Oct 212009

More babbling and boring words, in my effort to just write about “whatever” and  not strive to fit into the theme of the blog. Bear with me :P I might lose readers, but I don’t much care these days – you can expect that the rambling babbling real-life based posts will continue for a bit. At least I’m writing. That and I have some un-sex shit I need to get out.

I didn’t say anything at the time, but I had a scare a month ago or so with someone accessing my blog and the IP showed to be from my work. They didn’t stick around to read much and they came to my blog through someone else’s blog. Minor but still freaked me out.

Anyone who’s an anonymous blogger has had scares, I’m sure. Anonymous blogging isn’t easy, especially when the things we blog about would not go over well in our little corner of “the real world”. We must take care to not show too much in pictures. We must change details about ourselves and those we write about.

For example, in the first week of blogging I didn’t know that and gave “K” a different initial. His real one. I didn’t think a thing of it. While his paranoia might have been a bit much because it wasn’t like he had any online ties to me or something (other than perhaps browser history), it’s still a valid concern. So ever since “K” I’ve had to make up names/initials for anyone I’ve talked about that doesn’t match their real name, and also change little details. And it’s not always easy to keep track of what details I’ve changed about a person. Sometimes I’ll have to go back and read prior posts to remember what hair/eye color, location, age, marital status etc I’ve given them.  Even for me, especially for me, I’ve changed details.

I really envy bloggers like Carrie Ann who is fully “out” on her blog. It would be much easier! Infidelity bloggers seem to be more susceptible to the “vanish in the night” phenomenon but I know of other sex bloggers who’ve had to shut down their blog because the wrong people found it. Some move their blog like Amy and Roxy and some others just vanish. So if you come here one day and find me gone……you know what happened and it will likely be work-related.

Facebook, and my stupidity, doesn’t make this anonymity business any easier. I have 3 main email accounts. The blog email, my personal gmail and my personal yahoo. Real life friends and family know the yahoo one. Last year when I created my “real life” Facebook account, I signed up using my personal gmail account because it was what I primarily used and I didn’t expect family members to hunt me down on there. Some blogger friends know this personal gmail account. Well, last year when Jake created his blogger-identity facebook account he used the “add friends from address book” feature and added the real me. I quickly realized that that was a link between my two worlds and it had to go (sorry Jake!). Not too long after that, though, I dropped FB because I just didn’t use it. When I came back to FB I created my blogger-identity account, like so many other bloggers were doing. And then I ended up re-activating my real-life FB account. You know how Facebook likes to “recommend” people for you to friend? Well one day it recommended the real-life me to my blogger-identity account! As soon as I figured out how that happened (I’ve forwarded emails from one gmail account to the other so they’re linked, apparently) I changed the email address from my personal gmail to my yahoo.  Apparently, Facebook never forgot my gmail account even though I erased all traces of it from there. It would still recommend blogger-me to real-me occasionally.

What I didn’t realize, until recently, is that not only was it doing that to ME but to other people. Recommending blogger-me to real-me friends and vice versa. A real-me friend did a friend request to blogger-me. I think my heart stopped for about 10 seconds, lol. Luckily, out of all my FB friends, she is the sole person that it doesn’t matter. I already knew we shared similar sexual views and we’d had conversations in the past. Plus she says she recognized my cleavage. I had to laugh at that one. So, ok, fine. Added her as a friend. I still didn’t think that anybody else would make the correlation like she did. Enter in another privacy-invading Facebook tactic. When said friend commented on one of my blogger-me photos, that activity showed up in the “highlights” section for anybody who was her friend. If they clicked on the link, it would take them to my photo album. Nevermind the fact that I had privacy settings out the wazoo. It would still let them see the photos but not my profile. I found this out through Hub who is friends with both me and her and knows about my blog (obviously). Since I had no way of making Facebook forget about the goddamn correlation, combined with it’s wacky ideas on privacy, that led to me deleting the blogger-me Facebook account. Just in case any of you wondered where I went on there :)

Oct 032009

Ya know, I don’t do it often, but tonight I’m just gonna let the crankiness flow. Mmkay? Glad you’re with me.

So I don’t know why the fuck I still have a profile on OkCupid*. I don’t go there much anymore. It’s been awhile since I’ve met anyone from there. The last guy that I met I thought it was just a friendly date despite him being enamored with the “Blog Lilly”. We emailed quite a bit and I found him great to talk to. I had thought that I made it clear that despite the fact that he’s seen blog photos of me naked and that I can be mildly flirty, this was a friendly coffee date only. Now either I didn’t make it quite clear enough or he was severely let down meeting the “real life me” in contrast to “Blog Lilly”.  I’ll never know. All I got from him the next day was that I “confused him”. He didn’t know what to make of things, of our meeting. He couldn’t tell me why he was confused or what about. Whatever. I said hello via email a few weeks later and still no reply back. I’m sure he no longer reads the blog. Just before him was Shawn, but she disappeared too eventually after we hung out once. She faded in and out for the next month after and we spoke of getting together again but it never happened.

In recent months, though, Okcupid has been a sesspool of idiots. Stupid emails, crass emails. You guys know, you’ve read a few. Finally I added this to the beginning of my profile: “I apparently need to spell this out, and also put it at the top. I do not have the “casual sex” box checked off, for a reason. It’s because I don’t want a casual fuck with a stranger. So if you feel so inclined to drop me a line touting your mad skillz in bed or just that you’d like to fuck me and would I like to meet to make that happen? Save your time, and don’t drop me such a line. It won’t get you anywhere. If you’re looking for a quickie NSA hookup, I direct you to your local Craigslist.” The “hey wanna fuck” emails dwindled down considerably. Still the straggling asshats and morons attempted now and then. Today’s email was the pinnacle.

Subj: no offense but…
guys message you for an nsa hook up because your tits are like small countries with vast tracks of land and you’ve put those pictures on your profile. i’m not excusing them, random sexual encounters are dangerous. but as a guy, i thought you should understand.
and that was my way of starting a conversation. its like a coin toss. we’ll see what happens when the penny drops.

I replied: “So you’re telling me that the price I pay for having big tits is getting unwanted NSA hook-up emails? Or is it just that I have big tits and I’m not ashamed and covering them up like a librarian? Is this like the argument that a rape victim deserved it if she dressed up sexy because she felt like it?”

My pics are not overtly whorishly sexual, they’re sexy and guess what? There’s cleavage. You can’t hide that at 42DDD. So I’m asking for it by having those, as opposed to fun frolicky “look at me having fun with random peers, i must be normal!” pics.

Y’all tell me if I’m being a cunty bitch here, ok? It’s alright, I can take it. Over there in the sidebar, up at the top, I have my copyright listed. It’s also in the footer of every single post, to be seen when you’re viewing a singular post. Basically, you’re free to share/re-post portions of my posts or my pics so long as you have my permission OR you appropriately credit me (i.e. this blog, via link). There’s more than just that but you can read it here. Now, last HNT was only posted on my blog. I didn’t upload it to Twitpic or similar. I tweeted a link, but this person wasn’t a follower at the time (I lock down my tweets). He tweeted about my pic, crediting my twitter account name and linked people to the photo – not my direct link of it, not my blog post link but to an imageshack link where this person uploaded it to his own account. When you view it, there’s zero accrediting to me/this blog. I told him that he couldn’t do that, and to remove it. He argued: “No copyright infringement, Fair Use, U asked ppl on social media to look @ it, I did, & reviewed it on my non-commercial social media page. I also credit you and send pple to UR site. Once there U can try to sell DVDs, videos, blogs, cam-time whatever. However if U do not want my compliments or the extra exsposure, just say so, & I’ll Unfollow – I play nice.”  W. T. F. I have no damn clue what he’s prattling on about with selling shit, I don’t do that. He never credited my site. People are viewing that photo and as has happened before with my pics, someone with a tumblr will repost it and be in violation of my creative commons because they didn’t credit me. I’m now the dramatic cunt because I calmly and nicely told him hey, thanks but can you please credit or remove? your current method is “not allowed”.

I don’t care what I post, what I say, what pictures I put up. There’s only one person who’s ever allowed to use the terms “nasty” and “filthy” in regards to me and that’s R and that’s only in sexual roleplay (which is in the past). It’s not sexy, it doesn’t turn me on. It makes you look like a disrespectful pig. From a stranger, those words are not a compliment or a way to hit on me.

Ok so I just now saw that I had a response to the above mentioned Okcupid mail about my vast tracks of land and perhaps I jumped a little harshly at the poor guy. But still. vast tracks of land?!?!

him: “you’re right. guys should show you respect regardless of what you’re wearing. i only meant to give you a window into the mind of the average male; not offer an excuse for their actions. i’ll remember this. for future reference, i’ll never message someone new and start talking about her vast tracks of land. at the time, it just seemed like a better way to say hello than “hey! i’m bi-polar too! hooray!“”

Oh and while I’m at it I just gotta share with you one last Okcupid email. Got this from a guy who claims to be 39 in his profile but looks much more like 59.

Subj: Head – how bout it?
Body:  How bout some head ?

When I didn’t reply to that lovely gem, he sends another email the next day.

Subj: re: “head” request.
Body: requesting some “head”.

To which I took in a snarly fiery nostril deep breath and fired off: “I’m requesting that you fuck off and die. This isn’t the Bunny Ranch, or craigslist, and I made it clear I’m not looking for casual sex. You’re a disgusting old pervert.” And then I blocked his ass from ever contacting me again.

I swear you guys, I’ve got sexy shit here in drafts. I promise. But for some reason, even though I’m on that “health watch” 2.5 weeks off work and can type to my lil hearts content………it ain’t comin. All that’s flowing these last two days is cranky and snarky and growly. So um, real soon. Promise.

*I don’t now. After proofing this post I thought about it and weighed the pros and cons and dumped the profile. There’s still huge shoes to fill and it’s just not gonna happen anytime soon.

Feb 202009

Earlier this week, Sinclair asked on Twitter if any reviewer had any massage oils/candles that they didn’t want and cared to swap for. So I emailed, offering up my one Babeland massage candle. Anyways, she says “Hey….wouldn’t it be cool to have a place where all the sexbloggers who review stuff can go to swap with other reviewers?” It would only be stuff that can be sterilized or that doesn’t need to be, like lubes and massage oils/candles, BDSM stuff, etc. What, you’re getting squicky at the thought of toy-swapping? Why? Like I said, only something we tried for review purposes and that can be totally sterilized…..you’d swap toys in a group sex situation *shrugs* so why the hell not? I don’t know about you but I hate that I have some really nice things laying about that I won’t ever use again.

So after some quick-n-dirty research, I found a site thats used for swapping. But, as I quickly found out, its mostly for crafty stuff. Handmade stuff. You host an idea, everybody signs up who wants to join, and the site software randomly pairs up two people and then when you’re assigned a partner it gives you their mailing address. Well, we didn’t realize all that at first, we so signed up. We each ended up creating a group. We should have given the groups innocuous test names, but we didn’t. We also didn’t realize that the group names show up somewhere on the site. So one such nosey person noticed this, read our short descriptions, saw our websites and…..well…..got all “proper vanilla lady” concerned. How’d I find out about this forum thread? Because I noticed in the tracker for my site that suddenly I was getting all these referral links from that site and a forum thread there. WTF??….hmmm……

Ok I saw two new groups made …sex toy trades and so forth ..18 and over site so it doesnt bother me ..My question is can newbies with no ratings or filled out profiles make groups …

@DangerousLilly and @mrsexsmith

are they self promoting or what …

IMO… you can swap anything…..sex toys are not the kind swap materials swap-bot is about …i understand the music …the sexy swaps …..

i dunno this just got me the wrong way …..

if im wrong so be it , but ya’ll know i say what’s on my mind


As an aside here, by the time I noticed all this, the thread had already gotten quite a bit of activity in the form of the “hens” speculating…..and holy shit was it funny…..

Well, I have no issue with the content of the groups, but I do think its highly suspicious that both of these creators have no ratings and not even filled out profiles, seems mights fishy…should we alert the “authorities”? :-/



Considering the turn that the other thread took, I hesitate to add my 2 cents but I’ll take my chances. Here goes…I for one would hate for swapbot to become a site that attracts those wishing to solely swap sex toys, spouses, dirty socks & worn shoes or whatever else that I probably couldn’t even imagine. I think there are other more appropriate sites for these kind of activites. I highly doubt that this was Rachel & Travis’ vision when they developed this site.

Wait, wait wait. Hold it.

“…spouses, dirty socks & worn shoes or whatever else that I probably couldn’t even imagine…..”


A bunch of bloggers, a self-contained group, that merely wants to find a place to congregate to work out swaps easily….swapping sextoys is a gateway to listing SPOUSES for swap?????

*cackles maniacally*

Oh you gotta gimme a minute here….

*insert 5 minutes of crazy-person laughter, including snorts and tears*

Oh dude that’s some funny shit.

was suspicious of the group founders, too. Yeah, used sex toys … sounds gross!

I rolled my eyes so hard at that. Yeah honey, we’re gonna stick a toy in our cunt, swish it around, and then say “Anybody wanna try this one?!?!?!” Friggin dumbshit. And prude, I might add. Not one of the few female bloggers that I showed this forum thread to the night it was happening seemed to think anything wrong with swapping barely-or-not-at-all used STERILIZED toys. Nor did all of us automatically assume insertables.


Well, whoda thunk it…after doing a search for @dangerouslilly this came up. Included on that site is the same url for her website that she has listed on Swapbot under her profile name! And well… @mrsexsmith is well…all about it!

I like this one. My site, that’s raunchy and eyebrow-raising and hand-over-their-mouths “I’m gonna pray for her soul” stuff. But Sinclair? A self-proclaimed “kinky queer butch top”? They could barely even speak of her. That was just so “out there” to these ladies that they couldn’t even mention it. After all…..we both had groups up. Both had similar profiles (i.e. empty “about me” bullshit)

My response at that point was this:

Since you’re all talking about me….I should chime in.

MrSexSmith and I know each other, we’re both sex bloggers, we both set up groups just to see whats up with this.

We are thinking about setting this up because, being a sex blogger, we are given sex toys and similar accoutrement to review. Sometimes we don’t ever use them or they are sterilizable and therefore could be swapped between other sexbloggers who review. So you’d be seeing a whole bunch of other bloggers signing up as newbs and our group would be doing a private group swap, i.e. we don’t expect other non-bloggers to be joining.

I hope that clears things up for you folks!


Yeah, that didn’t stop things.


educate the uneducated wth is a sex blogger …please use little words i sometimes am very slow ……..thanks


Seriously?? blogger…..sex…….anything?

This all happened Tuesday evening. By 10am on Wednesday morning….I’d had over 3 dozen hits from that site and/or that thread. Heh.

Really now.

I checked out a few profiles of some of the more vocal participants in the thread. I’m not joking that one included, in her very long list of “likes to receive” for swapping stuff, anything to do with:

  • Walmart
  • The Virgin Mary
  • Religious candles
  • St Jude
  • Rosaries
  • in amongst all the standards “glittery things, pink things, flowers” etc etc etc.


It then occurred to me just HOW out of place we were. Like…..watch your back, we’re about to be burnt at the stake.

Eventually, after some very nice explaining of what we were and were not about, that we didn’t expect any illustrious members of the community to be involved with it…..I just gave in. Said ok, thanks for clearing it up, the heathens won’t sully things anymore. Buhbye.

To credit, they weren’t all stuck-up prudes. Two really nice women took the time to privately message me and say we shouldn’t feel the need to be run off by the others – even though they would have no interest in our group, it’s not illegal and not specifically against the TOS of the site…..and that I should stay. I was adult and nice with my responses, I never freaked out and never was rude (unlike some of them). I let those two women know how much I appreciated their speaking up in private to me.

Boy did this experience open my eyes to just how……unwelcome a sex blogger can feel in certain places, real life or internet.

Above all else though it was fuckin funny. I mean just “holy shit look at the ruckus we caused!!!”

Sinclair’s idea of swapping though will not be deterred, we’re finding other ways to set this up. After all, wouldn’t you like to trade that paddle there for an oil from her that neither of you like your current product but think that what the other person has is really neat and you’d like to have it for yourself? I would.

*Don’t worry, once it’s all set up and kinks worked out, we’ll be spouting off about it so much you’ll get sick of hearing about it! We’ll let you all know :)

Feb 122009


In my post earlier this week I spoke of how one’s impression of sexbloggers can differ greatly from the reality.  Many of us that participate in HNT post weekly provocative half-nekkid photos. We’re dressed in sexy near-nothings, or wearing nothing and posed sinfully. Not all, but a lot. And most do not include their face in the photos. Therefore many readers must think that we must be model-beautiful to be posing and preening like that and having all this sex! All this hot, sexy, kinky sex!

And the fact is, we’re not all 10’s. I read on the swinger blogs quite often that the couple writing was disappointed by the lack of attractive (to them) people at the swinger clubs to fuck – but hey we all have sex. Words and attitude can make up for a fuck of a lot, I’ve found. We’re all tapping in to our inner Sex God(dess) and bringing it slowly to the forefront.

Those who responded to my earlier post agreed that their real-life, non-superhero alter-ego is a good “cover” so to speak. Perhaps some of us are “average”. Perhaps others are “above average” in the physical appearance department. But, regardless, unlike people such as Audacia Ray and Violet Blue and Rachel Kramer Bussell, our real life work/socialization doesn’t have anything to do with sex. We are not “out” in that way.

Someone brought up a good point though. And a few points to ponder.

It all seems so innocuous, doesn’t it? These masks that we wear in public and even to our close family and friends. The question of the moment is : Would you treat somebody you know personally near and dear to you any different if all of the sudden they had a blog. What if they had a sex blog? What if…. they had a sex blog and you’ve been commenting there for a long long time?

So….what if?

What if you found out that they had a sex blog?

I’m not going to touch on the area of co-workers because you’re not usually close to them despite sometimes seeing them more waking hours than your family. But what if you found out your aunt/uncle/cousin had a sex blog? Your parent(s)? Your child? Is the blood relation a multiplier in the squick factor?

In speaking of a family member, I don’t know how you all were raised but as a kid you were kicked out of the room for “adult” conversations. As a teenager you likely hid your burgeoning sex life from these authority figure adults. And holy gods it was eye-burn-worthy if you walked in on a family member (parents, worse) having sex. It’s a fact of life, it’s something nearly everyone does to some degree. But with those people it’s a taboo topic. Now I know of people who openly and graphically speak of their sex lives with, say, their mom. I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. To find out a family member has a sex blog could be awkward, weird and uncomfortable knowledge.

Now, your close friends. It’s a different matter, no? Those are your peers to whom you likely do talk about sex with in some fashion. Depending on how prudish all or some involved parties are is the extent of the conversations. I know that any sexblogger wouldn’t be very phased by the knowledge; we’re all open and sexual beings.

What if you found out that they have a sex blog AND you’re a regular reader/commenter?

Would it lessen the blow, or the squick factor, with family members? Or would it be worse because you’ve now inadvertently been privy to all sorts of information and maybe photos that well…..just isn’t “normal” for family members to share.

What about if it were a friend? A sex that you’re not attracted to, would you be less open to their kinks and likes now that you know them? A sex you are attracted to but perhaps not the particular person; is your view of them going to change? Will you suddenly be attracted to them in real life?

What if you are the one being found out, or being read?

I know one blogger in particular had this problem and for her it was a major squick factor (because it was a family member who found her blog, and continued to read knowing it was her and her half-nekkidness).  Would you expect those who found out to treat you negatively or at least think less of you? Or would you adamantly insist that their views of you not change? Would you be furious if you lost the friendship of someone who had very opposite sexual ideals, solely based on your blog?

Me? I would likely embrace the knowledge if it were a friend. I wouldn’t be upset that they never told me, most likely. A family member would be a different story. I think I would be a bit scarred. I think there would be a bit of deterioration to the relationship, perhaps temporarily perhaps permanently. Is that wrong of me being a very open and sexual person with my peers?

If I were found out  – I would completely expect that my family members would see it all very negatively. Real life friends? I don’t know. An open relationship isn’t normal but it isn’t as taboo as infidelity. Of course I have a healthy dose of “embracing mysluthood” on here which could be seen negatively as well by many. I’d be saddened if I lost a friend or was shut out entirely by a family member, but if they’re so uptight and unforgiving that this would be my great sin….hm. I don’t know.