Jun 062016
 

Review Round-up: 4 Affordable Sex Toys to Maybe AvoidIn my never-ending quest to locate affordable sex toys made from body-safe materials that aren’t terrible I often end up finding a lot of crap. The following four affordable sex toys aren’t worthy of a full review but each one has some issues. I really only hate one of these items. The others are just okay, with some flaws in marketing (do these companies understand the vacuum capabilities of the butt??) and odd designs.

Closet Collection Ellie G Ribbed Bendable

This is my first time trying something from the Closet Collection brand and I think it’ll be my last. I don’t know how much SheVibe would have sold this for, but it’s not yet (or ever?) on their site. Other websites seem to be selling it for no less than $60 which is fucking atrocious. I mean really, seriously what-in-the-actual-fuck ridiculous. This is Picobong-level bullshit pricing. Before I looked up the average retail price on the Closet Collection Ellie G I had it pegged at about $35, maaaaybe $40. It’s battery-powered, it has a cheap metallic-coated plastic handle and when you bend it, it just feels cheap inside. It has one button for its 10 functions (only 3 speeds) and is noisy as hell. The vibrations aren’t the buzziest I’ve felt, but they’re not all that powerful or anything I’d ever call rumbly. The gimmick is that it bends in the middle up to a 90-degree angle. Sadly it doesn’t STAY bent like that. As you get it inserted and start to thrust, it begins to straighten out. I also had to screw the cap on just-so so that it would work. Too tight and it wouldn’t even turn on. The ribs feel like they’re scraping my vaginal wall; like maybe I should take it with me to my next pap smear – it’s that scrapey.

EllieGBendable

I’d heard some rumors that the material was a bit suspect – it felt weird, and smelled bad. When I first opened it, it did smell quite “fragrant” but that dissipated in a few days. The silicone is silky and dust-resistant, but there’s no oily residue. After I was sure that I never want to use this piece of crap again, I dissected it and flame-tested it. So it’s silicone; at least it has that going for it.

Sinclair Institute Select Onyx P-Spot Wand

First I have to tell you this: I don’t really feel comfortable telling you that this is anal safe. I mean yeah, the Njoy Pure Wand is anal safe and I think was first designed for prostate massage, but what is the deciding factor on baseless butt toys? Will something with a certain degree of a curve not get sucked up inside the rectum? Does it have to be of a certain length? Do the balls on each end of the Pure Wand acts as stoppers? I just don’t know.

I reviewed this as a G-spot dildo. They already have a G-spot dildo, but the sizes and styles are so similar that I figured it didn’t matter which I chose. The G-Spot version is 6″ in length, supposedly, and 1.25″ width whereas the Onyx P-spot dildo is 5.75″ in length and 1″ wide. I’ve seen reviews of the G-Spot dildo calling it “tiny”; 1.25″ isn’t super tiny in my book, but 6″ is on the shorter end for some people. However with glass there is always a quarter inch leniency in size, it seems because even if they don’t anneal it properly, it’s still “made by hand”.  I feel like the Onxy P-Spot is just too short for prostate play for most people, unless your prostate is located more closely to the anus and you’re pretty flexible. As a G-spot toy it was nice enough – I like that curve and it reminds me of the Pure Wand. But I’d rather it be longer. Bex has the Crystal G-Spot wand and when I visited them last year I did a polariscope test – surprisingly, there were no rainbows. There’s some stress, to be sure, but it’s not awful. And given the under-$35 price range for these, if you are looking for something small and slender then this could be a decent glass option for those with a G-spot. But for prostates? Avoid.

SinclairInstituteCrystalG  SinclairInstituteOnyx

I’m also undecided of the safety of the “etching”. You can definitely feel the etching; whether it’s etching or a decal, I can’t say for sure. I tried to scrape it off, but it wasn’t coming off. I don’t think it’s something that would bother anyone unless they’re sensitive. It’s better than Pipedream but I still have some reservations here.

Cloud 9 Silicone Pro Plug Small

So I wanted a Cloud 9 item just to see if it’s really silicone. They have a dildo that is under $25, for pete’s sake! And a lot of anal toys with that controversial “ring-pull” base. And a “double-sided” plug which is either bizarre or brilliant depending on how you look at it. But anal safe? Eeehhhhhh I don’t know about that!

Oh my god, do not use their anal toys unless you definitely have a finger completely through the ring-pull, up to your third knuckle. The ring-pull is made of silicone. Stretchy silicone. What’s even more bizarre is that because they insisted on having this fucking “cloud” design going, the stretchy silicone ring is fairly thin in one part. Thin enough that when I stretch it, I become concerned and it’s shown signs of wear. But silicone is more hardy than rubber so fingers crossed it’ll be fine. If your fingers aren’t too large, then it won’t be uncomfortable to wear; it could be potentially used with success if it’s on your thumb or finger while manually stimulating someone’s clit. The plug could then go in their butt or vag. It could be something interesting to use on yourself in this manner, possibly? I only have the small plug just because I wanted to flame test, so it did nothing for me but hey, maybe a bigger plug could?

Cloud9Plug1  Cloud9Plug2

Sadly Cloud 9 has a set of silicone beads that could be nice, if they didn’t have that elastic ring pull. Then there’s the vibrating plug which, thanks to the bullet, leaves no room for it to go on your finger like a ring which means….don’t you dare put this in your ass. If it’s not on your finger….goodbye butt toy. The silicone is very silky and dust-resistant, though. So there’s that. And yes, it passed the flame test but wow….so little thought went into anal safety here.

Packer Gear Kisser Silicone 6″ Suction Cup G-Spot Dildo

I think I dislike this one the least. But my god can we cut down on the long-ass names? This new line from CalExotics caught my eye because it’s affordable silicone1. Why is it called “Packer Gear”? Well they do carry a cloth gender-neutral packing harness2 but these black silicone dildos are not what I’d call “packer friendly”.  The base is a firm suction cup. The bottom portion is fairly firm and unyielding. The thinner mid portion has bend and give, naturally, because it’s thinner. But these aren’t dildos to pack with. I don’t see it working out well, at all. The Kisser is actually a nice-feeling dildo, and I like that head (although it’s not very thick) for g-spot play. But packer, it ain’t. I’ve also felt stronger suction cups.

What they ARE though, are affordable silicone suction-cup dildos. My gripe? In the center of the suction cup is circle of silicone. The suction cup on top looks to be all one piece in regards to the dildo portion – there’s nothing that leads me to think that the suction cup and dildo were two separately made pieces. When I bent the suction cup around I heard this crunching sound, like dried glue being dislodged. Then I could see, when the suction cup was flattened a bit, a gap around that circle. Great place to trap fluids. I tried to pry that circle off, and couldn’t.  Then I got more curious so I cut it open. I wasn’t really surprised to see that in order to make such an affordable silicone dildo, they had to stuff it. Except for the plug being able to trap fluids, there’s no way this is going to fall apart on you. You would never get fluids inside to the stuffing, because of how they made the plug portion – the wider part goes into a groove inside the suction cup which is why I couldn’t pry it out until I cut it open.

PackerGear1 PackerGear2 PackerGear3

Some people may have a problem with this. The silicone3 surrounding the stuffing is thick and seamless. Unless you hacked this thing open you would never come into contact with the stuffing and I truly don’t believe the stuffing could ever come in contact with fluids. I don’t have a problem with how this is made, for the most part; just don’t futz around and be rough with the base in a way that’ll dislodge that glue around the edges like I did.  Yes, some folks take issue with the wording in cases like this: “pure silicone”. “But it’s not ‘pure’ silicone, it has stuffing!” Look at it this way: When you see a silicone vibrator marketed as pure silicone, do you say “But it’s not ‘pure’ silicone, there’s electronics and hard plastic inside!” No? When they’re saying it like this, it’s just a marketing thing, and it’s harmless. It’s probably a holdover from the days when they used to claim that a “silicone blend” was a thing.  In this case the stuffing isn’t something that could potentially ruin the dildo and unless you hack it open you’d never know. If this is necessary to produce truly affordable silicone dildos then I don’t have a problem with it, so long as the design is done well.

 

Thanks to SheVibe for sending me these items to try, dissect, burn and bend, in exchange for my unbiased reviews.

  1. Only the black dildos are silicone. They make packies, but they’re TPR
  2. Under $30!
  3. Yep, passed a flame test
May 082016
 

JimmyJane Intro 4 and 6 with the Form 4 in the backgroundYou know how I feel about JimmyJane so you’re wondering right now why on earth I’m reviewing part of the new JimmyJane Intro line, yes? Well it was suggested by a trusted friend that I check them out, especially because of the price point – which has always been a sticking point with me when it comes to JimmyJane. I just don’t feel that the Form line is worth their price tag. So when JJ came out with these new Intro vibrators I felt that I just had to give them a chance. At $391 for the most expensive version – a battery-powered Form 2 (which they’ve so originally called the Intro 2) – the line is affordable and “simple”. But so many vibrators right at (or under) the $35 mark can have lackluster vibrations or flaws I can’t overlook, so we already know that this will be a tough battle. However with a clean slate – past grievances momentarily forgotten – I ripped the JimmyJane Intro 4 and Intro 6 from their packages and hastily turned them on. I tried brand-new name brand oomphy batteries as well as the nonames included in the box.

Here’s Me Trying to be Objective and Nice

JimmyJane is certainly not the first “luxury” sex toy company to come out with a more affordable line. Lelo did it first with Picobong; with one exception I remained largely unimpressed – Picobong is kinda overpriced and has horribly placed controls and terrible cap-handles. Despite the fact that I hate the design flaws of Picobong, and their price points, the Picobong Moka is stronger than the JimmyJane Intro 4 or 6. Picobong Moka also takes 2 AAA batteries like the JimmyJane Intro 4 and 6 do, so it’s not the batteries holding back such a motor.

The JimmyJane Intro 4 has a weird shape, much like the JimmyJane Form 4 but the Intro 4 is even more weird for my body. It’s straight with an hourglass-like shape that doesn’t do anything for me. The shape of the JimmyJane Intro 6 is much better, and much more universal. So I wanted to like it, honest to Pete I wanted to like it. And in hand the vibrations aren’t BAD. I’ve felt worse. They seem to come pretty close to the Boom Olive and the OVO K2 Rabbit‘s internal arm is a bit more powerful and rumbly.  I was definitely kinda disappointed and underwhelmed when I first turned on the Intro 6 but I’d been expecting more rumbly vibrations. I also wish that both the Intro 4 and Intro 6 were a little longer. However these are waterproof, and able to be submerged a little bit (1 meter).  So if you want a cheap, bathtime vibe and don’t need power, this is a decent option – especially since bathtime is the only time the silicone will be clean.

The cap on the Intro 4 or 6 doesn’t come off easily during use, and the single button is in a good place. I have enough room to rest a finger on the end for added grip and leverage while trusting without turning the vibe on or off.  This is good. Nothing horrid, so far, right? I mean I could totally do without it existing, but this isn’t the hate-filled tear-down I’ve given them numerous times in the past.

This Fucking Silicone Though

OVO is around the same price for battery-powered pieces and their silicone covering is so much better.  Smooth and silky, it doesn’t attract dust, dirt or fur. The same can be said for the Boom line, or Picobong (which is even silkier than the Ovo K2). But Jimmyjane Intro is covered in that grabby-draggy sort of silicone that manages to attract more dust and fur than a Swiffer. Lube is fairly necessary for most people to comfortably use the Intro line.

I love the navy blue and wine colors, but they don’t make up for a silicone that cannot be used without cleaning first. The picture below shows the Picobong Moka and the Intro 4. I’d recently washed off the Intros for their photoshoot but after a mere 15 minutes any dust in the air landed on the Intros and any cat fur on me ran for the Intros like metal shavings to a magnet.

JimmyJaneIntroDUST

Let’s Not Get Too Excited

I’ve been told on good authority that the JimmyJane Intro 1 should be passed over – weaker than the 4 and 6, it’s kinda useless. Having avoided the polarizing Form 2, I didn’t ask for the Intro 2 so I can’t comment on how the Intro 2 compares. Unless you prefer a straight vibrator, I think that the only one in this line that I could half-heartedly recommend is the Intro 6. I think that the Picobong Moka has much nicer vibrations, but it’s also $20 more for no damn good reason. I think that the Ovo F3 has a sorta-similar shape to the Intro 6, same price point, with ever-so-slightly better vibrations, plus nicer feeling/cleaner material. 

We’re all wondering how the vibrations compare to the JimmyJane Forms, right? I’ve hung on to my Form 4 and here’s how it breaks down: the Form 4 has 5 levels of intensity. Level 3 on the Form 4 is equal to high (level 3) on the Intro 4 and 6. Level 4 on the Form 4 is equal to OVO F line. Level 5 on the Form 5 is about the same as the Picobong Moka. If the motor on the Form 4 never went past 3 then I would swear to you that the motors in the Form 4 and Intro 4 and 6 are identical; the vibration “tone” and level of rumbly is identical.

I don’t hate the JimmyJane Intro 6, but I am far from loving it. How hard would it have been to get a motor that is rumbly or just a smidge more powerful? How hard would it have been to use a better silicone? A little extra rumble goes a long way and if JimmyJane really wants me to believe that this motor is the absolute best they could do for a $492 vibrator (bitch, please) then we need to have a chat. It can be done, I know it can be done. I’m sure that the motor on the Blush Nude Impressions isn’t what makes it cost $49, it’s the rechargeable aspect. The motor in the Picobong Moka is proof – it probably doesn’t cost more to include, it’s that Lelo likes to overcharge for everything. I just will not accept that at $49/35 THIS is the best we can do in terms of power and rumble. My Doc Johnson Black Magic Bullet is proof of that to me. It seems that I am destined to dislike the motor in every single JimmyJane item.

I would possibly recommend the Intro 6 as a first vibrator for someone only if they are apprehensive about vibrations in general – if they can already orgasm *fairly* easily from fingers or tongues, then this is perhaps enough. I very much dislike the notion that everybody’s first vibrator needs to be either the overrated Magic Wand (an 11 on the scale) or something mild / tame. Where are the simple, affordable vibrators that have rumbly-ish vibrations which go from mild to spicy? I guess it just depends on your level of affordability, but I won’t stop trying to find something under $40 that is great. I just don’t think the JimmyJane Intro 6, or Intro 4, are good enough. I don’t think that JimmyJane deserves the vast amount of praise and accolades I’ve read lately; this line isn’t groundbreaking. It is not unique. If I could compare it to something, it’s like this Michael Kors bag I got off of a tag sale group on Facebook that is a knockoff – the big logo plate on it is cheesy and clearly not real, especially when you compare it to a real Michael Kors bag. The knockoff is still leather and still a nice bag, don’t get me wrong. The Intro line doesn’t look bad, but it makes the Form line look downright posh.

 

Many thanks to SheVibe for indulging my whims and sending me these vibrators in exchange for my brutally honest review, and especially for not sending me the day-glo pink variety. Also, gratitude to Shevibe for pricing the Intro line at a reasonable amount, rather than following JimmyJane’s grabby-hands prices as listed on their homepage.

  1. Keep in mind I’m quoting the very-reasonable SheVibe prices here – the prices at JJ’s site are an appalling $59 for the Intro 2, $49 for the Intro 6 which is just fucking insulting
  2. The Jimmyjane price because if I’m gonna rant here, I might as well go hard
 Posted by at 10:00 pm
Apr 032016
 

Jopen Lust L2.5I picked up the Jopen Lust L2.5 during a big Black Friday sale because I’d heard a few other reviewers rave about it (or the nearly-identical Lust L2). You’re getting a good deal for $49; powerful, rechargeable, waterproof. While it isn’t as useful as the Tango because the Tango can replace similarly shaped bullet vibes that insert into dildos, some people just want a powerful clitoral vibe that isn’t quite as pricey as the Tango at $79. So with hopes very high and expecting awesome things with no drawbacks, I got the Jopen Lust L2.5, finally.

Historically I’ve not had great luck with Jopen toys and Jopen warranty service; at least 4 Jopens I’ve received for review had to be sent back (at my dime, usually, unless SheVibe stepped in) for warranty replacement before I could even write my review. More than one Jopen vibe gets unusually warm during use which isn’t listed as a “feature” so I assume it’s not supposed to happen (and was told that with their early Envy line that it wasn’t a feature). Thankfully for me so far the Lust L2.5 has held up but just like I warn about Lelo’s customer service, I want to be transparent about Jopen issues. While Jopen toys are “powered by Powerbullet” (BMS Enterprises) and the line started off as the US-counterpart of the Swan (Leaf) brand, Jopen is a CalExotics line.

Ok But That Fucking Button

When you have such a small vibrator the places to put the button are limited. With the Tango I never accidentally hit the button because I don’t hold it in such a way that I would. But with the Jopen Lust L2.5, the only way for me to comfortably hold it during use has my thumb resting right on the button. There’s no getting around that. The number of times I have accidentally turned it off? I’ve lost count. The way Jopen’s single buttons work is that you have to press and hold to turn on and then press and hold to increase the vibrations. So a single, easy click of a button shuts it off. For me, the constant accidental shut-off took my theoretical rating from an 8.5/10 to a 6/10. I find it THAT annoying. It’s been an orgasm-ruiner because of this. Sometimes I’ve been able to overlook oddly placed buttons or buttons that require a bit of contortionist hands or buttons that require strength to press or even buttons that are an ugly rhinestone. If I love the vibrator enough I can overlook that. So I don’t know why this button issue has me so irritated. Maybe because I’d read reviews that got me hyped up to think it was as great a vibe as the Tango? I also think my button hatred issues stem from the fact that I’m not accustomed to the Jopen way of life, where you have to remember to press-and-hold the button to increase your speed during use. The vast majority of my vibrators do not work that way. My brain, especially in the hormonal haze of masturbation or sex, forgets that this one is different. And so, I shut it off accidentally. Every. Damn. Time.  If you don’t think this is gonna be an issue for you, then you’ll enjoy it more than I do.

Jopen Lust L2.5 Button

People have complained about the lack of travel-lock on the Touch and Tango. I never experienced an issue, especially after buying a protective case. So while you may be excited about the travel-lock feature on the Jopen please be aware: You may think your Jopen is defective at first. It arrives in travel-lock mode; click three times in a row and the button will glow red for a second. Okay, great, we’re done. NOPE. Every damn time you charge it it goes right into travel-lock mode after you pull out the charging pin. Annoying.

Good Vibrations? Lust L2.5 vs Tango

Speaking of the Tango, you can’t not compare the two even though, shape-wise, they’re nothing alike. The vibrations of the Jopen Lust L2.5 are strong and just nearly as rumbly as the Tango on the lower settings. But when you ramp up the intensity of the Lust L2.5, the rumbly changes to something with some buzz to it. It’s got this itchy edge to it on high that which is definitely not a hallmark of rumbly. From some reviews I expected it to be just as rumbly as the Tango but I should have known better – I have other Jopen toys and none are quite as rumbly as a Tango or Rave or Prism V. They’re good; I like many of them. But as I’ve said before my genitals are a diving rod for true rumble. If you’re looking for a truly deep, rumbling, powerful and pinpoint clitoral vibe I’ve gotta tell you to save up for that Tango. I’ve been keeping the Jopen Lust L2.5 as my backup for when all 5 Tangos are dead (yes, that happens, I’m lazy at charging). But in order to keep the peace while using it, I can’t hold it.  I sometimes get the same amount of run-time from the Jopen Lust L2.5 as I do from the Tango, but the Lust L2.5 takes 2.5 hours to reach a full charge. Tango is a fraction of that time. I’ve also had situations where I swear that I’m only getting 15-20 minutes of run time with the Lust L2.5 and I’m not even using it on high. I’ve had it die on me during use more times than any other sex toy in recent history. Sometimes I can have the patience of just 5-7 minutes to charge the Tango just enough to quickly get me off if I need to but that will never happen with the Jopen Lust L2.5.

Jopen Lust L2.5 vs We-Vibe Tango

I’m also torn on how to talk about the intensity of the vibrations because, unlike the Tango, the Jopen Lust L2.5 suffers from severe vibration dampening when any pressure is applied or it is surrounded by fleshy labia. The dampening is actually kind of a good thing though because it tones down the bit of buzz I feel on the higher settings and lets the rumble side shine through a little better on the lower settings. But with the way I use the Lust L2.5, how fleshy my labia are, etc….I am getting so much vibration dampening that it’s a drastic change from how powerful it feels when you turn it on and just hold it in your hand. It’s then that I realize that it’s better than the Lelo Mia 2 but it’s not up to par with the vibrations of the Touch and definitely not the Tango.

Love. Hate. Love. Hate.

I think that for the price, this is a great little vibe. It’s not the best, it’s not better than the Tango, but it is one of the better vibes around $50 – you’d have to up your budget to $79+ to find a better vibe. So who would love this? Who will be satisfied? I think you’d have to be someone who simply cannot save up for the Tango in the foreseeable future. Or maybe you already know that seriously rumbly, seriously powerful toys are not quite your thing, that you want moderately-to-very rumbly. Then you’d prefer the Jopen Lust L2.5.  You have to be someone who is able to roll with the change from the norm in button style, and who can hold it in such a way that you don’t accidentally turn it off. I don’t feel that the vibe being covered in a thin silicone skin makes it any more comfortable to use than the Tango, but I do feel like it’s a little bit easier to hold given the grippy silicone and the overall shape.  The main difference between the Lust L2 and L2.5 is the ridges right below the head – if you’re someone who likes movement, rubbing, friction, etc with your vibrations, you’ll want the Lust L2.5. If you want to use a vibrator and not worry about lube then pick the slick, shiny plastic of the Tango. And while I do love that the Jopen Lust L2.5 doesn’t waste my time with pulsating patterns I’ll just ignore, if you need those then you’re out of luck here.

This review, and my feelings about the toy, kinda remind me of the Palmpower Wand. When I finally got my hands on it I was shocked by how much I hated it and how much others loved it. No, I don’t hate the Jopen Lust L2.5, but I feel a lot differently about it than most. It absolutely does bring me to orgasm, and a good strong orgasm at that so it’s not a total loser. It’s just not the best in class, unless your budget limitations are firm. I feel like this could have gone over better with me if the button were different, if it weren’t such an orgasm-ruiner.

 

 Posted by at 2:07 pm
Mar 202016
 

Blush Nude Impressions 01 - The "Swiss Army Knife" of Sex ToysI got pretty excited when SheVibe first mentioned the Blush Nude Impressions line to me – they’re something we don’t see much of right now. They’re rechargeable vibrators with a suction cup base, crafted from dust-repellent silky-smooth silicone AND I was told the vibrations don’t suck! AND they’re affordable! I was a little wary of the button placement and odd designs but still held hopes that I would like them. I wanted to like them; primarily because this category is slim pickins – you either have battery-powered options from Pipedream (definitely would rather not support them) that have a wired remote handpack or you have other options that are highly realistic and made from dodgy, porous materials. Between the concept and the bizarre designs, at least we can say Blush isn’t copying anyone out there on this line!

So while I will try my best to steer people towards other brands whenever possible due to Blush’s copycat designs and poor social media attitude, this is one time I’m not going to. If the idea of a multi-purpose vibrator with a suction cup base appeals to you, you need one of these.

Blush Nude Impressions – The Good

When I said multi-purpose, I meant it. This thing is Ridiculous. My Blush Nude Impressions 01 can be an external vibe if you’re in a pinch; a g-spot vibe; a dildo; a prostate vibe; a suction-cup ride-able sex toy; a harness-compatible vibrator; a bath-time vibrator. It’s body-safe and affordable with a good motor. It’s like the Swiss Army Knife of sex toys.

The vibrations have a kick. Have I felt better? Of course. It’s no Prism V, it’s no Rave. But I wouldn’t call the vibrations surface-buzzy, either. They have some reach and I’d put this firmly in the “middle of the road” camp both in terms of strength and buzz vs rumble. It’s going to be enough to satisfy many people. Oddly enough I was able to orgasm from this, when used externally. I think it’s partly because of the weird fin on each side, which meant I was able to target the more sensitive side of my clitoris. I’m not saying it was a great orgasm; but it happened. It wasn’t a strong orgasm, but the fact that I was able to come from the vibrations puts it ahead of plenty of other vibrators. Yes, the motor suffers vibration dampening when the toy is inserted, but it actually just manages to tone down the buzziness. I can still feel the vibrations, and it’s stronger than some other insertables. The vibrations are firmly concentrated to the head; I can barely feel anything as you get closer to the buttons. Yes there are patterns, and there are 5 levels of vibration intensity.

Rechargeable! That’s pretty rare for this type of beast. So rechargeable is a very nice bonus. There’s a slight issue with charging, which I’ll talk about it a minute.

The buttons – at first I thought they were in a bad place for use, but I can’t see where else they could go. They’ll become a cleaning issue because of the indented design, and you’ll want to take special care of them if you’re using anally, or sharing. They’re easy to press, though they do glow brightly in use (and strobe annoyingly while charging). One button is to turn the power on but it doesn’t start the motor – it’s a two-key process. You have to press the power button and then press the function button to cycle through the intensity and pattern settings, and then press the power button to turn off. This can act as a sort of travel lock since it’s less likely that the buttons could be depressed while in your bag in the correct order.

The suction cup is strong because the suction base has quite a bit of flex and give. I can attach this thing to my work desk and gyrate it around like an arcade joystick; it stays put.  It will still be harness-compatible, and anal safe though! A really nice harness-compatible vibrator. Think about that. That’s uncommon!!

The silicone itself has no drag and feels very silky (which means it attracts no fur or dust) but overall the design is firm to a squeeze. There is some bend to the shaft, though, I suspect because the motor is under the silicone skin for the top half and then the bottom half doesn’t have as much hardware inside, allowing the toy to bend a bit. Those who don’t like the rigidity of type silicone-covered vibes might find this to be a little more comfortable.

It’s waterproof, so it’s a great bath and shower toy. And shockingly, there’s a 5-year warranty. I’ve never dealt with Blush Novelties for warranty issues so I don’t know how they are to deal with – i.e. if they give you problems or ignore you completely. But a 5-year warranty is pretty nice for a $50 sex toys.

The Not Great

My first one was DOA…I think. When my second one arrived and charging still didn’t work, I consulted the interwebs and was told that you can’t insert the charging plug the whole way. Which is weird, and surely a flaw in design but the only way you’ll know it’s actually charging is when the power button’s light flashes wildly. If you first plug it in and the light is steady, then it’s not charging. But it’s receiving power, so that’s odd. Both of mine arrived without a charge in them, so it was hard to know if they were okay until I figured out how to charge the thing. Insert the plug fully and then slowly pull it out slightly until you see the power button blinking like it belongs in a rave.

The charge doesn’t really seem to last very long. Blush says “up to” 40 minutes which means only if you’re on the lowest setting. I ran a charge down just by randomly picking it up and turning it on for a couple of minutes here and there over the weeks I owned it, for comparisons. I admit I lost track of how long it took to charge from dead to complete; over an hour, definitely. Probably longer. At least the charging cable is USB, so it’s travel-friendly – you’ll  definitely need to take the cable with you.

While the designs are all butt-safe, they’re also all a little on the short side – nothing is over 6″ insertable. That’s not incredibly short but for some people it’s less than ideal. The vagina is a cul-de-sac so there’s a limit to how much length you’ll really need but the butt is like a dark country road – how far you go depends on you. Just like the g-spot, some people have a prostate that’s located a little bit farther inside, so the shortest model (the 02) may be just a bit shy of ideal at 4.5″ insertable.

Weird As Hell Designs

I have Blush Nude Impressions 01, which has a pronounced head – angled, yet flat which gently tapers to the shaft, and the shaft isn’t round, it’s more oval. And then there are these odd “fins” on each side. They don’t look like much, but you can really feel them pinging your g-spot if you twist the toy while it’s inserted. It’s actually pretty interesting, but not something everyone will like. I’m the queen of “off label uses” with sex toys and I found that the fin on the side allowed me to use this as an external vibe – the fin nestled against the side of my clit, right where I need stimulation.

Blush Nude Impressions 02 is pretty short on insertable length (4.5″) but has these ridges that remind me of what happens to blacktop when a tractor trailer brakes really hard on a hot day. Those who know that their g-spot or prostate really digs ridges will like this one.

Blush Nude Impressions 03 seems longer, it’s 8″ overall, but the subtle “balls” prevent you from getting that much insertable length. This version would be great for anal-play afficianados because the balls prevent you from inserting the buttons, making cleaning just slightly easier. SheVibe takes its measurements from Blush, listing the Nude Impressions 03 at 1.9″ wide right now, but other sites list it as 1.6″ wide. Then there’s the customer review, saying that the head is actually closer to 2.5″, so I don’t know what to think.

Blush Nude Impressions 04 is….it reminds me of a jewelry holder, the kind meant to hold bracelets, or maybe rings and someone put a beaded ring on it. This design is the weirdest and I’m not sure who would love it. I’m also not really a fan of yellow, but I know plenty of people who are.

Blush Nude Impressions 01 - side view of the "fin"

Overall, I approve of these. There’s currently nothing this nice on the market, at this $50 price point. $50 for something that does so much is a really great price.

 

SheVibe sent me this affordable sex toy at no charge in exchange for my honest review. You can get this model or any of the Nude Impressions line at SheVibe and rest assured that a DOA vibe won’t be a big deal with their amazing customer service.

 Posted by at 4:40 pm
Mar 112016
 

Boom OliveCan I interest you in a short, weaker version of the Lelo Mona? Mona-Lite! Wait, no. That doesn’t sell it. Hmmm. Would you like to own a vibrator that speaks to your love of posh-looking car interiors with their pale no-kids-allowed leather seats and faux (or maybe not) wood accents? That’s a thing, right? There’s folks out there that perked up at that? Yes! We’re gonna go with that!! Boom Olive, and the rest of the Boom line, appealed to my “gotta own something that looks unique” side. Sadly some of the Boom models have barely any wood trim – just the button. These aren’t as fun to look at.

Boom. I dunno, man, I dunno. I don’t know what it means. I know who they are though – one of the many, many sub brands of Shots Media and I think they’re now owned by Evolved Novelties? I took one look at Shots and what they have under “toys” and I don’t even know what the fuck I’m seeing, but that’s not part of this review. I feel like I just looked behind the curtain and shouldn’t have. MOVING ON!

I had two really good reasons for wanting to review the Boom Olive:

  1. The design – white and faux wood. It’s not your usual sex toy design, it feels really gender neutral and unique.
  2. The price – The most expensive one is $65, and a bunch are under $50 for rechargeable, silicone-covered vibes!

Boom Olive vs Lelo MonaBoth good reasons. But something happened when I got the Boom Olive in my hand….I realized I’d forgotten to read the specs. It’s SHORT. Like, way too short for my T-rex arms. Some of you are gonna like this aspect. Some of you don’t want a longer vibrator, and if that’s you – you’re in luck. Olive has some decent girth for being so short. It’s got an interesting curve like someone took their fimo-clay model and just bent it at that point right above the handle. A nice 45-ish degree angle crook. Seriously, it’s really similar to Mona’s crook.

Before we go further, I’m gonna tell you who is going to consider this vibe, because this isn’t for everyone. You are:

  1. A bit more sensitive to vibrations. You don’t need a powerhouse vibe, but don’t want anything too mild.
  2. On a bit of a budget. You know about the nicer vibes, the vibes I love, but they’re out of your price range. $59 is in your price range.
  3.  Interested in a little vibe that can pull double duty. This would work well as a clitoral vibe for those who don’t need super pinpoint stimulation, and could even work well as a vibe to use during PIV sex – the crook and the handle help keep your hand back from the pelvic-bumping action.
  4. Not looking for anything big; you’re actively seeking vibes with less insertable length but you don’t need something slender.
  5. Sick of pink and purple.

Boom Olive – The Good

Alright so the vibrations – this is definitely one for people who like patterns. While there’s only three vibration intensity settings, there’s a whopping seven different patterns. But the vibrations…they’re not bad! I’d put them firmly in the middle of buzzy and rumbly – they’re not rumbly, but they’re not buzzy. It took me awhile but I was able to orgasm clitorally with this. The vibrations don’t dampen too much during insertion, either! They feel about on par with the OVO K2 rabbit, so will be equal to most insertable battery-powered OVO vibes (but not their rechargeables). The vibrations seem to be also on par with the larger Picobong vibes, like the Moka.  The button is easy to use – press and hold one end to power (on) and press the other to increase the speeds or cycle through the patterns. The motor is in the tip (hence why it’s decent as an external vibe). The silicone is silky, similar to OVO and LELO and Je Joue.  It’s USB rechargeable, so it’s universal which I’m starting to appreciate more. It’s also water-resistant, but not waterproof. No submerging, but you could likely get away with using it in the shower, just not while you’re under the stream. Noise-wise, Boom Olive is also pretty quiet. In fact I think it’s slightly more quiet than the Picobong Moka. I’m actually impressed by the noise level here.

Boom Olive shape vs Picobong Moka, Lelo Mona, We-Vibe Rave, with repeated photobombs by my cat who was feeling needy that day

Boom Olive – The Not So Good

The seam between the faux wood accents and silicone is annoying and gonna cause some issues, but at least with the Olive it’s only on the handle. Some models will have the wood accent on the insertable part and that is going to make for some difficult cleaning. The white silicone also can absorb dye from ABS plastic. I accidentally stored this in the same “to be reviewed” box as the hot pink Womanizer W500 and now there are two faint lines of pink on the Olive where it touched the Womanizer, not unlike a pregnancy stick. So the white silicone needs to be kept in storage bag….and they didn’t give you one.

boom Olive with pink stain lines

I can’t really count the short length and moderate vibrations as a “not so good”, because I already warned you about that. It is what it is, and maybe for some this length and these moderate vibrations are a good thing. If it’s a flaw to you, well, okay, it is to me too. But thankfully not everyone is like me! All in all this really is a decent little vibe and I think that some other styles in this line hold great promise, while others just confuse me on their intended use. I like that most of these are under $50; I’m not sure why the Olive is $60 since it is so short, like the Miki while the traditional-length Elm is $45.  I hope it’s not because Olive has the best motor; but when I can find out if there’s motor differences/similarities between the models, I’ll let you know.

 

 

Shevibe provided me with the Boom Olive in exchange for my always-honest review. Thank you SheVibe!

Feb 262016
 

Womanizer W500I spent months wringing my hands over the Womanizer W100 (the original); I loved it, but it was ugly with a horrible name1 and I couldn’t figure out *why* I loved it. Just going by how the Womanizer W500 looks I assumed I would prefer it. And I have to tell you: I’m glad my first Womanizer was the W100 because if my first had been the W500, I’m not sure I would have been so head over heels. Or, maybe I just am mired in comparison-syndrome. I can’t help but compare the two and while you’d think the more expensive version would automatically be better….I’m here to confuse you even more. Sorry! This review also has the disappointed, matter-of-fact tone that I expected to have about the W100. It’s less fun, more functional. For most people, either Womanizer is pricey enough to give pause so the $30 difference may matter a lot to some folks.

This review is focusing heavily on how the Womanizer W500 and W100 compare because so many people want to know which one they should get. If this review is your first introduction to the poorly-named ugly-yet-truly-innovative sex toy that has shockingly rocked my world, then you need to go check out the review for the W100 first.

How the Womanizer W500 compares to the Womanizer W100 – The Changes

They pretty much changed everything except how it works.

It has a new shape – It looks less like an ear scope. It’s also fatter and kinda awkward to hold. It’s shorter, which sucks for people like me who need more reach and longer toys.

It has new buttons – And they’re on the back side. In the most awkward spot. With the way I hold the Womanizer W100 my thumb is on the same side as the head and buttons and it’s very easy to switch between the power button and the single, large plastic rhinestone button that changes intensity. This means that holding the Womanizer W500 has the intensity button right around my pinky/ring finger and the power button around my middle finger. Also that power button – it’s now a “genuine Swarovski crystal” but it requires more effort to press it – and the shape of the crystal is pointy. It leaves a dent in my finger and it hurts to press on it.

It includes a slightly larger head – The opening is bigger by about a millimeter or two all the way around, as you can see below.

It’s louder – Yes, you read that right. Despite it being advertised as being more quiet, it’s actually a lot noisier when not fully “sealed” on to your body. Of course this is because it’s more powerful. In the video below both the Womanizer W100 and Womanizer W500 are fully charged, too. When it’s “sealed” and pressed fully against you, the noise levels are identical.

There’s no more case – Yes, I mocked the case with the W100. It was Barbie pink. But it held everything quite nicely. The more expensive version, oddly, doesn’t have a case. They just give you an industry-standard satin drawstring bag. That feels like a backslide to me.

It’s more intense – The more intense “air technology” now kinda makes it feel more like vibration (buzzy vibration, at that) and sometimes I actually find it….too intense. Yeah, I’m surprised too. I’d say it’s easily twice as intense as the W100.

Womanizer Heads  Womanizer Heads  Womanizer W500 Seams

Womanizer W500 vs Womanizer W100   Womanizer W500 vs Womanizer W100   Womanizer W500 vs Womanizer W100  - Everything Included

Here’s Where I Surprise You

Everybody is looking at this and assuming it’s better than the Womanizer W100. It must be, right? The Womanizer W500 is more powerful, looks better, costs more!! All the hallmarks of “must be better”! I’d read so many reviews of the Womanizer W100 and how intense it was, how quickly most people were able to orgasm with it yet I was still so skeptical of it’s prowess. I wasn’t done in 1 with it, but it was definitely an intense ride. So when I used the Womanizer W500 I surprised myself by discovering that I don’t like the higher intensity. I don’t need it.  Suddenly I feel like others who described how it felt like the orgasm with the W100 was ripped from them in seconds, that it was too much too soon. The lower levels on the Womanizer Pro are the same as the Womanizer W100, so if you don’t need the extra intensity you don’t have to use it – it’s just there if you need it. Just like with the W100 I am so torn on how to recommend this to people. I don’t know how to describe who will love the Womanizer and who will hate it. I’m torn on how to tell you which one is better for you. I have always been the poster girl for “needs pinpoint, needs intense power, needs rumble” for a clitoral orgasm. I did not expect to love the Womanizer W100 just as  I did not expect to not need the more intense settings on the Womanizer W500.

If the larger head is a reason to pick the W500, there’s good news: SheVibe will soon be stocking standalone replacement heads of both sizes.

I understand that many people will gravitate towards having the option for more intensity, but is giving up on a comfortable grip, easy-to-press buttons and a nicer case worth having something that looks nicer? Yes the W500 looks nicer; it is less cheesy in many ways. There will be more color options available at SheVibe hopefully soon – I’m not sure why epi24 is holding out on SheVibe with color choices; I’ve asked epi24 directly but as of this post haven’t gotten an answer yet2.

All in all….I personally prefer the W100 and will recommend it over the W500. And I’m just as surprised at that as you may be.

 

SheVibe is my favorite retailer and I would recommend purchasing from them over others.

 

 

  1. Still trying to figure out why they named it this…if the company ends up getting back to me, I will let you know the answer!
  2. And will update when they reply