Feb 232016
 

Fun Factory Jazzie vibratorThe Fun Factory Jazzie is just one of my upcoming reviews this year focused on being more inclusive of budgets; of trying to find something that’s decent and affordable. But sometimes there’s not a lot you can say about a sex toy. I find that I can talk more about a vibrator than a dildo, but when I’m kinda neutral about a sex toy then it’s really hard to write about it. And that’s how it is with the Fun Factory Jazzie: this is going to be a quick review because the vibrator is very “entry-level” and simplistic; which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a thing, and it’s not my thing.

Who the Fun Factory Jazzie is Best Suited For

This is firmly a vibrator for someone who knows they want moderate (some might even call these gentle) vibrations and a slender insertable. I have felt vibrators that are even more gentle than this, so it’s not something I’d consider completely worthless. Fun Factory calls it powerful, but it’s not. Not the weakest sauce on the block, but on a scale of 1-10 I’d put it firmly at 4, maaaaaybe 4.5. Given the other things I currently have at 5 on my scale, I don’t feel it’s quite a 5. I could personally never orgasm with this, but I knew that going in. I think the vibrations are better suited for external stimulation because what’s there is dampened quite a bit when inserted, while the Jazzie as a whole is nice introduction to vaginal penetration. The silicone has a little bit of give, but not very much. It’s also got a bit of drag so play it safe by making sure you have lube on hand.

The Good

I’ve felt worse vibrations. I know that doesn’t sound like high praise, but it’s the truth. I’ve felt better out of 2 AA’s and I’ve felt worse. The size and shape are really great for someone new to penetration; it’s easy to operate and it’s quiet no matter which way you turn the vibrator. Everyone who has owned a cheap, plastic vibe knows what I’m talking about – you hold it one way and the noise level isn’t too bad but then you angle it a little different and it’s like the vibrating motor head is banging right up against the plastic wall of the vibrator and you’re damn certain everyone can hear the thing.

It’s waterproof, even though it doesn’t look like it would be. The Fun Factory Jazzie is $29.99 – not the cheapest vibrator, but for something covered in slightly squishy silicone, this is decent. This will remain on my 35-under-$35 round-up list.

The Not So Good

There’s only one speed. You’d better love it, because there’s only one. I don’t think it would have created a higher-priced vibrator to include a few more intensity levels – one to build up to and yes, even one a little more powerful. I’ve felt some decently strong vibrations from just 2 AA’s, so I know it’s possible. I don’t like how Fun Factory advertises it as powerful, because that feels a little misleading. There’s definitely a market for moderate vibrations – not everyone is a power queen, so why not just own up to what you are? You’ll make the sales of people who want a moderate or gentle vibrator and not disappoint the ones actually looking for something powerful.

The silicone, like all Fun Factory silicone, is a huge dust & pet fur magnet. In fact if you find yourself in a pinch and need a lint roller for your sweater or your pants, at your ankles, where the cats like to lean, this will work nicely. Just a quick rinse under water cleans the fur for another swipe. If you own a cat or dog or bunny, pretty much anything the sheds a lot, be prepared to eventually get a hair or two inside your vagina unless you limit your usage with this to the shower. For the photos I rinsed it off and carried it to the window I would photograph it near and I swear it attracted fur that was on my shirt.

How it Compares

At home I have the OVO D4 and it seems to be a bit more powerful than the Fun Factory Jazzie, so I think that the slender OVO D1 would be comparable to the D4 and also something affordable to consider. Jazzie is actually more powerful than the Tenga Iroha Minamo, but the Minamo is a bit more slender at the tip and is much more soft, without any drag at all to the silicone. Of course the Minamo is nearly $100 more, because of the premium silicone and the fact that it’s rechargeable. My Picobong Moka is nearly twice as powerful than the Jazzie, but noisier, too. The Zizo would be a little closer to the size of the Jazzie and the same motor as Moka but it’s twice the cost and has an infuriating cap-handle.

Pay Attention to the Cap

At first I thought mine was dead, but it turned out I had the cap on backwards. You *can* put it on backwards; it fits, and it closes. It might be wise to put it on backwards if you wanna toss it in your bag but don’t want to remove the batteries. But it won’t work unless the Fun Factory logo is on the same side as the little (hard to see) Off – On – Open. Yes, it turns on and off just by twisting the cap, like the cheap pocket rockets.

funFactoryJazzieCap

Similarly, you can get the Fun Factory Joupie which is the same motor and concept, just a different style. The pokey looking head would be good for pinpoint clitoral stimulation, I bet.

Thanks to SheVibe for sending the Fun Factory Jazzie to me in exchange for my very honest review!

Feb 172016
 

Doc Johnson Truskyn Dual-Density SiliconeThe Doc Johnson Truskyn line is their foray into the wonderful world of dual-density silicone. So many people are happy to buy porous/toxic dildos because they are squishy; they feel softer and more realistic than most traditional single-density silicone sex toys on the market. Until very recently, Tantus with their O2 line and Vixen with their VixSkin line were the only traditional sex toy companies making a dual-density realistic-feel dildo. Then, Blush Novelties (*sigh*) came out with their version of dual-density and now Doc Johnson Truskyn.

I’m really excited about the Doc Johnson Truskyn line because: affordability. While I do think that Vixskin is a bit more realistic and Tantus O2 offers people some more visually appealing options like the Cush and Flurry if you’re not into realistics, many people can’t afford to spend $100 or so on a very realistic dual-density dildo. Although, the Tantus Cush and Flurry are priced the same as the most expensive Truskyn at SheVibe.  I had a lot of requests last year to review affordable sex toys, and since my reviews are for my readers I have no reason to stick my nose in the air over trying out some lower-cost toys for you. So not only am I happy that this line exists…I’m happy that I LIKE it!  Not a single dildo in the line is over $69, and some are under $50! The plugs are super affordable, too, they’re all priced at $25.

Squishy Squishy In Your Butt

The Truskyn line offers up some dildos under $50 AND something we’ve never seen before: dual-density butt plugs. Yes, people wondered “will these really be dual density??” and they are. SheVibe sent me two to check out and found myself a stunt butt to help out with this review. I shipped one of them to the lovely Bex to actually use for me1. I was a bit concerned by the base because it’s pretty flexible; but a fellow sex geek who can take impressively large butt toys had no problems with the base and felt it was still very safe. Honestly it’s a delightfully soft and squishy design. While these butt plugs aren’t sex toys for size queens, they’re potentially really great for people who have so far found their standard silicone butt plug to be a little uncomfortable. They’re great for those newer to anal play who really want to ease into it.  Here’s what Bex had to say about the Doc Johnson Truskyn Tru Butt Plug Smooth (can you shorten these names, Doc?):

“The Tru Butt Plug Smooth from Doc Johnson is a unique product for two reasons: it is one of the first dual density butt plugs I have ever seen; and it is a product from Doc Johnson that, well, that I actually sort of like. Dual density butt plugs are the sort of thing that it never occurred to me should exist, but makes absolutely perfect sense once I actually see them. The size and shape of the Tru Butt Plug Smooth is comparable to the Tantus Juice or Ryder but compared to Tantus’ firm silicone, Doc Johnson’sTruskyn silicone feels much more plush and forgiving. In use I don’t necessarily notice the extra softness so much as I am aware of the lack of rigidity I am used to with my other toys. Where those toys can sometimes poke uncomfortably or feel larger than they are, the soft outer layer of the Truskyn Tru Butt Plug flexes comfortably with the body and feels much less obtrusive for long term wear. The base is also very comfortable and unobtrusive.”

Two things that are included in every Truskyn box that I think should just be tossed are a packet of cornstarch and a little bottle of shitty lube. First, the cornstarch. I don’t get it. Yeah, the silicone is a magnet for stuff but no other company like, ever, has been all “here buy our overpriced “dildo powder” and use it to make our dildos less sticky and more starchy”. And the lube, ugh. It has a whole bunch of bad ingredients and then some. Just don’t use it. Pick something nicer, instead. The one nice thing they include is a drawstring pouch for storage. It’s branded and not discreet, but it’s a nice touch nonetheless.

Truskyn Dildos

I’m usually not the sort of person who can wax poetic for 1200 words about a dildo, unless it’s the Pure Wand, or the Seduction. Usually my thoughts on a dildo are down to preferences on its size, concerns about texture or ridges being too much and being unimpressed by bendy dildos.  When you have a dual-density design thinner dildos are more likely to be bendy. You’d need a silicone dildo to be made of pretty firm silicone to not be very bendy.  Why am I so on about “bendy”? Because my g-spot likes pressure and that’s why the Njoy Pure Wand is king in my world. I’ve enjoyed other silicone dildos though when they’re the right width to hit that mark between “filling” and “not painful”, which is a roundabout way of applying g-spot pressure. I’m really liking the designs; some are very realistic, like the one I have, but others not so much. They are using interesting shapes and softly-ridged heads to ping the g-spot/prostate. Even the straight realistic one I have has a lovely prominent head ridge that is much softer than you’d think and feels really nice when thrusting. The head, like all dual-density designs, is all squish and the shaft has a good level of squish on the outside.  I am really not a fan of highly realistic dildos so this isn’t my visual cup of tea but if you are a fan of realistic dildos? This has you covered. There’s luckily a big range of sizes and shapes for the Doc Johnson Truskyn dildos so I think you’ll find something you like; soon Blissfully Orgasmic will have a review up of a few of the non-realistic dildos I also eyed up: The Tru Feel (quite bendy but love that head), the Tru Curve, and the Tru Touch. These are also harness-compatible and anal safe.

Also, the Tru Ride 6″ is the one I have and Doc Johnson lists the width as 1.7″, but I would say its 1.5″. This leads me to question other styles, especially ones that Doc calls “slender” but then lists as 1.7″. 1.7 inches is NOT slender. I’m now questioning the width on every dildo. I’ll update this when I know which measurements are real.

But Is It REALLY Silicone?

Doc Johnson Truskyn Dual-Density Silicone - Cut to show pure siliconeSo when I first announced that I had their dildo in my possession and I was liking it, a lot of Doc Johnson skeptics said “Okay but is it really silicone? Is it really silicone all the way through? We’ve been bamboozled before2.” And I get it, I do. These aren’t super cheap like $25 for a dildo cheap, but they’re affordable and we have seen companies create a filling or a different-material core to cut down on costs. While I’m not really sure these cores/fillings matter so long as the item is constructed well enough that your body will never come into contact with the other material, I was pointed to this mildly troubling review of a Doc Johnson Super Hung Hero dildo on Amazon. I say “mildly troubling” because, come on, it’s fuckin Amazon so that’s probably not a genuine product.  If anybody owns a Super Hung and doesn’t mind cutting it open (and thereby ruining it) for science, let me know.

Anyways, I sacrificed my Truskyn dildo for science. I recorded the cutting, but since it’s so realistic in design I decided not to include that video. I felt a little too Lorena Bobbitt. But: GOOD NEWS! It is indeed silicone through and through. I feel confident that their entire line is truly silicone. I wasn’t really very worried, because the one “flesh tone” piece of dildo in my silicone jar is an older Doc Johnson silicone dildo. I don’t think they make it anymore; it was priced in the $20s and I had my doubts a few years ago, but was pleasantly surprised to find it was silicone all the way through.

And yes, it passed the flame test. Hopefully you can rest easy knowing that this line is exactly what it claims to be: Really nice dual-density silicone at affordable prices.

All in all, I’m a fan! There’s even some textured “strokers” for a much-needed silicone penis toy; although they’re more “taco” than penetratable masturbator, it’s a start. The Truskyn strokers are all squish, there’s no real room there for two densities I think. This feels like a big step in the right direction, and while I will not forgive Doc Johnson for this sil-a-gel bullshit and want it gone yesterday, I’m happy with the direction things are going in. I’m hoping that in a few years they will eradicate the toxic3 and the porous materials (or at least cut way back on the porous materials, with silicone making up the majority) in favor of something that we can all agree on: body-safe non-porous silicone.

Much thanks to SheVibe for sending me these items in exchange for my honest review and not caring in the least that I chopped a dildo! Check out the entire Truskyn line at SheVibe.

  1. Little known fact that will maybe become a post someday: I discovered that, because of my IBS, I can’t do any anal play
  2. I may have inserted bamboozled myself but it’s the overall sentiment
  3. DJ claims their sil-a-gel enhanced PVC is phthalates-free, but there’s something toxic in there; so many people have complained about burning genitals!
Feb 122016
 

Doxy Die Cast vs Doxy Wand OriginalThe Doxy Die Cast wand vibrator looks like a high-tech work of art. But are the differences from the Doxy Wand Original just cosmetic? I’ve had a number of people ask me lately about the differences between the Doxy Original and Doxy Die Cast, primarily to know if the $60 jump for the Die Cast is worth it. I talked about the Die Cast in a pre-review video a few months ago but didn’t really get into the differences. (Note: In March, the minimum pricing for both Doxy Wands will increase – Original by $10 (so it will be $139 at SheVibe), Die Cast by $20, which puts the Die Cast just over $200 at SheVibe)

The Die Cast’s biggest difference is the looks, of course. A black head and shiny titanium body, glowing blue buttons and a cool grey case. It is pretty bad-ass looking. The head covering is silicone, which is an upgrade over the regular Doxy. They describe it as a “double-weighted” motor.

“Made from aluminum and cast on-site, the weight and mechanism inside the Doxy’s head means it rolls and rumbles, rather than buzzes. Offering powerful vibrations that penetrate deep into the body, it’s extraordinarily effective when used as a general body massager, or for intimate intentions. While many find themselves satisfied with the lower settings, the Doxy can reach up to 9,000 RPM: it’s the perfect tool for those who want the option to play hard and fast.”

Alright What About The Vibrations?

The RPMs: It’s a lot more than Magic Wand, but I don’t really put much stock in RPM. The We-Vibe was last reported as 5500 RPM (and I think the We-Vibe is pretty mild), the Magic Wand Rechargeable at 6300 and I think that the power level of the Doxy vs MWR is damn near identical. So moving on to….

The Double Weighted Head: It’s supposed to make the vibrations feel more thuddy, but I’ve always had a rather impressive measuring stick to hold “rumbly” or “thuddy” wands to: the Lelo Smart Wand Large. And it’s nowhere near that. In fact, the most I can really say about the Doxy Die Cast is that it’s definitely less buzzy vs the Doxy Original (or Magic Wand). I held both the Doxy Die Cast and Doxy Original in a cupped palm for a few minutes, damn near meditating on the differences, and after all of that my hand that held the Doxy Original head felt weird for about 10 minutes after – kinda tingly, kinda numb. On high, the Doxy Original is still numbing to my genitals like the Magic Wand is, but at least I can use the lower settings and be okay. On high the Doxy Die Cast actually numbs me quite a bit less.

Somehow the difference almost makes the Die Cast feel a tiny smidge less powerful; but the vibrations are more comfortable. I think that’s why they originally felt more powerful to me; it was actually because my genitals weren’t going numb so quickly. Hey, that’s a good thing and I’ll take it.

But It’s So Sexy

I’ll admit, the Doxy Original always kinda reminded me of the extra-large TV remotes for older folks back when universal remotes were a new thing and we didn’t have fancy cable boxes so you could get away with a remote with 12 buttons that were huge. The Die Cast just looks sexy. And all that metal means it can be COLD, too, so it’s not a great thing to use in the winter if your house is cold. The metal means it’s 6 ounces heavier (1 lb 8 oz). The silicone head vs PVC head is more firm, and that matters to people who like a lot of pressure with their wand toys. But for some people the cosmetic looks of a sex toy really matter, and the Die Cast is for those people. Plus it comes with its own case, and finding a good storage/travel case for the big wands is always a problem. The case is lovely – it comes with foam padding to keep the wand in place and protected, and the zipper is good. I took out the foam so that I didn’t have to fiddle with getting the large plug situated correctly each time. I actually wouldn’t mind leaving this out for use as a body massager; it definitely looks like something you’d get at Sharper Image (whereas the Lelo SMW is more Brookstone).

Is it noisy? Well yeah, compared to other powerhouse vibes like the Rave or Prism, it is. It’s a wand. I do have the Wands in a water-displacement / noise video which I made for the Doxy Skittle review here. The Doxy Original is at 1:14, and Doxy Die Cast follows it, at 1:35.

Doxy Die Cast with Vixen Gee Whizzard attachment Doxy Die Cast Case

Overall, I’m torn. I wanted the Doxy Die Cast to be more rumbly like the Lelo Smart Wand Large is rumbly; but Doxy’s customer service and warranty is a lot better (read: reliable, friendly, it WILL get replaced) than Lelo. And I do like the Doxy Wands better than the Magic Wand (unless you reallllly want rechargeable, then you’re out of luck with Doxy) because of the vast number of intensity settings. I think most people are gonna go for the Doxy Original because $189 (soon to be $209) at SheVibe for the Die Cast is harder for most people to swallow. I can tell you that both Doxy Wands are made well, and honestly seem to be a little bit better made than the Magic Wand Original. And they’re more versatile than the MW. Both Doxy Wands will be compatible with all attachments meant for the Magic Wand. In fact, I think they are MORE compatible. Just like the Gee Whiz worked far better on the Smart Wand Large vs the Magic Wand, it works far better on the Doxy than the Magic Wand. The vibrations transmit so much better, resulting in a lot of vibration in that shaft! Bonus points: The Gee Whiz matches the blue of the Doxy Die Cast buttons.

 

Doxy sent me this in exchange for my fair and honest review. Thank you Doxy!

Jan 082016
 

The Womanizer Review

I’ve used The Womanizer more, and in various ways, since I first spoke about it; I haven’t learned much, honestly. Yet I still named it one of the Best Sex Toys of 2015 because I like it that damn much. I’m gonna just write about it and apologize. I feel like I’ve failed you, readers. I still haven’t figured out what makes me like the Womanizer so much. I still haven’t figured out who will love it and who will hate it. I have discovered what happens when you (as I warned against) use it during your period. I’ve resisted the temptation to crack the fucker open like a lobster1. So hey, let’s just get on with The Most Useless Review I’ve Ever Written.

That really boosted your confidence in me, eh?

Some Strong Opinions and Theories

There’s really only one question I think I can answer. Someone asked me a few weeks ago if I thought that the Womanizer could be shared/swapped/regifted/whatever to a friend with whom you’re not fluid-bonded. At first I said no. But after using it accidentally while I was spotting (I didn’t realize I was bleeding, or I wouldn’t have used it) I understand where the fluid goes and where it doesn’t. The silicone nozzle head extends fully inside the suction cavity and I think I feel pretty safe in saying if you clean the outside of it well, it’s safe to share. They do give you two silicone nozzles. Maybe they understand that you’d want to share with your bestie?

I was also right about telling you not to use this when you’re bleeding. I was only mildly spotting and it showed me where fluid gets trapped. Right in those goddamn seams I bitched about. I’m going to have to repurpose a toothbrush just for Womanizer cleaning. Until they revamp this design they should include a little crevice cleaning tool.

Womanizer Seams

Some have said that this technology seems to be too similar to those blackhead suckers, that it must be one of those (modified). I’ve never owned one of those but I feel pretty damn confident that they’d have to have a fuck ton more suction than the Womanizer does. In fact….I’m actually not sure there’s ANY suction.  I put this up against my lower lip where I could be certain it has a seal and concentrated on the sensations. It’s like a teeny tiny finger is lightly, quickly tapping on me. When I increase it, the tapping is more intense and faster still. A seal needs to happen to get this action going but I’m not sure it’s actually suction. In fact when I have it on “high” and have it up to my mouth I can feel air coming *out* of it, not being sucked in. The only thing on the Womanizer site2 that makes me think “suction” is the little illustration in their video. But they don’t say “suction” on the website, they say “pleasure air technology”.  Let’s imagine we’re in the bathtub. We have the tiniest itsiest weeniest little Barbie-dream-house-sized shower head. Yes, shower head. On jet pulse mode. Tiny, concentrated, under-the-water sensations. Near your clitoris, not directly on. That’s the Womanizer. That, folks, is the best damn comparison I can come up with for you.

And I’m not really sure there’s any true vibration, either, because I feel nothing on any part of the toy. I can hold my fingers against the silicone nozzle and feel nothing like vibrations. Whatever this little machine is doing it is unlike anything on the market, and I feel like that’s the first time I can really say that and think it’s a good thing.  Given what I’m feeling I’m even more shocked that this thing works for me, and works so well. It truly must be made of magic. Also? I’ve never had to fucking analyze a sex toy like this. Usually I pull out 4-7 others, turn em on, shove them against various parts of my body, compare intensity and buzz vs. rumble and bing bang boom there ya have it. Hell with most vibrators I can tell you within 1 minute of turning it on and holding it in my hand if it’s going to work for me or not.

WomanizerCode

Orgasm Machine

I still hear a lot of people talking about how it “induces” orgasm for them; how it skips build-up and just wants to go straight for the goodies3. This hasn’t happened for me, perhaps because I am less sensitive than them. It takes me longer, about 10 minutes with porn, cold start. Using the Pure Wand with it is even more intense and shaves off a good few minutes. Sometimes it’s quicker still but I don’t mind that it’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am because, like the Skittle, I genuinely enjoy the build-up and the ride to the top. My most recent use was me sitting up in my desk chair (how I normally am) which did two things: Allowed me to use the Pure Wand more easily and meant that it took longer. Either I had it pressed very tightly against me and it was too intense, or it wasn’t intense enough at first. I usually use it laying down, and it really seems to build my arousal much more so than vibrators do. But yes, when I do orgasm finally it’s seriously intense. Like….more intense and longer-lasting than an orgasm with the Tango or the Denia.

Things I Hate

The Barbie-pink color of the case which says Womanizer right on it. It’s a nice case, though. So I can’t hate it too much.

The designs. The colors. The faux-crystal button. It’s so very early-80’s-Madonna, Cyndi Lauper; the excess of accessories, when garish and “too much” was just perfect.

The fact that it’s so easy to turn on (a simple press of the small button) but harder to turn off (you must press and hold the tiny button). The fact that you can only increase, you can’t decrease, unless you want to start all over again at the first “level”.

The overall cheap pieced-together aesthetic. The seams.

THE NAME. I REALLY REALLY HATE THE NAME. I call mine Blanche but I couldn’t very well go through this whole review referring to Blanche. Wouldn’t parse well in the SEO shit, ya follow?

Noises? What Noises?

I seem to remember reading snippets in reviews and write-ups past (and even in the copy on the SheVibe page) about how weird/loud/disconcerting the noise of it is when it’s not in prime position. I literally do not understand. I hear no weird suction-y/schlurp-y noises. I have plenty of vibrators that are much more noisy. It doesn’t sound like a vibrator so on the slight chance someone else would hear it, they wouldn’t understand what it is. At least I don’t think so. I also wouldn’t be alarmed by the noise of it not “in place” during sex.

Womanizer, Woman-Womanizer You’re a Womanizer

This fucker just doesn’t quit. But hey unlike usually, it’s a good thing.

So I’m literally at this very point in writing my review when I muse outloud to someone else “Shit. I don’t think I’ve ever charged it. I’ve been running on the charge it came with this whole time. What if I’ve been using it at half-mast?? What if it’s MORE “intense” than this??” CALAMITY. Also: I’m impressed. I’ve used this 12 times so far, and have had it since the middle of November. I’ve turned it on (often) to ponder about it and shove it against my lower lip and my fingers. And The Womanizer is still not dead.  No worries. I’ve charged it up and it’s no more intense than before. Whew. I actually don’t think I’d want it more intense but hopefully when SheVibe gets the W500 model in January, I’ll get it to compare.

I’m gonna address this one part real quick: The head of it glows red and I have no damn idea why. Red, to me, says “heat!” but nay nay, it doesn’t heat up. That would be fucking awesome if it gently warmed your clitoris, though.

$189 Fucking Dollars?

Alright, the price. I have to address it, again. It’s $189. Yes I know I told you in the video that SheVibe’s price was $169, but Womanizer was having none of that and made them raise it to the minimum, $189. Somehow that extra $20 makes it harder to recommend, but I know plenty of you are fucked either way whether it’s $119 or $189. For $189 I feel like I should be able to tell you it’s definitely gonna work for you. Or not. And I can’t. I can tell you that I love it; that I’m more shocked that it made me orgasm than I was with the Crave Vesper; that there’s honestly nothing like it on the market. But I can’t say that if your clitoris is sensitive, you’ll hate it. I can maybe say that if you know you need the broad stimulation of large wand vibrations, this won’t do it for you but I’m gonna wait for JoEllen, Queen of the Wands, to chime in on that. I think that if you really like oral sex, this is a fuck ton more likely to replicate it than a goddamn wheel of slapping silicone tongues.

 

My eternal love to SheVibe for sending me this ugly, awesome sex toy with the horrible name, The Womanizer. I kinda think you should buy it.

  1. Really it’s only because if I crack it open I won’t ever be able to use it again and I like it too much to kill it
  2. Don’t go there. Don’t look at the picture collages they make to represent who each color is “for”. It’s bad
  3. which would explain the name
 Posted by at 12:57 pm
Dec 312015
 

The Best Sex Toys of 2015 (and the worst, too) - Featuring the L'amourose Denia and Prism V, Womanizer, Doxy Skittle, Tails and Portholes Nereid Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo, Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5, Doc Johnson Truskyn, We-Vibe Rave. THE BEST SEX TOYS OF 2015

I actually reviewed LESS this year than I thought I did. I blame it on buying a house and moving. I’ll do better in 2016. So I had to be picky about the things on my list and really only pick things I LOVED for the Best Sex Toys of 2015. Bonus this year: Video!1Things I pick up and use again, and again and mourn when they run out of charge. The L’amourose Denia is one of those, despite it being a dual-stimulation vibrator. I usually hate those! But the flex technology that some hate, I actually love. It made the thing so much more comfortable and fit me like a gorgeous, rumbly glove. The L’amourose Prism V is another one for the records. Powerful and rumbly (better than Mona 2 or Uma) and with a perfect head, the likes of which I haven’t seen since the Pure Wand. My g-spot likes the Prism V that much, y’all. Despite my lack of real review yet (does the video pre-review count? It’s gonna have to) the Womanizer is on the list. I agonized over it, but hey….it’s niiiice. With the Pure Wand in tandem it’s even nicer. My husband is all about that Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo, it’s probably like his version of L’amourose – powerful, rumbly and unique. Of course there’s the Doxy Skittle, that baffling little bastard, I like a LOT. Finally, this dildo from Tails and Portholes over at Etsy. Custom made to whatever color combos your heart desires, and it’s a soft silicone, too! Please, check her out. The only tough thing will be making a decision on your colors!

Best Thing That Wasn’t a Sex Toy:  Stealing this idea from JoEllenWoodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit. I wrote a love letter, basically, so just read that if you hadn’t already. It’s hands-down the best sexuality conference I’ve ever been to. Kudos to Ricci Levy, The Board, and the Volunteers for making it so amazing. The little tidbits I am hearing about the 2016 Summit are making me so excited because it’s going to be even better, if that’s possible. Yes, my mention of the Summit in my video reduced me to tears. You didn’t think I was such a sap, did ya?

Honorable Mention: The Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5. I love the vibrations and feel that their G5 line is finally powerful enough for me to rave about. I appreciate the flexible body because not everyone likes a rigid vibrator.

Let’s Keep an Eye on These for Next Year: AKA More Testing Necessary: First up is the We-Vibe Rave. It arrived on my doorstep Wednesday and while I’m super impressed by the power and the weird, assymetrical  design (which works as they say it will) the motor on mine is possessed. It shuts off randomly and then turns back on randomly; it’s done this twice, so it’s not for lack of a good charge. I have a feeling I’m really going to enjoy it but I need a functioning model before I can really lay down any promises. Next up is the Doc Johnson TruSkyn. Really, the whole line, but I have this one. I’m impressed by the dual density for an affordable price and impressed by the mix of realistic + non-realistic and even dual density butt plugs! But since so many are (rightfully so) skeptical about Doc Johnson (we’re not gonna ease up on you, Doc, til you banish that fuckin sil-a-gel shit), I need to test it. And that includes cutting it in half after I’m done using it to report back on the in-use feel. Too many are worried that it’s not truly solid silicone, so we’ll see!

THE WORST SEX TOYS OF 2015

The Jimmyjane Hello Touch X is my least-hated on the list, but it’s still on my shit list. Their unsafe, lack of educational instructions on how to properly use e-stim pissed me off and to boot the vibrations and shocks weren’t even very nice to use. The Dame Eva failed 4 out of 4 vulvas in my trials, and really ended up pissing me off with their claims of a powerful motor and the ability to stay put during sex. The Lovehoney Rockbox Finger is an atrocity that would only make sense as an April Fool’s joke. Fucking shameful waste of resources and other people’s money. Another controversial vibrator on the list is the Lelo Mona Wave. While I think I’ve read more negative reviews than positive,  a few really liked it. I found it boring, useless and overpriced. And finally, the Ooh by Je Joue. The whole collection, really. The Classic and Cock Ring were much worse fails than the mini thing that looked a lot like the Mimi but I hate the line overall because they didn’t try hard enough to make sure that every shape was going to live up to its full potential. The person who thought that the design of the Classic was actually worth selling should be slapped.

The Worst Marketing of 2015: This isn’t something that I mentioned in the video because I feared I would get too emotional and too enraged for words that human ears can hear. The Fifi is a cheap, crappy male masturbator sleeve that some bloggers agreed to review before checking out their social media. Admittedly, it’s not something we’d ever considered before – vetting out a company. But it has to be done. They had fat-shaming tweets, sexist tweets, racist tweets, sex-negative tweets, etc all written by the world’s biggest douchebro. There wasn’t a single meme that was as funny as they thought it was. It was horrifying and shameful. It was HURTFUL. I was in a lot of rage for a lot of days. I didn’t write about it on the blog (just a lot of tweets); but I did get to say a little bit of my piece when the company’s newest rep tried to contact me to review their shit product.

Runners-up in the Worst Marketing of 2015: Fleshlight and their new #nohojo marketing. Because yes, let’s follow Fifi in their technique-shaming approach to get people to buy a Fleshlight. They used to be a decent company so I don’t know what the hell happened. In the world of penetration masturbators and sleeves, Tenga is King Brand. Then there was that fucking “vagina beauty contest” which made me want to throw things because hello, disgusting and sexist and also: NOT A VAGINA.  I love how this article about the winners was all “oh we thought this would be a body-pos thing”! Um…..*cocks head* No.

 

I admit, for the first part of 2015 life was stressful. I spent the first few weeks agonizing if we would find a house in time (so that we wouldn’t have to sign another year of a rental lease) and then we found one and I spent 3 months dealing with the seller/selling agent from HELL. It was one of the most stressful times in our lives thus far. Then we got the house! Then the move. And it was all such a big deal for us, our first house, that I didn’t realize how much of my time it would suck up. It’s not the first time we’ve moved since I’ve started blogging, but this time it derailed me for months. My blog traffic had been extraordinarily high right up until the time we moved and then I had to back off from everything – social media, Reddit, writing, etc. So now I’m working to get back what I lost with the blog, and the crash hit my mental health took – turns out months of endless extreme anxiety followed by a briefly manic happy period then crash slowly into a depression. Who knew. There’s been a lot of mental health work in our house and one of us is working on getting on better meds while the other is just hoping a job change and focusing on her blog will be enough. Ahem.

For 2016 I’m not making resolutions, I’m making plans and wishes.  Blog profits are up, my mood is overall better and I attended the best sexuality conference of my life this year with concrete plans to attend in 2016. No more hoping that the timing is just right; I plan to do everything in my power to attend Woodhull’s conference. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away!

I have so many plans one would think I came up with the list on a manic high from a good mood swing, but no. It’s all been a long time coming. I want to redesign my blog header to incorporate my beautiful SheVibe drawing. I want to create a Library page where I pick and choose certain educational DVDs and books to recommend to you all. I definitely want to write and review more frequently. I plan to do the occasional video more; I’ve been told it makes me seem less angry/less scary and more human. I’m trying to go back to showing more of my humanity and realness here and on social media. The Great Glass Test post is coming along. The Lube Page is also nearly finished. While I still want to test brand new sex toys, I also want to focus on reviewing more affordable sex toys in the hopes I can find some great items under $50, or around it.  And of course all throughout 2016 I’m giving away gift cards to my newsletter subscribers – at least $100 worth of cards every single month ($50 to Crystal Delights, $50 to Shevibe and then usually a third card).

Personally, this year I need to focus on my health; losing weight, getting into a shape that isn’t “round” and taking care of my gallbladder. I tried to avoid it but I am going to have my gallbladder removed sometime in the next few months. It will be a big blow financially (insurance, yes, but a high deductible). We’ll also have a lot on our plate this spring at the house; the landscaping is a nightmare thanks to the terrible things the “flippers” did to the property and we want the place to look nice! I want a garden! I also need to escape the job I have right now and get into something where I don’t have a coworker who is a racist bigoted infuriating nightmare of a person.

What are your plans for 2016?

  1. My second video, and of course it was as stressful as the first one. I apparently, finally, have so much crap on my phone that I ran out of storage space! The first few video attempts had weird lag, and then would cut me off. Finally I saw the brief notification “SD card full”. Well, crap. My final attempt is what you see above, no edits. It’s raw, I’m weird, I cried, I rambled, I made funny faces. *shrugs* That’s just how I am. If I tried to make a perfectly polished professional video then you’d never see one at all! I hope you can accept this video as-is; these won’t happen often, and maybe I’ll get better at them but I’m trying to convey more….emotion, I guess, than what you can get in just words.
 Posted by at 6:20 pm
Dec 282015
 

L'amourose Prism ReviewL’amourose, one of my favorite newer companies, came out with two new vibrators that were created to address complaints/issues people have with the Black Diamond line (which includes my beloved Rosa Rouge and Denia). Since the L’amourose Prism V and Prism VII are so similar I’ve decided to combine the reviews into one. I was lucky enough to get the Azure Blue Prism VII from L’amourose and the Sky Blue Prism V from SheVibe, both in exchange for my brutally honest review. And I’ll tell you right now – I’m very much in love with one of them. I’m now at the point in my sex toy collection where three of my top five vibrators are all the same brand, which I never thought would happen. Also can I just mention how thrilled I am that in 2015, I really feel like some sex toy companies finally get it, finally understand the beauty of the truly rumbly vibrator?

L’amourose Prism VII – What is this really FOR?

For as much as I love the Denia – for it’s flex, it’s power, it’s rumble – I’m “meh” on the L’amourose Prism VII. The nub on the Prism VII is supposed to be a clitoral arm but I think instead it makes for a decent anal-safe “barrier” rather than clitoral contact (unless your clitoris is located very close to your vaginal opening). Why? Because it doesn’t reach my clitoris at ALL. It’s short and the clitoral motor is so weak and buzzy that it doesn’t do anything at all. I’ll stick with my Denia for dual-stimulation rabbit style vibrators. But you know…I kinda feel like the Prism VII could make a great prostate vibrator. I feel that the clitoral “thorn” is enough of a safety feature and the Prism vs the Rosa provides the pressure on the prostate that some people need. Plus the head is smaller, if you need that – ~1.25″ on the Prism VII. I have a bit of an issue with my Prism VII – it sounds like a motor is off-balance. Dissonance, maybe. It’s less noticeable by fair if I’m holding it in certain ways but it’s actually too loud in most positions for me to feel comfortable recommending for those who need something quiet. I did send a video to capture the sound to L’amourose to see if this is normal or what, so watch this space for an update when they get back to me.

L’amourose Prism V – Why it’s the best g-spot vibrator I now own

L'amourose Prism V vs Lelo Mona 2 vs Je Joue UmaRemember how much I loved the Rosa Rouge? I mean I still love it, don’t get me wrong. I really do. The Prism V has actually taught me that the biggest reason I love the Rosa Rouge is for external stimulation and yeah, I do need the heat to bring in extra blood flow to the genitals. But we’re talking about the Prism V right now and how much I fucking love it. The shapely body and perfect head provide as much pressure as I could ever want on my g-spot combined with the same powerful rumbles as the Rosa Rouge. I had a three-way competition going between the Je Joue Uma and Lelo Mona 2 and the L’amourose Prism V and a clear winner was evident right away: The head on the L’amourose Prism V is fucking perfect. Perfect. L’amourose Prism V isn’t for size queens; it’s about 1.3″ wide (max), and I have no idea why it feels so very much more comfortable when inserted vs the Lelo Mona 2 – they’re the same max width. But I think it’s down to the shape. Did I mention I think it’s perfect? Above all else? Like I don’t think I’ll ever use the Uma again and the Mona 2 felt downright uncomfortable. If I didn’t need to keep the Mona 2 around for comparisons in the future I’d legit give it away. That’s how much I love the L’amourose Prism V.  I feel that the Uma is a tiny bit more powerful and rumbly than the Lelo Mona 21 and the Prism V is noticeably (not a lot, but enough) more powerful and rumbly than the Uma. The vibrations in the L’amourose Prism V are a clear boost over the Lelo Mona 2. And the price? Oh glory. Prism V is only $105 at Shevibe (and the Prism VII is $119).

If I had to find a negative about the Prism, either one, it’s that the buttons aren’t perfect. They’re in a much better spot now; they are exactly where my thumb rests as I hold it and they’re not *too* easy to press but they’re also not easy. I tend to need to dig my thumbnail down a little to get them to click. Do I care much? Nope. Gimme my Prism. Another issue is that the motor on the Prism V is rattly unless the head is inserted. Again I’m not sure if this is an early run problem or what, so I plan to ask L’amourose if this is normal. It makes the Prism V a little noisier than I’d like but it’s still a small issue when I consider how much I love it in use.

L’amourose Prism vs Black Diamonds

L'amourose Prism V and Prism VII, Denia and Rosa RougeThere are a lot of changes from their flagship Black Diamonds line, and all changes were made by reading reviews and getting customer feedback. The handle is more ergonomic2 with buttons in a place that is suited for righties or lefties. The motor is the same, but they took away the “Flex and Shift Technology” which many people didn’t like because they need pressure on their g-spot or prostate. And here’s the best part: they are priced less than your average Lelo. For those who, like me, actually liked the shape of the Rosa and Denia and even liked holding on to a bigger base, don’t worry. The Black Diamond line isn’t going anywhere. Which is a damn good thing because I can’t recommend the L’amourose Prism VII for a dual-stimulator. Denia still holds the title as the rabbit vibe that fits me best, and one that I feel I can recommend above most others.

I had to ask my contact at L’amourose why the names Prism V and Prism VII – V has 5 settings, VII has 7 (because you can turn off either motor so that just one of them is running). Well, okay, but it is still going to be a little hard for me to remember this at first.

Also can we talk about how fucking gorgeous this Sky Blue color is? I can’t even take a picture that does it justice. It’s a subtle variation from “baby blue” that is truly a pale sky blue color, slightly dusky, and a very under-used color in general for the sex toy world. I’m pretty much in love with the color alone. It’s the sort of blue that pairs perfectly with shiny copper or bright bronze. Actually it matches my office pretty well so it’s clear that the L’amourose Prism V is officially my vibrator mascot.

  1. Plus I think it’s easier to clean because it’s all silicone
  2. For some; for me, the big fat base is more ergonomic but I can’t stand holding small things and the old base doesn’t twist my wrist funny