Mar 092015

Lovehoney Rockbox FingerNo matter how anybody felt about it in use, all reviews about the original Lovehoney Rockbox said the same thing: it was horrifyingly loud. Lovehoney didn’t take that as a negative, apparently, when they created the Rockbox Finger which is shaped like a lazily-crooked giant’s finger which “thrusts”. Thrusting toys somehow had new life breathed into them in the last year or so. The Lovehoney Rockbox Finger is like the Fun Factory Stronic on bath salts – manic, loud, offensive, dangerous and erratic. It is really the polar opposite of the Stronic line. If you thought the Lelo Mona Wave was loud, you ain’t heard nothin yet. I couldn’t tolerate the electric razor sound of the iGino; it made my cats run away. iGino is the sound of a babbling brook compared to the Lovehoney Rockbox Finger. Yes, it’s that bad. It’s louder than the Magic Wand, it’s louder than the Doxy Massager

Somehow…..SOMEHOW…..the very first time I turned it on, the thing decided to act possessed. It would not turn off. The vibrations would randomly slow down, speed up, appear to be doing the cha-cha and then rattle furiously while I kept clicking that button as if my life depended on it. While the husband looked on with mounting irritation and the cats were cowering under the end table, I frantically pulled out the manual which claims that you should press and hold the button to turn it off. NOTHING WORKED. I was exiled to another room; I had to go to the bedroom and shut the door. I was cackling at the absurdity but genuinely concerned because it wouldn’t turn off1.  Finally, finally, the 47th click turned it off. The relief I felt at that moment was immense. Since then, it’s mostly been okay in function. Except for the fact that, despite the video and instructions from another review, the battery cap will. not. budge. So I have to make my assessments and do everything I need to do before the batteries inside die a merciful death.

If you want to hear what the Rockbox Finger sounds like, check out this video. It’s about 1/2 or 2/3rd way through and be sure to turn down your sound!

It’s not often that I find a sex toy with zero redeeming qualities – even when something doesn’t work for me, I can (usually) see how it would work out well for someone else. There was the gag gift, the magnetic horror, this old worthless Extase vibe, and of course those cheap rabbits. And now, the Lovehoney Rockbox Finger.

Lovehoney Rockbox Finger - I PinchWhile the Stronic uses something akin to the Shake Weight to do its thrusting, the Lovehoney Rockbox Finger just moves back and forth. I’ve seen something like this long ago, but at least it was covered in a rubber shell to bridge the literal gap – the pinchy gap. It pinches. Like a crab. It will pinch your finger, your inner thigh, your labia, etc. Whatever skin it is near, it will pinch if you fuck up ONCE. I can assure you that for someone not into pain, the third pinch was the final straw for me. Oh and for all the maniacal “thrusting”? It doesn’t even work. Even just touching my labia, when I tried to use it clitorally, the slightest resistance made it stop because I was holding the handle. If the motion has nowhere to transfer to, it stops. If you hold the handle lightly enough while it’s inserted, then the handle is bobbing away ferociously outside your vag, with some weird rattling vibrations going on inside. It’s flat-out ridiculous. No price is worth it but I’m offended that Lovehoney charges over $40 for it. I’m also offended that of the 14 on-site reviews, you only see the good reviews at first glance. The rest are all warnings and rants, but miraculously there’s just enough to make the front page look positive. What a coincidence! 

Shevibe was considering carrying this atrocity because they’d had a few customers ask for it. They had their doubts, so they sent it to me to get a second opinion. Not only do I think Shevibe shouldn’t stock this, I don’t think Lovehoney should be selling it. This shouldn’t be on the market. IT’S JUST THAT BAD. DO. NOT. BUY. IT. While the price is exponentially higher, many people love the Fun Factory Stronic – consider that one if you want something that thrusts for you. If you want an enlightening experience, thrust your own dildo

  1. There is a very hysterical 2-minute video that starts from the time I’ve exiled to the bedroom, but I’m not sure I can share it because of anonymity reasons
Jul 202014

JimmyjaneForm4The Jimmyjane Form 4  seems to be suffering a case of mistaken identity. Everything it claims to be, it is not. 

I don’t have a good history with the brand; in fact it’s well-known that I will never recommend one of their products. I fondled their Iconic line at a Babeland a few years ago and was extremely underwhelmed. Don’t even get me started on those bumblebee-in-a-can Little Something vibes. I hated the Hello Touch and I wanted to set fire to the Form 3. The Form 6 bored me so much that I never found the fucks to give to review it. I tend to think that everything made by JJ is in the buzzy camp and very overpriced.  Yet I start to doubt my convictions now and then when I read a positive review. I start to think that possibly not all of the Forms are awful and I should give it a shot again. So when Peepshow Toys sent me the Form 4, I tried very hard to pretend it wasn’t a Jimmyjane vibrator. I tried to ignore the ludicrous ad copy. 

All of my efforts failed. I still don’t like the Form 4. Let me count the ways….

Barry White?

I’d like to hand Jimmyjane the Lelo Smart Wand Large and the Minna Limon and the We-Vibe Tango and drill it into their heads that those items are rumbly. Those items could possibly be called the Barry Whites of vibrators. For Form 4 to self-claim the title is presumptuous and just dead wrong.  I tried the water test (which the Form 3 failed spectacularly).  I tested the Leaf Fresh+, the Lelo Mia 2, the Je Joue Mimi Soft, the We-Vibe Touch and then Tango, comparing to the Form 4. All of the vibrators I tested had more of an impact on the water than that of the Form 4. They’re all more powerful, with deeper vibrations, than the Form 4.

I personally respond best to deep, penetrating vibrations. Lacking that, I require pressure (so that the vibrations travel through flesh a little farther). It took me 35 minutes of play and porn and a lot of pressure to coax out an orgasm with the Form 4. The orgasm was a bit like a failed July 4th firework – You see the trail going up up up into the sky, you hold your breath and wait for the bang and burst but it never happens. It’s just a silent “poof” of nothing with a tiny light sputtering and spiraling to the ground. Plenty of people do not need strong, deep vibrations. I think you already know this about yourself, if this is the case. But if you’ve hated more vibrators than you’ve loved, if manual clitoral stimulation is a frustrating endeavor then let me lead you away from the Jimmyjane Form 4.  There is no “exceptional power”. It is moderate, in everything it does.

Flexible! G-Spot!

Form4FlexOn their site, Jimmyjane has a graphic that is apparently supposed to represent how flexible the Form 4 is. Um, no. “Form 4” and “Flexible” are in different zipcodes. States, even. With a lot of force pushing the head in one direction and the neck in another, I can get the Form 4 to be very slightly flexible…ish. This claim has to be the most far-fetched of them all on the Form 4.

Listen, my g-spot needs either pressure or fullness or firm strokes. The Jimmyjane Form 4 cannot deliver any of these. And if your g-spot is not located right near your pubic bone, the Form 4 isn’t going to reach. You’ve got maybe 3 inches of insertable space if I’m being generous. This coupled with the straight bowling-pin shape1 does just not make for a g-spot vibrator.  STOP TRYING SO HARD, JIMMYJANE.

More seam than a pair of legs circa 1942

Silicone-covered vibrators have a seam. It’s the nature of the beast. You can’t avoid it. But you CAN make the seam less noticeable. Jimmyjane did not. I don’t consider myself extremely sensitive but even I felt that seam during external use. Most people are more sensitive than I, and would likely be quite bothered by this. For ~ $145, I expect way better.

SO 2010

In my list of gripes, it feels very minor to gripe about the charging cable and the packaging but it irks me enough that I can justify it. It’s 2014, Jimmyjane. Time to slim down the packaging, use less plastic, make the charging unit more travel-friendly. It’s been a few years since I received a rechargeable toy with this giant A/C adapter plug. Many companies have switched to USB for worldwide compatibility and others at least made the adapter smaller.

JJForm4Packaging JJForm4Charger

It’s not all bad….?

You get a moderately powerful slightly buzzy waterproof vibrator that is stuck in between the lands of Clitoral Vibrator and G-Spot Vibrator. It’s longer than most vibes meant for clitoral action, which in my world is a good thing. It’s easy to hold. There is still some vibration sensation that travels throughout the entire vibe, so it’s not like ditching the smaller clitoral vibes for this gets you noticeably less tingly of the fingers. It comes in gray…..

….That’s all I got. I can’t find anything else good about it. I tried.

 Where should you go from here?

Vibrators that are more powerful and rumbly than the Jimmyjane Form 4: Lelo Mona 2; Je Joue Uma; Minna Limon; We-Vibe Tango; We-Vibe Touch; Jopen Envy 3; Je Joue Mimi Soft; Leaf Fresh+. Lelo Mia 2 is a bit more rumbly but about the same intensity and the same can be said for even the Lelo Gigi 2.  If you don’t really need something powerful, I think even the Gigi 2 (and it doesn’t rank super high for me) would be a better choice than the Form 4. More of a handle, better g-spot curve and head, and can be used externally. I’d suggest Je Joue Uma if you want a little more length and intensity/depth of vibration in a style that can be used for g-spot or clitoris. If it’s just clitoral you’re interested in, I’d recommend the We-Vibe Touch for a more pleasing vibration that still retains serious power within an ergonomic, silicone-covered body, or the We-Vibe Tango for the ultimate in deep, rumbling vibrations. Both the Touch and Tango have 4 intensity speeds so you don’t need to choose the super-powered setting if you don’t need it.

Bottom line is that I can recommend a whole host of vibrators that perform better and cost less than the Form 4. I can’t find any reason to ever recommend the Form 4 over anything else.


My appreciation to Peepshow Toys for allowing me to satisfy my curiosity, and prove to myself that I just shouldn’t trust Jimmyjane to deliver. After all, this is a company that thinks people are going to pay $40 more for the same vibrator that has 24K gold plated charging contacts – or, better yet, $3,500 for a platinum & diamond 1-speed piece of crap. They seem to have done away with their $4k bouncy house and $35k plane ride, at least. Between their ridiculous pricing, inability to make even one awesome vibrator, and the fact that they’re now owned by Pipedream (a company I wouldn’t trust as far as I could throw them, so it’s a match made in heaven) – this is a brand I simply won’t recommend. 



  1. I think it also is shaped like squash, also not sexy or conducive to g-spot play
Sep 202009

Sorry, the sexy erotica piece I had been working on will now be delayed until my mind stops racing in trying to figure this out, and my blood pressure settles down from the anger.

Maybe I’m making a big deal out of this. Reviewers, chime in, ok? Has anything like this ever happened to you?

So the lovely Cici sent me a Hitachi Love Seat to review. Priority mail, and thankfully a tracking number. I inquired about it yesterday I think and she gave me the number today. Punched it in……”Delivered on 9/16″…..oh hell.

My apartment isn’t the sort where you go inside a main door and all the apartment doors are in there. No, packages that get left, get left on doorsteps. But its that way with everybody. I’ve been concerned before, when it comes to expensive items, but now I see the point behind signatures being necessary for delivery. In the year plus that I’ve been reviewing, I’ve never had anything go missing. Heck not even in the whole time we’ve lived here, no matter what. Until this week.

I’ve emailed Cici and found that the label was indeed correct, so it’s either the case of it being swiped from my doorstep or the mailman put it at the wrong door. At first we thought that perhaps the wrong apartment number was on the label, and that would explain the next bit…..

I got my package today (sunday) and it was opened. The top of the box flaps folded in so that it was semi-closed. The mailing label was ripped off (if it had the wrong addy on it, it could have identified who opened it, but since it was my addy…..god knows why they ripped it off). I open it, it is indeed my Love Seat. The seat was in a clear poly bag, taped shut and the little manual/pamphlet was shoved down inside the spot where the Hitachi goes down in (Cici relayed that info to me). So, it was down in there and this person dug it out. They put the seat back in the bag and tossed the pamphlet in the box.

It took them FOUR DAYS to return it to me. Why even return it to me at that point, in that condition??? It’s creepy, I’m freaked out. It’s worse because today is the one day I can’t call anybody – not the apartment complex managers, not the post office. Rest assured I’m calling them tomorrow. I won’t let them brush this off. It was mail, isn’t that a federal offense?

Cici is recommending I wash it and I agree, just in case. It’s not dirty, it doesn’t look used.

I’m just pissed off and creeped out.

Jun 022009

You guys know that I am nothing if not honest. So contained herein you get my very honest review. I hope that it gets read by potential buyers and by the reviewing community, as well. I also want to note that I did not have to review this toy – I was given the option not to, or to receive another of the same toy that perhaps might not be defective. I declined the replacement toy but I wanted to write the review anyways.

Also….yeah I know. Overload of reviews lately. It’ll be over soon, you can skip them, whatever. There is reason for it though, I promise.

The Boss Lady is apparently a Babeland Exclusive vibe, made by Fun Factory. Therefore, you won’t find this anywhere else.

There was a very strange and confusing mix-up regarding this toy which went out to the reviewers that did not get resolved for a few weeks, or noticed. I’ve decided not to go into it here. If you really want to know, just ask. The bottom line is that what I have is different yet the same as what is now being sold by Babeland. The circumstances though have not only driven home my decision to not review for Babeland anymore, but also I  do not feel comfortable fully endorsing them. That right there is MY opinion, not the opinion of many other reviewers.

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