Jun 072013
 

Novelty disclaimer on a sex toy box

The sex toy industry is rife with half-truths, flat-out lies, confusing names for materials and more. When information is put out there that seems to make sense and seems credible, it gets passed on and shared until it’s viewed as fact. A prime example is that, for awhile, we all believed that a sex toy had to contain at least 10% silicone in order to be labeled as just merely “silicone” by the manufacturer (as if 10% silicone mixed with 90% PVC somehow makes it better….hint: it doesn’t) but I found out at CatalystCon’s Toxic Toys session in March that that isn’t true at all. In fact, they can claim whatever they want if they’re unethical. And some are.

noveltyImagine my surprise when an industry friend, who knows how much I love to write about things like this, tells me that the “Novelty” term is used mainly because of export and tariffs….NOT to create a legal loophole relieving them of responsibility if you get injured, or because they don’t care. True, I’m sure some companies don’t care. But the “Novelty” disclaimer isn’t 100% indicative of that. It does absolutely nothing to relieve the company of legal liability.

I’ve seen a shit ton of blame being laid on China and companies who use the “Novelty” disclaimer as to why there are so many “bad” sex toys. You’ll find many articles online that talk about toxic toys and they will also usually fall back on the “blame the novelty tag”. I did too, because when I first wrote my posts, I was calling on what I’d found. This is how it happens; I couldn’t find anything to the contrary, so I figured it must be true! It’s a confusing subject. The subject of this post is something I’ve been researching for literally months. I wanted to get as many ducks in a row as possible before writing, and see if I could really nail down facts and get back-up information to everything my friend below told me. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t get straight answers from many of the manufacturers. I’ll be sharing all of that in Part 2 but for now I’m working on the basic debunking.

My friend needs to remain anonymous because they have worked for a few manufacturers and by extension, retailers, in their time in the industry. This is what they had to say on the subject:

From a stand point of importing into the US, it has more to do with the cost of customs fees and duties and possible certifications that may be required depending on how it’s classified.  In regards to exporting products to other countries, each country has their own regulation in what they will accept on packaging or product descriptions.  Some companies have started omitting the words “for novelty use only” on the packaging, but my understanding is in those cases they are registered (not approved) with the FDA.

 

Everything is imported or exported under what’s called a Harmonized Tariff Schedule Code (Harmonized Code). This code determines the customs fees and duties that will be paid on every shipment coming in to this country and are based in part on 1) materials and 2) intended use. 

 

So basically, the bottom line is the wording that is chosen can effect the cost of the product when importing to the US and exporting to other countries.  In addition, if certain wording is used (ie. “toys” without the word “novelty”),  manufacturers face the possibility of needing additional certifications for the US & EU and the possibility of certain non-US countries denying shipment altogether. The only reason anyone tries to “skirt” the FDA is for customs fees, duties and taxes.  It has nothing to do with the quality of the product, but rather cost of importing. When importing to the US (and possibly exporting, depending on the country), if any products are labeled as “toys” (or NOT labeled as “For novelty use only/not intended as a medical device”) then they may be subject to  Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008“.

What about the legal loophole theory? I talked with K.M. Davis,  a lawyer who has worked with numerous adult industry companies. I asked: “DOES the disclaimer make any lawsuit null and void? What if a company claims their product is phthalates-free, but a customer gets a chemical burn from using it, sends it off to be lab-tested and finds a bunch of toxic chemicals. Can they sue?”

I can say, having worked with manufacturers in a number of industries, not just sex toys, that there is often a “what is everyone else doing, I better do that too” mentality among lawyers, insurance folks and manufacturers related to disclaimers. So, often one company ends up putting something on their packaging for no better reason than “everyone else was doing it.”

 

I have heard speculation among industry folks that the “novelty use” disclaimer is an attempt to avoid lawsuits if a consumer somehow injures themselves using the product (either because it is toxic or a bad design) and have heard others speculate that it is used to avoid potential prosecution if the products are sold somewhere where sex toys are banned or regulated. However, nothing can make a lawsuit null and void, as a judge is always free to say that despite a disclaimer, the manufacturer could reasonably have known what the consumer would use it for.

 

As to saying your product is free of something but not actually being free of that, because sex toys are completely unregulated, there’s really not much a consumer can do. One could sue if they tested something and found the claim untrue, but you’d have to prove what your personal damages were1. It’s unlikely anyone would want to pursue that claim either, which is what manufacturers rely on….

Here’s the tl;dr for Part 1:

1. They’re likely doing it because it’s just always been done, and the company lawyers are sticking with tradition.

2. You can still sue

3. It’s likely more for exporting reasons than anything else, for most companies – if it’s not “novelty”, then the FDA thinks it is medical and they will require formal approval, photos, and a 3-page paper written on the subject. In blood2.

So should you avoid all companies who use such disclaimers? What about the companies who don’t use the warning words? Come back for Part 2 next week!

  1. Meaning: If you suffered chemical burns, you’d have to hope that your doctor knows it’s a chemical burn and not try to treat it as an infection. You have to be upfront with your doctor. Then you’d have to get the funds for testing the sex toy from an accredited lab. Then find a lawyer, like Davis. It’ll be a years-long event, I’m sure
  2. I might be exaggerating a little…

Review: Minna Ola

 Reviews, Sex Toys  Comments Off on Review: Minna Ola
May 152013
 
Image courtesy of Shevibe.com

Image courtesy of Shevibe.com

The Minna Ola looks unremarkable at first. It has no extreme curve, no extreme girth. It’s your average silicone-covered vibrator. It’s not plush. It is waterproof though, and rechargeable (although recharging this is maddening). 

But as soon as you pick up the Ola, you’ll see the difference. A portion of the handle feels like an air cushion. It IS an air cushion. The Minna Ola is the vibrator for those who adore patterns and don’t need lots of vibration intensity. With Ola, you create your own pattern. 

When you first turn Ola on, the power button will blink and it will give a friendly little pulse of vibration, but nothing happens. Until you squeeze that neat little air pillow on the handle. The harder you squeeze, the more powerful the vibrations become. You can slowly ease off and create undulating waves of ascending and descending vibrations or you can beat out staccato drums to the tune of your favorite Ace of Base song. This is called “freeplay mode” where you can do as you please. The trick is to play around with it at first and see what you like, then push the second button which records. This is called “loop mode”. During loop mode you can do whatever you want; once you’re done, you press that special record button again to stop recording. 

I bought the Ola because I was curious about this technology. Where so many sex toy companies create variations on the same thing, this was unique and different. Except I forgot one thing: I hate patterns. I need strong, steady vibrations. I can tolerate patterns as a tease, if I’m in the mood for that, but in general I’m not. So yay….my loop consisted of nothing but me holding down the soft spot all the way to create the most powerful vibrations Ola can spit out, unrelenting, unchanging. I don’t think that was their point. 

The nice part about this is that you can use it in either mode; freestyle requires that you press on the soft spot the whole time. If you let up, it stops. Loop mode means you can just enjoy the pattern you created. The Ola is long enough to be considered an internal vibrator but I don’t feel that it’s strong enough, thick enough, or have enough of a g-spot curve/swell to it to be of any real interest to me. When the Ola is surrounded (i.e. inserted) the vibrations dampen, as many vibrators do (especially the rechargeable ones) but it dampens enough so that I consider it to be on the low end of moderate. The vibrations are also somewhere in the middle of rumbly and buzzy. They’re not super deep, but they’re not irritatingly shallow, surface-only vibrations either.  They can easily be described as pleasant. I feel that the Je Joue Uma’s vibrations are stronger and more pleasing to me, though, for an internal g-spot vibrator that is similar in size, shape and “luxury” level.

Minna OlaThe only aspect of the Minna Ola that left me with any sort of strong feelings is the charging. I effing hate it. In fact, it’s safe to say that I hate ALL magnetic chargers. Seriously folks, amp up the magnetism or use the jack plug style. I have to have the Ola and the charger sitting just so, or it won’t charge. It took me awhile to realize that the power button had to slowly pulse and stay that way – and it took a number of tries to get it to do that, otherwise it blinked and then went dead without charging. It’s supposed to take 3 hours to charge it fully from dead zero but that time frame will depend upon the charger maintaining perfect contact with the Ola the whole time. The pulsing light isn’t easy to see in a very well-lit room, either. 

All in all, it’s a nice looking package. It comes with the ubiquitous satin drawstring bag. Due to the power & “record” buttons being circles, they’ve kept up with the circle theme as part of their logo and design of the package. The box is a tube, the manual is a circle shape, etc. Oh and the charger? Like the We-Vibe chargers there is a wall plug that ends in a jack, and a tiny little base you plug the jack into and then it clicks onto the Ola magnetically. Lose that little base and you’re screwed. Minna actually has  reason for this though, as annoying as it may be. You’ll notice a tiny jack hole in the squeeze pad; it’s not for charging. Since that squeeze pad is filled with air, when you travel sometimes altitude/pressure changes can deflate the squeeze pad. Poke around the hole with the jack (stop snickering, dammit) and it’ll re-inflate. 

Downsides:

  1. Charger is a pain in the ass
  2. It’s easy to forget to turn it off if you’re using it in freestyle mode. As soon as you stop squeezing the pad, it stops vibrating. All times I tried it out, it died on me because I accidentally left it turned on.
  3. You can create the perfect pattern but it will go away as soon as you turn the loop mode off to take a break, or turn the power off altogether. I feel like if you went to all that trouble to create an awesome pattern, you shouldn’t have to do it again unless you wanted to. 

I can only recommend the Minna Ola to people who prefer patterns, or almost like patterns if only they were slightly different.  If you want something WOW for your g-spot, move on. If you need definitive vibration intensity, keep looking. It’s just all around…..moderate. Unremarkable except for the main event. The unique technology and the “luxury” trappings jack up the price though, this usually retails for around $160ish.  I found this vibe on my own, but I’d recommend that you pick it up at SheVibe if you think it can work for you.

Mar 192013
 

We all were once ignorant about sex toys, because the truths were never talked about. Truth, fact and education is slowly being spread around in the hopes of a revolution. I’m playing the small part that I can, and sharing with you everything I learn. Many fellow bloggers know this now, but a lot of consumers do not so I will say this for the benefit of all: there are no regulations on sex toys. None. You have one method for safety, and that is to buy only toys made by a trusted company. But this whole unregulated thing goes far deeper down the rabbit hole than I realized. I learned so much at the Toxic Toys panel, and this post is about EDUCATION. Is it scary? Yes. Does that mean it should be covered up? No. Never. On this blog, I’m sorta like The South:

“I’m saying this is the South. And we’re proud of our crazy people. We don’t hide them up in the attic. We bring ‘em right down to the living room and show ‘em off. See, Phyllis, no one in the South ever asks if you have crazy people in your family. They just ask what side they’re on.”
— Julia Sugarbaker, “Designing Women”

I’m bringing this crazy, and scary, information out to the front porch, not just the living room, and giving it a cocktail. I’m waving the banner high and I’m asking that you read it, learn it, and make changes to keep yourself and others healthy. Because there are wonderful, safe sex toys out there: Silicone, Glass, Stainless Steel, even hard Plastic. And wood!

The 10% Myth

There is a “fact” that has widely been spread around between reviewers, blogs and social media, like a game of telephone to the point that we don’t even know its origins, that a sex toy need only contain a minimum of 10% in order to garner the use of the word “silicone” on the packaging. During the Toxic Toys panel at Catalyst, Metis and Jennifer of Smitten Kitten confirmed to us that the 10% thing isn’t even true. There is NO regulation, so why would there even be that? But really, regardless, whether there is 10% or 50% silicone, there is still a percentage of that item that is something like elastomer and is therefore porous to some degree; and while it’s not likely, it may even contain phthalates or heavy metals or VOCs. Might. If they can and do lie on the 100% silicone claim, what else are they lying about? Update: there is no “blending” of elastomers and silicone.

Bottom line: A company could have the manufacturing plant in China put “silicone” on the label when it’s far from silicone. Nothing and no one can stop them.

Except…for us. Consumers would have to file class-action lawsuits against a sex toy company who mislabels.  WE CAN START THE CHANGE.

April 8th: Edited to add: In research trying to find out what exactly is the bizarre material that Screaming O calls SEBS I happened upon my old review for their unfortunate Studio Line MakeUp Brush Vibrator, which was my first foray into the world of failed flame tests. On my review at EF, another reviewer noted that while I was panning S.O. for calling it plainly “silicone” when it is not, that she was told it was “SEBS”, I contacted Screaming O and received this response:

screamingOsebs

No, Screaming O, “our government” doesn’t say SHIT about sex toy material listings. You can see, then, how easily this myth got spread around.

Phthalates-Free! Really?

So if there are no regulations on the silicone thing, can they lie about the phthalates-free claim, too? YES. Nothing on that packaging has to hold a grain of truth. NO REGULATION. I asked because my Sex Nerd Spidey Senses went up a year or so ago when I was doing some work for a new sex toy retail site and saw that a lot of cheap, crap jelly, PVC, UR3, and Cyberskin sex toys made by the big companies all of a sudden were labeled as phthalates-free – simply because this had become the big buzz word that consumers were responding to. It is not the only toxic element that can be present, but it is the one getting all of the attention because phthalates are banned from children’s toys, dog chew toys, etc.

The Brand Thinks it is Silicone

It’s simply a fact of the industry that the vast majority of the sex toys are being made by a third-party plant in China because this is where it is the most affordable to do so. This is mostly true for vibrators, anything containing electronics, moving parts, etc. So the brands/companies go to China and find a plant and they agree on a material and formulation, etc. They can tell China that “Hey I do want this to actually be 100% silicone.”. The big companies are going for price point – a low one- so unless there is someone in the plant regulating and watching over the plant, that plant may not make the sex toy out of the exact same materials the subsequent times after buyer approval isn’t happening.

Phthalates are Not the Worst Thing Out There

Pigmentation can be an issue. The Danish did their big study on sex toys (Tantus Inc. kept a PDF of the study so that you can read it yourself). They took 16 random sex toys and analyzed them. Metis summed it up here:

In 2006 the Dutch EPA did a study where they randomly chose 16 adult toys from a store. Out of those 16 tested 3 had arsenic, 6 had antimony, 12 had lead and 7 had cadmium. Cadmium is a heavy metal. Every time you expose yourself to those toys your cadmium level increases. One of the cadmium toys had levels so high that the EU would have required a radioactive sticker on the product had it known this had been imported into the continent. So what was it? The radioactive sex toy was a Chinese made Slimline vibrator made of safe ABS. The issue wasn’t what the toy was made of but what it was pigmented with. This toy was yellow and cadmium was its pigment.

Should you avoid ALL yellow sex toys? I don’t know the answer. Cadmium is also used as a plastic softener, so it’s not necessarily tied to the color yellow. I also want to point out though that this big test was done in 2005. The sex toy industry has come a very long way in the last 8 years. I would be especially interested to see the same testing done again, now. 

So Now What

NOW how do we, as consumers, protect our bodies?

1. Call the Dildologists. After the writing of this post, a new organization as been formed to serve as an industry watchdog, who will raise money and independently acquire material validation from accredited labs through funding.

2. I can point you again to the flame test; while the test is not 100% utterly accurate and you can see different results for different types of silicone, I feel that it can serve as a pretty close litmus 90% of the time. You can perform this on a tiny little section near the handle, near a part that doesn’t touch your body and the results will be quick and obvious. If there is a different method that will be more reliable, I’ll tell you.

3. Here’s a weird test recommended by Ducky Doolittle, also part of the Toxic Toys panel: Lick it. Your lips are very sensitive. If your lips tingle, go numb, etc? Do not use that toy. Your mucus membranes absorb things so quickly, both the good and the bad. A mindframe of “It’s just a sex toy that I only use occasionally, and I just really prefer jelly!! But I don’t use it much, and it doesn’t burn me, so I’m fine!” is not going to keep you safe. A lot of bad things in cheap sex toys won’t give you a clear cut reaction, but can indeed slowly cause damage to your body that you don’t even know about until it’s too late and no one will be able to pinpoint it.

4. Educate yourself, and others. After the writing of this post, I created a landing page for all things about sex toy material safety. Read it. Share stuff from it whenever you can. The more people we can educate, the better. Get them to throw out their shitty toys and pledge to only purchase safe materials from reputable companies.

I think you might be reading this and freaking out. I don’t want you to stop using sex toys. Just be careful on which manufacturers you buy from – on this page I have listed out the brands that I’ve researched and found to be reputable. That isn’t to say that each one makes only non-porous toys but I believe that, as an example, Evolved, is  trustworthy that their porous TPR toys are still non-toxic. If this changes, I’ll let you know. If you get a sex toy that has an odor? Ask the manufacturer/brand. Call them out on it (Consider the packaging, sometimes a smell can be from the packaging – if so, the smell will dissipate after separating it from the packaging for a few days).  Also keep an eye on the Coalition Against Toxic Toys for their recommendations and to Dildology as they begin to build their catalog of results.

This isn’t the end, the information here isn’t finite. Things are changing, education is being passed around, and reporting will continue to happen. I will keep writing. I want you all to do your research and keep writing. Take off your blogger hat sometimes and put on your journalist hat. YOU CAN DO IT! We can be the revolution, we can be the change.

 

Jan 302013
 

Last month, I realized something. There was officially at least one sex toy in every room of the house downstairs. And no, it’s not because an urge struck me to just throw down and masturbate in the foyer (or, now that I have it walled off with a curtain, the junk room). A few sex toys migrated to the bathroom and never left once I was done washing them. A few more migrated to the living room and kitchen for photo-taking and then I just forgot about them, sort of. A few were in the bedroom for actual use, and a few were in the dining room and foyer because we were trying to clean up the living room and only got so far. My office, though, it’s truly helter skelter. Sex toys in drawers, in cubbies, in boxes, in bags, under piles. In all of this disorganization I’ve managed to misplace some sex toys, sometimes for months on end. So in preparation for my bestie coming to help me organize and purge I went room to room, drawer to drawer, rounding up each and every sex toy I could find and piled them all on the dining room table, thusly:

tableoftoys

There are bowls at the back of the table filled with kegel balls and clit toys; a stack of storage bags; a basket of tangled chargers sits on a chair in the front. You see, I don’t use all of these. Not even close. In fact the toys that I use consistently aren’t on the table because there’s no point in putting them away (My trio of Salsa/Tango vibes and my Pure Wand). You may ask then why I keep all of these. The answer is simple: I think it’s very important to be able to compare newer toys to older toys, cheaper toys, things others might have. So I hang on to everything, almost. There have been likely over 40 things I’ve given away on ToySwap that I hated and figured I’d never need to compare (and then find out I could/should).

Anyways, so I gathered everything up and figured I’d start on it. And then my back went out for a few days without me, and so it waited all there on the table, mocking me, until the weekend. And of course our landlord was supposed to arrive with a repair guy at any given day and he’s prone to absent-mindedly giving me very little notice. Thursday morning I heard the doorbell and knocking and while I painfully went as fast as I could locating a bedsheet and covering up the mess, by the time I got to the door I found that it wasn’t my landlord it was FedEx with a package I needed to sign for. I missed them, so I would have to wait another day for my sex toy delivery. But in the meantime, this didn’t look suspicious at ALL, right??

nothingtoseehere

Yeah.

I know.

The day of reckoning finally came but not until after my landlord and a repair guy were here whilst the dining room table was suspiciously covered with a wrinkly brown bedsheet. As I stared down my pile, the ever-present inability to organize struck me and I didn’t know where to start. So we started by the old standby for going through anything: Keep, Pitch, Give Away. Things I tossed: A few SinFive dildos that nobody will ever want, same for a bullet or two and a pocket rocket that made more noise than vibration. The ugly as sin glass dildo that nearly scared me off of them forever. The Picobong Honi was on my swap list but I finally decided to just toss it after turning it on again and being reminded as to how pathetically weak it was and stupidly designed and I tossed that, too. The painful glass vibrator that EF briefly offered also got tossed after spending months on my swap list and I realized that nobody else wants that piece of crap either. I realized that while the Hitachi and Fairy Wand do indeed eclipse the Lelo Smart Wand Large by quite a wide margin in terms of sheer obscene power, I have no desire for either of those. The bullet-train buzzy wonders are like a belt sander where the Smart Wand Large is like a jackhammer. Sorta. Yes the Hitachi and Fairy Wands would indeed make for a numb vulva for a little bit after use and the high-speed machines feel itchy to me sometimes, especially with nubbly attachments. Both Fairy Wands that I have, and both Acuvibes, are going on the swap list. I figure that nobody really buys the Acuvibe anymore for a sex toy what with the Lelo Wands, the Fairy Wands, the Hitachi knock-offs, the Mystic Wands, and so on, all of them made and intended to be a sex vibrator.

So while some worthless items are being tossed (and the question got asked: Should this glass dildo go into the recycle bin???), many more of them are listed on my ToySwap page. And if any CatalystCon attendees are also on ToySwap, do let me know if you’d like anything and I’ll bring it to Catalyst to save shipping.

But of course this all made me realize that I have a lot of work to do. I have items that I never reviewed, and I really should. I also need to charge up every single toy and get batteries out and really concentrate on arranging everything on a 1-10 scale of vibration intensity. I also need to use my Lelo Smart Wand Large plus Gee Whiz more often. That’s a long name. I’ll rename it “White Gonzo”. Yes. Because yeah, it’s that awesome and I had a clitoral orgasm just from the vibrations that were inside of me. Nothing touched my external clitoris, it just rumbled the hell out of my internal clitoris. Yes, that’s really a thing. 

Shit. Now I’m overrun with pending reviews. 

Dec 232012
 

I thought that this recent question deserved to be highlighted more:

I want to buy my girlfriend an anal plug/toy. She’s new to anal; she tried the finger and now I believe she wants to pass to another level… I just want to give her a toy and let her experiment a little bit. Now, I am new also in the toy buying and I need your advice. Can you recommend something for beginners? I am aware about the materials but I still don’t know what to choose. I believe she needs something soft, something with a “natural feel”. Any advice will be appreciated.

My response1:

A plug is something you wear around for hours or you can also just use it for the occasion, while just a simple toy is used as-is. The most comfortable plugs have a definitive difference between the neck and the body, with a decent base. The neck is what sits at the sphincter level; the sphincter prefers to be closed so a plug that will feel the most natural and least like she’s about to poop will have a thin neck.

I would also caution against looking for something super-soft and cushy/squishy simply because you need something with a bit of “backbone” to be able to penetrate the ass. That first sphincter muscle, especially, can be quite stubborn for beginners on letting anything inside the ass. Biologically speaking, it’s not natural. Your rectum and sphincter are built for exit-only; when the sphincter is open, it wants to close. And when things come out it is much easier than putting something in. That’s not to say that anal play is bad or dangerous; not at all if done right. I’m just pointing out that it’s not the biological function de facto which is why things may seem a little tricky at first.

If she’s taken nothing other than a single finger, I would highly suggest that no matter what else you get, you get her a warm-up dildo or two. Preferably two. The Tantus Silks are the absolute best. I have them both and in my opinion you cannot just jump to the medium if you’re brand new to anal.  I was steered towards the Silk Small as a warm-up and introductory toy to my Crystal Delights plug; despite the fact that I chose their smaller plug, it was still a little too big for me to just jump right to. The Silk Small was amazing. Only after sufficient play with the Silk Small would I graduate up to the Silk Medium. Even after numerous play sessions, to get used to the “weird feeling”, I would still start off each time with the Silk Small as a warm-up before moving on to the Silk Medium.  These are smooth, plain and great for getting the anus and sphincter used to having something there. Other small, silicone options include plugs like the Tantus Little Flirt which if you get from their “Grab Bag” section, is under $20. The same can be said for the Ripple Small from Grab Bag. Tantus Meteorite is slightly bigger than the Little Flirt, but the fun colors demand a higher price tag.  Tantus Warm Up dildo is a newer design, and is another small 1″ option. This would actually be great for prostate play introduction. If you’re looking for something a bit more realistic in design, consider the Vixen Small Bent. They make one in standard Vixen silicone, and then the Spur is the soft, Vixskin option. That will give you a little cushion and comfort.

Plugs that receive rave reviews from everyone are the Njoy Pure Plugs. I know that stainless steel can seem intimidating to a first-timer, which is why warm-up toys are imperative. The Pure Plug Medium though has a max diameter of 1.25″ and a nice, long thin neck. It’s built for comfort and to wear around for hours and hours. The steel might be cold at first, but you can warm it up in a bowl of *semi-warm* (not hot) tap water if you want.

If you’re already ready to move past the 1″ and under set, the Fun Factory Bootie is highly recommended for something under $50. The Tantus Ryder is also a good pick.

Make sure you use plenty of lube! Thicker gel-like lubes work best for anal play. While many companies will tell you that you should avoid silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, the higher quality silicone of Tantus can tolerate certain higher-quality silicone-based lubes. Hybrid lubes are great as they have a small amount of silicone so they don’t interact, but Tantus have recommended brands like Sliquid as having high compatibility even if it’s just straight silicone lube. As always though, you have to do lube research – too low of a pH for lube for the butt can lead to a stinging sensation which is not good! Use the Lube Guide to find a lube that is a good pH and devoid of irritating chemicals.

Random Important Anal Play Information:

  • Please AVOID anal numbing  / desensitizing creams, gels and sprays. I can understand that newbies will be nervous about it feeling weird or hurting, but the anus is very special – if you do not use enough lube and you use a toy that is too big, too soon, you can create tiny tears in the skin called fissures. This is bad because then you are at a high risk for getting fecal matter into the open skin; you’re also at a higher risk for transmitting diseases of all types through broken skin.
  • When you’re using fingers, it’s really best to put on a nitrile glove. This is a safety trick for both the receiver (fingernails!!) and the giver (broken skin? fecal matter under the fingernail?)
  • Never, ever ever ever share anything between the ass and the mouth or the ass and the vagina. Never. Ever. Have I made my point clear? Ignore what they do in porn. Those butts have been cleaned out better than your average endoscopy requires, and there is no fecal matter that might transfer. You or your partner could become very sick if you don’t heed this warning. This also applies to sex toys. The only toys that should ever be used in both holes are non-porous ones that can be properly sanitized  – silicone, glass, metal. And you absolutely must sanitize in between orifices.
  • There will sometimes be a little poop. It’s a fact of life, it’s going to happen. Just have warm, wet washclothes or baby wipes right near by.  If your partner cannot handle this, then you need to rethink anal play with them. Consider buying black sex toys, too, as they won’t show fecal matter like a pastel pink dildo would.
  • Anal play, when done right, can be very pleasurable – for women and men. Men have the added bonus of a prostate to enjoy, but that’s for another guide. Many women have experienced g-spot stimulation via anal play (the wall inside between the vagina and rectum is very thin).
  1. My response is directed to the asker, who has a female partner. However, my information is the same for all genders – I just am focusing on the butt, not the prostate this time
Apr 212012
 

Or rather….my husband has. For the first decade of our sex life his penis alone managed to hit my g-spot over and over during sex to varying degrees of bliss. In more recent years he and I have done more exploring both with his fingers and both of us using toys. I never doubted my husband’s ability to locate my g-spot and stimulate the hell out of it; combining his skill in the last few years with a vibrator on my clitoris gave me intense orgasms which would be immediately followed up with vaginal sex that was then even more pleasurable for me since the g-spot would be even more sensitive and swollen after a clitoral orgasm.

But the last few times we’ve fucked he suddenly changed his fingering technique and he knew right away that I approved. It was more intense and amazing as evidenced by my even louder moans and screams and gibberish. His manipulations have frequently left me with the sort of orgasm that jacks up all the right hormones and chemistry to leave me euphoric (and sometimes to the point of uncontrollable giggling right after). But this? All I could say (after I came down from the breathless high) was: What the FUCK did you just do there because holy crap it was amazing.

Every woman’s g-spot is a little different, like a snowflake sort of. And just like we all like different types of clitoral stimulation, we all like different types of g-spot stimulation. So what works for me might not be a euphoric nirvana trip for you, too. But his description of his new technique and what he’s feeling has left me certain that the g-spot is not a “spot”, it is not a zone, it is more than just a differently-textured spongy spot of sensitive tissue in the vaginal wall. Whatever he’s hitting there is a thing, an object, and 3-D…. much like the prostate.

The first time he tried his new trick he “had it” for a bit and then “lost it”1. Both g-spot massage techniques were pleasurable and aided in me achieving a blended orgasm fairly quickly but this new, intense treatment was just cranking up the pleasurable sensation to HOLY SHIT FUCK OMG ITS AWESOME^Y#~%@^(*^. I cannot duplicate what he’s done via my love, the Pure Wand. If I were smaller of body and longer of arm and generally more flexible perhaps this is something I would have discovered on my own but I think his position lends him a more unique angle of assault. For me personally my G-spot is right next to my pubic bone, therefore fairly shallow in the vaginal canal. He can use this location to a distinct advantage now2 by changing his digital manipulation from a 3-finger massage (which I loved because it provided both a filling sensation and spot stimulation) to a 1-finger massage aided on the sides by 2 other fingers. He’s extending his middle finger to do more precision stimulation right on the g-spot. He’s going above and beyond that “come hither” motion to a more twisting, side-to-side-and-all-around intense high-pressure attack. I’ve used words that sound harsh like assault and attack but that is because this is no slow and easy massage; this is an intense treatment but in the most awesomely pleasurable way. He does this because he knows I can take it and I like it, but I wouldn’t recommend that every person try this on their g-spot-owning partner without a build-up and knowledge in existence that the person enjoys “rough” sex and intense stimulation.

Perhaps something else that is adding to this newly awesome mix is that I’m using a vibrator that doesn’t overpower the g-spot stimulation sensations. In the past when I’ve used the Wahl or the Hitachi with the Pure Wand I almost couldn’t really feel the g-spot stimulation. I knew it was going on because the pleasure factor had tripled but I could only discern clitoral stimulation. The balance has shifted a bit now that I’ve started using my We-Vibe Tango on my clit while he’s doing this. Yes, it is a powerful and intense vibrator but it’s not as overwhelmingly intense as the big, electric massagers. The deep-tissue rumbly factor to the We-Vibe Tango hits the external clitoris and the internal portion of the clitoris, while his fingers are ramping the g-spot stimulation up to 11 and probably also getting a bit of the internal legs of the clitoris which leads to me floating on a motherfucking rollercoaster climbing cloud of things beyond words. I truly can’t even come up with the words, that’s what it’s all like.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and go a little outside of your box. This g-spot thing might be hard to find since it can’t be mapped, but believe me it is real and with time, exploration, a good clitoral orgasm and a willing set of fingers and/or dildos you CAN find it. Oh and no, this new technique didn’t make me squirt. I don’t really give a crap about squirting anymore since it doesn’t correlate at all to the intensity of my orgasm. It’s not a goal, it’s not a thought to us, it’s not a checkbox on the list. And there is no “right” or “wrong” way to achieve orgasm or stimulate your clitoris or g-spot – you do whatever feels good to you.

 

 

 

  1. Literally, the “object” he had found had moved slightly inside my body
  2. because his finger is massaging it from the front and then another side of it is receiving pressure from my pubic bone