Aug 302009


Happyland is my new name for Maryland. We had a “honeymoon lite” this weekend, just 24 hours and it was most decidedly not enough. The bayside town we go to is a spot where his family owns a little place; for a while there we went every year but due to being newly moved, more poor and less time off from work we had to forgo our week-long summer escapes there these last two years.

It’s always nice to go back; in a way it feels like going home. Is it sad that we (especially me) were super duper excited to see that they put in a new (and huge and wonderful) Target closer to our town? Some places on the eastern shore are a good 20-30 minute drive to “civilization” and chain stores (or farther!). The new Target means that decent shopping is now a little bit closer AND we no longer have to go to Wal-mart for non-grocery things. We bought dessert there – Target has a food brand called Archer Farms and a lot of their things are quite good. We got a Tiramisu from the frozen section and we were very pleasantly surprised! The filling part isn’t as thick and pudding-like as mine, but it was really tasty and even better than some I’ve had in restaurants!!! Another reason we love Maryland is that somehow the roads there are far, far superior than Pennsylvania. It doesn’t matter which highway we are on to get into Maryland (so far it’s been 4 different ones), the moment you officially cross state line the road changes. From pale, crappy, cracked, riddled with potholes and untold amounts of tar patching to smooth and hassle-free. It’s sad, really. Even the median and the shoulders are far superior. And, of course, the drivers are better for the most part.

Dinner was divine, at one of our favorite local seafood places. After dinner we took our usual drive to one of our spots; I had an urging for beach glass. It’s a bit of an obsession with us on the last couple trips and we’ve gotten a decent collection from various beaches in the eastern shore area. No red glass, sadly, and only two little pieces of dark blue glass but the rest is quite pretty. This was our haul from one of the nearby little beaches. I guess “beach” is a bit misleading – more like “bit of shore with some sand and shells and rocks for about 100 yards”. But we like it.

maryland-honeymoon-025fix maryland-honeymoon-012

We love this place so much and don’t spend nearly enough time there, that I’ve got a bit of vacation drop after a mere 24 hours. Really really don’t wanna go back to work tomorrow.

As soon as Drew, my dealer and enabler, firms up a few details for me I will announce a sex toy giveaway contest that I’m really excited for. And I already have my HNT pic (or pics, we’ll see) for this week because last week I wore a top I hadn’t ever noticed is so thin that it’s see-through in certain lighting. Oops!

Mar 142009

As I review more sex toys, I’m learning some things about myself, toys and the sex toy industry.

1. Every woman is different. Our cunts are different. Every aspect is different. But just like the media is pushing that a size 2 is ideal these days, it seems that sextoy manufacturers are trying to tell me that my cunt is built wrong. I certainly feel that way!! I just got the Rock Chick today, a highly recommended toy by many other reviewers…..only to figure out in 10 minutes flat that it simply will NOT work with a cunt built like mine.
Like what? Well, my outer labia are fuller than average. Perhaps because I’m not skinny? Dunno. My clit is the size of Hello Kitty’s nose (thanks VaginaDrum) and it requires a fuckin map for new partners to find it. Even a seasoned partner has trouble! When it comes to sex toys like….dual stimulators…..Remote hands-free “butterfly” vibes….. These are meant for women who’s outer labia is not as full and their clits peek out to say hello world!
It seems to me that “the way I’m built” isn’t normal. At least that’s what porn models and the sex toy industry are leading me to believe.

2. My vagina is an F student in Braille. I see so many dildos that are touting how “realistic” they look, and have veins for added sensation. Or any of the countless non-penis-replica vibrators and dildos that have raised swirlies and bumps and ridges. I just can’t tell. I’m tight, but perhaps just not as sensitive. Since when did my girlie bits need to learn Braille just to get off??

3. Just because you pay over $50 for a toy, don’t expect it to be glorious. I’m not saying to stop buying them. But I’m not guaranteeing greatness. I’ve got numerous pricey toys I’ve reviewed that, had I purchased them, I would be pretty ticked off at their lack of oomph or single-minded design. We-Vibe. Doc Johnson I-Rabbit thingiemabobber. Even some of the Lelo toys I’m finding myself disappointed in their lack of power. Is it because they’re rechargeable? I’m not sure.
Most cheap-shit toys I, understandably, end up disappointed with as well. Tonight I got this bullet vibe from the lovely ladies at At first I’m practically shouting from the rooftops my love for it! It’s -powerful-!!! Finally!!! But then, quickly, I find a defect. When I turn it on….it’s not turning on. I hafta shake the egg. Sometimes though it’s just fine. I’m still trying to determine if this is a singular defect, or the product as a whole. (I see now that it’s a wire issue. Gonna try a dab of superglue somewhere)

4. I’m learning that there are many of you who love my writing as much as my tits. I’m also learning that there’s many of you just here for the tits. So be it. But I have to wonder sometimes….what would happen if I pulled all my pics? What would happen if I never posted a nude photo again? Would my readership and commentors drop off like mayfly’s? (so help me – if you comment and cry out “nooo!!! don’t take away the noodz!!” I’ll slap you. I really will.)

5. I am learning that I’m part hermit, part social butterfly. What does that mean? I crave conversation, I’m in love with Twitter because it’s sometimes like a big ole chatroom. I’ve been up too late a few times lately just chatting around with a bunch of us in the same “circle” (we all follow each other) and having fun. Conversely, because my updates are private, people have to request to follow me. I’ve been denying most people lately. I look at them suspiciously, wonder why they want to follow. Perhaps to just have “another number”. I have over 200 followers of my twitter stream, and more than half never say boo.

That’s all I’ll bore you with tonight. Honestly I’d be shocked if most of you read the whole thing. Skimmed it, perhaps. I should put some sort of code in the posts that tell you something cool like….I’m giving away a $20 Babeland giftcard soon, or something. Hidden words that, if you read it all, will stick out to tell you that secret message.

Nah. I’m too lazy. And I need to visit more websites that will tell me that my cunt is built all wrong.

Nov 072008

I promise I’ll be short n sweet on this one…..really!!

Sweet Cops Wife tagged me, here’s da rules:

Here are the Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on his/her website

1. When I eat an apple, I peel off the sticker and stick it to the edge of my desk. Or the edge of the kitchen counter. I don’t know why….

2.I can’t write with a pencil. Mechanical ones are tolerable, sort of. I can’t be within earshot of someone else writing with a pencil. It gives me teeth-aches and shivers like nails on a chalkboard does.

3. Elevators scare the crap out of me. If I weren’t so lazy and out of shape, I’d take stairs. Especially in those goddamn speed elevators in 30+ story buildings. I once threatened to walk down 75 flights of stairs rather than get back on my first (and so far only) speed elevator. I also get nervous and claustrophobic when there’s more than 2 other people in there with me. I’m not usually claustrophobic. Just with strangers.

4. I ask too many questions. I need to know why, how, when, what preceded it, what will follow, etc. It drives a few people crazy ;)

5. (some of you already know this from my other blog) I love dipping my Wendy’s fries into my Frosty. It’s a delicate balance, but a treat.

6. I won’t eat deformed fruit. Squishy grapes. Bruised fruit. Fruit with aged and wrinkly skin.

I’m not tagging this one. I’m lazy. And half my taggees last one didn’t want to participate (which is fine, except for —-, he’s a butthead) so not gonna do it you can’t make me :P

Edit: Tagging Swordfish, since he’s so eager to do it, lol

Aug 182008

Oh well, fuck it. Some of you might appreciate this post. Others just come for teh sexeh, that’s fine, you can skip this ;)

Random facts about me that are unrelated to sex, cause you already know what I want in bed:

I’m sarcastic. I swear like a sailor (why can only sailors swear and get away with it?). I don’t really like Pennsylvania; I HATE the roads and I hate the drivers and half the people who live here. I’m a picker. scabs. my fingernails. pimples. It’s a bad habit. You should know about it. I’m afraid of heights (so much so that I can’t even watch on the tv when someone’s standing on a ledge. heebeegeebies bigtime). I detest spiders, snakes, bugs/insects, etc.

I love good food, and I’m a damn good cook. I’ve been known to give people foodgasms from my cooking. Italian and Provincial French are my specialties. But I’m also picky with my food too. And I will bitch about cooking for you if you hate mushrooms. I don’t usually have recipes, but I’m a stickler for tradition in some things. Like don’t try to give me Fettucine Alfredo with garlic in it. wrong. sorry. untraditional. Do not try to pass off Tiramisu made with cream cheese. Just don’t. I have Mafia connections. I’ll hurt you.

I’m really good at:

  • Cooking
  • Photography and digital editing
  • Jewelry making
  • Computers
  • Getting lost
  • Taking care of people
  • Procrastinating
  • Looking unhappy (apparently my natural “I’m in thought/busy/daydreaming” facial expression is one of unhappiness)
  • Forgetting things (out of sight, out of mind)
  • Talking to cats

I’m really bad at:

  • Reading maps
  • Cutting wrapping paper
  • Making decisions
  • Most sports (My hand/eye coordination isn’t the best in the league, and I have an irrational fear of things flying at my face)
  • Baking from scratch (or anything to do with flour, really)
  • Keeping the inside of my car clean
  • Cleaning in general
  • Keeping track of things like debit card, glasses, sunglasses, nail clippers, gloves, etc.

That’s enough torture for now. Wow, did you read the whole thing? Impressive. Yeah, I know…..I’m a little batty, huh? I’m sorry, no sexy and no noodz. You’ll get some soon.

Jul 082008

Disclaimer: I never do these, and I rarely will. There, don’t you feel better? ;)

I liked these questions this week, so I felt compelled to do them. A rare peek at the me you might encounter in everyday life…

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?

HA! Wow…Honey this blog is all about lust! You all know of the main players – T, E…one not yet mentioned – R, Jake, Thursday and D…those come into my head first. Past lusts? Forget it, we don’t have all night.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?

Italian food, but it has to be authentic and well prepared. Tiramisu (my own, haven’t had any at a restaurant that matches my recipe). Cheesecake. Ummm, oh Seafood! Lobster and Maryland Crab Cakes and Cream of Crab Soup and…. I’ll shut up now. And just about anything strawberry.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?

Human interaction, on all levels. Money, I’ll be honest. It’s a big worry for everyone I know, and I would love nothing more than to be comfortable myself and make life comfortable for those around me. Sex and orgasms, but of course.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?

Not leave my apartment and not get dressed. Drift between bed and computer and perhaps TV, a book if I have one. Sex and orgasms and lazy sensual fun. Good food (that I don’t have to prepare, being slothy right??).

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.

I tend not to, but I’m about to do something drastic to someone a few apartments down who keeps shoving their SWEET adorable cat outside where she doesn’t want to be. If I could take her, I would steal her, but I can’t right now. I’m pondering locating a no-kill shelter and taking her there. From the exit she was given today, her asshole owners don’t want her.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?

People who got their shit together earlier in life. I am close to a degree, but no cigar. I don’t know what “career” I want. I don’t have a house yet. In short, I feel “behind” in life. I know why it happened and it was unavoidable, but I still wish….
There’s more I envy, like outgoing people. People who can bake. Those that learning comes easy to. The wealthy. And women who can orgasm easily.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?

I’m proud of….hmm. My jewelry creations. My writing. My computer skills.
Swallow my pride? Yes, who hasn’t.

Jun 272008

I’m not sure if you all have read this, how long it has been circulating, and whatnot. I read a reposting of this on a social site I belong to. I, in turn, reposted it in my own journal and was inundated by some very uptight and defensive women complaining about it.

So I’m here today to share my particular thoughts on it. I won’t put up the whole thing, if you want to, you can go read it here.

I realize that there’s also a lot of women in kink who won’t feel this applies to them. For example, someone very dominant or very submissive. But as a switch exploring her submissive side, this all appeals to me.

When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still – I’ll get involved. But don’t make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don’t make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won’t go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don’t gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want.

Unfortunately for me I’ve been with a few guys who really should have read this beforehand. I was with a guy, in his bed, making out hot and heavy. Clothes were being removed, soon we were both down to underwear, my tits on display. I will give him credit, when I whispered “harder”, he did as told…and one cannot go assuming things like attention to the clit and nipples. However I did have to guide his hand downward finally (hey my hand went down all on its own and you enjoyed that thoroughly, what makes you think I don’t want reciprocation?) to which he replies “Oh I don’t have sex on the first date anymore.” Oh, nice. A. you could have mentioned that when conversation got intimate and raunchy online. 2. You could have mentioned that before we both got nearly naked and thoroughly worked up.

3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to “make love” every time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her (“Really? Spanking? Won’t it hurt?” – yes, it does. That’s the fucking point). We know you’ve read Stuff and Maxim, and that’s all those laddie mags talk about in their “How to Please Her” sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there.

A few extra pointers. Hair pulling. I have told men that I like it. The only one who got it right, really, was the one to introduce it to me. The first time he pulled my hair while deeply kissing me it went straight to my cunt and I was immediately throbbing and wet, whimpering and moaning in the exquisite pleasurable pain. The place to grab is dead center nape of the neck, the last inch or two of hairline. Grab as close to the roots as possible. Even better, weave your fingers through her hair there and then grab. Sure, you can grab a ponytail and yank during doggystyle, but that elicits a sharper pain that begins to delve into more kink. The throb-inducing pressure/tug/dull pain is achieved as I mentioned.
The ass-smack…the only response I expect to hear from you when I tell you I like that it is a low, growling “good”.

Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you’d like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, “I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot.” Is she still moaning in response? “Your tits are so beautiful.” Does that work? If she doesn’t respond well to the term “tits”, you might have to stop there. If she keeps moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200.

Ok yes…basically this boils down to a combination of sexy ramblings and hot compliments. The bonus to starting things out in the online world? We already know what gets the other person off. Now you just have to have the balls to actually let those words fall off your lips.

Just LISTEN. When I tell you to suck my nipple harder, not lick it like a kitten, that’s great that you took it up a few notches. But when I then wince “ow” and make an attempt to pull back a little, unless this is a D/s session you really need to be pulling back and/or giving me that exquisite pain in shorter bursts.

You know what? I really do want to hear you tell me similar things, too. In one of the pictures I sent “M”, he described my expression as “come fuck me” eyes. At one point during our rendezvous I glanced up at him with that lust and it made him crazy.
Look at me again like that…yes…

And honey when I say “fuck me”, don’t you dare delay. At that point in the game I do not want a whole lot of pause going on. Again, this is all different in a good D/s session in which I have no control, but that’s all another matter, another day ;)

I’m no china doll…I won’t break.