The Eva by Dame Products was a crowd-funded vibrator – the Indiegogo campaign raised 1000% more money than they asked for. So while I remained skeptical, I thought “With all that extra money there’s no excuse now for not doing a ton of beta testing and employing a really awesome motor, and basically getting it really right, right out of the gate”. I had hopes, despite the fact that I really don’t like “couples vibes” that this here might actually be something that would work *with* my fat outer labia. I had hopes despite the really bizarre design of it. A lot of us dubbed it “The Bug”, but when I visited Bex and saw her stuffed uterus it hit me….IT’S A UTERUS.
My Eva was unveiled at a mini #blogsquad sleepover at Bex’s house the weekend of SHE NYC. I hadn’t even opened the box, since it arrived a few hours before I headed out to NY. I unpacked Eva and held it aloft and reactions were mixed. But then I turned Eva on…and my face fell like a bad souffle. I looked more dramatically sad and pathetic than Grumpy Cat. After 7 years in this business I know that companies are like real estate agents when it comes to describing their wares but the video for Eva tells you “We selected a small motor with a powerful kick” and this couldn’t honestly be further from the truth. The video contains nothing but glowing testimonies (naturally) from happy, hetero couples. Early online reviews made it sound awesome and super-powered. Literally, they talk about intense vibrations. I’m left wondering if they received the same vag bug that I did twice over, because it’s like I’m reading about another vibrator entirely. I appreciate the massive attention that the Eva by Dame Products received during crowdfunding simply because of the conversations it started on many corners of the internet. But in person, in actual use? I feel hoodwinked.
Before we even delve into talking about the biggest factor of fit, we need to talk about the motor that Dame Products chose for the Eva. I have a lot of vibrators that are more powerful. On my personal scale, I’d probably rank Eva at a 2. The vibrations are shallow, surface-buzzy and extremely mild. I tried to go all Tantric with it and just relax, let go and watch some porn but….it wasn’t happening. It was never going to happen. It didn’t feel nice, it didn’t even feel soothing. I thought that perhaps the vibrations could add in to the amazing, almost-overwhelming, g-spot sensations I feel during sex but they made the vibrations of the Eva feel non-existent. These are some of the most sad vibrations I’ve felt in a long while. I realize I require more vibrations than a good portion of the population but I am able to be objective here. These vibrations are mild. I’ve had mild salsa that has more of a kick. Suffice to say, no one in the House of Bex that night was impressed with the vibrations. I almost feel like the noise is making you think the vibrations are stronger than they are. It is noisier than I expected, that’s for sure. But if I turned up music so that I couldn’t hear the buzzing and tried to just relax and focus on nothing….nothing is what I felt. I felt barely a buzz. I really want to go to the houses of those early reviewers and demand to see their Bug because Houston, we have a fucking problem.
The Fit – Eva Takes the Vulva Tour
Before I tried it, Bex and Girly Juice tried it for fit. Both have a different vulva than I, and I wanted to get a few opinions to be sure it’s not just my vulva that hates it. Neither used it during penetrative sex but were trying it out to see if it would even stay put under the best of circumstances (and test the vibrations). Due to a shipping snafu that Dame Products was kind enough to compensate for early on, I received two Evas and so I sent one off to Sarah to try during penetrative sex.
The verdicts all around agreed that it’s frustrating to get it situated, and you generally feel like it’s falling out. At one point while Bex was doing a little dance she *thought* the Eva was staying put but instead we noticed one buggy leg poking out. That visual might honestly be the most hilarious sex toy blooper I’ve encountered yet. General accounts from GJ and Bex were that it took foreverrrr to wrangle it into place where it was staying put; more time than one would want to spend when in the midst of sex. It kept slipping, despite the fact that no sex was involved. The lack of decent vibrations wasn’t getting anyone anywhere, either.
I sent Sarah the bug to try out with her husband, and that resulted in something I didn’t expect – chafing. For Sarah, it sounds like her vulva is small (like she is!) and there was less space for Eva to hang out so during PIV it kept chafing his penis. They never could get to the point of deciding on whether or not it would have stayed put or helped her with orgasm. Again, it took a long time to get it properly in place for her – 10 minutes of fiddling around. Would this get better with multiple uses? Who knows. She felt that the third level of vibration was a little more powerful than she expected from my moaning about it, but it was very numbing.
My vulva is a bit like Bex’s, but my outer labia and mons is chubbier. I had no problems getting the Eva to stay put at first simply because my outer labia cover it up. When I wear the We-Vibe, my outer labia completely covers the We-Vibe. I don’t need to turn the We-Vibe Dusk into a Tango holder for my clit; my labia does that just fine (so long as I’m doing my usual of sitting in a chair). So yeah, the initial situating didn’t need much. But it kept popping up on one side, and subtly moved around a bit. With fairly average penetration it didn’t feel comfortable, I constantly worried about it and it simply was not worth the hassle for such piddly vibrations. This is one of those times where not only do I not need to test something a handful of times to be sure of my assessment, I don’t want to. Please, don’t make me use it again.
Why I just don’t like the Eva by Dame Products
If you like/need/prefer:
- Pressure on your clitoris
- Some degree of rumbling vibrations on your clitoris
- The ability to rub your clitoris with the sex toy
- Lube, and lots of it during sex (your own or from a bottle)
- Moderately powerful vibrations, or more
Then the Eva by Dame Products is not for you. If there isn’t more than 1.75″ from your clitoris to your vaginal opening, the Eva isn’t for you. If you have minimal outer labia but long inner labia, the Eva may not be for you because the inner labia might get in the way. If you don’t like worrying about whether a hands-free vibrator is going to be truly hands-free and stay in place during sex, the Eva isn’t for you. If mild, buzzy vibrations piss you off and make you want to stomp bunnies, the Eva isn’t for you. Dame Products fully admits that the Eva will not work for every body; they do suggest that if it doesn’t stay in place for you on its own, then just apply a finger! Wait, that’s defeating their entire point. But here’s a tip: a vibrator that you are meant to hold in place *will* work with every vulva.
Frankly, I don’t think it’s worth the retail cost of $105. When I informed #SHEsquad of the price there were dropped jaws all around and “no fucking WAY” muttered a lot. Again – I’m happy that a sex toy did so well in a crowd-funding campaign if for the sheer reason that it got people talking. But I really feel that it made claims that the retail version of the Bug didn’t live up to. I’m let down that the end result is like a deflated balloon for me. If this is a powerful motor then I’m a monkey’s uncle.
Look I could talk more here about the design, how it’s meant to work, show you the cute drawings that Dame Products did to demonstrate, etc. I could talk about charging time or use time. I could have taken nice photos like Heather did. I could, but I’m not going to. Why? It’s irrelevant here; I’m not recommending this. I don’t see a point in getting that far into the conversation when I hate the product. You may wonder why I was skeptical about the product; am I just jaded? Too picky? Nay nay it goes beyond just that – first time products from baby companies coming from crowd-funded platforms rarely turn out well.
But hey, I can’t recommend the We-vibe, either, really. I’m on the fence about the Lelo Tiani 3. I think the Fixsation is more dumb than the Eva by Dame Products. I feel like they’re trying to work around fragile masculinity by having a vibrator that tries so hard to be unobtrusive. Sex toys are tools, and they are fun and varied and they can make your sex (solo, coupled, thrupled, grouped) fun and varied. If what you’re doing is not working, then re-work it. So many people with clits need a vibrator for orgasm; and the overwhelming majority of those people just simply need clitoral stimulation period to orgasm – penetrative sex alone won’t cut it. And that’s fine! We have options for you! Find new positions that work with vibrators you hold in place. Maybe let go of that fairy-tale “let’s come at the same time or at least while my cock is still inside of you”. Consider how powerful it would be to have them come while your fingers are inside of them and you have the best view in the house. Consider how much more sensitive your g-spot will be to the rubbing of a dildo or penis after you’ve had a clitoral orgasm *first*. Genitals are different in looks, sensitivity, how they respond best to touch, if they even like vibrations. Sex is messy and fun and like a Rubik’s cube – there’s more than one way to solve the puzzle and sometimes when the colors are a jumbled rainbow it’s just as pretty as when they all line up. And there are hundreds of regular vibrators out there and you can find a way to incorporate them into a re-worked vision of the sex you want to have – way better odds than the half-dozen half-assed “couples vibrators”. /rant
This will only be relevant for a short time but if you want to support an Indiegogo campaign for a vibrator that actually DOES have a lot of power and comes from a veteran sex toy company proven to use many real live beta testers, then support the Tantus Rumble campaign.
My thanks to Shevibe for sending over the Eva by Dame Products in exchange for my (brutally honest) review.