Dec 312015
 

The Best Sex Toys of 2015 (and the worst, too) - Featuring the L'amourose Denia and Prism V, Womanizer, Doxy Skittle, Tails and Portholes Nereid Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo, Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5, Doc Johnson Truskyn, We-Vibe Rave. THE BEST SEX TOYS OF 2015

I actually reviewed LESS this year than I thought I did. I blame it on buying a house and moving. I’ll do better in 2016. So I had to be picky about the things on my list and really only pick things I LOVED for the Best Sex Toys of 2015. Bonus this year: Video!1Things I pick up and use again, and again and mourn when they run out of charge. The L’amourose Denia is one of those, despite it being a dual-stimulation vibrator. I usually hate those! But the flex technology that some hate, I actually love. It made the thing so much more comfortable and fit me like a gorgeous, rumbly glove. The L’amourose Prism V is another one for the records. Powerful and rumbly (better than Mona 2 or Uma) and with a perfect head, the likes of which I haven’t seen since the Pure Wand. My g-spot likes the Prism V that much, y’all. Despite my lack of real review yet (does the video pre-review count? It’s gonna have to) the Womanizer is on the list. I agonized over it, but hey….it’s niiiice. With the Pure Wand in tandem it’s even nicer. My husband is all about that Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo, it’s probably like his version of L’amourose – powerful, rumbly and unique. Of course there’s the Doxy Skittle, that baffling little bastard, I like a LOT. Finally, this dildo from Tails and Portholes over at Etsy. Custom made to whatever color combos your heart desires, and it’s a soft silicone, too! Please, check her out. The only tough thing will be making a decision on your colors!

Best Thing That Wasn’t a Sex Toy:  Stealing this idea from JoEllenWoodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit. I wrote a love letter, basically, so just read that if you hadn’t already. It’s hands-down the best sexuality conference I’ve ever been to. Kudos to Ricci Levy, The Board, and the Volunteers for making it so amazing. The little tidbits I am hearing about the 2016 Summit are making me so excited because it’s going to be even better, if that’s possible. Yes, my mention of the Summit in my video reduced me to tears. You didn’t think I was such a sap, did ya?

Honorable Mention: The Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5. I love the vibrations and feel that their G5 line is finally powerful enough for me to rave about. I appreciate the flexible body because not everyone likes a rigid vibrator.

Let’s Keep an Eye on These for Next Year: AKA More Testing Necessary: First up is the We-Vibe Rave. It arrived on my doorstep Wednesday and while I’m super impressed by the power and the weird, assymetrical  design (which works as they say it will) the motor on mine is possessed. It shuts off randomly and then turns back on randomly; it’s done this twice, so it’s not for lack of a good charge. I have a feeling I’m really going to enjoy it but I need a functioning model before I can really lay down any promises. Next up is the Doc Johnson TruSkyn. Really, the whole line, but I have this one. I’m impressed by the dual density for an affordable price and impressed by the mix of realistic + non-realistic and even dual density butt plugs! But since so many are (rightfully so) skeptical about Doc Johnson (we’re not gonna ease up on you, Doc, til you banish that fuckin sil-a-gel shit), I need to test it. And that includes cutting it in half after I’m done using it to report back on the in-use feel. Too many are worried that it’s not truly solid silicone, so we’ll see!

THE WORST SEX TOYS OF 2015

The Jimmyjane Hello Touch X is my least-hated on the list, but it’s still on my shit list. Their unsafe, lack of educational instructions on how to properly use e-stim pissed me off and to boot the vibrations and shocks weren’t even very nice to use. The Dame Eva failed 4 out of 4 vulvas in my trials, and really ended up pissing me off with their claims of a powerful motor and the ability to stay put during sex. The Lovehoney Rockbox Finger is an atrocity that would only make sense as an April Fool’s joke. Fucking shameful waste of resources and other people’s money. Another controversial vibrator on the list is the Lelo Mona Wave. While I think I’ve read more negative reviews than positive,  a few really liked it. I found it boring, useless and overpriced. And finally, the Ooh by Je Joue. The whole collection, really. The Classic and Cock Ring were much worse fails than the mini thing that looked a lot like the Mimi but I hate the line overall because they didn’t try hard enough to make sure that every shape was going to live up to its full potential. The person who thought that the design of the Classic was actually worth selling should be slapped.

The Worst Marketing of 2015: This isn’t something that I mentioned in the video because I feared I would get too emotional and too enraged for words that human ears can hear. The Fifi is a cheap, crappy male masturbator sleeve that some bloggers agreed to review before checking out their social media. Admittedly, it’s not something we’d ever considered before – vetting out a company. But it has to be done. They had fat-shaming tweets, sexist tweets, racist tweets, sex-negative tweets, etc all written by the world’s biggest douchebro. There wasn’t a single meme that was as funny as they thought it was. It was horrifying and shameful. It was HURTFUL. I was in a lot of rage for a lot of days. I didn’t write about it on the blog (just a lot of tweets); but I did get to say a little bit of my piece when the company’s newest rep tried to contact me to review their shit product.

Runners-up in the Worst Marketing of 2015: Fleshlight and their new #nohojo marketing. Because yes, let’s follow Fifi in their technique-shaming approach to get people to buy a Fleshlight. They used to be a decent company so I don’t know what the hell happened. In the world of penetration masturbators and sleeves, Tenga is King Brand. Then there was that fucking “vagina beauty contest” which made me want to throw things because hello, disgusting and sexist and also: NOT A VAGINA.  I love how this article about the winners was all “oh we thought this would be a body-pos thing”! Um…..*cocks head* No.

 

I admit, for the first part of 2015 life was stressful. I spent the first few weeks agonizing if we would find a house in time (so that we wouldn’t have to sign another year of a rental lease) and then we found one and I spent 3 months dealing with the seller/selling agent from HELL. It was one of the most stressful times in our lives thus far. Then we got the house! Then the move. And it was all such a big deal for us, our first house, that I didn’t realize how much of my time it would suck up. It’s not the first time we’ve moved since I’ve started blogging, but this time it derailed me for months. My blog traffic had been extraordinarily high right up until the time we moved and then I had to back off from everything – social media, Reddit, writing, etc. So now I’m working to get back what I lost with the blog, and the crash hit my mental health took – turns out months of endless extreme anxiety followed by a briefly manic happy period then crash slowly into a depression. Who knew. There’s been a lot of mental health work in our house and one of us is working on getting on better meds while the other is just hoping a job change and focusing on her blog will be enough. Ahem.

For 2016 I’m not making resolutions, I’m making plans and wishes.  Blog profits are up, my mood is overall better and I attended the best sexuality conference of my life this year with concrete plans to attend in 2016. No more hoping that the timing is just right; I plan to do everything in my power to attend Woodhull’s conference. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away!

I have so many plans one would think I came up with the list on a manic high from a good mood swing, but no. It’s all been a long time coming. I want to redesign my blog header to incorporate my beautiful SheVibe drawing. I want to create a Library page where I pick and choose certain educational DVDs and books to recommend to you all. I definitely want to write and review more frequently. I plan to do the occasional video more; I’ve been told it makes me seem less angry/less scary and more human. I’m trying to go back to showing more of my humanity and realness here and on social media. The Great Glass Test post is coming along. The Lube Page is also nearly finished. While I still want to test brand new sex toys, I also want to focus on reviewing more affordable sex toys in the hopes I can find some great items under $50, or around it.  And of course all throughout 2016 I’m giving away gift cards to my newsletter subscribers – at least $100 worth of cards every single month ($50 to Crystal Delights, $50 to Shevibe and then usually a third card).

Personally, this year I need to focus on my health; losing weight, getting into a shape that isn’t “round” and taking care of my gallbladder. I tried to avoid it but I am going to have my gallbladder removed sometime in the next few months. It will be a big blow financially (insurance, yes, but a high deductible). We’ll also have a lot on our plate this spring at the house; the landscaping is a nightmare thanks to the terrible things the “flippers” did to the property and we want the place to look nice! I want a garden! I also need to escape the job I have right now and get into something where I don’t have a coworker who is a racist bigoted infuriating nightmare of a person.

What are your plans for 2016?

  1. My second video, and of course it was as stressful as the first one. I apparently, finally, have so much crap on my phone that I ran out of storage space! The first few video attempts had weird lag, and then would cut me off. Finally I saw the brief notification “SD card full”. Well, crap. My final attempt is what you see above, no edits. It’s raw, I’m weird, I cried, I rambled, I made funny faces. *shrugs* That’s just how I am. If I tried to make a perfectly polished professional video then you’d never see one at all! I hope you can accept this video as-is; these won’t happen often, and maybe I’ll get better at them but I’m trying to convey more….emotion, I guess, than what you can get in just words.
 Posted by at 6:20 pm
Dec 132015
 

Doxy-SkittleWe’re so accustomed to being told what/who a sex toy is for that when a company makes an oddly-shaped vibrator for any gender….sometimes we kinda hold it in our hands and go “Okay, yeah, but….how do I USE this thing?”. With the Doxy Skittle there’s really no one right or wrong way and for that reason it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, there are a few factors that may make this a “no” for quite a number of people. But if you, like me, have a deep love affair with strong, rumbling, earth-shaking vibrations? Well, let me tell you about the Doxy Skittle.

Ok, But…How Do You Use It??

At first glance you’d think “oh, it’s a dual stimulator1” and yeah but nah (not for me). The only part that really vibrates is the pin. The external nub gets a fraction of the vibrations, a small fraction, and so it really serves more as a flare to allow you to use this toy anally if you wish.  The problem, for me, with using it internally is that the pin is fairly short (2.5″ long, 1.25″ wide). My g-spot is very shallow but this didn’t reach it. It DID provide EXCELLENT vibrations to my internal clitoris and it sang from across the alley to my g-spot but this wasn’t how I would fall for the Skittle.

I love using it externally. The problem is that it’s kinda big and kinda bulky and kinda weird; I don’t expect something that isn’t a wand to be tethered to the wall. I can’t really use the Doxy Skittle very well in my preferred position – sitting in my desk chair. The Skittle works best for me if I’m laying down and I bring my feet and knees closer to my body so that my thighs can be the support bridge for the Skittle. This keeps it in place nicely so that I don’t have to hold it 2. If I were thin and limber this position would allow me to reach behind my thighs to do dildo action…but I’m not. I kinda think that a dildo and the Skittle could actually work out well in a Liberator Pulse, but I can’t say for sure.  Maybe you’d just need a different Liberator Shape to hold the dildo for you. Yes, it seems like more work than some are willing to go through just to use a vibrator but for me, these vibrations are worth it. And I am sure there are other ways to hold it that would leave room for dildo’ing, but not for me. I have to position it this way, and I love to use it despite it’s oddities and limitations because hey, it feels good.  And yes, you’re seeing correctly, the control buttons are not on the vibrator itself. It’s a handpack, which transports me back to 2009. This handpack control thing might be a deal breaker for some because depending on how you use it you may need a hand for the Skittle, a hand for the controller and a hand for the….wait, no, you’re out of hands. We’re back to having something else hold the dildo for you, if that’s an ingredient you’re adding to the recipe. But for me, for the way I prefer to use the Skittle, this remote handpack deal works pretty damn well since I’m not holding the Skittle itself.

Oh, The Vibrations…

Doxy Skittle has the type of vibrations I love. I mean, I pretty much swooned over them in my video.

Are they the strongest on the planet? No – but they’re pretty strong. Are they strong enough for me? Yes. For me this is one of few vibrators (the Tango is another) that I use on lower speeds at first just because I don’t want to come too soon and I want to enjoy the feeling of the vibrations for longer. Like eating your dessert ever so slowly to stretch out the pleasure of the exquisite taste3, I need to stretch out the sensations of the Doxy Skittle.  It took me awhile to try and compare the vibrations of the Skittle to something else because they’re really not like most other vibrators. And on high it’s a LOT like using the spot attachment on the Wahl, but more gentle (because the Skittle is silicone and the Wahl attachments are….I don’t even know…hard something). It can be really intense directly on your clitoris, but also really nice laid out lengthwise between the labia. The shape isn’t perfect for a penis, in our opinion there are better options for a vibrator for the penis, but this could be awesome for someone with a smaller penis or larger clitoris. I still think that something like the Pulse for average-to-above-average penises is better than the Skittle, or even a wand like Mystic Wand.

The Mystic Wand on high is about the same power level as the Doxy Skittle on medium, but the Doxy Skittle is a lot more rumbling, by far. As I said the sensations are best compared to the Wahl on high which is more like jackhammering than vibrating. I would actually say that the Doxy Skittle on high seems to be just about as powerful as the Doxy Die Cast on high but again…it’s more concentrated with the Skittle and way more thuddy/rumbly. The Die Cast (and therefore Magic Wand and Regular Doxy) might seem more intense because of the surface area, since their heads are so broad. I tried to compare the Doxy Skittle to the Tango and I couldn’t really compare it. Like, my beloved Tango suddenly feels …. weak, almost4. Yet still for me the Tango is preferable. It’s the Mama Bear to my Goldielocks. It’s neither too weak nor too powerful. 99% of the time I do not have any trouble coming within minutes with the Tango if I want. I would say my success rate of “minutes” with the Doxy Skittle is more like 85% and I suspect that it’s simply because I really do need the pinpoint accuracy of the Tango to hone in on that tiny little spot on the right side of my tiny little clitoral shaft.  How does it compare to the L’amourose Rosa? Well, I really dig Rosa Rouge’s heating aspect for external play so it gets a leg up there, even though the Skittle is way more thuddy/rumbly and feels stronger. And I find that Rosa is easier for me to hold vs the Doxy Skittle. Doxy Skittle will rattle your damn bones if you tried to grip it at the base; which is why I try to find ways to use it where I don’t have to hold it.  My Lelo Smart Wand Large holds a special place because it is so much more rumbly than any other wand vibrator and I’d found that when I combined it with an attachment like the Vixen Gee Whizzard it concentrated the rumbly vibrations and made it lovely for internal OR external play. It reminds me of the Doxy Skittle in that way. I didn’t put the attachment on for the video, and I probably should have. Although, yes, the Skittle is more thuddy. What about a smaller “wand” like the Palm Power? Skittle wins. I hate that Palm Power, though.

I didn’t use this anally, and we won’t be trying that out here. I had my husband look it over and tell me if he thought that this would reach his prostate and he doesn’t think it will. But for someone with or without a prostate who really enjoys vibrations in the first few inches of their rectum (which is where so many nerve endings are), this would be amazing.

All in all, I think the Doxy Skittle a fucking wonderful vibrator with sensations you don’t often find. The price is really great (I consider anything under $100 to be great these days because we can’t have the moon). The Doxy Customer Service is awesome. It’s not perfect, it’s not going to be the vibrator for everyone, but it’s a worthy contender. The Skittle might end up being one of those vibrators where everyone you know who owns it and uses it, uses it differently.

 

Thanks to SheVibe for sending me this! You can get it from them for $89.99, free US shipping!

  1. And SheVibe even has it in the dual stim category
  2. but it does preclude any dildo action – this would be one of those times where a lovely, full vaginal plug would work best to provide pressure via fullness to my g-spot without the need for any manipulation by me. In short, the lazy masturbation set-up
  3. Because you’re on a fecking diet and sadly can no longer eat half the cake of 6 cupcakes
  4. Ok no, not really but it’s being eclipsed in power!