Jan 312013


A few years ago a new concept in dildos arrived, called the Split Dildo. The reaction was as split as the sex toy itself. I’ve read polarizing reviews of both adoration and contempt, so when I was asked to review the Funtoys G-Vibe I figured I would land firmly in love or hate. I was a little nervous at first. I expected a lion, however, and got a kitten. 

I’ve never tried the Split Dildo but it seemed that the dildo was not modest in girth, and according to Kara Sutra required quite a bit of pressure to keep the “ears” together and was something you definitely felt. Unfortunately, the G-Vibe is….boring. It looks like a nice luxury vibe; in fact the stylings look a lot like the first Lelo Insignia line. The silicone is even the same as Lelo, with a matte silky finish to it. The buttons are nearly identical to the Lelo Insignia line and the vibrations even remind me of early Lelo and the Insignia Isla – very surface-buzzy and moderate at best. More bark than bite, actually – sure it’s “quiet” but it’s not “nearly silent”, yet even so the noise is more intense than the vibrations. There are two motors, one in each tip. At high speed the vibrations may fool you into thinking that they have potential, if you barely touch the thing, but any pressure at all gives you faux-vibrations. I’ve experienced this before in toys: the Extase Liberte, the original Lelo Tiani, and the Picobong Honi to name a few. It has the sort of vibrations that force you to try the patterns hoping, in vain, that the rapid-fire changing of the motor will give you something that maybe feels like a little more oomph. And in fact the final pattern does. Those staccato every-3-seconds bursts of just enough more intensity end up frustrating you more than anything.  It tells you that the motor might have had the potential to ekk into the realm of rumbly but stopped 2 miles from the border.  Funtoys describes the G-Vibe as having “six modes with changeable intensity from light tremors to intense vibration”. The “intense vibration” part of that statement couldn’t be more wrong. 

Fun Toys G-Vibe - The looped handle makes it easy to hold and the control buttons are well placed. The charging port is shown closed (Top) and open (Bottom)

The “intuitive controls” are just fairly average. An increase button, a function mode button to change between patterns, and a decrease button. Standard. The buttons are in a good place on the handle, maybe that’s what they mean? There is no button-lock feature, either, like Lelo and a few others. Also take note of the fact that the G-Vibe is merely water resistant. This confuses me greatly. The charging port cover is a silicone plug in the hole – a similar design to Lelo and many other makers of luxury vibrators. Hell, the Lelo Tor II has a completely open charging cover and it’s labeled as waterproof! Be that as it may, I’m not one to doubt what a manufacturer says. But if they want to get into the luxury sex toy game, then they need to make it waterproof. It’s one of those features that people who don’t masturbate in the shower/bath (like me) don’t care about but it doesn’t take away from what we DO like; and there are plenty of people out there who do really enjoy their playtime in the water. Speaking of the charging port, you should initially charge the G-Vibe for 8 hours. It’s said that you will get 4 hours on a single charge, but I would imagine that for at least 2 of those 4 hours the vibrations will be greatly decreased from the pittance they already are. 

The ears might look intimidating, especially if you use both of them internally, but they are very very pliable  and soft. In fact, I’m almost willing to say they’re just too wimpy.  The design is flexible and Funtoys thinks that you Fun Toys G-Vibe - Showing how flexible the "ears" are. It takes very little effort to keep them togethercan use this design for lots of various methods of stimulation. But the fact is, the vibrations are not enough and the split portion doesn’t do what it should – which according to their site, it should “create a sensation of fullness without stretching the vaginal entrance” and “Simultaneous stimulation of 2 spots:  G-spot and the opposite side of the vagina” – which, in case you were wondering, the “opposite side of the vagina” spot1 has a real name: perineal sponge. But since the ears are so pliable and the split requires very little pressure to stay closed, I don’t really feel what the company  advertises. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t aroused enough for the PS-Spot to want any attention but the bit of vibrations that I felt on the posterior vaginal wall just made me feel a little like I had to poop. My g-spot requires a decent amount of pressure OR an intense level of thuddy vibrations, neither of which the G-Vibe could ever come close to offering. 

With my skepticism firmly intact I tried to use this as a dual-stimulator in the traditional sense. While the upward-facing ear did actually touch my clitoris, the vibrations, lack of pressure and slim profile meant that I felt very little externally or internally. I decided to go about trying the other suggested uses Funtoys came up with.Sure, it feels slightly different from a straight dildo of the same width, but I don’t feel any sense of fullness nor do I feel enough pressure on either the G-spot or Perineal Sponge to register as anything special in my brain. Despite this, it doesn’t mean that it’s easy to insert. You still have to hold the ears together at the tippy top, you cannot just jam Squidward here into your hole and hope for the best. This maneuvering means, for me, awkward and uncomfortable positioning contortions.  In fact it was damn near impossible for me to insert this. I had to contort and reach to basically shove my fingertips, along with the tips of the vibe, up inside of me to get it started.

Drawn images are property of Funtoys.info

No? Well how about…..

Drawn images are property of Funtoys.info

First of all, my nipples don’t meet up like that. Second, when you try to hold it like oversized chopsticks or the JimmyJane Form 2, something curious happens. It sounds like the same “fatal flaw” that was described by many Form 2 owners – when pressure is applied disproportionately to the two ears OR applied mostly equally and the toy is held handle facing the sky, the vibrators in the ears get kicked out of cycle and almost form their own bizarre pattern. It’s no longer a steady vibration. 

Ok then.

Moving along.

 The G-Vibe comes in 3 colors – if you don’t like pink or purple though, you’re out of luck. The packaging is indeed very lovely to look at, even if it’s not very discreet for storage. When you open up the box the vibe sits in a foam-like cutout – the glue that is used in this bit (my best guess anyway, is glue) has a subtle but offensive odor to me. I can smell it on the vibe despite washing, and I can smell it on the included storage bag. The bag is drawstring and made of white nylon, it feels quite nice. It does have the Funtoys logo, “ft”, which is discreet.  The included charger is USB-only. I enjoy the *option* of USB, but I don’t want it to be the only way. Luckily I have a couple USB-to-wall-plug thingies and that works too. 

 At the end of the day, I just couldn’t get into this sex toy nor would I recommend it. The vibrations would have to be more like the We-Vibe Tango or hell even the Je Joue MiMi for me to even consider recommending it.  Perhaps with truly thuddy-rumbly vibrations that have more power, the stimulation of the G-spot and PS-spot could be felt but as it stands now it was nothing to write home about.  While a few people did seem to enjoy the intense pressure from that Split Dildo, the G-Vibe takes caution to the extreme and instead leaves you wanting something more from the split internal portion. 

  1. Until I did my research on split sex toys, I had no idea about this arousal spot. OF COURSE it must be added to the litany of Alphabet Spots. Most often it is referred to as the PS-Spot.  Sadly in their drawings, Funtoys just lists it as “P” to which I first thought “um….we don’t have a P-spot”.
Jan 282013

ETA: The Comet G is actually growing on me a little. But now they have out a VIBRATING version which I’ve got high hopes for.

Jopen Key Comet Wand

There are glass dildos and silicone dildos, but never have I seen a silicone-covered glass dildo. The Jopen Key Comet G is pretty unique in that aspect. It is a decidedly g-spot dildo and therefore….I (and others) cannot help but compare it to the Njoy Pure Wand. There is no shortage of g-spot targeting sex toys but it seems that the Pure Wand is king of the heap for most reviewers. So when I was told that the Key Comet Wand was just about as good as (or for some, better than) the Pure Wand I had to try it.

My one and only complaint about the Pure Wand is the weight. I’m no spry young thing and I have a disorder that affects muscle strength. It doesn’t take much for my hand and/or wrist to be bothered by the Pure Wand if I’m going at it too long; of course the upside is that orgasms come fast and furious with the Pure Wand. The Key Comet Wand is quite a bit lighter weight than the Pure Wand, but still retains some heft thanks to the glass core. It’s a nice balance.

However, the thing (one of the things) I love best about the Pure Wand is that it is made of stainless steel and I never, ever ever need lube. No matter what. It glides with ease and there is no trouble with insertion. The Key Comet Wand though is covered in a matte silicone that is silky smooth to the touch but has quite a bit of drag during insertion. I actually had to get out my old lube bottle to use the Comet. For once my own wetness wasn’t enough. I’m not a person who normally uses lube; therefore I don’t keep it handy and I’m pretty lazy. The fact that I have to drag it out is a bit of an irk for me.

keycometwandDue to the drag and need for lube, at first I thought that the Comet Wand was bigger than the Pure Wand. The bulbous end of the Comet Wand is the same size as the large end of the Pure Wand (a ball with a max width of 1.5″), but the shaft of the Comet is a little bit wider. This is neither good nor bad but it’s not a huge size. The shaft isn’t the point, anyways, when you’re targeting your g-spot. This isn’t a toy for those who simply want girth.

Let’s Talk About Materials – Silicone AND Glass in One

The unique part about the Key Comet Wand is the combination of two well-loved non-porous materials: glass and silicone. The handle portion is all solid glass and feels very substantial. Jopen says that the Comet is made from durable glass dipped in body-safe silicone. The “dipped in” leads you to believe that it’s mostly glass. I got curious though. I pressed the bulbous tip against the corner of my desk and I was able (although I had to use a lot of pressure) to press in farther than I expected to and farther than I can on the silicone-covered portion of the shaft. I was also able to grab the bulbous head in my hand and move it slightly. My guess is that the glass doesn’t go all the way down and into the bulbed tip.  There are very subtle raised ridges in the design that don’t add anything you can feel, just something visual; the ridges start at the glass handle and appear to continue on down seamlessly through the silicone “dipped” portion.  I have to admit, the geek in me kinda wants to ruin this dildo and take a box cutter to the silicone to determine just how much glass is in the body. I won’t, but I’m really damn tempted.

Of course I must also note that cleaning this dildo isn’t quite as simple as you might think, based on the materials. Normally any dildo made of metal, glass or true silicone can be boiled (carefully) to sanitize. They’re non-porous so technically it doesn’t take much to sanitize but the Comet G cannot be boiled, cannot be put in the dishwasher top rack, etc. It needs to be simply washed in soap and water (a 10% bleach solution if you need it for sharing, a rinse after that please) because of the combination of materials but mostly that Key emblem glued into the handle.

If this g-spot dildo were made entirely of glass, it would turn off the many people who still think that glass sex toys will just shatter inside their Hulk-like vagina. If it were made entirely of silicone, it would lack the balanced weight and heft and firmness. The silicone also gives peace of mind to the glass paranoids and protects from chipping the internal portion. I can also appreciate that they finished the silicone with something similar to Lelo’s Silicone Soft Touch, leaving behind a matte-finish silky feel silicone that doesn’t attract lint, dust or fur. Jopen will tell you to only use water-based lube because of the silicone component, but as I’ve mentioned before, not all silicone lubes (nor silicone sex toys) are created equal. Some will be just fine when combining. I’ve successfully used Wet’s Synergy hybrid lube and their Platinum all-silicone lube on all of my high end dildos and vibrators and never had a problem. I tried it on the Comet and it was just fine. How do you know? Apply a small dab to a portion near the handle or base, depending on the toy. Within a minute, if the two are not compatible, the lube will become gummy. If left on, the silicone of the toy will become sticky and weird, too. This has not yet happened to me with Wet lubes; Metis also recommended Sliquid and Pjur as silicone lubes compatible with Tantus’s Platinum silicone.

The Boring Deets – Colors, Packaging, etc

Comet G comes in 3 terribly predictable colors: a candy-grapey-purple, an old-school-eraser-pink, and a turquoise-y-blue that some might call “robin’s egg” blue. The glass handle is a pastel matching version of the silicone. The glass handle has a sort-of ball end with a bit of a curve to mirror the g-spot bulb; embedded in one side of the curved end is the Jopen Key logo that appears to be actual metal (an alloy mix) rather than Lelo’s “metal” accents which are just metallic-painted plastic. The box is black and whatever color your dildo is; you could use it for storage but it’s not a subtle and sturdy box like many luxury makers go for. You slide off the top portion of the box to reveal a book-style box inside; the Comet G Wand is nestled in foam which has a ribbon tab to lift up where the storage bag and manual is found. The storage bag is made from the same material that We-Vibe uses – a kinda stiff, crinkly water-resistant fabric that feels cheap (unlike the satin that most luxury toy makers use). The storage bag isn’t padded. All in all, I’m not impressed by the packaging or storage bag.

Size Matters

As for size, at first comparison the Comet G and the Pure Wand look really damn similar. When it comes to curved dildos like this though there are two ways to measure, just like there are two ways to measure the distance between two addresses: “As the crow flies” or following the roads. As the crow flies, the two are about the same at 8 inches. But the true tip-to-tip tells another story and shows how much more curved the Pure Wand is: The Comet G is about 9.5 inches where the Pure Wand is a little over 11 inches. The widest width on both is that large bulbed end, at 1.5 inches. But where the Pure Wand is a true double-sided dildo offering you two differently sized ends to use, the Comet G Wand is only usable one way.

cometvspureNow the tip-to-tip length may not seem important at first, but I found after my second use that it does matter to me. As I’ve said in the past I have short arms and a fat buddha belly and the C-curve plus the length of the Pure Wand is about the most ergonomic and easy to use design for me, hands down. The Comet G is mostly C-shaped, but that bulb on the handle tips back in an weird subtle S-shape. The handle tip also is more “fiddlehead fern” than true bulb and I found that it was a lot harder to keep a good grip on it than the Pure Wand. I found myself really need that extra inch and a half and the easier-to-grip bulb of the Pure Wand. While I was indeed able to finally get good g-spot stimulation and orgasm better than most other dildos, the clumsy grip means that I will still reach for the Pure Wand despite it’s heft. Speaking of weight, the Comet G is 9.5 ounces where the Pure Wand is 1 pound 8.75 ounces – nearly a pound heavier.

Final Answer?

I can’t totally discount the Comet G Wand, but I also can’t say that I’d ever recommend it over the Njoy Pure Wand unless you absolutely need something under 1 pound in weight due to arthritis, injuries or muscular disorders – however on the flip side, the handle is a bit more difficult to keep under grasp but I think a creative person could come up with an add-on to the handle to make it larger and easier to grip. Sure, the Comet G is priced a little lower than the Pure Wand (on EF, $90 for the Comet G, $108 for the Pure Wand) so I wouldn’t recommend the Key Comet G Wand as a more affordable alternative to the Pure Wand. There are lots of g-spot options out there, and not everyone likes or needs the firm pressure that I do. Many women have great luck with silicone dildos that to me are barely curved; there are also some decent glass options that have a partial C-curve and pronounced bulbous tip (for example, the B2B G-Spot is plain glass, double-ended, longer than it’s nearly-identical cousins like Amethyst or Bent Graduate and hits a nice median price point of $60).

Apr 212012

Or rather….my husband has. For the first decade of our sex life his penis alone managed to hit my g-spot over and over during sex to varying degrees of bliss. In more recent years he and I have done more exploring both with his fingers and both of us using toys. I never doubted my husband’s ability to locate my g-spot and stimulate the hell out of it; combining his skill in the last few years with a vibrator on my clitoris gave me intense orgasms which would be immediately followed up with vaginal sex that was then even more pleasurable for me since the g-spot would be even more sensitive and swollen after a clitoral orgasm.

But the last few times we’ve fucked he suddenly changed his fingering technique and he knew right away that I approved. It was more intense and amazing as evidenced by my even louder moans and screams and gibberish. His manipulations have frequently left me with the sort of orgasm that jacks up all the right hormones and chemistry to leave me euphoric (and sometimes to the point of uncontrollable giggling right after). But this? All I could say (after I came down from the breathless high) was: What the FUCK did you just do there because holy crap it was amazing.

Every woman’s g-spot is a little different, like a snowflake sort of. And just like we all like different types of clitoral stimulation, we all like different types of g-spot stimulation. So what works for me might not be a euphoric nirvana trip for you, too. But his description of his new technique and what he’s feeling has left me certain that the g-spot is not a “spot”, it is not a zone, it is more than just a differently-textured spongy spot of sensitive tissue in the vaginal wall. Whatever he’s hitting there is a thing, an object, and 3-D…. much like the prostate.

The first time he tried his new trick he “had it” for a bit and then “lost it”1. Both g-spot massage techniques were pleasurable and aided in me achieving a blended orgasm fairly quickly but this new, intense treatment was just cranking up the pleasurable sensation to HOLY SHIT FUCK OMG ITS AWESOME^Y#~%@^(*^. I cannot duplicate what he’s done via my love, the Pure Wand. If I were smaller of body and longer of arm and generally more flexible perhaps this is something I would have discovered on my own but I think his position lends him a more unique angle of assault. For me personally my G-spot is right next to my pubic bone, therefore fairly shallow in the vaginal canal. He can use this location to a distinct advantage now2 by changing his digital manipulation from a 3-finger massage (which I loved because it provided both a filling sensation and spot stimulation) to a 1-finger massage aided on the sides by 2 other fingers. He’s extending his middle finger to do more precision stimulation right on the g-spot. He’s going above and beyond that “come hither” motion to a more twisting, side-to-side-and-all-around intense high-pressure attack. I’ve used words that sound harsh like assault and attack but that is because this is no slow and easy massage; this is an intense treatment but in the most awesomely pleasurable way. He does this because he knows I can take it and I like it, but I wouldn’t recommend that every person try this on their g-spot-owning partner without a build-up and knowledge in existence that the person enjoys “rough” sex and intense stimulation.

Perhaps something else that is adding to this newly awesome mix is that I’m using a vibrator that doesn’t overpower the g-spot stimulation sensations. In the past when I’ve used the Wahl or the Hitachi with the Pure Wand I almost couldn’t really feel the g-spot stimulation. I knew it was going on because the pleasure factor had tripled but I could only discern clitoral stimulation. The balance has shifted a bit now that I’ve started using my We-Vibe Salsa on my clit while he’s doing this. Yes, it is a powerful and intense vibrator but it’s not as overwhelmingly intense as the big, electric massagers. The deep-tissue rumbly factor to the We-Vibe Salsa hits the external clitoris and the internal portion of the clitoris, while his fingers are ramping the g-spot stimulation up to 11 and probably also getting a bit of the internal legs of the clitoris which leads to me floating on a motherfucking rollercoaster climbing cloud of things beyond words. I truly can’t even come up with the words, that’s what it’s all like.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and go a little outside of your box. This g-spot thing might be hard to find since it can’t be mapped, but believe me it is real and with time, exploration, a good clitoral orgasm and a willing set of fingers and/or dildos you CAN find it. Oh and no, this new technique didn’t make me squirt. I don’t really give a crap about squirting anymore since it doesn’t correlate at all to the intensity of my orgasm. It’s not a goal, it’s not a thought to us, it’s not a checkbox on the list. And there is no “right” or “wrong” way to achieve orgasm or stimulate your clitoris or g-spot – you do whatever feels good to you.




  1. Literally, the “object” he had found had moved slightly inside my body
  2. because his finger is massaging it from the front and then another side of it is receiving pressure from my pubic bone

Nobessence Fling – A Unique Wooden G-spot Dildo

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Dec 102011

Nobessence Fling, a wooden g-spot/prostate dildoThe Nobessence Fling is an ergonomic, wooden dildo that goes beyond a simple handle – it actually has a hole where two fingers rest perfectly and comfortably. Fling is actually pretty discreet, too, since it doesn’t look like a dildo thanks to that handle. I would feel pretty good about passing this off as a trigger point massager – I have fibromyalgia and other things and trigger point massage therapy works pretty well for me; My bad spots are all on my back, shoulders and neck so I can’t do it myself with just fingers and the Fling actually does a decent job of that. If I were to travel with this sex toy I would feel confident that most people aren’t going to assume that it is a dildo. Especially since it is wood and the sex toy uninitiated usually don’t think of dildos being made from wood. The box that it arrives in is like all Nobessence boxes – padded on the inside and made from sturdy pressboard in two pretty colors – and can be used for storage (the sticker on the bottom is the only thing that gives away the sexy toy status and the sticker removes easily) but isn’t good for travel.

Fling is pretty small and is definitely a g-spot (or prostate) dildo. It is not going to provide much sense of fullness but it will do the job it was made for – target the g-spot. The fat bulbous head maxes out at just over 1.5 inches (but is not the 1.75 inches listed on the site) and the insertable portion is at most 3.5 inches. This shouldn’t be an issue for most as usually the g-spot/prostate isn’t going to be any farther inside than 3 inches (anatomy varies, so “1-3 inches” is considered the generic gauge). The way that the handle is made forces your hand and fingers to cup and curve a bit and if you hold it as intended this translates into a small range of motion that concentrates on pushing the bulb up and into the g-spot. Pressure combined with a little massage is usually a sure-fire way to get your g-spot to respond. The finger-hold can work if your partner is using it on you as well; they’ll probably want to slide it palm-side down (like a bad-ass set of brass, er, wooden knuckles!).

Nobessence Fling, a wooden g-spot/prostate dildoNobessence Fling, a wooden g-spot/prostate dildo

Like any Nobessence “sculpture”, Fling is beautiful. Glossy, shiny and slick it is made non-porous and body-safe by the coating. Check out the care & cleaning for Wood section on my sex toy care guide, and feel free to use any type of lube that you love best (but you won’t need much!) Directly from the manufacturer’s site:

NobEssence’s trade secret Lubrosity™ coatings and processes stem from years of meticulous research and development and meet USP Class IV and VI Medical Standards. Sculptures attentively encapsulated in Lubrosity™ coatings are odorless, may be soaked in water, and remain in body-contact for hours at a time – no waxes to melt away, no salad bowl oils to leach out or maintain, and no toxic petroleum distillates.

I won’t mislead you – Fling isn’t cheap – but there really is no other sex toy out there quite like the Fling and the quality of any Nobessence item makes the cost easier to tolerate. Provided you don’t drop a wooden dildo on a hard surface (it probably won’t break but if it lands right it might dent or crack it a little – in which case seek a replacement) it will last a long time. There is nothing in a Nobessence wooden dildo that will react with any lube or other toy material.

The Nobessence Fling is something I’ve wanted for a long while and now that I have it I have something that will have a permanent home in my overnight bag – Fling is a perfect travel dildo. Small, discreet, easy to clean and it weighs practically nothing (5 ounces, I think?).


Sweet Embrace (by Evolved) Vibrator Review

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Nov 202011

Sweet Embrace g-spot vibrator by Evolved Novelties

Fed up with lackluster “luxury” sex toys I turned a curious eye to the Evolved Novelties brand. I’d recently written product descriptions for pretty much all of their line and while many would have appealed to me a lot more about 5 years ago some of them still give me pause. I don’t judge a toy on how much it costs, learning that harsh lesson from too many over-priced under-whelming vibrators. I settled on the Sweet Embrace, frankly, because of the combination of girth and supposed power. The fact that it has 7 functions and a dual motor were secondary. The shape of it overall and the size of the larger end also reminded me of a wooden dildo I love, the NobEssence Seduction.

Sweet Embrace vs NobEssence Seduction

When I first tried out the toy I thought it was broken. It acted like a defective product – the power button was all wonky, it would turn on and then stop, I wasn’t able to find the straight vibration and then I wasn’t able to turn it off. Tried another set of batteries, same thing. Ready to return it to EdenFantasys for a new one I tried a last-ditch effort with a pair of absolutely positively brand new batteries. Success! Turns out, if your batteries are lower on juice than you thought….the vibrator doesn’t know what to do with half-assed battery juice and just goes all random. Defective product? Probably not. High quality product? Probably not. So I have kept my original item.

The Sweet Embrace is marketed as a G-Spot vibrator. Therefore, meant to be inserted. The dual motors (and yes, there is a motor at each end) and their product description indicate that both ends are suitable for insertion depending on your size preference. But man that’s a big jump! The smaller end has a max width of just barely an inch while the big end has a max width of 1.75 inches. But here’s the other problem – it’s short. Which at first I didn’t think would be a problem. After all, the g-spot is located anywhere from 1-3 inches up the front vaginal wall so a maximum insertable length of 3-ish inches should be enough to do the trick. If you don’t want the button actually inside of you (being right at your entrance isn’t much better though) then the insertable lengths are a bit less than stated in the description on the site.

The bigger end appealed to me more but after insertion I figured out why this won’t work: the power button faces your ass and by the time you insert it so that it is more comfortable, with the widest portion resting back on your g-spot, the button is either right at your entrance or just inside of you. *blinks* Ok, fine. I don’t give a hang about the functions and we all know I only care about the top speed so I don’t need to hit that button, but many users might. The thinner end at least has the button facing your clit but the thinner end is also a bit shorter. The button remains buried in flesh. Luckily it is a silicone button with a raised power symbol on it so it is slightly better to push when it’s all wet but it’s a bitch to get to no matter how you slice it.

Ok so what about using it for clit stimulation, instead? It’s powered by 2 AAA batteries,  a fact that some of you may scoff at. I didn’t think anything of it, since my two favorite bullets are powered by 2 AAA batteries and they are gorgeously rumbly and powerful. I have read reviews that say that the Sweet Embrace is buzzy; for once I disagree. It’s a lower-pitched vibration, it isn’t itchy; it’s certainly more rumbly and powerful than the Lelo Tiani, Isla, or Mia; more rumbly than the Bnaughty bullet, the G-ki or Zini Roae; but certainly less powerful and deep than the Vanity VR6‘s insertable portion. I pretty much need the power and depth of vibration provided by the VR6 to make my g-spot give a shit about vibrations. But the power of the Sweet Embrace just isn’t quite enough for me to use as a clit vibrator. The larger end seems to be more powerful (so if you were thinking about enjoying more pin-point, forget that). With fresh batteries and on top speed the larger end could give me a clitoral orgasm if I’m willing to wait a little longer – I can get off with less power if the motor is rumbly enough and this is rumbly enough (the smaller end I might classify as more buzzy, though). I’ve figured out though that because of the dual motors, each motor is powered by one of the batteries. One goes into the smaller end, one the bigger end and you screw it together. If you were able to shut off one of the motors (since you can’t possibly use both at the same time because it is S-shaped, not C-shaped) and have the power of both batteries this would be much more to my liking. Plus if you are holding the larger end you’ll be distracted/irritated by the vibrating handle.

Many reviewers said that when used externally, the Sweet Embrace is quite noisy – it can be. The problem is that the motor, like in many bullets, is sensitive to angle. At certain angles it suddenly goes very rattly and loud. That effect is lessened when it is firmly grasped, inserted or otherwise “steadied”. I’ve actually been sitting here writing this review, clothed, with the larger end on my clit; because of the S-shape the vibrator can be more vertical rather than say pointing outwards like a unrestrained hard cock. Because the smaller end (which I find is more susceptible to the rattles) is firmly against clothing and the larger end is pressed firmly to flesh it isn’t very loud. Granted I’m in a room with two running computers so it isn’t total silence in here but I can barely hear the thing. If I change it to one of the pulsating functions then it gets more noisy because there are a few functions in which the strongest pulse is stronger than the top steady setting. Irritating, because I know it had the potential to be that strong but they chose not to. If I go to move it though it does get louder without the pressure around it.

Will I actually use this as intended, as a g-spot vibrator? Nope. Only because it lacks the power I need for me to really feel that internally. BUT I do quite like the fat end’s shape – that pronounced bulb lends a different g-spot-only quality as opposed to a dildo that is 1.75 inches around the whole thing. This bulb design offers the girth I want for easier massage of my g-spot but with a tapered neck so that my vaginal opening isn’t being stretched. Sometimes I want that stretched feeling all over and sometimes I don’t. I can see myself using this as a dildo. The more I think about it, this might be a pretty decent travel toy – keep the two halves unscrewed and the batteries elsewhere and it’s decently portable. Combined with my bullet on my clit and using this as a dildo I’d get off wonderfully. With this as my only toy I’d have to alternate between g-spot pressure and a long, slow climb to a clitoral orgasm (which means I’d have to be sure to keep a spare set of batteries on hand) but it’s doable. Is this a perfect toy? Definitely not. But I don’t think it will go unused. Which is a lot more than I can say for the last 4 luxury vibrators I’ve tried.

Sweet Embrace ready for travel

Don’t like pink? Evolved also makes this exact same toy in black but markets it to men as a prostate massager, the Provoke. I don’t think this would be a good prostate toy, though. Inserting the smaller end is safe because of the larger end, but inserting the larger end then means you have no flared base for safety. So there you have a fat, vibrating handle to hold, a max insertable length of less than three inches and a definite certainty that the button will be covered in lube and will require thorough toothbrush scrubbing to get it really clean. Oh and as I figured out, the button is actually the lesser of two evils for cleaning. See that raised crap there? WTF is that. It’s not even a logo. Anyways it is a bitch to clean. It requires a toothbrush for that bit.

  • 3 speeds, 4 pulsating functions
  • Waterproof (although using it in the bathroom would be stupid, IMO, if you’re at all concerned about noise levels)
  • ABS hard plastic (silky, matte finish as opposed to shiny and slick) – click here for cleaning and lube info
  • Single button – push to turn on to low steady, then it will move through the other 6 settings. To turn it off, you must press and hold the button for 4 seconds
  • Rumbly vibrations that are moderate but pleasurable
  • Travel-friendly if you leave the two halves unscrewed
  • Give it a helping hand: Use fresh AAA batteries by Duracell or Energizer in their “more power for high drain devices” type (which are, yes, more pricey). Try a warming lube or one that stimulates the g-spot or clitoris if you’re like me and not an easy O. 

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Dec 172010

Lelo asked me to review the Isla from their super-premium line called Insignia. The Lelo Insignia line as far as I can tell is marketed towards the upper-middle class who might choose form over function. The Insignia line is, by far, their best visual work yet.

Ah if only beauty trumped brains. Or, rather, brawn in this case. Isla and the other Insignia vibrators are beautiful but they don’t really appear to be anything special. The trademark Lelo box is a little more posh on the outside, but the black pressboard is still the same, just bigger and compartmentalized. The black and white satin pouch remains the same. For some reason, the line includes a brooch of the Insignia logo – does wearing this signify to others that you are a modern, vibrator-using woman? ;)

Isla and the others all have three big design changes – the buttons are totally different and are underneath the silicone; the handles are pronounced and oval with a cut-out; finally a metallic plastic “interior” is added for looks. It surely doesn’t add anything to the use. In fact….it makes it a lot harder to clean. As you can see below there is a fairly noticeable gap between the plastic and the silicone – I had a bitch of a time cleaning lube and fluids out of the crack. If this portion were actually made of metal I might be more impressed but it’s still plastic. Before I go further, let me point you here to the details section on Lelo’s site about the toy where you can see exact measurements and other specs. Specs don’t vary, but opinions do, so I’m focusing here on my opinions of the toy in use, not a technical paper.

The buttons….instead of four buttons in a circle, there’s now three in a row. One to increase power, one to decrease power and the center button changes between straight vibration mode and pulsating mode.

The charging port – a source of mass confusion on Twitter as the first wave of the Insignia line reached reviewers. Basically unlike the prior vibrators that had a cover/plug going into the charging port that you lift away, with these you just poke the charging jack through the silicone dimple and it will still be waterproof.

The Lelo Insignia Isla is marketed as their g-spot vibe of the line but the curve is subtle. The size is subtle and feels slim to me. In short….it’s a boring vibe that just doesn’t have a prayer of doing squat for my g-spot. Mona far outranks it in function; even Gigi as well. It also seemed that the motor is not quite as powerful/rumbly as Mona or even Gigi. It felt a bit more diffuse and nothing to write home about.

I’m a harsh critic – but I’m picky and I’m fair. I don’t like dropping cash on a lackluster vibe anymore than you do. This probably wasn’t the best specimen of their line for me to review because I already have my g-spot needs very well taken care of. However, given the cleaning issues and the motor I can’t exactly see myself having a hugely positive review of the Alia, either, which is their Siri/Lily version of the line. So far as I can see the Lelo Insignia line is made to appeal visually and it best used by women who have sensitive clits and g-spots and want their vibrator to look posh. I can’t really find a justification for the price increase, either.


I was given this vibrator in exchange for an honest review, by Lelo. I thank them for the opportunity to try out one of their newest sex toys.