contacted them. The very first company that sent me toys to review, VibeReview, has had quite the stale site. Their “new toys” section stills lists the Natural Contours Petite which has been out for YEARS. Combine all this with the fact that I had a reader try to purchase from them a few months back with nothing but troubles and I’m wondering if they’re even still in business. A lot of things are not in stock. Color me surprised when I get a response:

“Yes we are still in business – and yes, as you’ve correctly pointed out, we have been a bit slow in adding many of the newer items.  Most of the stuff that’s come out in the last couple of years is just a repackaging of stuff we already sell, but if there are some items you would like to see on the site, let me know and we can add them.”

It took me a minute to pick my jaw up off the floor. For SERIOUS? I mean, I still read that second sentence and am rendered speechless. I….I….

I tried to answer. I tried to list off all the things that are new, innovative and that tons of people are searching for on Google.

I said: “I would highly disagree that most items put out in the last year is a repackaging of stuff you already sell. While I don’t think much of their latest line, there’s a number of Lelo toys that would warrant a listing; many Tantus items; Fun Factory, Je Joue, We Vibe….I could go on and on…so much as happened in the last few years. Many of the items I recommend to others aren’t on your site. None of the Mystic Wands, nothing by Tenga, none of the new and improved Nexus items, no wooden dildos….it pretty much looks like nearly everything on the site is the same stuff that was there when I stopped reviewing for your company (which was largely because anything that was worth trying out that looked decent, VR didn’t carry) in 2009. Unfortunately, your answer is a huge let-down to me and I’m sure it would be to many of the innovative manufacturers that have put out things in the last 3 years. If you truly believe what you’ve said, then I don’t think I can support VibeReview to be honest.”

And you know what? They had no response. Which just drove my point home even further.

Jun 062009
 


ideal_front

I asked to review the Ideal because a number of my sex blogger peers enjoyed it. Ladies who also thoroughly enjoy the Hitachi – therefore, a good chance I would like it as well. I recalled reading buyer reviews on another site-who-shall-remain-nameless-because-I’m-not-going-to-review-for-them-any-more which complained about the noise level of the Ideal – namely that it sounded half broken. But the gals I converse with said it wasn’t that bad or they didn’t notice it.

Well, sad to say, it is noisy – unless you’re using it and by using it I mean applying some degree of pressure to your bits. If you’re just lightly running it over yourself it’s going to be noisy. Half-broken noisy, in fact. Loud enough that you can’t disguise it whereas the Hitachi could be concealed if used under the covers. I have heard that if you use the g-spot attachment that it can mute out some of the noise.

Continue reading »

May 302009
 

lelobo

 

The LELO Bo Cock Ring

Synopsis: Very well made; awesome addition to oral sex; it’s pricey but it’s an investment because this thing will LAST plus it carries Lelo’s standard warranty. It comes with its own little case and a charger. It can be a couple’s toy or a solo toy and is a benefit to both men and women.

I have to be honest, I’ve always hated cock rings, particularly the vibrating kind. The reason is that, until now, they’ve primarily been available in one main material: jelly. While jelly in a cock ring isn’t a huge concern with phthlates, my complaint with that material has been the way it behaves. It’s usually a flimsy material – easily tangled up within itself, collects dust like you wouldn’t believe, can be hard to clean off fluids especially once they’ve dried on and removing the bullet vibe from the ring is a pain in the ass if you’re changing the batteries or cleaning the ring. Another bad thing is that jelly isn’t really the strongest material, it can tear. We had one once and it didn’t really last long. Of course, it didn’t get used much either. This all is why, until now, I’ve never requested a cock ring to review. VibeReview was kind enough to send me one to try out!

Lelo’s stab at a cock ring, the Bo, takes all those former complaints and negates them. Continue reading »

Mar 272009
 

Since this review is pretty old, I should direct you to the updated review of the Lelo Luna Beads; a word about boil cleaning the Luna Beads; and a comparison of the new Luna Mini beads vs Original Luna Beads.

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I once tried a cheapo pair of Benwa balls – and promptly gave up on them. They were too small and I just couldn’t keep them in. The Luna Beads are better and different. They’re a little larger, but small enough to serve their purpose. You can vary the weights by using just one bead, or two or by combining one of each color.

Continue reading »

Jan 242009
 

Inner Desire Love Egg

In some ways, this is a step up from the Silver Bullet. In design and construction, it’s almost identical to the Bnaughty (but quite a bit less money). The upgrade from the SB is that reinforced bit of plastic/whatever where wire meets egg, extends the life of the toy. The motor is identical to the Bnaughty – meaning that it’s just a smidge less powerful than the Silver Bullet, but most women are not going to notice or care about that. For those “moar power!!!” women like me, it’s enough to make a difference. But I do see this lasting longer than the Silver Bullet and it gets me off, albeit a wee bit slower.

Keep in mind – this isn’t for clitoral stimulation only! The soft matte finish slides easily over and around nipples. As I mentioned with the Silver Bullet, it’s also a very nice addition to blowjobs.

The only real differences between the Inner Desire Love Egg and the Bnaughty is that on the Bnaughty there is that extra reinforcement not only on the egg end, but where the wires go into the controller. Also, Bnaughty comes in three colors – red, black and chocolate. The Inner Desire Love Egg is a dusty pink.

The material coating the egg and controller is powdery-soft and Phthalate-free. As with the Bnaughty there are 4 levels of vibration at the push of the flush-flat buttons on the controller.

Right now VibeReview is still having their Winter Sale, and the Inner Desire Love Egg is 35% off, making it a very affordable $14.92. I don’t know how long the sale is on for, but I suggest you shop soon as it’s been going on for about a month or so now!

Jan 042009
 


In my quest for a good away-from-home (read: work) vibe, I asked to review the Discretion Bullet from VibeReview. Unfortunately, I was disappointed by it. The premise is that when closed up, it resembles a makeup compact. Well……it -might-, if it weren’t for the logo and toy name on the front of it!! The description boasts that it has a mirror, like you could actually use it. Well, you can’t. It’s no better than a Barbie Dream House mirror. Sure it reflects but its marred and blurry. Oh well. Not the point.

Again, here is where BadBadGirl is going to call me a toy snob (I’m sorry, yes, I am a Fancy Whore). It is with this toy that I finally said “Self, no more toys from California Exotic Novelties. Ever.” They’re sub-par as a whole. The Miracle Wand isn’t bad, but when it’s meant as a rival for Hitachi, it falls short in the “Moar Powar!!” category. Everything about this toy is cheaply made. With any real use, I see that little “arm” there that winds the cord back into the case breaking off real quick. See the lil peanut-bullet there up top? Well that comes out, you pull on it and the cord extends, supposedly 36″ but I was lucky if I was able to yank out 24″.

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There are 2 settings of power on the toy. It’s decent, but it never got me off.  Honestly I have to wonder about the other people who’ve submitted their short review on the site…..they all loved it! Really truly think it’s the shit! If you want discretion, get Lelo’s Mia. If you want a bullet vibe, get the Silver Bullet. If, like me, you intend to “travel” with it, then just get a small pouch or mini FYN locking case for your handbag!