Feb 072017
 

Satisfyer 2 Review

This is my 3rd Satisfyer review in as many days and I feel like the Satisfyer 2’s theme song should be “I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)”. Due to my love of the Womanizer PRO40, in large part because of the up and down intensity navigation buttons, you would think that I’d be recommending the Satisfyer 2 over the Satisfyer 1 (or any Satisfyer model), right?  However, button placement is equally important to me and if I can’t hold the thing ergonomically/easily and still access the buttons in use, what good are they? This, my dear readers, was my biggest disappointment in the Satisfyer 2. Before I got it in my hands I was excited that least one Satisfyer model was made “right” but then they proved that there’s no prototyping or research done before they pick a strange design. If someone had done research they would have understood how dumb is it to have these buttons alllll the way down at the bottom (head). Oddly, though, I still find the Satisfyer 2 is slightly easier to hold and control than the Womanizer Deluxe W500.

Compared to the Satisfyer 1, the Satisfyer 2 is a few dollars more and also powered by 2 AAA batteries. The batteries, and the pressure-wave function, are where the similarities end. They couldn’t be more different!

Pro/Con List

The Satisfyer 2 has a gender-neutral color scheme that at first, I liked – I admit, I’m a sucker for copper accents. I like rosy, champagne-gold colors. But overall, the more I looked at it, the boxy Satisfyer 2 controlsdesign and color scheme is very 1970s-basement-rec-room. If you squint, it can look like the Nike logo or a straight-stem pipe. As I’ve already bitched about right out of the gate, those damn navigation buttons are down by the head vs farther up the handle. The buttons don’t have a bright, LED glow, so, hey, that’s a plus.

But the Satisfyer 2 is also the loudest of the bunch, by far. The Satisfyer 1, Satisfyer Pro 2 (updated), Satisfyer Pro Penguin and terrible Satisfyer Pro Deluxe all purr like a kitten compared to the clunky Satisfyer 2. Even when the nozzle is completely covered up and sealed, the Satisfyer 2 rattles loudly enough to make you cringe in a quiet house. If discretion during use is important to you, definitely do not go with this model.

Bigger Nozzle

Satisfyer 2 nozzleCompared to the Satisfyer Pro Penguin and Pro Deluxe, this nozzle seems large. Yet compared to the pillow-y style of the Satisfyer Pro 2 or Satisfyer 1, it seems small (and definitely small compared to the Womanizer). When we go by caliper measurements, though, the inside diameter of this nozzle seems to be the biggest of the bunch. You’ll see these numbers in the chart in the Comparison Guide. This larger opening can be good for folks with a larger clitoris OR for folks who want to be sure the nozzle head doesn’t touch the sides of their clitoris. I have nearly no inner labia and a small, buried clitoris; the nozzle on the Satisfyer 2 wasn’t uncomfortable but I did struggle a little to get a good seal. When I did? Whoa, baby.

Luckily I haven’t had issues with this nozzle coming loose easily, like I do with the Satisfyer Pro Penguin or Pro Deluxe.

The Motor

Proof that the batteries don’t matter, the Satisfyer 2’s motor is way more intense than the Satisfyer 1; in fact, it ranks up there with the most intense motor of all models. Only the Satisfyer Pro 2 can compete (under water, the Satisfyer Pro 2 beats the Satisfyer 2 by a lot). Perhaps because the distance from tip of the nozzle to back of the body is bigger than most models, it does feel more “thuddy” and gives stronger “tapping” sensations on the low to medium settings, while still devolving into manic, white noise at the upper-most levels of intensity in true Satisfyer fashion.

When you have a motor this intense it feels even more necessary to have those extra buttons that allow you to navigate the intensity settings in both directions, versus pushing a single button 20 times to get back down to level 2 if you find level 3 is too much for you. Even though the power button sometimes acts up and is non-responsive, the dual navigation buttons respond to an easy touch, which is a plus.

Other Quirks and Thoughts

Satisfyer’s ad copy states that this model “cannot be missing from any toiletry bag”. At 7 inches long, that’s gonna take up a lot of room in a toiletry bag! I’m also not sure what the difference in build quality is between the Satisfyer 2 and 1, but the batteries tend to rattle around in the Satisfyer 2. This may lend a bit to the overall noise level.

I’m disappointed in this version, but I’m also being incredibly picky. If the noise factor and button location doesn’t bother you, and you really feel that you, like me, need the extra plus and minus intensity navigation buttons, this is a begrudging green-light to buy this if you can’t yet afford the superior Womanizer PRO40.  I will forever curse the button placement on the Satisfyer 2 because it coulda been a contender.

If you’d like more detailed comparisons between all Womanizer and Satisfyer models, as well as detailed specs on this and every model, head over to the Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide:

Womanizer vs Satisyfer Comparison Guide

tl;dr:  Yay: Dual navigation buttons plus a power button; very intense Meh: Takes 2 AAA, not included; nozzle may be a bit large for some. Nay: Loud as fuck, buttons are terribly placed, body is not ergonomic to hold and is very long.

Better than: Satisfyer Pro Deluxe, Womanizer Deluxe (W500)
Worse than: Womanizer PRO40, Satisfyer 1, Womanizer W100
On Par with: Satisfyer Pro Penguin, Satisyfer Pro 2

 

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Satisfyer 2 in exchange for my honest review. There are many retailers you can shop with but I recommend Shevibe over them all; they have the best customer service and overall pricing/selection. They’ve been in business for over 10 years and can be relied upon for discreet shipping!

 

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 Posted by at 7:06 am
Feb 062017
 

Satisfyer 1The cheapest in price, the Satisfyer 1 is battery-powered and simple. The silicone nozzle head is the one that is the most similar to the Satisfyer Pro 2 (and the Womanizer line) – it is large, fits securely over the plastic head guide, and appears to be more comfortable due to its fat shape and curved edges. It actually has one up on the Womanizer line – the edges of the silicone nozzle that are in contact with your vulva are rounded and a bit fat, versus the more defined edge of the Womanizer line. Since both are a medium-firm silicone I find both styles to be equally comfortable.

How picky can a person really be about cheap sex toys? Pretty damn picky, if you’re me. To date, my favorite pressure-air clitoral stimulation sex toy is the Womanizer PRO40 due to its price and features but the affordability of the Satisfyer line of copycats is irresistible to others. For some, they simply cannot make themselves buy a sex toy named “Womanizer”, and I get that.  And maybe you don’t expect a lot from a sex toy priced under $35, but maybe you do. I’m here to assume that you don’t want the flowery prose of marketing copy and instead want to know every flaw (or feature) so that you can make an informed decision.  I’ve tried to read the ad copy and figure out what they mean when they say that “The curved head on this pressure wave vibrator creates never-experienced-before climaxes”, especially when it’s said about every model, each with a different head. I don’t think there’s any logic, to be honest.

While this review is important and thorough, the Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide is equally important to help you decide which model to get. Check it out after you’re done here:

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide photo

Picky Concerns

I’m not sure why, but the Satisfyer 1 has a strange, green glow from within during use. In the dark, I could see this green glow escaping through the seams in the plastic body which really concerned me. I mean, sure, it does possibly add to the illusion that you’re using some sort of futuristic/outer space thing on your bits, but if the seams are too wide, then I worry about build quality and longevity. The seams in the body are so cheaply done that when I ran a fingernail in one crease to clean dried lube out of it, I noticed it lifting slightly and could hear the distinct sound of dried glue crackling. Eek! Also glowing is the single control button – bright enough white LED to read by, if you wanted to. You wouldn’t, but you could. At least it’s facing away from you, unlike the brightly glowing button on the Satisyfer Pro Penguin. Fine for solo play, annoying as fuck for partner play if you’re in a semi-dark to dark room. All I’m saying is that the Satisfyer buttons are the brightest in the business.

I don’t like the button placement; it’s way down at the bottom, on the backside of the head which means it’s awkward for me to use. Not everyone will share this opinion and many who are more flexible than me simply won’t care. 

Batteries Not Included

Unlike other pressure-wave sex toys we’ve seen so far the Satisfyer 1 takes 2 AAA batteries and says you’ll get approximately 2 hours of use time out of this. I set mine at medium and got at least 2 hours from my batteries1. Since many folks will be able to orgasm more quickly with this type of sex toy, your use-time per-orgasm is potentially less than many budget vibrators. However, the cost of batteries will add up over time. If buying a big pack of AAA batteries for around $10 (this 24-pack will get you 24 hours of run-time) is more doable for your budget than increasing your sex toy budget by $25 to get to a half-decent rechargeable model, and you don’t mind lower-quality construction and single-button controls, I can’t really complain too much about the Satisfyer 1. You may get more orgasms per battery, though, from the Satisfyer 2.

Engine Room

Let’s talk briefly about the motor. Honestly, I didn’t expect much from a battery-powered pressure-wave sex toy. It’s not that all battery-powered sex toys are weak, but I’ve always retained a healthy dose of skepticism from the start when it comes to this variety of sex toy. The intensity of the Satisfyer 1 is a little more than the Satisfyer Pro Penguin, more than the Womanizer W100, and somewhat weaker than the rest. The upper intensity levels lose their “thuddy” “tapping” sensations more quickly than other Satisfyer models such as the Satisfyer 2 or Pro 2, instead turning buzzy like a vibrator. This may be related to the overall length from the motor to the tip, like I discussed in the review for the Satisfyer Pro Penguin. In the large spreadsheet at the Comparison Guide this measurement is listed as “tip to back”, and the Satisfyer 1 is the 3rd shortest distance, with the shortest going to the Satisfyer Pro Penguin and Pro Deluxe.

Satisfyer 1 has a more-than-reasonable price point at $31 from Shevibe and I feel like we can’t expect too much from something so inexpensive. It’s basic and does what it came to do. Even if it doesn’t last, at this price point you probably can afford to replace it if the warranty is too much of a pain in the ass. Yes, there is a warranty, but I don’t have details beyond the information here.

tl:dr: Yay: Good shape, comfy nozzle, not extremely intense, very affordable Meh: Brightly glowing LED button; not as “thuddy” or intense as other models; takes 2 AAA batteries, not included Nay: Crappy button placement; lacks the superior up/down navigation buttons, build quality probably low

Better than: Satisfyer Pro Deluxe, Womanizer Deluxe Pro (W500), Satisfyer Pro Penguin
Worse than: Womanizer PRO40, Satisyfer Pro 2, Satisfyer 2
On Par with: Womanizer W100

 

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Satisfyer 1 in exchange for my honest review. There are many retailers you can shop with but I recommend Shevibe over them all; they have the best customer service and overall pricing/selection. They’ve been in business for over 10 years and can be relied upon for discreet shipping!

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  1. tbh I gave up after 2 hours, that was way past my attention span for babysitting a running device
 Posted by at 7:04 pm
Feb 052017
 

Satisfyer Pro PenguinThe Satisfyer Pro Penguin is cute, I can’t deny it. It could be considered the most “femme” of all the Satisfyer designs, and it’s also the smallest. As I write the reviews on the Satisfyer models, and see others rate the Pro Penguin favorably, I wonder if I’m perhaps being too picky. And then I realize it’s coming from a place of having tried, and loved, a brand that simply did a much better job all around. Try as I might I cannot erase the comparisons from my brain and judge the Pro Penguin on its own merits, or faults. I’m doing my best, though. For a quick n dirty pro/con list and comparison vs other models, scroll down. For an in-depth (maybe too in-depth?) comparison guide complete with detailed specs chart, visit the Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide (which will be updated to show the new models no later than 2.7.17)

Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison Guide photo

Strange Buttons, Strange Body

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin adds in a useless power button piggybacking on the same silicone button carriage as the intensity button; Satisfyer 1 and Pro Deluxe have a single button, whereas Pro 2 has separate power and intensity buttons and 2 has power as well as two intensity navigation buttons. It makes it hard to figure out where to press with the Pro Penguin when you’re not paying attention. It requires a long, firm button press to turn it off – terrible for when you need to turn the thing off NOW NOW NOW and don’t want to remove it from your vulva while it’s on thereby increasing the noise level. Another small gripe I have is about the body design: all other Satisyfer models, and Womanizer models, have a nozzle head that is basically at a right angle from the handle. With the Satisfyer Pro Penguin, the angle is less severe; meaning that the toy body is angled somewhat more away from your body. At least the power button is on the front side and closer to the end, so it’s not a total game-ruining design. But between the small nozzle head and strange angle I find I have a harder time keeping full contact over my clitoris with the Satisfyer Pro Penguin versus other models that have a big, wide silicone nozzle – the Satisfyer 1, Pro 2, and all Womanizers.

If the motor and nozzle head were more to my liking, I’d recommend the Satisfyer Pro Penguin for folks who prefer to masturbate sitting up; the small body and strange angle actually make it work for those situations. When I’m using the larger items like Womanizer PRO40 or Satisfyer Pro 2 I get the best results if I’m laying down or mostly reclined.

Penguin also has the same, glowing LED button as the Satisfyer 1 and Pro Deluxe, but it doesn’t have that strange, tech-y green glow inside. Maybe you want your sex toys to have that 1980’s glow, I don’t know. There’s also something … interesting to note about the brightly glowing power button on the Penguin – the Penguin is the only model with a button on what I call the “front side” of the body – the side facing your body. If you are a slender person using the Satisfyer Pro Penguin in the dark, well, you may be blinded by the light. Or at least give a really good scare to someone who may walk in on you using the Penguin in the dark, as your face will be lit up from below like you’re telling a scary campfire story about a rogue arm scratching the car roof.

Terrible Nozzle Head

Penguin is small, travel-friendly, and rechargeable but shares a flaw with the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe: a tiny, easy-to-lose and easy-to-displace silicone nozzle head. If you lose the silicone nozzle on these, they will be extremely uncomfortable to use. I know because I tried – well, “tried” indicates I did it on purpose. I didn’t. By the time I slid the Penguin in my pants the silicone nozzle was displaced and I spent 10 minutes wondering why it was so pinchy.  Also: the nozzle opening is square. Why. There’s nothing angular or square about my vulva. Also also: if the nozzle comes off you will need light and two non-slippery hands to get the nozzle back in place. It only fits in correctly one way, like a puzzle piece, but it may take you a few tries to get everything lined up. With the Womanizer heads, or the Satisfyer 1, 2, or Pro 2, it’s a lot easier. I can’t tell you how many times the silicone nozzle head has come off; it’s become my largest gripe about the Pro Penguin.

Satisfyer Pro Penguin and Pro Deluze have very tiny silicone nozzles, shown in the photo each on one of my fingers

Another factor about the short-canal and tiny-nozzle-head thing: you’ll have to clean the inside of the nozzle more often, and it’ll be difficult. When I use the Womanizers, the nozzle head is more than just the external portion. The canal of the nozzle offers protection of the unit meaning I only have had to remove the silicone nozzle and clean that, versus cleaning the entire inside of the thing.

Nozzle head measurements (and measurements of everything else) will be updated in the Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison page. (don’t go there yet, though, I’ll update the table & guide in a day or so)

Satisfyer Pro Penguin Motor

So you want to know how it FEELS, right? All of these nuisances during use and whining about design aside, I still have to tell you about the motor. I’ll be honest, I assumed at first that they would all feel the same. And figuring out how they all feel relative to each other is damn difficult – they feel best when you’re aroused, but then you’re aroused and maybe can’t get to test each one before you’re about to orgasm. For me to really get the best idea of how one compares to another I had to quickly swap them out. This means I either leave them all running at once, next to me on the bed, or deal with my clit’s short-term memory. Since having them all running on low at the same time sounded like a herd of idling motorcycles, I had to nix that idea. Anyways…

I’d say the Pro Penguin compares best with the original Womanizer W100 in terms of intensity. The Satisfyer 2 and Pro 2 are much more intense, and the Satisfyer 1 is a little more intense.

I think I may have cracked a code; I think that the smaller/shorter the nozzle head, the less intense the overall sensations will be. The longer, larger heads give you more “tapping” sensations and discernible pulses of pressure-air whereas the smaller and shorter heads have less oomph and waves. And while the motor of the Pro Penguin is similar in intensity to the Womanizer W100, the addition of a few upper intensity levels surpass the much-loved “thumping” and “tapping” and “waves” sensations and just move straight into something that mimics a buzzy vibrator – pretty much like every other Satisfyer model.

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A lot of folks want to know if I’d recommend the much cheaper ($55) Satisfyer Pro Penguin over the Womanizer PRO40 ($99), and I can’t in comparison. It’s cute and small, and many may like it aesthetically over the other Satisfyer models or pretty much any Womanizer. Penguin isn’t the worst you can do, but the flaws I’ve found are deal-breakers for me and I probably won’t ever reach for this one on my own. If I were forced to pick Satisfyers to recommend overall I’d pick the Satisfyer Pro 2 for it’s comfortable head, despite it’s noise and awkward buttons. Then the Satisfyer 2 for the intensity navigation buttons, and finally the Satisfyer 1 for the newbie pick. None of these stack up to the Womanizer PRO40 but as of this writing the PRO40 has been out of stock at nearly every retailer and I’m not sure when it’s coming back.

Stick around, the reviews on Satisfyer products will be coming at you quickly, and then Comparison Guide will also be updated this week!

tl:dr: Yay: Cute, small, rechargeable Meh: Brightly glowing LED button; not as “thuddy” or intense as other models Nay: Crappy button; strange angle of head to body; tiny silicone nozzle that comes loose easily

Better than: Satisfyer Pro Deluxe, Womanizer Deluxe Pro (W500)
Worse than: Womanizer PRO40, Satisyfer Pro 2, Satisfyer 1, Satisfyer 2
On Par with: Womanizer W100

 

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Satisfyer Pro Penguin in exchange for my honest review. There are many retailers you can shop with but I recommend Shevibe over them all; they have the best customer service and overall pricing/selection. They’ve been in business for over 10 years and can be relied upon for discreet shipping!

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Dec 012016
 

Womanizer PRO40The Womanizer PRO40 is practically perfect in every way. Until recently, Womanizer remained an overpriced, luxury item. When you get it in your hands it doesn’t feel quite as well-made as some brands. It lacks the pretty, “classic”, refined beauty that has drawn people to Lelo, L’amourose, Je Joue etc. And while $99 for the new Womanizer PRO40 still is considered luxury, out-of-reach pricing to many, it’s a bit more attainable than $219 for the Womanizer Deluxe.  The Womanizer PRO40 is clearly epi24’s answer to the sales lost to the cheaper Satisfyer models.

The Womanizer PRO40 is not overtly feminine, thank god, and is in fact pretty damn plain. Trans or gender-neutral folks can feel a type of dysphoria when they’re forced to use overtly feminine designs, so this isn’t just a concern of color and “ugh, pink again”. While very femme folks may find that even the magenta-and-white PRO40 isn’t pretty/cute enough, I kinda think the design is a happy-medium especially when the superior features exist.

Superior Features

Somehow the Womanizer PRO40 gained a feature (it’s now waterproof, like Satisfyer) AND is priced much less. How is this possible? Well the motor is a little louder; they’ve gone with a cheaper motor that still performs well, but is less refined, I guess.  It may still be more expensive, but the PRO40 has the features that keep me coming back to Womanizer – comfortable nozzle heads, intuitive designs, and better navigation buttons. The PRO40 combines the best of the W100 (body, button placement) with the best of the W500 (extra power for those who need it, and up/down level navigation buttons), adds in waterproofing and takes away cost. I’m happy to have a slightly louder motor in exchange.

The lowest two settings on the Womanizers are subtle and arousing. They feel really good, and aren’t necessarily trying to yank an orgasm out of you. In fact the lower settings on the Womanizers are really great warm-up toys, and can build arousal in me in ways that the Fiera never could. Have I mentioned the buttons? Oh the buttons. You can easily toggle between lower and higher settings. I like to draw things out with the Womanizer (usually) because it feels so nice; so I don’t want to rush, I want to keep edging my orgasm. I can start out at 1 until I find some good porn; increase to 2 when I’m more aroused; tip it up to 3 to get the ball rolling; back down to 2 for a minute to keep things going. Up to 4 to pick up the pace; 3 then 2 then back up to 4 and maybe 5 if I need a boost and want to come. It’s the sex toy version of Monica’s ergoneous zones playlist.  I cannot do that with any Satisfyer model except the Satisfyer 2, which pales in comparison to Womanizer PRO40.

Magical Power Button

Another crucial feature that Womanizer PRO40 has is the power button: I can quickly return to the lowest setting; perfect for just after orgasm. To turn it off you would press and hold the power button, but while it’s on a quick tap will bring you down to level 1. Level 1 is tolerably intense in those sensitive moments just after orgasm, but allows me to actually keep going and have multiple orgasms. I can’t do that with the Satisfyer models because I’d have to turn it off completely (and then back on, obviously) to get back down to the “gentle” first setting (not all Satisfyer models have a gentle first setting). The way I use these products, the power button feature on the Womanizer PRO40, and indeed all models, is something I can’t give up.

The Womanizer PRO40 does come with their two nozzle heads, one of which has a slightly bigger opening. All Womanizer nozzle heads fit on snugly and stay put, and are very comfortable against the vulva. I’ve found that the nozzle head preference doesn’t always correlate to clitoris head size, but also to labia size/style.

If you’d like to read more in-depth about my feelings on the Womanizer toys overall, I’ll direct you to my review for the original, W100. Sadly I think it has just recently been discontinued.  If you’re curious about how the Womanizer PRO40 compares to other pressure-wave toys, visit the Womanizer vs Satisfyer Comparison guide.

Even though the Womanizer Pro 40 is a little louder vs W100 or W500, it’s now my top recommendation over every brand and model of pressure-wave sex toys. This remains even more accurate after trying every Satisfyer model on the market.

 

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Womanizer PRO40 in exchange for my honest review. There are many retailers you can shop with but I recommend Shevibe over them all; they have the best customer service and overall pricing/selection. They’ve been in business for over 10 years and can be relied upon for discreet shipping!

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