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YAY: A USB-Powered Bullet Vibe! BOO: Picobong Honi

I’ve been talking a LOT about sex toys lately, I know. Bear with me :)

California Exotics USB-Powered E-Sensual Bullet Vibrator

The other day while browsing new additions to EF I stumbled across this bullet vibe from CalExotics that is USB-powered. No, not USB-rechargeable. USB POWERED. I read the reviews, many of which made me a bit irritated so I immediately bought this thing myself just so I could get across one major point:

It can’t be listed as a “Con” (in the Pros and Cons of the review template) if it was never meant to do that by design. No batteries? No suction cup? WTF?

Moving along. A comment made by many people who commented on the previous reviews was “Looks interesting, but I don’t want to be tied to my computer” to which I say: “Why would you buy/consider this then?”¹. If I had no electrical outlets in my house, I wouldn’t even contemplate buying a rechargeable vibrator or a plug-in vibrator. Same same.

Okay, really, moving along.

THIS BULLET IS FUCKING AWESOME. WHERE HAS IT BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE?!?! And by whole life I mean “while I was working at my old job and used to jerk off at my desk a LOT“. I can’t even tell you how many times I would run out of batteries there; this would have solved the problem 100%. Now that I no longer am in that situation one would think that this vibrator wouldn’t be as useful to me, but you’d be wrong. I have to admit that the place I most frequently masturbate these days is at my desk. In fact I only leave my desk if I require the use of a different toy or want to use my Pure Wand (it works better for me if I’m laying down). Otherwise I sit here with a trusty bullet vibe tucked down in my panties / whatever I’m wearing while I browse my Tumblr porn and read hot blog entries and so on; I usually have a very lovely hands-free orgasm.

That is, of  course, until I run out of AAA batteries for my Black Magic bullet vibrator. But no more! The E-Sensual bullet vibrator is REALLY powerful. It’s so powerful that the rumbly-ness of the first level becomes a touch buzzy at the top speed (which is like, whoa, some days even I can’t take it) but it’s still getting me off fabulously. It has 3 patterns and, perhaps because of the rumbly and the intensity, I actually like and use the patterns. I know, right, who am I?!?

The argument of “I don’t want to be tied to my computer” doesn’t hold water for anyone willing to A: Shell out another $10 and who B: has a smartphone. My phone came with this nifty wall charger that actually has a USB-toMicro-USB cable. I removed that cable and plugged in the bullet vibe and IT WORKED. It was also even more powerful, if that’s possible. I haven’t gotten an answer yet from CalEx if this is bad for the toy. Then I did some thinking and remembered that my Bluetooth headset came with a mini USB-to-Micro-USB cable and a car charger that you plugged the USB end into. Voila! You can use your E-Sensual vibe in the car now! So we have computer/laptop, wall outlet, and car charger. ETA: I bought all the necessary cables and USB gender-changer adapters just to find out that it won’t run off of your smartphone’s micro-USB port. Sad, but oh well. We still have extension cables, wall outlets and car chargers! 

If you jerk off at your computer, just buy the damn bullet. For the minor faults that I wrote about in my onsite review it is still utterly worth it for folks like me. And it’s affordable. Even with the cables and accessories. (The cable is a bit short for many desktop computer users but again you can buy an extension cable for like less than $6 on Amazon.)

PicoBong: A line of cheap toys that are about as disappointing as I expected

To be fair I’ve only tried one but let’s be real here: I only need to try one. Epiphora and SugarCunt confirmed that the annoying Kiki ² is cute but weak and disappointing. Which is exactly what the Picobong Honi is: Stupidly designed, surface-buzzy as hell and not very strong. I knew this before I bought it. I did. But again, I think I wanted it just so that I could write a review that didn’t focus on using the goddamned thing internally. I mean seriously, why would you once you see the controls?? Just because it has a “retrieval cord”? Just because Picobong stupidly claims it can be used internally? If they meant for it to be used internally, why oh why would they put the control buttons on the side of the bullet? Is this suddenly now a game to see if you can clench your PC muscles enough and in the right location to change the vibration while it’s inside of you? Wow. Dumb. If they hadn’t actually said on their awful site that it was an external bullet it wouldn’t be quite so bad. They say you should set it and then insert it (duh). So if you wanna change it up, you have to take it out, covered in fluids, and change it? Riiiiight. And the indented PicoBong name and buttons are a bitch and a half to get clean. The cap also is really, really difficult to get on straight and tight enough for me to believe that it really is waterproof. I don’t see an o-ring. I turned it on and dropped it in a sink of water. At first I thought it was dead because I saw no ripples in the water (and it wasn’t very deep). But no, it was running. After a few minutes I took it out and dried it off, opened that cap and sure enough there was some moisture.

What do you get when Lelo tries to create something “affordable” for the younger crowd? You get a box that’s flimsier than the cheapest toy companies and a battery-operated poorly-designed dud. Lelo seems to be intent on never offering anybody any real stimulation to write home about. OH! And just to make you feel better about spending the money on this thing they’ve included a FUN DICE! (Die? Singular?) It has vague images of their various toys on it instead of numbers or anything. Which is…..I….I don’t even know. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing? Do they intend for it to be like Pokemon and we collect the entire line of crap and then roll the dice to come up with our playtime rotation? Because each one will come with the same damn die so you’ll then have half a dozen worthless dice. So you’re holding this thing and wondering what the fuck to do with it. You go to their website and you find where they talk about it, finally, and first you find a Pacman-like game on the site (yawn) and then somewhere (I can’t even find it now) there’s a “So what do I do with this die?” FAQ questions and their answer is “We were hoping you’d tell us!”

*headdesk*

The whole site irritates the shit out of me. Everything about it. Everything about the toys. ENOUGH WITH THIS “C-SPOT” shit! And to top it off, the toys are still overpriced for what they are. In fact, here’s one for $20 that’s probably better, but similar concept and design.

So there you go. One post, two bullet vibes, polar opposites. The CalEx (I know I’m almost choking endorsing something by them) E-Sensual USB Bullet Vibrator is fucking awesome; while the PicoBong by Lelo Honi Bullet Vibrator is an annoying piece of junk.

 

Post sponsored by: EdenFantasys (What this means), a sex toy store

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Ask Lilly: What’s the strongest G-spot vibrator?

Recently a reader happened across my review for the Jopen Vanity VR6 where I said that the internal portion of the dual-stimulator was THE STRONGEST vibrator I’d ever had the pleasure of feeling inside of me and it suddenly changed my views on internal vibrators. Of course, I’m still not going to like anything that’s not as strong as the VR6, but I can see why women do like internal vibrations now (I never did before, I guess I require more power there, too. Lovely).

Said reader asked if this was true, if the VR6 really and still was the most powerful g-spot vibrator and I still say yes: But the only drawback is that it isn’t just a g-spot vibrator, it’s a dual-stim rabbit style vibrator and if you don’t enjoy the clitoral portion then it does take away from the awesomeness a bit. Fair reader had tried out g-spot attachments for the Hitachi Magic Wand, knowing that the Hitachi is pretty fucking powerful but found out that all that power at the head doesn’t really translate to the same amount of power when it has to travel through solid silicone attachments. Powerful? Sure. Enough? Not for us.

So in order to give her some more choices I did my research and found this bit on the PowerBullet site, saying that all their PowerBullets and toys that use them are powerful but that two toys stand out as having a little more oomph. The VR6 is one such toy. The other one is a smaller massage-style vibe. I remember when I snagged another Jopen Vanity vibrator, the VR2, I hoped to find the exact same internal power without the clitoral arm to get in the way. And I was let down. But I know, now, that the VR6 is a unicorn. It’s rumbly and so powerful and so so good that it kind of removes your ability to speak.

BMS Enterprises, maker of the PowerBullet: I implore you and fellow toy makers to please, please make a plain g-spot-only vibrator with the power of the Vanity VR6. PUHLEAASSE. I’ll worship you.

All that being said, I also advised her to get the Pure Wand. I know, it’s not a vibrator. But in the absence of the VR6 I will choose the Pure Wand any day over any internal vibrator because it has the ability to stimulate my g-spot like nothing else. But hey, you knew that already if you’ve been around here for very long!

And don’t forget, their promotion is still going on so you can get this stuff on sale – the VR6 would qualify for 30% off!

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Sweet Embrace (by Evolved) Vibrator Review

Fed up with lackluster “luxury” sex toys I turned a curious eye to the Evolved Novelties brand. I’d recently written product descriptions for pretty much all of their line and while many would have appealed to me a lot more about 5 years ago some of them still give me pause. I don’t judge a toy on how much it costs, learning that harsh lesson from too many over-priced under-whelming vibrators. I settled on the Sweet Embrace, frankly, because of the combination of girth and supposed power. The fact that it has 7 functions and a dual motor were secondary. The shape of it overall and the size of the larger end also reminded me of a wooden dildo I love, the NobEssence Seduction.

When I first tried out the toy I thought it was broken. It acted like a defective product – the power button was all wonky, it would turn on and then stop, I wasn’t able to find the straight vibration and then I wasn’t able to turn it off. Tried another set of batteries, same thing. Ready to return it to EdenFantasys for a new one I tried a last-ditch effort with a pair of absolutely positively brand new batteries. Success! Turns out, if your batteries are lower on juice than you thought….the vibrator doesn’t know what to do with half-assed battery juice and just goes all random. Defective product? Probably not. High quality product? Probably not. So I have kept my original item.

The Sweet Embrace is marketed as a G-Spot vibrator. Therefore, meant to be inserted. The dual motors (and yes, there is a motor at each end) and their product description indicate that both ends are suitable for insertion depending on your size preference. But man that’s a big jump! The smaller end has a max width of just barely an inch while the big end has a max width of 1.75 inches. But here’s the other problem – it’s short. Which at first I didn’t think would be a problem. After all, the g-spot is located anywhere from 1-3 inches up the front vaginal wall so a maximum insertable length of 3-ish inches should be enough to do the trick. If you don’t want the button actually inside of you (being right at your entrance isn’t much better though) then the insertable lengths are a bit less than stated in the description on the site.

The bigger end appealed to me more but after insertion I figured out why this won’t work: the power button faces your ass and by the time you insert it so that it is more comfortable, with the widest portion resting back on your g-spot, the button is either right at your entrance or just inside of you. *blinks* Ok, fine. I don’t give a hang about the functions and we all know I only care about the top speed so I don’t need to hit that button, but many users might. The thinner end at least has the button facing your clit but the thinner end is also a bit shorter. The button remains buried in flesh. Luckily it is a silicone button with a raised power symbol on it so it is slightly better to push when it’s all wet but it’s a bitch to get to no matter how you slice it.

Ok so what about using it for clit stimulation, instead? It’s powered by 2 AAA batteries,  a fact that some of you may scoff at. I didn’t think anything of it, since my two favorite bullets are powered by 2 AAA batteries and they are gorgeously rumbly and powerful. I have read reviews that say that the Sweet Embrace is buzzy; for once I disagree. It’s a lower-pitched vibration, it isn’t itchy; it’s certainly more rumbly and powerful than the Lelo Tiani, Isla, or Mia; more rumbly than the Bnaughty bullet, the G-ki or Zini Roae; but certainly less powerful and deep than the Vanity VR6‘s insertable portion. I pretty much need the power and depth of vibration provided by the VR6 to make my g-spot give a shit about vibrations. But the power of the Sweet Embrace just isn’t quite enough for me to use as a clit vibrator. The larger end seems to be more powerful (so if you were thinking about enjoying more pin-point, forget that). With fresh batteries and on top speed the larger end could give me a clitoral orgasm if I’m willing to wait a little longer – I can get off with less power if the motor is rumbly enough and this is rumbly enough (the smaller end I might classify as more buzzy, though). I’ve figured out though that because of the dual motors, each motor is powered by one of the batteries. One goes into the smaller end, one the bigger end and you screw it together. If you were able to shut off one of the motors (since you can’t possibly use both at the same time because it is S-shaped, not C-shaped) and have the power of both batteries this would be much more to my liking. Plus if you are holding the larger end you’ll be distracted/irritated by the vibrating handle.

Many reviewers said that when used externally, the Sweet Embrace is quite noisy – it can be. The problem is that the motor, like in many bullets, is sensitive to angle. At certain angles it suddenly goes very rattly and loud. That effect is lessened when it is firmly grasped, inserted or otherwise “steadied”. I’ve actually been sitting here writing this review, clothed, with the larger end on my clit; because of the S-shape the vibrator can be more vertical rather than say pointing outwards like a unrestrained hard cock. Because the smaller end (which I find is more susceptible to the rattles) is firmly against clothing and the larger end is pressed firmly to flesh it isn’t very loud. Granted I’m in a room with two running computers so it isn’t total silence in here but I can barely hear the thing. If I change it to one of the pulsating functions then it gets more noisy because there are a few functions in which the strongest pulse is stronger than the top steady setting. Irritating, because I know it had the potential to be that strong but they chose not to. If I go to move it though it does get louder without the pressure around it.

Will I actually use this as intended, as a g-spot vibrator? Nope. Only because it lacks the power I need for me to really feel that internally. BUT I do quite like the fat end’s shape – that pronounced bulb lends a different g-spot-only quality as opposed to a dildo that is 1.75 inches around the whole thing. This bulb design offers the girth I want for easier massage of my g-spot but with a tapered neck so that my vaginal opening isn’t being stretched. Sometimes I want that stretched feeling all over and sometimes I don’t. I can see myself using this as a dildo. The more I think about it, this might be a pretty decent travel toy – keep the two halves unscrewed and the batteries elsewhere and it’s decently portable. Combined with my bullet on my clit and using this as a dildo I’d get off wonderfully. With this as my only toy I’d have to alternate between g-spot pressure and a long, slow climb to a clitoral orgasm (which means I’d have to be sure to keep a spare set of batteries on hand) but it’s doable. Is this a perfect toy? Definitely not. But I don’t think it will go unused. Which is a lot more than I can say for the last 4 luxury vibrators I’ve tried.

Don’t like pink? Evolved also makes this exact same toy in black but markets it to men as a prostate massager, the Provoke. I don’t think this would be a good prostate toy, though. Inserting the smaller end is safe because of the larger end, but inserting the larger end then means you have no flared base for safety. So there you have a fat, vibrating handle to hold, a max insertable length of less than three inches and a definite certainty that the button will be covered in lube and will require thorough toothbrush scrubbing to get it really clean. Oh and as I figured out, the button is actually the lesser of two evils for cleaning. See that raised crap there? WTF is that. It’s not even a logo. Anyways it is a bitch to clean. It requires a toothbrush for that bit.

• 3 speeds, 4 pulsating functions
• Waterproof (although using it in the bathroom would be stupid, IMO, if you’re at all concerned about noise levels)
• ABS hard plastic (silky, matte finish as opposed to shiny and slick) – click here for cleaning and lube info
• Single button – push to turn on to low steady, then it will move through the other 6 settings. To turn it off, you must press and hold the button for 4 seconds
• Rumbly vibrations that are moderate but pleasurable
• Travel-friendly if you leave the two halves unscrewed
• Give it a helping hand: Use fresh AAA batteries by Duracell or Energizer in their “more power for high drain devices” type (which are, yes, more pricey). Try a warming lube or one that stimulates the g-spot or clitoris if you’re like me and not an easy O. 

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Lelo Tiani Review – from the Lelo SenseMotion Insignia Line

Sexforums.com contacted me last month to see if I’d be willing to do a review for Lelo’s newest addition (the Lelo Tiani) to coincide with their giveaway. Having already reviewed the Lelo Isla, their first line of “ultra premium” Insignia sex toys (and been one of the few people who couldn’t find much good to say about it) I was skeptical. But I was terribly curious about this SenseMotion thing and dying to see if a company like Lelo could be the one to pull off a remote controlled vibrator that actually worked. Believe me, I really wanted the Lelo Tiani to work out despite my jaded skepticism.

 

Between vibrating panties and wireless remote control vibrators there’s already plenty on the market that mainly don’t work very well. Whether the complaint is that they lack power/intensity, or the wireless remote’s connection to the vibe is wonky at best and doesn’t live up to the range distance claims, or that the remote is so simple the wielder has no idea if the toy is buzzing away for the other person and at what level – they’re all largely a waste of money and are all pretty expensive. This wireless stuff is pricey business.

Click here to read the rest of this review

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Review: “Divine Diva” Plus Size Strap-on Harness by Sportsheets

When it comes to choosing a strap-on harness for yourself, especially when purchasing adult toys online where you can’t feel the material, “confusing” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Confusion is compounded if you’re larger than a size 16/18 (US sizing there). Many harnesses give a waist measurement and a leg opening measurement but they forget one crucial thing about women of all sizes: we don’t all have flat stomachs. Your body shape and where you carry your weight factors heavily into choosing a harness AND how it will fit on your¹ body²

My very first experience with a strap-on harness also coincided with my first pegging experience and my first real BDSM experience as being the top. Let’s just say that there was much failure in all aspects – the least of which was that I did not fit into the harness and I was too embarrassed to tell the (thankfully blindfolded) guy this. Not to mention that it was difficult to get the thing on.

There are two main styles for strap-on harnesses: G-string and Jock. Both have waist straps; g-string covers you much like a pair of panties and goes up the crack of your ass. Jock style has leg straps that connect from the bottom of the dildo base section and run up to the waist strap in the back, and those straps hug your thigh crease. Jock style allows for complete access to the wearer’s genitals but for some it can be a little bit more confusing to get into at first. The Diva Harness by Sportsheets is supposedly made with larger women in mind – not just that it expands to a very big size (up to 84″ waist) but they claim that the wider waist straps are plus-size friendly, and the fact that the waist strap adjustment “ladder locks” (think backpack strap adjustors) are at the back and protected with a layer of padding in between them and your skin means more comfort as well. The thinner leg straps also are meant to well….sink into your curves better and not chafe/gouge as opposed to thicker straps(? I don’t know how wide vs thin straps fare, never tried anything else). The front pad is completely soft and plush and so it bends with you (unlike “latigo leather” harnesses which are generally stiff).

At first when I tried it on, the padded section sat more on my stomach than where I’d want it to sit – which would be right over my pubic mound. The second time I tried it on I was able to adjust it and put that padded section underneath my belly so that the base of the dildo would mostly be pressing against the top of my vulva and my clitoris might receive some pressure (for those women with less prominent outer labia and more prominent clits, you’ll receive even more stimulation from a harness if the dildo base hits you there).

There is a downside to this harness being able to fit such a wide range of women – it could be made to fit smaller women, as well – and that is the excess straps. Ideally when you have a harness it is yours and yours alone – so trimming the nylon webbing straps so that you don’t have 2 feet of them dangling down is an option. Except that if you trim them too much the webbing might very well come out of the plastic ladder locks when you loosen everything when it’s time for the harness to be removed. You could somehow tuck the excess webbing strap back into the leg and waist bands of the harness but that cuts down on comfort a lot. Dangling straps get in the way and do not look sexy; you will not at all look like the model on the box if you leave the excess straps dangling, lol. Then again, the model on the box isn’t what I’d ever call “plus-size”; it’s like looking at buying a size 20 dress when it’s modeled by a size 4.

While this harness does come with 3 various-sized rubber o-rings to fit many dildo sizes, the straps that hold the o-ring in place have one issue: there’s only three of them. Ideally there would be four points – 10 and 2 and 8 and 4 if we’re looking at a clock. With this one the third strap goes straight down to 6 o’clock. Why does this matter? Well, four straps are always going to be more sturdy than three if you are using a larger/heavier dildo. And if you happen to use dildos that are more “realistic” and have balls, you won’t be able to use those with a 3-strap o-ring base. This Beginner Harness has the 4 straps, the ability for the padded section to be removed (for use with a Feeldoe or more skin contact, etc but is only moderately plus-sized, fitting “up to 60″  which means it may or may not work for you if you’re right at that 60″ line or a few inches below, depending on how you wear it)

This isn’t the prettiest harness out there. It’s not bad-ass masculine leather with shiny studs, it’s not pretty leather with laces, there is no femme-y corset style adjustment in the back – It’s plain, it’s androgynous and it’s styled for moderate comfort.

Enough about the specs and looks: How does it perform?

I will admit that I wasn’t able to use this on a willing warm body. Instead I employed my husband’s now-neglected Fleshlight. I don’t actually own many silicone dildos with bases that are harness-compatible so I first used the Tantus Silk Medium (with the Fleshlight) and then out of curiosity I tried out the Greta that I reviewed long ago. With a 1″ diameter, the Silk Medium had some wiggle room left in the smallest rubber o-ring. It seemed to fare alright, though. At the same time I used one of my trusty corded bullet vibes – if I were the wearer I’d want something buzzing on my clit, personally – just to see what would happen with thrusting and base contact. Even with my very full outer labia to help keep it in place, the fact that the base of the dildo still hit just above my clit meant that the bullet was pushed down from the top and kept sliding out of perfect position. The solution in my eyes would be to cut a slit in the outer fabric of the plush base, the side that rests against you, and fashion a snug pocket for your bullet to sit in. Hem/stitch the cut edges I guess so that the fabric doesn’t tear or degrade when you wash the harness (yes, it can be washed). Now mind you, I didn’t try this out yet but I think I will. Please think hard before altering a $50 harness of your own :)

So what about the nylon webbing, did it cut into me? Yeah, most notably the leg straps. Did I have them too tight? Maybe. Since they attach to the front piece at the very bottom pulling the leg straps pulls the front piece down more. I thought I needed more stability, but the straps were then so low (or far back depending on how you look at it) that it would have been a little bit cumbersome for someone else to use a toy inside me. Also, because the leg straps were snug in the standing position it meant that in a wide-spread fucking stance the straps dug in something fierce. I still had red marks an hour afterwards. 

When I tried the harness with the Greta I’d wanted to see how it would hold up to a large, heavy dildo. That one is 2″ (2.25″ at the head) and the rubber o-rings do have some stretch so I was able to get the o-ring on but it wasn’t easy. Keep in mind then you also have to get the straps for the o-ring in between the ring and the dildo. Again, not easy. The weight of Greta pulled down on the soft front piece, especially at the very top. It probably wouldn’t work very well in use but I can’t say that for certain. 

The o-ring snaps can be cumbersome, so it’s best to switch the dildos when you’re not wearing the harness (or have your partner attempt to do it for you). If you have anything other than a flat belly it’s probably just too frustrating to do while wearing it yourself. As you can see below, the snap is underneath, not on top. The bit of nylon webbing that you can grab to pull the snap is very small – slippery fingers or a difficult snap will make things frustrating. The bottom snap on mine was very hard to open up for some reason.

The harness might look confusing at first when it’s laid out but it’s simpler than it looks. Your legs go in between the front pad and the thin leg straps. Pull on the straps (don’t angle the strap out, pull straight from the ladder lock) to snug it up a bit. Then position the leg straps so that they rest in the crease where thigh meets hips and ass. You might want to alternately snug up the waist straps and the leg straps to gradually get it into position. Grab the waist straps and pull them from your hip line straight out in front of you. To release the straps for taking it off or readjusting, take the outer “lip” of the plastic ladder lock and pull it away from your body. That allows the strapping’s tension to ease up so it can be pulled through the ladder locks, which is quite quick and easy actually.

It’s not a bad harness – it’s great for plus-size beginners who don’t have access to real stores where they can feel and maybe even try on over clothing. It’s affordable without being cheaply made or horribly uncomfortable. If you are in the market for a harness and would like to know anything else about this one, feel free to email me with questions. I know how difficult it is to read a review and have any idea if it’s going to work with your size or body shape.

 

Thanks to MyPleasure for giving me this harness in exchange for my very honest review!

     

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