Jun 212010

So not too long ago I got this email from OkCupid. I haven’t logged on there in a good long while, (read: months) and so I was confused to see an email from them. I’d turned off all other ones, so was curious why the fuck they were bugging me.

What did this email tell me?

Here, you can see for yourself:


They’re now segregating based on perceived attractiveness.

I’ll let that sink in a mo’.

No, I’ll just let it sit there on it’s own, because I’m just too damn flabbergasted about it to say much more right now.

Sep 272009

Last week I told you about a Craigslist “missed connections” post I put up for the young man in my office that I originally wrote about here. In case you were too lazy to click that link, this is the picture that I included with the post. I figured office boy would recognize it as being me, if he saw the MC ad:


Apparently, it was in good part due to this photo that I got around 50 replies in the 6 days I left the ad up.

Now when I asked for opinions last week, most seemed to think that I meant “would you pretend to be the intended target?” – that wasn’t it. Not a single one of these emails were from a guy trying to pretend to be “M”. Oh no, they either made it clear that they knew they were not the intended victim or they thought they weren’t but listed off their building name anyways just to be sure. And then there was a good handful of men that didn’t try to say “Hey if you don’t find him, maybe we can talk more” – all they wanted to tell me was that “M” or my husband was a very lucky man and that my cleavage was awesome. One delusional man wearing a hairpiece and obviously over 50 wrote me thinking that maybe possibly I was looking for him; even though my ad said that “M” is 10 years YOUNGER than me.  He listed out his building name and all sorts of stuff.

I’ll share a few of the messages from men I didn’t bother to respond back to with my interrogation, just for giggles. And yes, a couple of them I decided to email back at the end of the week and ask them why they replied. Half of those didn’t answer me.

“………I know this would be even a longer shot than yours, but if you’re interested in flirting a little, hit me up! I don’t know why I sent this message other than trying to add a little excitement to a boring life right now, and I figured what the hell!”

(This was probably one of the least offensive replies.However, I didn’t say I was “looking-but-not-looking”, I out and out  stated that I wanted to fuck “M”.)

“I would be very interested in a would like your self…..If you like E-mail me back and we will go from there…..”


“hey im not that guy but i think i can help you out with the hookups and flirts :-)”

(No, I’m sure you can’t. Next!)

“does it have to be the right guy to respond to your post you sound fun and if you are interested in the young guy thing im 25 in decent shape and love to please older women.”

(Yes you fucking idiot it DOES have to be the right guy!)

“This is as much a long shot as your post, but I thought i would give it a try. I am not your friend from work, but that was such a wonderful pic that I thought I would tell you how much I would like to see them in person! Nothing more! Perhaps in a see through top, or in a verry sexy bra?”

(Wait…..what? I’m really not even sure what he wants here.)

“I love your ad   so I am kevin taking a long shot if you don’t hook up with the guy   get back to me,  I will     wow nice tits  love bbws  I am  45 6ft 3  and would love to fuck you and have a good time”

(I replied back: “How do you know you’d love to fuck me? Maybe I have an ugly face and weigh 300 pounds!” He didn’t answer me on that one.)

“Well I can tell you one thing, I don’t recognize that cleavage from the xxx building xth floor. So that leaves only two guesses, now I’m down to a 50/50 shot.
I’m going with 343 Xxxxx because there are lots of beautiful women in that building. Now… maybe I should’ve come over there and scoped out the xth floor before sending this. Nah hopefully you will decide to respond and meet me in person. I like your playful nature, I think that we could have a lot of FUN together. While I’m not 10 years younger than you, I am one year older, attractive white male. Drop me a line, and we’ll take it from there. I’m about the most adventerous person you will meet!”

me: “No, I’m not in that building. But how do you know I’m beautiful just based on my cleavage?”

him: “There are a lot of beautiful women In the 343 xxxx building. You do have very nice smooth cleavage. And I’m a sucker for great breasts. Want to do a walk by at Xxxxxx Place”

me: “Well I just said though that I’m not in the 343 Xxxxx Building.”

him: “Nope. But you’d still likely enjoy. Home watching a sick kid today. Maybe I’ll post a video for you to enjoy this evening. Showing a bit of my adventurous side.” (gag)

me: “So what made you reply to a missed connections ad if you know you’re not the guy I’m looking for, and all you’ve seen is my cleavage….? I’m honestly just curious.”

him: “What are you going to do for a playmate since you’ll likely not find him??”

me: “That didn’t answer my question……”

him: “thought you might’ve been someone else. nevermind.”

(LOL wtf? That’s how he drops it? Oh that was funny)

The following are the replies I got back when I prodded and asked them why they responded to my ad, trying for a meeting or hook-up, when my ad was clearly meant for a certain person and not the general public.

“I tend to take weird chances in my life. Alot of times I dont know how to explain it, but I just do it. I am running a 60/40 rate on it working out. Thats normally pretty good. I saw your ad because I live in an apartment complex and go to them often for friends. I read the description and thought, hey she sounds like fun. Why not take a chance and see what happens. Does that make any sense?”

(Ok sure, it kind of makes sense. Maybe. But his ratio proclamation is what I call bullshit to.)

“Yea that’s ok well I replied because I thought u sounded real not like a bot and u sounded hot and I liked the pic and I just figures if u thought this younger guy was cute that I’d email u and see if u were attracted to me I’m a young guy to I’m cute well endowed and I’m very attracted to older and married woman and that’s the type I want for a fwb situation I know its a lo g shot but I figured if I was ur type and u didn’t have luck with M maybe we could hookup???”

(Ugh holy hell, I didn’t want to reply to this guy, but I took one for the team. His original message was even more gag-worthy. This is why he responded to my ad)

“First off I am not that guy…lol   However I am THE guy.  I would love to get to know you a bit more.  I am also married so we both know the value of discretion.  I am 6’4 37 and dashingly handsome…;)  Let me know if you might be interested.”

(Cocky motherfucker, lol. Sometimes I like that in a guy, sometimes I don’t. This time, I don’t. But I asked him why he responded and the following is his answer)

him: “I liked what you said in your post and I love meeting new people…  It seemed like a good idea to reach out to you.  Obviously I am not shy,  and I just wanted to see if you might be interested. I guess it was a good idea after all huh?”

(good idea? I only replied asking in a nice cheeky way why he responded since I was obviously only looking for M and not a random hookup. Nothing about my query email suggested that I was going to consider him.)

“No it’s not a long shot because there will be plenty of other men interested in you.  Im 36, 6’2, 210 lbs, muscular, and very interested in you!  You are married?  So what.  What is wrong with a little flirtation and fun on the side to keep life interesting??  I would like to flirt with you via email since we dont work in the same office.  I also wouldnt mind swapping some racy pics back and forth if you’d be into it?  Then possibly meet up for some hot, mind blowing sex?  You let me know.”

me: “Hmmmm….so you’re interested this much in a perfect stranger based just on a shot of cleavage and a few words?”

him: “Is there something so wrong with that?”

me: “Well not “wrong” per se, just not quite right. Heck for all you know I could weigh 350 pounds and have an ugly face, but my cleavage is at least great!”

him: “Well your right.  I dont know what you look like.  I hope thats not the case, but I guess thats up to you if you want to tell me.  As far as me doing that, I have never looked there before.  I figured with so many fakes on CL, that was the only place to look where most of the postings were real.  I have no problem meeting women, just seems like its so much work to weed thru the ones that want a long term thing vs a NSA thing.  At this point in my life, i am looking for the latter.  Just seems like this is the easiest way to find what im looking for. And by the way, you pic tells me a story about you.  Even though its just of your breasts, this is what i saw.  You were dressed very nice.  You also looked extremely clean/feminine.  Maybe some extra weight, but that doesnt make you unattractive.  What you said made you attractive.  Just my opinion.”

(I didn’t reply back to that, but come ON! Ok seriously, all you can see in the pic is cleavage and a little of my top. You can’t see my hair. You can’t see much else of the top or what else I’m wearing so how can he “tell” I’m dressed very nice? I don’t see anything about that pic either that says I’m “extremely clean/feminine”.)

Well I got a few answers but really they didn’t help me much. I outright asked one guy if he replied because I sounded slutty and/or desperate and he denied that. DID I sound slutty or desperate in my original ad??? Maybe a little slutty, lol. But still I find it hard to believe that so many guys replied in that manner, thinking that if I didn’t find M that I would consider them. Perhaps the cocky asshole men don’t read my blog and therefore couldn’t shed light in the comments section of the last post.

Review: Silk Touch Egg Vibe

 Reviews, Sex Toys  Comments Off on Review: Silk Touch Egg Vibe
Sep 262009

On my quest to find a better bullet/egg vibrator – one that’s powerful and also well made so that it will last long – I’ve had a few duds and a few that were not bad but just not right. In a way I feel like Goldilocks. Goldilocks and the 100-acre Sex Toy Store. Wait no, I’m mixing my childhood stories there.

Sadly Goldilocks (Lillilocks?) has not yet found her “just right”. The Silk Touch Egg Vibe had potential but it floundered and then finally failed completely. I had thought that it was just mine and that I somehow got a dud, but my dealer (Drew) hunted and found out that more than half of the people who reviewed it had the same problem or similar. So for that reason alone, I can’t recommend this vibe – especially at a price tag of $27.99 at the time of this writing. For the quality of the item, the price should be half that. This vibe will just *poof* stop working. Click the big button and it turns back on, for half a minute. Sometimes only half a second.


There are other reasons though why this vibrator is just not up to par. For starters Continue reading »

Sep 232009

{no HNT this week, outta pics and haven’t had the time or ability to take new ones. next week!}

Ah, Craigslist. Such hope, such possibility, such fodder for snark.

A couple months ago I mentioned this young guy who works here in my office. At first I just thought it was cute but I brushed it off with “He’s too young”. But then the old wheels…they start a turnin’. And by the time I figure out that yeah, I could go for some of that, he’s seemingly cooled off. Maybe? I can’t tell. Playing hard to get now that I glance back and flirt a little too, or did he cool off because of all the wedding talk? From the time I started planning the wedding, I was talking about it to the girls in my aisle, a couple desks back. He sits on the other side of the cube wall, the other aisle….so he heard most of it. Aww what a good little boy, not wanting to flirt with a married woman *snickers*

So I took a plunge and posted this up on Craigslist. I attached a pic too….the one I put in that post about him. Sure it’s cleavage only but I figured that if he was reading the post, he would know by that photo that it was me.

Post title was “For ‘M’ on the [redacted] floor” and it listed my age and city.

This is SUCH a long shot.

Both for you even reading this, and being interested.

We both work in [redacted] for [redacted], on the [redacted] floor. You’re about 10 years younger than me I think, but I kinda don’t care. I don’t want a relationship (I think you’ve figured out by now that I’m married, but you don’t know that it’s open); I just want an office flirt, the occasional hook-up, etc.

There seems to have been some occasional brief flirtations between us. Looking-but-not-looking, and in general being very coy. I know you chat up a few of the girls your age, so I’m not sure you’re actually interested in an older BBW like me. Is it too obvious though that sometimes I expose a little too much cleavage for your benefit? You think I don’t know that when we’re standing there waiting on that machine, you sneak peeks.

The correct guy will tell me his first name and the name of the building we work in.

I wanna ask you guys something. The men here, please reply….you can even put in a fake email address for this one if you want to remain anonymous when you divulge the truth.

If you browse Craigslist for encounters, or just the missed connections section for whatever reason….would you reply to that post or something similar knowing full well that the post is not for you? Knowing that the poster (me) put that up looking for “M” and not just any guy. If you WOULD reply…..why?

I’m sure you all know that I got replies from guys who knew damn well they weren’t the guy I was looking for. Today I decided to reply to a couple and ask them why. I’ll continue this next week after I hear some insightful comments from my readers.

Jul 072009

According to the Google Webmaster tools, I have 285 Google subscribers to my feed.

Wait, huh? 285?? That can’t be right….

For one, the number just seems high to me. For two, I’d say that other than HNT posts the most number of commenters I’ve had on one post is less than 20. Which says to me that either I have a lot of lazy/lurker readers, or the 285 is just nonsense.

Because it was pointed out to me (most recently) by my friend Sarah, I do realize that there are folks who read my blog in the feed (Hi, Rob)  and can’t ever really visit my decidedly NSFW/Not-Family-Friendly blog. So I’ve been trying to do more with the feed. It’s being met with equal parts “whahoo I did it” and “goddammitwtfpieceofshit”.

First I started out seeing if I could find a WordPress plugin that would not only show comment count, but allowe the reader to submit a comment right from the feed. But I don’t think that exists.

Next I added in the “share” icons to the posts and to the feed, so that’s somethin I guess.

Then I was at somebody else’s blog and saw their Feedburner icon showing the number of subscribers. Their number was considerably lower than mine; the reason that struck me as odd is because they have been around as a blogger for a lot longer than me and I was under the impression that they and their blog were a lot more popular an well-known than mine.  So I figured Feedburner was more accurate. I signed up for Feedburner.

And here’s where my eyes go wide and I realize I’m in over my head.

Feedburner (which is friggin -owned- by Google now, yes?) says I have 27 subscribers to my feed. Now I don’t think that number is accurate either…why isn’t it picking up on the Google subscribers that Google Webmaster Tools reports I have?  EDIT: After having Feedburner manage things for a full day rather than partial day, it’s now reporting 455 subscribers. And you think I was gobsmacked about 285.

So then I started poking around in the features with Feedburner. Changing how my feed looks, etc.  In a section called “FeedFlare” there’s a couple options I thought I’d put in, like the comment count, the ability to email the post, and the ability to email me without having to go to the website for my address.  But the comment count isn’t showing, nor is my “Email the author” link.

“Allow subscribers to email you directly using a web-based form FeedBurner provides. (If there is no author email address encoded in your feed, this Flare does not display.)”

Encoded in my feed?? How and where??


OH! I forgot this! I did away with the comments feed when I switched to Feedburner…..I never use it on other blogs, but if you did subscribe to that, please let me know, I’ll put it back.

Ok I put the comments feed over to Feedburner too.

And I still can’t fucking figure out this shit, the FeedFlares. I selected both the WordPress and the Blogger comment count, knowing full well I’m WordPress…..and the fucking Blogger one works, but not the WordPress! However clicking on the comments count doesn’t take you to the comments point of the post. And I can’t edit it. Can’t make the “Email the Author” work. Can’t figure out ANY of it. Grrrrrr.

Jun 022009

This item has been discontinued

The Boss Lady is apparently a Babeland Exclusive vibe, made by Fun Factory. Therefore, you won’t find this anywhere else.

There was a very strange and confusing mix-up regarding this toy which went out to the reviewers that did not get resolved for a few weeks, or noticed. I’ve decided not to go into it here. If you really want to know, just ask. The bottom line is that what I have is different yet the same as what is now being sold by Babeland. The circumstances though have not only driven home my decision to not review for Babeland anymore, but also I  do not feel comfortable fully endorsing them. That right there is MY opinion, not the opinion of many other reviewers.

From talking to my peers on Twitter it’s been discovered that Fun Factory vibes are known for being “tricky” with the battery compartment. Apparently some can go on two ways, but one way is wrong and it will work funny. Like it will be “on” as soon as you put the cap on. I talked to a bunch on Twitter who gave me tips. My reviews coordinator “handler” directed me to Babeland’s customer service (as a reviewer I have to say, I’ve never dealt with customer service before) and after they gave me similar tips it was in fact determined that the one I have is defective. I still have to say though that the Fun Factory toys are too expensive for me to accept that they have known problems. When I want to jerk off, I do NOT want to have to fiddle around with my vibe to make it work. As of this writing the Boss Lady is selling for $67. For $67 I expect the thing to work as it was intended. Even if all else about this vibe worked perfectly and I really loved it, that hit-or-miss aspect would keep me from using it much.

On this toy and a few other new Fun Factory vibes there is something called the “Boost” or “Turbo” button. It gives a power boost when you’re near the edge and need more oomph. The fail to the Boost button is that you have to hold it in. If you let go, it’s off of Boost mode. On mine, after the first few attempts, the Boost button no longer worked. Also it required more strength than I can sustain in one finger for longer than a few seconds, but that’s just me.

The toy is silicone, but a matte silicone. It adds friction/texture. Couple that with the fact that it’s a girthy toy (1 3/5″) and the fact that it’s a little “floppy”/bendy, means you have to use a lot of lube or be very wet or have worked up to this toy. Even I had trouble with insertion at times.

At certain bent positions, during normal use, it would change the vibration. Sometimes even change the pattern!

I can’t recommend this vibe. I know that mine has a defect in the cap with regards to the “minus” button, but there are still fundamental flaws. This is only my second Fun Factory vibe – I have the Layaspot which I like (although now I know that one time I put the cap on wrong, the batteries weren’t actually dead). I am not condemning them as a brand, just this toy. I would like to try other Fun Factory items in the future, I hope this was a one-off.