Nov 102009
 

As I predicted, my body didn’t appreciate the weekend antics. I’m still recovering from it physically and mentally. But also I’m feverishly trying to find the theme I want for the self-hosted e[lust] site. I basically want exactly what I’m currently using for the blog, but with the ability to more easily customize some aspects. Oh just download the theme from the developer directly, you say? Yeah, tried that. It’s not quite the same and almost less customizable unless I want to tweak the stylesheet and I just don’t have the patience.

I really don’t have as many sightseeing photos as I did last year because extenuating circumstances prevented me from seeing and doing a lot of what I planned on. And in fact….I don’t think I even have a photo of me all dressed up for the party. Not like I don’t still have the outfit, I do, but a posed after-thought photo just isn’t quite the same. I’ve got a lot to write about; people I met and things we did. In time though, soon, I promise.

So I’ll leave you with a couple of the better photos from the weekend.

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Oct 062009
 

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I’m sure that the majority of my readers don’t qualify for this, being not a girl or not fat. But I think some of you might appreciate this. I urge you to re-post this (include that link to the original author’s article, plzthx) AND and and and! Most Important! Take a deep breath and take a sexy photo of yourself. Something like mine up there. Don’t hide behind massive cropping for this, but feel free to do what you need to feel sexy. That picture there? More deleted attempts than I care to admit before I got a good shot – and it’s taking a big deep courageous breath to hit the Publish button. If you want help, email me. If you do this, let me know and I’ll put a link up to your post at the end of this one. Come on, don’t leave me hangin here ladies, join me in being a Hot Fat Girl! The rest of you folks can support us and cheer us on.

This Hot Fat Girl Revolution is not my idea, I found this article and the manifesto that Zoe wrote for herself and all Hot Fat Girls. Go read the article in it’s entirety, it gives some background on why Zoe wrote this.

I underlined the parts that really resonated with me personally. Right now I’m trying to find clothes for the Calendar launch party in NYC in a month. While I’m sure very few will pay as much attention to what I’m wearing as I think they will, I still need to *feel* sexy and like I belong in NYC (rather than the sticks of Nowheresville). And finding appropriate clothes has been DAMN hard. I resorted to doing my shopping online. That’s pretty hit-or-miss; moreso when the trendier sexy pieces are “Jr Plus” for the younger girls and a 1x in Jr Plus is about two sizes smaller than a 1x in the rest of plus-size world. I got my top, which is sleeveless, and it’s pretty good albeit shedding glitter like Tinkerbell. I’d prefer it to be a little roomier in the tummy, but that’s what Spanx is for. Since it’s sleeveless I got a shrug/bolero thingie to go over, but it’s too plain and too short in the back. It’ll be going back and I’ll need to find another one more appropriate. I’ve got fingers and toes crossed that the skirt and crinoline petticoat are arriving soon and, more importantly, will fit.

I have to shop online because nearly all brick-and-mortar stores have a teeny tiny (ironic, no?) plus-size section. Maybe 1/10th the clothing as “regular” size, if we’re lucky. Which is damn ridiculous seeing as how nearly 2/3 of American women have a BMI of over 25 (that starts the “overweight/obese” ranking) and 1/2 of those women are into the “obese” category with a BMI of over 30. Now, I don’t know what clothing sizes that correlates to for the “overweight” category but I do know that obese=plus-size. So why are we treated like lepers in most clothing/department stores?

I am trying my best to say “Just because I’m fat doesn’t exclude me from being sexy”, I’m not being an advocate for each and every bullet point below because I didn’t write it. If you take issue with it, go take issue to the author of the list.

By Zoe Whittall (for shamelessmag.com)

BECAUSE being a hot fat girl is a lot of work and is undervalued or unrecognized.
Because a fat girl still has to pay more money for uglier clothes or spend 11 hours at the thrift store to find anything hot to wear.
Because if you take the elevator people think you’re lazy but if you’re on the treadmill people laugh.
Because men like John Goodman and Bernie Mac get to have careers on television but most sitcom moms of three still have size-two waists.
Because even feminist magazines publish fat-phobic articles under the guise of it being a “health issue.”
Because anti-capitalist activists still use expressions like “fat capitalist pig.”
Because girls are dieting at the age of nine.
Because side effects of the most popular diet drugs are seizures, heart failure, fecal urgency, breast cancer, lung disease, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, dangerously high blood pressure, abnormal heartbeat, psychosis, strokes, hallucinations and sudden death.
Because the Cooper Institute’s ongoing study of 30,000 people has found that those who are fittest live the longest, no matter what they weigh.
Because the doctor who said that there were 30,000 “obesity-related” deaths each year received over $2 million in research funding from Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers.
Because that study prompted the FDA to approve Phen-Phen and Redux.
Because fat hatred is a money-making industry.
Because fat people who exercise live longer than thin people who don’t.
Because if you lose weight ’cause you’re sick people tell you how great you look.
Because hatred is so ingrained in every single one of us, especially inside the heart of even the hottest fat girl.
Because even the most progressive people don’t talk or write about it.
Because I am tired of being ignored, invisible, de-sexualized and told that I have such a pretty face.
Because it’s not fat that kills, it’s fear of fat.**

For all that and more I am a part of the HOT FAT GIRL REVOLUTION!

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Feel free to use this sidebar banner on your blog and link back to this post or your post to show that you’re in the Hot Fat Girl Revolution! If you are just a supporter of us Hot Fat Girls you can use it too and link back to this post.


Yay, the first fellow Hot Fat Girl has joined me :) Go say hello to Lilikka!

Ashley has posted some pics and put in her thoughts, please go visit her!

For a really good read on the first point in that list up there from a hot girl who’s blog is all about being a hot fat girl, please go read Shannon’s thoughts

My good friend, BadBadGirl, put up her Hot Fat Girl photo – the one that boosts her confidence and spirits on bad days

Dani has joined in and posted her Hot Fat Girl photo and thoughts!

Vanilla Kinks has put up her photo and post, please go show her some love! She’s busting myths that seem to follow all fat people around like a dark cloud.

Sexaholic BBW finally got her butt around to participating and posting a photo, hehe. Go check her out!


Now I know that “fat” isn’t the only category of women who have a hard time. The other end of the scale does, too. So if you’re a Hot Skinny Girl and want to write a similar manifesto, please do! And let me know about it!

Visit Amy to read about the Hot Skinny Girl side of the coin


EDIT: Thanks to Mr. Common Sense from Illinois, I now have to completely fuck up the flow and aura of this post and what it is supposed to represent. There are ALOT of very valid points up there in that list but Mr. Common Sense chose to start a goddamn debate on a post asking for SUPPORT. If you’d like to further debate the 1 point out of nearly 20 that Zoe wrote, whether you’re in agreement with or disagreement with Mr. Hijacker, that’s a debate for another time, another post and who knows maybe even another blog. But most definitely not this post, ok? My house, my rules. “Public” blog or not.

**I don’t fully agree with every single reason listed and I will say that this one deserves a caveat. Yes, fat can kill. Excessive fat can be very unhealthy and exacerbate other diseases that kill. But fat alone doesn’t necessarily always kill. Fat does not always equal unhealthy. Fat does not always equal healthy. This is all I will say on the matter, and I expect you to respect it and do the same.

Sep 192009
 

I’ve been spending a good bit of time lately on a couple of sexy forums/bulletin boards. (No, I’m not saying which ones, protecting my privacy a bit) Between posting and sharing pics (99% of them are ones you guys have seen, don’t worry) it’s been a big help to my feeling “flawed”. All your supportive comments kicked me out of my foxhole and I landed right in the thick of things. It’s also been a boost to my libido and writing creativity, so expect to see a few more fiction pieces soon. These places are wonderful for me to re-connect with my exhibitionist/voyeur roots and indulge my fetishes for those. Will I go so far as to get on cam or audio for a whole chat room to see? That’s still undecided.

I’ve started using my vibe again at work – but sadly, I cannot find my wooden dildo that I used to love to use in tandem. It’s here somewhere….in the clutter and piles…

So since the following pic got such good reception, I’ve decided to post it here too. I’m finding that there’s a lot more men who appreciate a woman of my size than I realized. Pity that most are not in my area, lol. Also a pity that the women I’m drooling over (who are returning the interest) are not in my area. It has reignited my absolute utter need to find a female sex partner. NEED.

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Here I go again, being dangerous and bad. Don’t worry, you’ll hear all about it.

Aug 302009
 

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Happyland is my new name for Maryland. We had a “honeymoon lite” this weekend, just 24 hours and it was most decidedly not enough. The bayside town we go to is a spot where his family owns a little place; for a while there we went every year but due to being newly moved, more poor and less time off from work we had to forgo our week-long summer escapes there these last two years.

It’s always nice to go back; in a way it feels like going home. Is it sad that we (especially me) were super duper excited to see that they put in a new (and huge and wonderful) Target closer to our town? Some places on the eastern shore are a good 20-30 minute drive to “civilization” and chain stores (or farther!). The new Target means that decent shopping is now a little bit closer AND we no longer have to go to Wal-mart for non-grocery things. We bought dessert there – Target has a food brand called Archer Farms and a lot of their things are quite good. We got a Tiramisu from the frozen section and we were very pleasantly surprised! The filling part isn’t as thick and pudding-like as mine, but it was really tasty and even better than some I’ve had in restaurants!!! Another reason we love Maryland is that somehow the roads there are far, far superior than Pennsylvania. It doesn’t matter which highway we are on to get into Maryland (so far it’s been 4 different ones), the moment you officially cross state line the road changes. From pale, crappy, cracked, riddled with potholes and untold amounts of tar patching to smooth and hassle-free. It’s sad, really. Even the median and the shoulders are far superior. And, of course, the drivers are better for the most part.


Dinner was divine, at one of our favorite local seafood places. After dinner we took our usual drive to one of our spots; I had an urging for beach glass. It’s a bit of an obsession with us on the last couple trips and we’ve gotten a decent collection from various beaches in the eastern shore area. No red glass, sadly, and only two little pieces of dark blue glass but the rest is quite pretty. This was our haul from one of the nearby little beaches. I guess “beach” is a bit misleading – more like “bit of shore with some sand and shells and rocks for about 100 yards”. But we like it.

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We love this place so much and don’t spend nearly enough time there, that I’ve got a bit of vacation drop after a mere 24 hours. Really really don’t wanna go back to work tomorrow.


As soon as Drew, my dealer and enabler, firms up a few details for me I will announce a sex toy giveaway contest that I’m really excited for. And I already have my HNT pic (or pics, we’ll see) for this week because last week I wore a top I hadn’t ever noticed is so thin that it’s see-through in certain lighting. Oops!

Jul 182009
 

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Before I discovered smut on the internet, I discovered erotic books. I have such a vivid imagination that I can see the scene in my mind as I read; my own private movie. It is something that is a big bonus to my erotic fiction writings. Text and words have always aroused me more than images (usually). My favorite reads for arousal have always been of the short story anthology variety. Everyone’s taste is different so there’s always the inevitable few stories that do nothing for you. The rest of them usually make up for that. But if you enjoy reading my blog and you get off to my written words, then no sextoy shopping trip would be complete without picking up a hot book to take to bed with you. It can be for an indulgent night alone, and it can be used to prime yourself for your partner. Read it aloud, even. Involve them.

There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to review this book. Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists (edited by Alison Tyler and Rachel Kramer Bussel) is a title that is so obviously meant for me. Indeed, many of these stories have aroused me to the core and have given me ideas.

The characters vary widely in this collection of 20 stories. Predominantly hetero with a couple token lesbian stories and a few bisexual females thrown into the mix. Some stories are about characters who are purposely being exhibitionists and some are accidental exhibitionists. There are the tales of shy, lonely late bloomers secretly listening or watching.


I set out to read one evening, settled comfortably into bed with various toys at the ready. Wearing nothing but a bedtime t-shirt I snuggled under the comforter and began. The first story seemed familiar (it is indeed in another anthology I own) but is honestly one of my favorites.

….the second she’d seen the picture window facing the apartment across the alley, her mind had turned to the idea of taking her clothes off in front of it, and the deal was closed.
~Curtain Call, Thomas S. Roche

Our heroine masturbates in front of this window without knowing if anyone is even home in the apartment across the way. And right at the outset, I was wet. Raptly engrossed in my reading, my lips parted and tongue running along the inside of my lower lip, I read and wanted to be her. I’ve done what I could in the arrangement of my apartment but the best was merely an open window and a vocal orgasm. My index finger lazily grazed circles over my hardening clit by the time I neared completion of this story.


…The water streamed over our heads and I drifted on a mist of steam, a storm gathering in the pit of my stomach.I was just starting that smooth glide to a deep come when I heard a thin cry float above Taylor’s labored grunts.
~A Flash of Gold, Radclyffe

This lesbian story in the setting of a college dormitory shower made me want to go back to college – just not the one I went to. The college I attended did not have large multi-shower rooms meant to be shared by the floor. Instead we only shared our shower with the adjoining room. Perhaps an arrangement like the dorm showers in this story would have done little else for me than provide a visual feast for me to furtively watch, but perhaps it would have gotten me my longed-for college girl-on-girl experience. Maybe an invitation to join the couple I would happen upon at 1am, fucking under the stream of water. Surely at least  a few opportunities to listen to labored breathing and moans a stall or two over. All these what-ifs floating in my head, combined with the story, lead me to move from fingers circling my clit to nestling my bullet vibe between my pussy lips and gently buzzing away on my clit.


…Eyes wide, I stared at the car over his shoulder, barely able to make out the man behind the wheel. All I could see was the glow of his cigarette. He didn’t start the car, he didn’t leave. He sat there, watching us. Watching me get fucked.
~The Stars Fell Down, Kristina Wright

An adulterous couple sneaks away from a party and their spouses to meet up in the parking lot of the school where he works. A heated scene in the car leads to desire-fueled sex outside of the car. Suddenly, someone exits the school and watches them. The couple are aware, but are so crazed for each other that they don’t care. Again this is one of those situations where I don’t know who I’d rather be. Her, or the voyeur. After this story I finally laid my book aside to concentrate on getting off. With my bullet vibrator pressed to my clit just so, I climaxed with a long drawn out orgasm.


…Her tits brush against mine, the nipples so hard as they send tingles of sensation through my body. She kisses me again, grinding on top of me. It doesn’t occur to me that other patrons might be watching. I don’t eve really care. The only thing, in that moment, is the feel of the stripper’s body against me and the heat of your eyes on us.
~Couples Welcome, Erica Dumas

I want to go to a strip club. SOON. This story combined a reluctant bi-curious girl paired with a female stripper, and later on sex with her man outside the club. Two hot aspects in one story. I’m not kidding, someone take me to a strip club or two. I had to come again after this story. This time I deftly stroked my g-spot to orgasm with my beloved Pure Wand. I have long harbored fantasies of strip clubs. Being a dancer; watching a friend get up there and get naked for me; getting a private lap dance and “more”; going to a strip club with a female friend, both of us being scantily dressed, getting each other off as we watch the strippers perform and tease; the list goes on and on. As I read this story I was the girl, I was the one getting a lap dance, I was the one getting fucked in the alley.


There are many other good stories in this anthology. There are two with male Dominant / female submissive angles…..those both were a huge turn-on for me at the time I read it but for right now I can’t read them. I get filled with longing and realization I might never have that. There are also a few stories that were duds, to me, but that is a given in any anthology. This book was primarily arousing and should definitely be bought, soon. Before you use a sex toy, you need to be turned on. This, my friends, will do the job over and over again.

Jul 122009
 

There’s this guy who works in my office, one row over, and I think he might have a little thing for me. I’m not sure just how young he is, he’s old enough to be working there permanently and at something one step up from entry level but he has a baby face.

My job went from being a relaxed administrative assistant to a grumpy clerk who basically does glorified data entry most of the day. Type up a list of numbers, then head back to the printer for all the sheets that the program printed out that I have to then merge with the correct invoices. So, I print a lot. Frequently. Sometimes large batches.

Sadly, I don’t have my own printer. At the back end of every other row is a printer. This guy doesn’t work in my aisle, he’s on the other side (our “adjoining wall” sides are a little over 5 feet high, the cube separating walls are a little over 4.5 feet high) but he uses the same printer as I do. It’s a given that most times, someone else’s stuff is mixed in with mine. For some reason he’s not real adept at finding his stuff, and I’ve got the method down pat and can flip through the stack in mere seconds. He’s taken to occasionally teasing me that I purposely print out a batch of shit right when he prints out one page. And even though I couldn’t possibly know, lol, we end up back there at the same time frequently.

When I walk by his row or he’s in mine, I catch him staring at me.

The other week, as he walked in the thru-way aisle that’s just in front of my cube, I stopped him.

“Hey M, did they put more toner in yet?”

He looked down at me over the shorter partition and fumbled for his words. Pretty much, no, they hadn’t.

Then I realized the view he just had.

Poor kid.

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