Feb 152013

Fucking Sculptures – Small Green G-Spoon

Fucking Sculptures - Small Green G-Spoon Glass Dildo

I’d be willing to bet that at least a few hundred people suddenly fell in love with Fucking Sculptures after my first review, of their Large Gold G-Spoon. And with good reason; these are probably some of the most artistic dildos we’ve seen!

But for those who were intimidated by the heft and size of the Large, take heart: they do make small and medium sizes. Of course, much like in the clothing industry, small isn’t always small and medium isn’t always medium. I have looked at the specs for some of the medium sized pieces up at SheVibe and I was surprised to see measurements that still seemed to be more on the “large” end of the scale. SheVibe was wondering if they should carry any of the Small sizes, and generously sent me one to review for them.

Fucking Sculptures - Small Green G-Spoon Glass Dildo

I won’t keep you in suspense: Yes, SheVibe, please carry the Small sizes! The Small Green G-Spoon, shown here, is actually quite a good size for many people. Not too big, not too small, it feels like the Goldilocks of Glass Dildos. My Small is just a hair under 1.5″ wide from side to side, but it’s more like 6/8″ from top to back; if I wrap the measuring tape around the fattest part, it’s just under 4″. It’s about 8-9″ in length, depending on how you measure. With a straight ruler it’s closer to 8″; if you use a flexible tape and do tip-to-tip it’s 9″. When you see a measurement on SheVibe.com, it means that they have measured the piece you’re buying. They take an average between the two length measurements and use the widest part for the width.

As I said before, handblown glass dildos all will vary in size, color and shape from one to the next. Some brands more than others. I’ve seen Crystal Delights glass toys in person and while there is the expected bit of variance, they do stay in their projected range fairly well. So even though the dildos from Fucking Sculptures will vary, the benefit to purchasing them from SheVibe is that (for now, anyways) the photo you see on the site is the exact piece you will be getting. When you’re dealing with artistic pieces like this, I don’t begrudge them the variances but I do wholeheartedly feel that it would only help matters to list each piece individually (like you would see on Etsy). There are design differences, along with the obvious size differences, between my two G-Spoons and also between these and the ones shown on the Fucking Sculptures site and on SheVibe.com. If I were torn between, say, the red and the gold colors but I could choose between the exact red and gold dildos in this image below (the middle ones) then seeing the shape of the gold one would make my choice easier.

5 Different G-Spoons ~ The top 2 are on SheVibe, the middle two are on FuckingSculptures and the bottom 2 are mine

Where my Large has a very rounded and bulbous end to it, my Small is much more “tongue” shaped and flattened. The Large does have some grooves running down it, but the Small has grooves and then some….indented “holes” (which aren’t holes but appear to be at first) that actually don’t make sense. And they do make cleaning a bit difficult, to be honest. This could just be a design quirk that is purely unique to mine and it will never be encountered again, I won’t know, but this is the only thing that could pass as a “complaint” from me on these beautiful glass dildos. While the Large was able to broadly target my g-spot and offer a full feeling with the girth, the Small allows a little more targeted g-spot pressure without quite as much girth. And, of course, the Small weighs a lot less (my Small is 12 ounces and my Large is 23.5 ounces) . I had first requested the Large from Fucking Sculptures because I prefer my dildos to be long in the handle, but even the small G-Spoon has quite enough length for comfort of use. You’ll of course find different lengths on the various designs. This Green G-Spoon has a little bit more of what I called a “Dairy Queen” curl than the Gold G-Spoon, in fact it’s enough to make this green dildo look a bit more like a vegetable! I found though that it does have a practical purpose: it gives my fingers something to press against for better grip on the handle. Overall I just really like this style and I enjoyed using both sizes. The Green glass is a little bit more consistent with what it looks like in various lighting, whereas the Gold (because it is so metallic) could look like steel in some lights or rich amber in others. The Green also has sparkles – not glitter, I’m sure, but in certain good lighting it’s easier to see than in others. I managed to capture it in the evening setting sun the best. Both colors are really pretty so it’s just down to personal preference; since green isn’t really a color I prefer usually, the Gold is much more my speed. For the many who adore green? You’ll love this. It was hard to capture the exact color and quite honestly in most light I could mistake this for a zucchini at quick glance!

Fucking Sculptures - Green Small G-spoon vs Gold Large G-spoon Fucking Sculptures - Green Small G-spoon vs Gold Large G-spoon

So if you’re more Type A than B, I would suggest looking at SheVibe.com for purchasing these beautiful works of art. It takes a lot of work on their part to photograph every single different Fucking Sculptures dildo that they put up on their site, but if I knew for 100% certain that the dildo in the photo was the exact dildo I was receiving, it would make me more likely to take the plunge. What do you guys think?

Fucking Sculptures - Small Green G-Spoon Glass Dildo

Fucking Sculptures - Small Green G-Spoon Glass Dildo

Fucking Sculptures - Small Green G-Spoon Glass Dildo

Feb 052013

I’ve been acquainted with Aneros as a company for almost 10 years now; long ago hubs and I got him one of their first Aneros prostate plugs. It was great and all, with a couple flaws and a big learning curve. A few years ago I found the Nexus Neo for him and he hasn’t gone back to his Aneros since. But suffice to say I’ve known about Aneros and the ground-breaking work they have done.

At last year’s Momentum Conference, Aneros gave out postcards allowing attendees to get their hands on the first run of their new product for vagina-owners, the Evi. I was curious so I asked for one and received it a few months later. When I opened my package I was a little skeptical at the froofy large, red lace drawstring bag that the whole entire box fit into. It was pretty, though, if you like that sort of thing. The modern and sleek boxed opened to show this oddly shaped, bright-red thing – Evi. Instructions and platitudes were included. The shape looked 47 kinds of wrong to me to achieve what they promised, but I tried it anyways.

Where My Vagina Says “What the Fuck?”

The bulbous portion of the toy and the neck will go in your vagina. Yes, it seems to be pointing *away* from the g-spot. The handle bar looking bit rests in between your labia and should come in contact with the clitoris for many women. The handle bar portion isn’t “T” shaped, it won’t be tickling your ass (even if you would like it to). The handle bar portion combined with the weight and the angle made me constantly feel like the thing was about to fall out of me as I walked around. It wasn’t painful, but it was uncomfortable. Sitting with the Evi in me felt uncomfortable/painful and frankly I have a lot more padding than some women – if I can feel the seat of my chair pressing up on the Evi in an awful way, I can only imagine what that would be like for someone 70 pounds lighter than me with a much smaller ass and thighs. I didn’t last very long before I yanked it out and tossed it in a drawer.

A month or three later, Aneros sent me an email asking me to fill out a survey on how I liked it. They asked if I’d tried it standing, sitting, laying down, etc and I was soon growing as bored of the survey as I had the Evi. But I gave them the benefit of the doubt and I paused whilst filling out the survey to actually go try everything Lelo Luna Beads vs Aneros Evi vs Luna Beads Noirthey suggested. I sat. I wiggled my hips. I humped the air1. I laid down and thought of England (what? I know a lot of hot English bloggers), I laid down and thought of Brad Pitt, thought better of it and thought of Angelina Jolie instead. I laid on the bed and thrust my hips up in the air like a convoluted yoga move2. I concentrated on doing my kegels properly, just to make sure. I could feel the external portion nudging somewhere in the vicinity of my clitoris but my g-spot was left totally out of the party unless I grabbed Evi by the handle and forced it to speak to my g-spot like a proper young lady. Er, wait.

And then…..

I felt it coming but I couldn’t stop it in time…

I sneezed. While sitting in a chair with the Evi inside of me. AND IT REALLY FUCKING HURT3.

So if you get nothing else out of my review, please listen to me: Do not ever sneeze with the Aneros Evi inside of you. If you feel a sneeze coming on, no matter what you’re doing you shove your hand down your pants and get that hunk of silicone out of there. STAT.

Moving on.

Here is where I become confused and therefore in turn confuse you. Evi is advertised with phrases like “designed to comfortably and effectively ‘hit the spot’ without the need for vibration.” and “With correct insertion, Evi will alternately stimulate the G-spot and the clitoris with a simple Kegel exercise.” so…is it a Kegel exerciser, or a sex toy? Both? “Mind-blowing orgasms”? I’m side-eyeing you real hard, Evi.

For me, it’s neither. The front curve doesn’t stimulate my g-spot, even with the most enthusiastic kegel crunch. The handle does not even come close to stimulating my clitoris. I don’t require a jackhammer vibrator to orgasm, but I do greatly prefer vibration so that the internal portion of my clit can be stimulated. I have, a few times, been able to orgasm from manual clitoral stimulation. This is not even in the ballpark of a finger. Ok, so a slow-building orgasm is never going to happen for me with this. But couldn’t I just use it as a unique kegel exerciser, and maybe get a little aroused at the same time?


Sex Geek Time

Unlike the Luna Beads which are passive kegel exercisers, the Evi is active. Look, I can forget I’m cooking something on the stove until I hear it sizzling two rooms away or smell it burning. Despite the fact that the Evi isn’t subtle, I still forget to actively do something while wearing it. I think I’m preoccupied by how uncomfortable it all feels. or, ya know, SQUIRREL. After doing some more digging, I may have discovered one reason why it feels so godawful uncomfortable to me:

*put on Sex Geek T-Shirt*

The drawing on the left shows an artists rendering of where Evi sits in the vagina. It shows a compressed rectum and a very definitive position of where a G-spot "should" be
Forgive the size, you’ll want to click it to view it a little bigger

First thing I noticed was a very compressed rectal canal on the left. The second thing I noticed would explain why Evi isn’t really hitting my g-spot – that tiny curved portion of the Evi that is near the g-spot area has very little surface area to actually contact the g-spot – and since there is no one set location of the g-spot (hence my drawing edited to show where the g-spot could be), if yours doesn’t fall in the exact place that Aneros thinks it will, it’s not going to work for you very well. My g-spot happens to be a lot closer to my vaginal entrance than Aneros’ drawing shows.


Aneros Evi is about 5ish inches long, although it’s really hard to determine length in something as oddly shaped as this. It only weighs a couple ounces. It is hard plastic covered in a red silicone skin. Most of the Aneros for Men are just hard plastic. If that might cut down on the price, I’d be all for it – with a Velvet PU coat, ABS plastic can feel almost just like the silicone skin. It’s a matte finish silicone, the kind with the “silicone soft touch” added in like Lelo, Je Joue, etc5. It is all one solid piece so if you really felt the need to, you could add it to your dishwasher on the Sex Toy Cycle6, but I don’t think you should boil this. I’m not really sure, since it’s not 100% solid silicone. Anyways, it’s non-porous and would be easy to sanitize. Other than the odd red lace bag that encased the box I received, they do not include a pouch for the Evi to store it in. The box is nice but it’s not meant for discreet storage. It retails at about $70, and that right there is one part of my two-fold main reason why I won’t be recommending this.

Bottom Line

Despite the fact that Aneros tries to specifically claim that Evi will fit ALL women7, Evi is not an every-woman sex toy. Hell, nothing is, this I know. And I Aneros Evi Advertising Copy ~ Really? ALL women?know that sex toy makers need to write up amazing copy to sell their wares; nearly8 everybody who makes something does this. But my experience of the Evi vs their shiny, promising copywriting feels quite a bit like advertised burgers vs reality burgers. First of all, I don’t often have the time for an Aneros Experience. I don’t have hours to lay in bed, contracting my muscles, waiting for the 2:00 Orgasm Train to roll in. I just don’t have that kind of patience, frankly. In the pursuit of sex toys I have indeed spent up to an hour trying in vain to reach orgasm – the resulting orgasm was not 10 times better because of the wait. Aneros Evi is quite a lot like a rabbit vibrator – as a woman you could try out 20 rabbit vibes and if you’re lucky, one of them will hit all your spots in the just-right area with the just-right amount of vibration to create your own personal Nirvana. And due to the (in my opinion) grossly inflated price, I’m going to stand by my recommendation of the original Lelo Luna Beads set for killer kegels. They’re very much “set and forget” as they passively go about toning your kegels while you go about your day. I know damn well they work, because I once wore a set of the heavier beads for half a work day; the next morning I woke up with PC muscles that were sore like ab muscles get sore when you do too many crunches.

I’m trying to think up a good explanation for the type of person Evi would work for as advertised, and I really can’t. Not because I think that Evi isn’t right for anybody; but because it was such a complete and utter fail for me personally. After my third and final time (about 4 hours before writing this) of trying very hard to feel even 1/10th of the love that some people on my Twitter feed profess for Evi, as I pulled the Evi from my vagina I swear it said “thank you” to me and I apologized for putting it through that again. I promised to not do it anymore and it mostly forgave me; some weird unnamed spot in there is still quite tender as I write this.

One final tip if you decide to purchase: Evi, like anything Aneros makes, has a learning curve. You’re not going to achieve tantric orgasmic bliss the first time out (if ever). Be prepared to give it a few tries. Carve out some quiet, alone time. But please, please don’t lay there doing kegels like a bunny on meth for an hour just to reach orgasm or I promise you, you’ll be in pain the next day and do you really want to tell your boss what happened or explain to coworkers in 2 days why you’re still walking funny?

  1. And felt down right ridiculous, like perhaps they put this suggestion in as a joke to make you feel like an asshole after doing it
  2. Again with the ridiculous measures, does anybody get off from that???
  3. And I also piddled a little bit. Yeah I know, I need to work on my kegels
  4. God I was SO TEMPTED to put in Grumpy Cat here but I just did that in the G-Vibe review and thought it would be a bit much
  5. This meant that I was able to use silicone lube on it – again despite the Party Line clucking to not mix the two, if you mix smart and right it can work out just fine. I tried Wet’s plain silicone lube and their hybrid, both worked just fine and didn’t damage the silicone skin on the Evi
  6. And by that I mean top rack, no suds, “sanitize” setting
  7. The fact that they try to claim that one item will fit ALL women very much irks me because it can’t possibly be true – g-spots are not all in the same location, vulvas and clitoris..es? are not all identical…you just can’t make one thing, especially something that is so oddly shaped, and claim that it will indeed fit every person with a vagina
  8. I almost just said “everybody” but then I thought about Tantus who doesn’t try to claim that any of their toys will give you earth-shattering orgasms for everyone, they’re very realistic folks
Feb 022013

In the blink of an eye suddenly the sex toy world was treated to what is possibly a line of the most gorgeous glass dildos – Ever. They are hand blown by a little company out in California who named their line “Fucking Sculptures” and have possibly the best tag line ever: “where sex meets art, then fucks itself.”  From their site: 

Fucking Sculptures are individually made pieces of fine, fucking art. Each piece is hand-sculpted, unique and perfect in its own way; crafted with intentionality and mindfulness to invite pleasure through all the senses. Fucking Sculptures are contrastingly playful and heavy, genderless and gendered, beautiful and crude.

I do have a tiny bit of a control issue when it comes to products like glass dildos because they are usually hand blown – whether it’s done by an artisan or in a factory, there has to be an expected fluctuation in size, shape and color. In the past, all of the glass dildos I’ve reviewed were lackluster. They all were pretty enough, and decent enough, but never truly amazing to look at.  The designs and methods of coloring them were all the same: an internal “flower” or stripe coiling through it or just some sort of something in the center. They were all mostly clear glass with some embellishments. They were also all usually made from borosilicate or Pyrex glass. Crystal Delights is an exception to the lackluster; their products are beautiful, too, but they are not quite the pieces of art that is Fucking Sculptures.

Fucking Sculptures dildos are indeed art. Truly, no two will ever be alike. So while this may cause a little concern for those feel like they need a certain size, you are quite welcome to contact the company and tell them exactly what you need. If you see a style and color that you like but are concerned about the size, Maria from Fucking Sculptures assured me that they’ll find you one that matches your needs as closely as possible. When I was looking at the G-Spoon, I knew I wanted a longer handle. This meant that I would get the Large size. I didn’t fully realize that that would also translate to girth. While the “average” G-Spoon is 1.5″, mine is a little wider. It’s hard to measure though because it’s more oval shaped than round. You’ll also notice that my design is slightly different than the photos on the site. While that little curly tip there at the small end means that mine can’t lay “upright” on it’s own like the ones on the site do, it ended up meaning that I had a very unique double-ended dildo. I’ve used both ends now and loved it. That little curly tip gave me very precise g-spot pressure; in fact I got a little too carried away after my first orgasm and kinda bruised my g-spot for the rest of the night. Oops. At first I thought that the width at the larger end would be too big for me, but it was not. The spoon sort of shape combined with the oval/tongue shaped shaft lent an interesting sensation to the mix….and it also made for some noisy self-fucking for some reason. Perhaps I was aerating my vagina. 

The color of my Sculpture is also a lot different than the photos on the site, and I’m actually ok with that.  I accepted the fact that these are basically art pieces and I was open to the experience. The “gold” color as shown on the site for the G-Spoon looks more amber and seems to show hints of other colors. The Gold that I have is very metallic for most of the dildo. If you are near a light source you can see that the glass is more amber colored all the way through but it seems almost “dipped” in this metallic gold. It’s very cool, and really changes a lot depending on the lighting in the room. When I first showed my husband the room was very dim (we’re cave-dwelling geeks and prefer low lighting at night, very low lighting) and he thought it was actually another Njoy stainless steel toy, the metallic looked more silver because there was no light to refract and pull in colors. You’ll see below in a few photos where I managed to capture a variety of different looks. I don’t know if you’ll see quite as much variety from daylight to indoor lighting in their non-metallic colors but I’m betting you will see some differences. 

Fucking Sculptures has chosen to use soda-lime glass as opposed to borosilicate glass (Pyrex is one brand of that type). Maria says: 

Soda lime glass is old school. It’s also the most common type of glass in use today, but most people are not particularly aware of this. Traditional “glass blowers”  that do all of their work by hand typically use soda lime glass. Basically the only difference between the two types is that soda lime glass is slightly more temperature sensitive. You can compare it to a pint glass. If you were to pour boiling water into a pint glass, it might crack. Same with your Fucking Sculpture. That’s why we try to take particular care to inform people to gradually warm or cool their pieces and not to go suddenly from one temperature extreme to another.

Maria has quite the enviable job. You see, Lee is her life partner and business partner and he is the glass blower. They collaborate on designs and then she gets to go test them! I would love to be able to watch Lee make these, hopefully someday they will have a video up of him making one of the Sculptures. There’s really not a lot else I can say about my particular dildo since your particular Fucking Sculptures won’t look *just* like mine, so I’ll let the photos do the rest of the talking.









Quite honestly the entire line just eclipses any other glass dildo that I’ve ever lusted after. It makes the designs of Icicles from Pipedreams and even Steele Malone look…..pedestrian. Meh. But these? These are just amazing. Currently these are available from the Fucking Sculptures online store, or you can see them in person if you live near Berkeley, California (I think). She-Vibe.com will also carry some of their pieces. 


Thank you Maria and Lee of Fucking Sculptures for providing me with this beautiful piece of fucking art to review! 

Jan 312013


A few years ago a new concept in dildos arrived, called the Split Dildo. The reaction was as split as the sex toy itself. I’ve read polarizing reviews of both adoration and contempt, so when I was asked to review the Funtoys G-Vibe I figured I would land firmly in love or hate. I was a little nervous at first. I expected a lion, however, and got a kitten. 

I’ve never tried the Split Dildo but it seemed that the dildo was not modest in girth, and according to Kara Sutra required quite a bit of pressure to keep the “ears” together and was something you definitely felt. Unfortunately, the G-Vibe is….boring. It looks like a nice luxury vibe; in fact the stylings look a lot like the first Lelo Insignia line. The silicone is even the same as Lelo, with a matte silky finish to it. The buttons are nearly identical to the Lelo Insignia line and the vibrations even remind me of early Lelo and the Insignia Isla – very surface-buzzy and moderate at best. More bark than bite, actually – sure it’s “quiet” but it’s not “nearly silent”, yet even so the noise is more intense than the vibrations. There are two motors, one in each tip. At high speed the vibrations may fool you into thinking that they have potential, if you barely touch the thing, but any pressure at all gives you faux-vibrations. I’ve experienced this before in toys: the Extase Liberte, the original Lelo Tiani, and the Picobong Honi to name a few. It has the sort of vibrations that force you to try the patterns hoping, in vain, that the rapid-fire changing of the motor will give you something that maybe feels like a little more oomph. And in fact the final pattern does. Those staccato every-3-seconds bursts of just enough more intensity end up frustrating you more than anything.  It tells you that the motor might have had the potential to ekk into the realm of rumbly but stopped 2 miles from the border.  Funtoys describes the G-Vibe as having “six modes with changeable intensity from light tremors to intense vibration”. The “intense vibration” part of that statement couldn’t be more wrong. 

Fun Toys G-Vibe - The looped handle makes it easy to hold and the control buttons are well placed. The charging port is shown closed (Top) and open (Bottom)

The “intuitive controls” are just fairly average. An increase button, a function mode button to change between patterns, and a decrease button. Standard. The buttons are in a good place on the handle, maybe that’s what they mean? There is no button-lock feature, either, like Lelo and a few others. Also take note of the fact that the G-Vibe is merely water resistant. This confuses me greatly. The charging port cover is a silicone plug in the hole – a similar design to Lelo and many other makers of luxury vibrators. Hell, the Lelo Tor II has a completely open charging cover and it’s labeled as waterproof! Be that as it may, I’m not one to doubt what a manufacturer says. But if they want to get into the luxury sex toy game, then they need to make it waterproof. It’s one of those features that people who don’t masturbate in the shower/bath (like me) don’t care about but it doesn’t take away from what we DO like; and there are plenty of people out there who do really enjoy their playtime in the water. Speaking of the charging port, you should initially charge the G-Vibe for 8 hours. It’s said that you will get 4 hours on a single charge, but I would imagine that for at least 2 of those 4 hours the vibrations will be greatly decreased from the pittance they already are. 

The ears might look intimidating, especially if you use both of them internally, but they are very very pliable  and soft. In fact, I’m almost willing to say they’re just too wimpy.  The design is flexible and Funtoys thinks that you Fun Toys G-Vibe - Showing how flexible the "ears" are. It takes very little effort to keep them togethercan use this design for lots of various methods of stimulation. But the fact is, the vibrations are not enough and the split portion doesn’t do what it should – which according to their site, it should “create a sensation of fullness without stretching the vaginal entrance” and “Simultaneous stimulation of 2 spots:  G-spot and the opposite side of the vagina” – which, in case you were wondering, the “opposite side of the vagina” spot1 has a real name: perineal sponge. But since the ears are so pliable and the split requires very little pressure to stay closed, I don’t really feel what the company  advertises. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t aroused enough for the PS-Spot to want any attention but the bit of vibrations that I felt on the posterior vaginal wall just made me feel a little like I had to poop. My g-spot requires a decent amount of pressure OR an intense level of thuddy vibrations, neither of which the G-Vibe could ever come close to offering. 

With my skepticism firmly intact I tried to use this as a dual-stimulator in the traditional sense. While the upward-facing ear did actually touch my clitoris, the vibrations, lack of pressure and slim profile meant that I felt very little externally or internally. I decided to go about trying the other suggested uses Funtoys came up with.Sure, it feels slightly different from a straight dildo of the same width, but I don’t feel any sense of fullness nor do I feel enough pressure on either the G-spot or Perineal Sponge to register as anything special in my brain. Despite this, it doesn’t mean that it’s easy to insert. You still have to hold the ears together at the tippy top, you cannot just jam Squidward here into your hole and hope for the best. This maneuvering means, for me, awkward and uncomfortable positioning contortions.  In fact it was damn near impossible for me to insert this. I had to contort and reach to basically shove my fingertips, along with the tips of the vibe, up inside of me to get it started.

Drawn images are property of Funtoys.info

No? Well how about…..

Drawn images are property of Funtoys.info

First of all, my nipples don’t meet up like that. Second, when you try to hold it like oversized chopsticks or the JimmyJane Form 2, something curious happens. It sounds like the same “fatal flaw” that was described by many Form 2 owners – when pressure is applied disproportionately to the two ears OR applied mostly equally and the toy is held handle facing the sky, the vibrators in the ears get kicked out of cycle and almost form their own bizarre pattern. It’s no longer a steady vibration. 

Ok then.

Moving along.

 The G-Vibe comes in 3 colors – if you don’t like pink or purple though, you’re out of luck. The packaging is indeed very lovely to look at, even if it’s not very discreet for storage. When you open up the box the vibe sits in a foam-like cutout – the glue that is used in this bit (my best guess anyway, is glue) has a subtle but offensive odor to me. I can smell it on the vibe despite washing, and I can smell it on the included storage bag. The bag is drawstring and made of white nylon, it feels quite nice. It does have the Funtoys logo, “ft”, which is discreet.  The included charger is USB-only. I enjoy the *option* of USB, but I don’t want it to be the only way. Luckily I have a couple USB-to-wall-plug thingies and that works too. 

 At the end of the day, I just couldn’t get into this sex toy nor would I recommend it. The vibrations would have to be more like the We-Vibe Tango or hell even the Je Joue MiMi for me to even consider recommending it.  Perhaps with truly thuddy-rumbly vibrations that have more power, the stimulation of the G-spot and PS-spot could be felt but as it stands now it was nothing to write home about.  While a few people did seem to enjoy the intense pressure from that Split Dildo, the G-Vibe takes caution to the extreme and instead leaves you wanting something more from the split internal portion. 

  1. Until I did my research on split sex toys, I had no idea about this arousal spot. OF COURSE it must be added to the litany of Alphabet Spots. Most often it is referred to as the PS-Spot.  Sadly in their drawings, Funtoys just lists it as “P” to which I first thought “um….we don’t have a P-spot”.
Jan 282013

ETA: The Comet G is actually growing on me a little. But now they have out a VIBRATING version which I’ve got high hopes for.

Jopen Key Comet Wand

There are glass dildos and silicone dildos, but never have I seen a silicone-covered glass dildo. The Jopen Key Comet G is pretty unique in that aspect. It is a decidedly g-spot dildo and therefore….I (and others) cannot help but compare it to the Njoy Pure Wand. There is no shortage of g-spot targeting sex toys but it seems that the Pure Wand is king of the heap for most reviewers. So when I was told that the Key Comet Wand was just about as good as (or for some, better than) the Pure Wand I had to try it.

My one and only complaint about the Pure Wand is the weight. I’m no spry young thing and I have a disorder that affects muscle strength. It doesn’t take much for my hand and/or wrist to be bothered by the Pure Wand if I’m going at it too long; of course the upside is that orgasms come fast and furious with the Pure Wand. The Key Comet Wand is quite a bit lighter weight than the Pure Wand, but still retains some heft thanks to the glass core. It’s a nice balance.

However, the thing (one of the things) I love best about the Pure Wand is that it is made of stainless steel and I never, ever ever need lube. No matter what. It glides with ease and there is no trouble with insertion. The Key Comet Wand though is covered in a matte silicone that is silky smooth to the touch but has quite a bit of drag during insertion. I actually had to get out my old lube bottle to use the Comet. For once my own wetness wasn’t enough. I’m not a person who normally uses lube; therefore I don’t keep it handy and I’m pretty lazy. The fact that I have to drag it out is a bit of an irk for me.

keycometwandDue to the drag and need for lube, at first I thought that the Comet Wand was bigger than the Pure Wand. The bulbous end of the Comet Wand is the same size as the large end of the Pure Wand (a ball with a max width of 1.5″), but the shaft of the Comet is a little bit wider. This is neither good nor bad but it’s not a huge size. The shaft isn’t the point, anyways, when you’re targeting your g-spot. This isn’t a toy for those who simply want girth.

Let’s Talk About Materials – Silicone AND Glass in One

The unique part about the Key Comet Wand is the combination of two well-loved non-porous materials: glass and silicone. The handle portion is all solid glass and feels very substantial. Jopen says that the Comet is made from durable glass dipped in body-safe silicone. The “dipped in” leads you to believe that it’s mostly glass. I got curious though. I pressed the bulbous tip against the corner of my desk and I was able (although I had to use a lot of pressure) to press in farther than I expected to and farther than I can on the silicone-covered portion of the shaft. I was also able to grab the bulbous head in my hand and move it slightly. My guess is that the glass doesn’t go all the way down and into the bulbed tip.  There are very subtle raised ridges in the design that don’t add anything you can feel, just something visual; the ridges start at the glass handle and appear to continue on down seamlessly through the silicone “dipped” portion.  I have to admit, the geek in me kinda wants to ruin this dildo and take a box cutter to the silicone to determine just how much glass is in the body. I won’t, but I’m really damn tempted.

Of course I must also note that cleaning this dildo isn’t quite as simple as you might think, based on the materials. Normally any dildo made of metal, glass or true silicone can be boiled (carefully) to sanitize. They’re non-porous so technically it doesn’t take much to sanitize but the Comet G cannot be boiled, cannot be put in the dishwasher top rack, etc. It needs to be simply washed in soap and water (a 10% bleach solution if you need it for sharing, a rinse after that please) because of the combination of materials but mostly that Key emblem glued into the handle.

If this g-spot dildo were made entirely of glass, it would turn off the many people who still think that glass sex toys will just shatter inside their Hulk-like vagina. If it were made entirely of silicone, it would lack the balanced weight and heft and firmness. The silicone also gives peace of mind to the glass paranoids and protects from chipping the internal portion. I can also appreciate that they finished the silicone with something similar to Lelo’s Silicone Soft Touch, leaving behind a matte-finish silky feel silicone that doesn’t attract lint, dust or fur. Jopen will tell you to only use water-based lube because of the silicone component, but as I’ve mentioned before, not all silicone lubes (nor silicone sex toys) are created equal. Some will be just fine when combining. I’ve successfully used Wet’s Synergy hybrid lube and their Platinum all-silicone lube on all of my high end dildos and vibrators and never had a problem. I tried it on the Comet and it was just fine. How do you know? Apply a small dab to a portion near the handle or base, depending on the toy. Within a minute, if the two are not compatible, the lube will become gummy. If left on, the silicone of the toy will become sticky and weird, too. This has not yet happened to me with Wet lubes; Metis also recommended Sliquid and Pjur as silicone lubes compatible with Tantus’s Platinum silicone.

The Boring Deets – Colors, Packaging, etc

Comet G comes in 3 terribly predictable colors: a candy-grapey-purple, an old-school-eraser-pink, and a turquoise-y-blue that some might call “robin’s egg” blue. The glass handle is a pastel matching version of the silicone. The glass handle has a sort-of ball end with a bit of a curve to mirror the g-spot bulb; embedded in one side of the curved end is the Jopen Key logo that appears to be actual metal (an alloy mix) rather than Lelo’s “metal” accents which are just metallic-painted plastic. The box is black and whatever color your dildo is; you could use it for storage but it’s not a subtle and sturdy box like many luxury makers go for. You slide off the top portion of the box to reveal a book-style box inside; the Comet G Wand is nestled in foam which has a ribbon tab to lift up where the storage bag and manual is found. The storage bag is made from the same material that We-Vibe uses – a kinda stiff, crinkly water-resistant fabric that feels cheap (unlike the satin that most luxury toy makers use). The storage bag isn’t padded. All in all, I’m not impressed by the packaging or storage bag.

Size Matters

As for size, at first comparison the Comet G and the Pure Wand look really damn similar. When it comes to curved dildos like this though there are two ways to measure, just like there are two ways to measure the distance between two addresses: “As the crow flies” or following the roads. As the crow flies, the two are about the same at 8 inches. But the true tip-to-tip tells another story and shows how much more curved the Pure Wand is: The Comet G is about 9.5 inches where the Pure Wand is a little over 11 inches. The widest width on both is that large bulbed end, at 1.5 inches. But where the Pure Wand is a true double-sided dildo offering you two differently sized ends to use, the Comet G Wand is only usable one way.

cometvspureNow the tip-to-tip length may not seem important at first, but I found after my second use that it does matter to me. As I’ve said in the past I have short arms and a fat buddha belly and the C-curve plus the length of the Pure Wand is about the most ergonomic and easy to use design for me, hands down. The Comet G is mostly C-shaped, but that bulb on the handle tips back in an weird subtle S-shape. The handle tip also is more “fiddlehead fern” than true bulb and I found that it was a lot harder to keep a good grip on it than the Pure Wand. I found myself really need that extra inch and a half and the easier-to-grip bulb of the Pure Wand. While I was indeed able to finally get good g-spot stimulation and orgasm better than most other dildos, the clumsy grip means that I will still reach for the Pure Wand despite it’s heft. Speaking of weight, the Comet G is 9.5 ounces where the Pure Wand is 1 pound 8.75 ounces – nearly a pound heavier.

Final Answer?

I can’t totally discount the Comet G Wand, but I also can’t say that I’d ever recommend it over the Njoy Pure Wand unless you absolutely need something under 1 pound in weight due to arthritis, injuries or muscular disorders – however on the flip side, the handle is a bit more difficult to keep under grasp but I think a creative person could come up with an add-on to the handle to make it larger and easier to grip. Sure, the Comet G is priced a little lower than the Pure Wand (on EF, $90 for the Comet G, $108 for the Pure Wand) so I wouldn’t recommend the Key Comet G Wand as a more affordable alternative to the Pure Wand. There are lots of g-spot options out there, and not everyone likes or needs the firm pressure that I do. Many women have great luck with silicone dildos that to me are barely curved; there are also some decent glass options that have a partial C-curve and pronounced bulbous tip (for example, the B2B G-Spot is plain glass, double-ended, longer than it’s nearly-identical cousins like Amethyst or Bent Graduate and hits a nice median price point of $60).

Jan 232013

LELO Luna Beads NoirAs someone who vastly prefers grey & black to pastel shades, you would think I would love the Luna Beads Noir. After all, one of the very few aspects that I didn’t love about the Luna Beads from the very beginning was the color scheme – kinda practical/clinical/boring. And I admit I do indeed love the look of the Luna Beads Noir. But the thing is, vag balls are not a fashion accessory. Nobody is going to see them. I don’t wear them on my wrist, or loop them around a lanyard. So the only thing that I can think of as to why Lelo produced these, is to capitalized a little more on the Fifty Shades crap. And yes, that is a factor in the production of the Noir beads. I didn’t feel that the Minis were anything to do with the Fifty Shades crap, because I had read numerous reviews in the past where some women stated that the Original Luna Beads were a bit too big to be comfortable for them. But the overpriced singular pair of Luna Noir in their graphite color scheme? Totally Fifty Shades. I even asked Lelo about that aspect and this was the response:

Fifty Shades did have some influence on the creation of Luna Beads Noir, since we had feedback from consumers to make a more sensual version of the world’s best selling sexual wellness product that is more focused on intense foreplay sensations. Luna Beads Noir are smaller for easier insertion and extraction and are a heavier weight compared to our classic version for stronger, more pleasurable sensations.

However, to me, Luna Beads Noir set is a bit of a head scratcher. They come only in one size – the mini size – and just one weight! The heavier weight. If you’ve never used a kegel bead set I wouldn’t recommend jumping right to using the full set of these. I did that once after going a long time without using any kegel exercisers and I actually had sore, overworked PC muscles the next day, akin to overworked abs after doing way more crunches on the first day back to the gym than you really should have attempted. You could use just one bead at first; I would only recommend using one bead though if your kegels are toned, you consider yourself to have a tighter vagina, and truly do not prefer dildos above 1.25″. Otherwise?

You might very well find yourself doing….whatever it is you do whilst wearing fancy Luna Beads…and out of your pant leg rolls your singular Luna Bead.


Anyways. Since I’ve noted that these are the same size as the Minis that I recently reviewed (and did not like) I also wanted to note that Lelo fixed the problem that I and a few others reviewers had with the initial run of the Luna Minis – the inner weighted ball is back to how it should be, covered in rubber to muffle the rattling sound. But just as with the Minis, the issue is that the weighted ball is too large to produce any real noticeable sensations for me. The less room the weighted ball has to move around, the less you’ll feel it. So to me, not only does it fail as a kegel exerciser (which doesn’t seem to be the intended use if I read Lelo’s answer) but it fails as an “intense foreplay” toy. It was really hard to capture this because of how dark the Noir beads plastic is, but you can see pretty well in the photo below how much more “wiggle room” that weighted ball has in the Original set on the left. I couldn’t show this with my set of the Minis because my weighted balls appeared to be a bit smaller due to the lack of a rubberized coating.


The materials are the same, the care instructions are the same as all other Luna Bead sets.

Luna Beads Original vs Luna Beads Noir

Given the price factor I don’t really feel like these are worth the money. I do like the look better; hell I’m the girl who wanted a new Acuvibe because it came in black and to replace my Devine Play Chest because it was out in a black-on-black (instead of my pink-on-black). If Lelo had made the Noir set as simply another color option to the Originals and Minis and kept the whole system the same I’d tell you that it’s just a color preference. But the Original and Mini set both have the graduated 4-ball weight set that I’ve always loved so much, priced at $42.99 (the not-on-sale price at EF). So when I saw that the Noir set, which only included 2 balls, was $35.99 I felt even more reluctant to recommend them. I’ve always preferred the Luna Beads to any other kegel system out there but the Noir set, as it stands, is another story altogether.

Lelo Luna Beads, Noir set feature 1 set of two 37-gram plastic beads held together in a silicone cradleThe Lelo Luna Mini Beads feature a set of two 28-gram and two 37-gram beads is made with FDA-approved and phthalate-free ABS/ silicone.The Original Luna Beads Kegel Exerciser Balls. Two pairs of variably weighted balls and silicone cradle for pelvic exercise