Another Suburban Mom did a “Flawed” HNT this past week and asked others to join.

I, obviously, did not.

And why not?

Well, this confession is as much as you’ll get from me for the time being.

I couldn’t participate. I was not brave enough. And I also wouldn’t have been able to pick anything out. The truth is…..*sigh* this is hard for me to admit here. I’m afraid you’ll all think less of me. Ok here goes: I see flaws everywhere.

(god that felt like “I see dead people”)

All those who comment here are so wonderful and participating in HNT has helped me. I have been reminded by those that love me that others do not see me as I do, others are not as harsh. I am my own worst critic.

*I hate my weight. I am fat, I am obese. You do not see it all, I am not brave enough to show it each week. I hide it away. I am deeply ashamed of it. My weight contributes to many flaws, if I were not obese, they would not exist.
*But even without the weight, I’ve never had a flat belly. Always a chub there. But now with the excess weight it is my most hated spot.
*I hate my round cheeks. Even when I was thin, they were round and full. Now my whole face and neck is.
*I hate the skin around my eyes. It’s too dark, and it took me a very long time to find a decent enough makeup to cover it. I won’t leave the house without that.
*My complexion – ever since I went off hormonal birth control, I cannot control my breakouts.
*My hair – again, result of that birth control drop, I lost some right up front. You can see my scalp through it. The rest is thin and fine. Won’t hold a curl very long.
*My upper lip – lower one is great, the upper is out of proportion.
*My smile – at least when I smile “with teeth” which I only do when laughing and I try not to let it show. You don’t end up seeing much teeth and it just looks…weird. Awkward. My smile is not one that lights up a room.
*My nipples – well specifically the areola. (is that spelled right?) As my breasts grew, so did they. They’re very large. I worry that if/when I lose my excess weight and my breasts shrink, that they won’t.
*My breasts – yes, I’ll hear about this one. You all love them so. I think they’re too large, too fatty, not perky, etc. I could wear prettier bras if I were smaller.I love my cleavage, I love the full mounds of my breasts when they’re supported.
*My cunt – I feel my outter labia are too full and fat. Were they better when I was thinner? I don’t know, I didn’t masturbate much then. They hide my clit away, they hide everything.
*My inner thighs – well, I won’t even say on here after all these confessions why I hate them but I suspect it’s a result of my weight.

I fake it sometimes, my confidence. Sometimes I feel sexy. But then sometimes I really don’t. Sometimes I want to cry when I look in the mirror at my naked self, or see the HNT reject photos that show me looking humongous. And sometimes I do cry. Sometimes I wish for a magical knife to slice it all off. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, with the photos I post.

I really do. But I’m too cowardly to show the flaws. And it makes me a bad person.

Tags: confessional, hitting rock bottom, Photos, unsexy

read comments (42)

She will occasionally send me photos. Sexy photos. Cute photos. Beautiful photos.

But it is her husband that will send me the naughty photos. The downright dirty photos. The pervy photos.

Her husband will send me life-size close-up photos of her beautiful cunt and it makes my own cunt ache. It makes my tongue and lips ache to be on her. (It made me wet and it made me come hard)

Her husband will invite me to watch them over webcam, naked and beautiful.

While she is my friend and we are vocally mutually interested in each other, it is her husband that indulges the horny pervert in me.

Will I whisper in her husband’s ear, in the noisy bar, “Does your wife want to kiss me?”

Will I ask her husband, before I check for myself, “Is your wife wearing any panties?”

While her husband watches guard, I will sneak my hand up under her skirt and tease her clit while we’re surrounded by people.

While her husband kisses her neck, I will kiss her lips.

Before my lips assault her naked body, I will ask her husband what she likes. I will ask him to show me how.

Before I fuck her with one of the toys they have, I will ask her husband to guide my hand. To show me how deep and how fast and how hard.

Can you tell I’m anxious to meet my beautiful, sexy friend……and her husband?

Tags: accolades, confessional, erotica, fleshbot, girls, real life

read comments (22)

One of my earliest sexual fantasies that I can remember didn’t involve me doing anything directly with anyone else. In high school I really did have limited sexual experience past the requisite making out. Nothing major happened until my junior year and it was a fumbled poor attempt at sucking the cock of an asshole in the backseat of his car. I didn’t fully bloom until my first sexual relationship with a boy in the spring of my senior year. Before that, to be quite frank, sex and hard cocks and horny teenage boys really intimidated the hell out of me.

But I was still curious, albeit from a distance.

My parents owned an RV. Nothing fancy, nothing brand-new, but it served its purposes for the long traveling vacations they were fond of. There was the traditional double-bed sized sleeping loft above the drivers cabin. There was a full sized bed in the back, taking up one side of the rear of the RV.

Despite my limited knowledge of sex I knew that kids my age couldn’t really freely have sex wherever they wanted in their parents houses or even elsewhere. So my fantasy was to run a sex-mobile. A pay-by-the-hour motel room on wheels. Under cover of night, innocently driving and revealing nothing suspicious to the outside world. But inside…..I’d be treated with aural and visual teasing stolen peeks of the naked couple in the back bed of the RV. More elaborate fantasies had me rigging up secret hidden cameras to better view the debauchery.

Since I didn’t know how to orgasm or even where my clitoris was, at that age, I’m not sure why I tortured myself so much with these elaborate imaginative fantasies but I do at least recall that these aroused me greatly.

As I recall this set of fantasies now, the glaring differences between my generation and the current generation of high school kids are clear as day. I did not grow up in a small town, I was not friendly only with shy repressed wallflowers, and I had plenty of short-lived boyfriends. But the rampant sex lives of teenagers today is at once troubling and enviable. While I think I started making up for “lost time” with that senior year boyfriend and subsequent college romps, I still missed out on a lot of fun in the time period when I looked my best and was my most confident self.

Tags: confessional, fantasy, real life, Voyeurism

read comments (2)

I have reviewed a lot of sex toys, and if you’re a loyal reader I think you know by now what it takes to get me off. Of course, getting off goes beyond toys and you know that aspect too. But what you don’t know…..is how. How I get off.

Since May is National Masturbation Month, there is no better time to talk about it. While every girl jerks off a little bit differently, today you get a sneak peak into the mechanics of my masturbation.

Sometimes I have a goal – to squirt, to come many times, to simply try out a new toy.

Sometimes I start from a bare simmer, and sometimes I wait until I’m a squirming mass of arousal – my cunt and clit already engorged and achy and slippery.

One thing that I really don’t ever do is finger-fuck my cunt. My arms are short and it’s just not comfortable for me. 50% of the time, when I masturbate, it is clitoral stimulation only. It was more frequent before my recent toys but now I have a few wonderful items that fill and stretch me or manipulate my g-spot in an irresistible way. And there are indeed times now where my orgasm is elusive until I hit the proverbial big red panic button that is my g-spot. When done correctly, it is like my g-spot and my clit are inextricably linked together – one fuels the other until the orgasm crashes and I really don’t know where it’s coming from.

Back up.

Clitoral-only orgasm. These are good, they are great even. These were my only method for some time  – back when I was using only found objects such as the battery-operated toothbrush. My fingers? Meh. I’ve orgasmed from merely fingers very few times in comparison. I have gotten to the edge many times, but usually not over. It is, indeed, frustrating.

My clit is picky. There is one spot – THE SPOT – and that is on my right-hand side of it. Vibrations are necessary -  but equally necessary is combining the vibration with pressure. Rubbing and pressing the vibrator hard against myself. Sometimes an up and down motion. My favorite and most delicious, achieved best with smaller vibes that have a pin-point of stimulation, is a tight circle around my clit. But the pressure, oh the pressure is needed. Because of my anatomy – my very full lips – my clitoris remains somewhat hidden. The pressure ensures pleasure is received not just at the tip but the shaft that is hidden inside my body. Also because of my anatomy, my tried-and-true methods include my fingers spreading my lips wide open and taut. My clitoris exposed as much as possible. In longer sessions lasting more than 30 minutes my pussy lips will actually get sore and a little bruised. It is generally a requirement for orgasm to do these things but sometimes, like at work, when I can’t do it I have managed. Likely though I find a way to at least provide the pin-pointed pressure which sends me crashing.

Yes that pressure is necessary and sometimes it is more than most people would think a woman could tolerate. Certainly all of my partners have to be egged and coaxed to be as firm as I need.

The mental aspect….I think it is safe to say that I am different. Sometimes I will be watching porn while I jerk off but that’s actually rare. Before? yes. Before I will watch or I will be reading blogs or looking at photos and I will let myself get to the point of wet cunt, engorged and aching clit, fully aroused. But during? Let us assume I am not in the unusual situation of being at work and let us assume I am alone or at home and perhaps alone. Once I have brought out the toys and I am working towards the end goal, I do not fantasize. In fact my mind does not settle anywhere. I might have images flitting through my imagination, words, shadows of thoughts……. but it is much like well…..a cacophony of images and sounds, a little bit like the Lost brainwashing video but not extreme and not as random. It’s just how my ADD-brain works. I am concentrating on the orgasm; I can’t also concentrate on my thoughts and direct them to fantasy.

I’m not done

We don’t end here

You want to know more….right?

I think the men would appreciate a verbal anatomy of a female orgasm….wouldn’t you, guys? A description of the sensations and well….I think you might appreciate the photos that are coming up.

Tags: confessional, masturbation, real life

read comments (9)

It seems that my dominant side is never the most prevalent. But when it does come out to play….I feel ruthless. Bitch extraordinaire. I have not had any experience dominating a woman be it in person or virtually, but I’ve already discussed (here and with others) my desire to do so.

I also must point out that I’ve never been much of a fan of the humiliation aspect of D/s, either receiving or doling out. Something more sinister, however, has popped up inside of me lately and I am finding myself aroused by the strangest things. A few weeks ago, at a meeting at work for our new unit assignments, the group was asked to do the school-classroom bullshit of “stand up and tell us about yourself”. Let it be known that I hate this. I am not comfortable speaking in front of people, even in such a casual setting. So I felt for this girl, I really did. She appears to be younger than me; pretty in a cute and “I’m trying to look cool” way. Perhaps someone I might be friends with. From my vantage point behind her and to her right, I was able to glance at her occasionally. When she stood up to speak each time, I noticed that she blushed furiously. She did not stammer, she did not show any other outward signs of feeling awkward. But I thought that the blushing was very cute. I think, partly, because at first glance her body language, style, etc was more “I’m cooler than you and this is all so lame” – but oh, what do we have here….vulnerability. Shyness.

I have read erotica- male narrator, shy and blushing female subject – of the similar nature. The man is dominating, domineering, pushy and delighting in her awkwardness. Aware that beneath the fear and nervousness lies arousal. I did not want to be in the shoes of the female, no, I think I more wanted to be the aggressor.

In my past fantasies of dominating a woman, I was never alone. It was a threesome. Perhaps a shared toy between a dominant and I. Perhaps a shared toy between a submissive man and I. But always, he was involved. I might have had the reigns of control but he was active in it. The fantasy has changed, morphed or perhaps I just have another one. He doesn’t participate. Instead, he watches passively. An audience. Another element to heighten her embarrassment and shyness.

I’ll be ruthless, while the one who trained me watches with pride. I will show her precious size 6 little ass no fucking mercy. As she is bent in half in a standing-hogtied sort of way, her cunt is bared to me like a split peach. I can easily go from inflicting pain on her ass to her cunt.

But no….that only satisfies part of my desire. I wanna make her squirm. Blush. Cry. I want to break her.

I don’t want a slut who’s at ease with her sexuality. I don’t want a whore who’s been around this block a time or two. I want a girl who cringes when sex words roll off her tongue. I want to make her say cunt and clit and suck and nipple and fuck and I want her to blush while she says this stuff. Tease her with these words and the pain (the bittersweet raw pain) and the begging until she’s crying.

She enjoys it though. Beneath the blushing and the cringing and the crying and the whimpering and the pink-red skin from my slapping and flogging she is dripping wet and aroused beyond belief. And that’s why I’ll love it, that’s what will fuel me to dig deeper. Before I break her, before she’ll full-on beg to come all over my hand, I’ll torture her. I’ll have to. Leave her at the edge of her orgasm…..make her watch me get fucked (and loving it) from my Dom. Taunt her with my orgasm. It’s going to be hard for her to watch, her instinct will be to turn her head but I won’t let her.

I want to watch the boiling point of her arousal and humiliation come to a head and erupt. At my command, at my hand. I want to break her…..and laugh at her misery. An evil giggle, a demeaning chuckle.

I’ve got a few things/issues/grievances/hurts of late that I need to take out on some poor girl. I just need to find a suitable one. Now accepting applications….

Tags: accolades, bdsm, confessional, D/s, domination, fantasy, fleshbot, girls, I came hard after I wrote this, I need a whipping post, I'm an evil bitch, sex, sugasm, threesome

read comments (29)