That’s Me Trying

 personal information, Uncategorized  Comments Off on That’s Me Trying
Apr 102019

One day before the start of my sophomore year of high school I went horseback riding with two friends. With an experienced guide, you and a small group would ride through their many acres on a tiny trail through fields, through wooded areas, over creeks. It wasn’t my first time on a horse but it was my next-to-last. At some point during the ride, a bunch of things happened at once: The leader’s horse started a good trot down a bit of a hill. The trail had a lot of gravel there. The bouncing and the speed caused my feet to lose purchase in the stirrups. I was detaching. I don’t know what happened next but I didn’t just slide off the horse; I found myself maybe 10 feet from the horse in a rocky field.

We were in the middle of our hour-long ride. My choices were to either get back on and not disrupt the excursion or throw a wrench in everything by having someone go back to the stables, get a vehicle, come to me, etc. A whole production. I was mortified so I chose the option that embarrassed me less. I was absolutely terrified but I got back on. The ride wasn’t fun; I was in pain and scared any time the horse went faster than a stroll.

I ended up missing the first day of school to recover from the concussion and back pain. A few weeks later one of the friends and I went back to the stables. I did my best but I was still too terrified. I think I lasted 10 minutes and called it quits. I haven’t gotten back on since.

So what the actual fuck does that story have to do with my sex blog?

I’m trying to get back on the horse. Everything I write feels so forced and shitty. I worked on 4 other drafts before giving in to this bullshit navel-gazing worthless post. I think I have to publish this if I have any hope of getting over the fear of publishing anything important.

I’m worried because only about 5% of me wants to keep blogging. That’s where I am right now. 5% of the motivation for this post is because I actually want to be here. The rest is a jumble of obligation, guilt and boredom. I know people have been concerned about me and the fate of this site.

I’ve been trying to work on my physical and mental health. It’s been a lot more difficult and frustrating than I anticipated and believe me I expected the worst. I’m really not ready to share any more than I’ve already shared on social media as it was happening; writing about that feels too damn scary and worthless. I’m realizing that if I keep coming here to write for other people – and f I worry too much about my peers’ reactions – I won’t keep it up.

I have to stop comparing myself with others. Everybody does this in a different way and though a number of my blogging friends are business-savvy word machines with checklists and brand images and curated social media and endless ideas, that’s not me. I’ve done something right because I’ve still had plenty of site traffic despite zero social media promotions and zero writing. I have to accept that that is great, full stop, no comparisons. And, if not great, then good enough for me.

This is roughly 500 words of not-a-promise but a toe-in-the-water. I’ll be making changes; I probably won’t be hyping my shit on social media much. Really, in our industry, it doesn’t get me very far. As of this week I’m on extreme hiatus from a few social media platforms that are less healthy for me. I’m going to start selectively turning off commenting, beginning with this post.

To be honest, I don’t feel good about this post but I feel much worse about the 4 other drafts I tried to work on. Baby steps?

 Posted by at 9:54 am
May 282013

Dangerous Lilly's 5 Year Blogaversary Celebration, Week 1

Unless you’re new here, you know that I don’t always follow the crowd and do things the normal way. So when I first started brainstorming concepts for a giveaway to celebrate 5 years of blogging, I wanted to choose 5 things to give away. I tossed up a poll on some of my ideas to test the waters. Then a pattern started to emerge. Then I thought “Why lump it all into one giveaway, why not have multiple ones to give people a better chance?” and then I thought that there should be a theme…and I looked at that pattern…and a theme was born. There will be 5 weeks of giveaways, with each week representing a year and each week’s item will be my favorite (or one of) from that year. Since I started blogging in the middle of a calendar year I was able to take the liberty of a “year” being from June to June.  I also wanted to be able to give each week’s item/sponsor the proper love and gratitude they deserve.

Hands down my favorite item from the First Year was the Njoy Pure Wand. I actually cringe a bit when I read the review I wrote in 2008, because my writing and reviewing style has changed so much. But nonetheless, my enthusiasm for the Pure Wand hasn’t waned. I have experienced some really great dildos but nothing can ever compare or best the Pure Wand for me. It’s the shape, the size, the material, the way it glides….it’s everything. It’s perfect in my eyes.

The company supporting me this week and providing one lucky person with their very own Njoy Pure Wand is:


Australia | United States | Europe

Originally an Australian company, Black Label has grown and now is more global! This is great news because I can open the contest to AU/US/EU people! The Njoy Pure Wand will be sent to you straight from Black Label. I like this company a lot, they have curated a great collection of quality sex toys!

How to Enter

I’m embracing more “old school” giveaway methods and trying for something just a little bit more different and fair. I know that a lot of people who would like to enter the giveaways for sex toys often do not have a strong chance, because the company sponsoring it (and even the blog) wants social media attention in return and people who are not out or have only a “friends and family”Facebook page are unable to “like” a sex toy store on Facebook.

You will not be able to gain umpteen entries for the best chance at a random drawing here. I’m asking you to leave one comment on this post and do the three following things (not one, all three):

1. Tell me why you want the Pure Wand! Try to keep it to a few paragraphs or under 300 words, ok?

2. This is where you have a choice, but you must do one:

  • Using a public (not tweet-protected unless I follow you) Twitter account, send out the following tweet: “Enter to win an Njoy Pure Wand from @HaveBetterSex via @Dangerouslilly”. Post the direct-link to your tweet in your comment.
  • If you don’t have a Twitter account that you actually use and has followers/can tweet about sex toys from, just go to the Black Label site and find one other item that, if luck were on your side, you would love to also get along with the Pure Wand. Tell me the name of the toy and paste the direct link to it in your comment.

3. I have a list, here on my site, of toys that rate as my top choices of all time. Find that list and pick out one item from the list that you own and agree/disagree that its a top pick or one from the list that you are dying to try if you don’t own any of them.

Leave ONE comment, not 3 just one, with all three of those required tasks in it. I want to make entries fair but not disgustingly easy, either. I mean it’s a freakin Pure Wand, people. How will I choose the winner? The winner will be verified by me that they did requirements #2 and #3 correctly and then finally chosen by my favorite answer for #1. 

Contest closes on Wednesday, June 5th at 11:59PM EST. Yep, it’s a relatively quick one. Keep up with my updates via Facebook, RSS or Email because I’m having 4 more giveaways! Every Wednesday for the next month will be a new giveaway. Week 2 is a Nobessence dildo, Week 3 is a Lelo Mona 2, Week 4 is a We-Vibe Salsa & a Tantus dildo, and Week 5 is a Fucking Sculptures dildo!!

WINNER!! CONGRATS TO KEIGHLEY!  Please check your email!

Apr 302013

Reverted back to old school style to pick the winners...printed out and put into piles of Yes, No and Maybe!

Reverted back to old school style to pick the winners…printed out and put into piles of Yes, No and Maybe!

I had 50 entries and had to narrow that WAY WAY down. I’m also the sort of person for who complicated brain situations require something more visual and tangible than “on screen”. So I printed out the entries and started the sorting hat up. Some were quick to go in the YES pile, a few were quick to go in the NO pile, and that MAYBE pile saw a lot of dithering.

I have to admit, I’ve never had the opportunity to have multiple winners like this and likely never will again…..and yet I’m still feeling greedy, because if I had my way there are others I would have chosen. Picking these winners was agonizing and just so damn difficult. But I have to say, I liked this method better. I like choosing the winners. I like that there was no “necessary evil” of contest spam on the social media outlets. I like that people who are unable to gain the entry edge by utilizing all of the social media options were able to have a fair shot. And I really liked that everybody here had a fair shot – one shot – to win.

While this giveaway isn’t your only chance to own a vibrator with such awesome rumbles (despite the fact that I like the colors less, the Tango is identical and will work nearly as well for replacing bullet vibes in silicone toys so keep your eye on sales for this one), this giveaway represents most of the opportunities. You’ll have another chance in June to win one (along with 4 other weeks of 4 other equally fabulous prizes) so if you didn’t win, please come back!

Here are my winners:

Alison, a college student who has never owned a vibrator. If I had had a vibrator like the Salsa in college, well, there would have been a LOT fewer frustrating nights then and in the time between college and when I actually did finally own a vibrator.

Minivenus, who would like to actually orgasm when pegging her boyfriend. I think that the Salsa is her best bet at getting some decent vibe action going on in the strap-on dildos!

Pantophile Panic, who gave up the majority of her sex toys after finding out that they are likely toxic or unsafe, and has PGAD. I think that the Salsa can bring her to multiple orgasms on a lower setting, thereby bringing her less pain.

Somebody, who had a few life-saving medical procedures done that sadly left orgasms just outside of her reach for now. I hope that the Salsa can be the thing that helps her get back in touch with her sexuality, improve her mental health and just in general make life a little better.

Abbi (the) Gale, whose very long tale about living in an sex-toy-oppressing country, with a girlfriend in another country who has difficulty with orgasm AND is taking care of a parent, with the ladies having to make a choice between a plane ticket and a sex toy? Choice obliterated, sex toy granted!

InsatiablyTaken, who gets major props for the things she is teaching her students. That just HAD to be rewarded!!

Caite, who, like me, struggles to reach orgasm and has body issues that make manual stimulation uncomfortable at best.

Rachael J, whose well-meaning boyfriend bought her the very-stinky and too-big (and therefore useless) James Deen dildo. Dear Rachael’s boyfriend: consult her before your next purchase, pick it out together! And no more PVC dildos!

The winners have been notified via email. They have 1 week to respond and (if applicable) get the shipping thing worked out…..if any fall through, I will pick replacement winners.

 Posted by at 1:34 pm
Apr 192013

IMG_20130419_104851I’m here to play Fairy DildoMother and give away a bunch of red We-Vibe Salsa vibes. I’ve raved and swooned over how much I love this vibrator. I do like the Tango, too, for it has the same motor and all but aesthetically I preferred the shape and colors of the Salsa. I found that the pointed bullet tip of the Salsa allowed it to easily replace the RO-80mm bullet vibe and others that look just like it, like the Tantus bullet vibes. This takes the vibrations in your dense silicone toy from “meh” to “heyyyyyy that’s nice!!”

It was a dark day indeed when I discovered that Standard Innovations decided that the Tango was a better seller and that they needed to cull their catalog so my beloved Salsa got the axe. Luckily though they sent me a whole bunch to give away!!! I always like being able to choose more than one winner.

For years I hunted high and low for the type of vibrations that just right for me, like a sex toy Goldilocks or something. Too weak, too buzzy, too powerful and buzzy, etc. But they really hit the jackpot with this vibe, in my opinion. I adore the deep, rumbly vibrations. They go well beyond just stimulating the surface of my clit, they really dig down and stimulate the inner clitoris and for me that’s the key to an easy orgasm. 9 times out of 10 I never use a vibrator on anything other than its highest setting. With the Salsa/Tango I’ve actually been able to orgasm in the right situations by having it on LOW.

Another true measure of my adoration is this: I’ve been reviewing sex toys since 2008 and was a frustrated consumer for a few years before that. I’ve owned over 200 vibrators. In my current rotation is the Lelo Smart Wand Large that gets used when I crave g-spot stimulation, the Pure Wand for intense g-spot stimulation and sometimes the Vanity VR6. But there are 3 vibrators that never leave my desk unless I’m traveling.

A black Salsa, a red Salsa and a purple Tango. Yep, multiples for when one dies so that I’m never without.

These give me no-fail orgasms. This is a breakthrough for a woman who spent years either not having a clitoral orgasm or having such a slight one that I wasn’t quite sure if I did or not. A breakthrough for a woman who many times had the Hitachi Magic Wand get too hot to use before an orgasm would appear. It’s not the level of power, it’s the type of vibration.


How can you own one of my all-time most bestest favorite vibrators in the universe? Not through Twitter entries. Or Facebook follows. I won’t ask you to do anything involving social media, at all in fact. This giveaway isn’t about me or a company trying to get more Klout or followers or a better Alexa rank. Would I appreciate the hell out of it if you introduced a few friends to my blog? Sure would. Subscribed to my RSS feed? That would be lovely. But it’s not a requirement.

All I want is for you to tell me why (via the comments section on this post) I should send you one. Convince me as to why you absolutely need to win a Salsa. This won’t be a random drawing, I’ll be choosing with though. Did I mention there will be multiple winners?? 


  • Don’t make up shit that you think will score with me. Be honest.
  • Don’t write erotica.
  • The vibes are not being sent from the manufacturer, these are in my possession, therefore the shipping charges rest on me. For that reason, I require that if you reside outside of the United States, you be willing to cover the shipping via Paypal before I send it. If you fail to do so within a reasonable time after the contest is over, I’ll pick a new winner. Live outside of the US and don’t want to pay for the shipping? Don’t enter. If you don’t live in the US please list your country in your comment.
    • For postage-calculation purposes, the shipping weight is 9oz. Go here, select your country, select generic “package”, enter in 9 oz weight, and you’ll have the cost of shipping. Generally have to poke around to find the 1st Class option, but it’s there. Example, Canada is going to run about $9.
  • One entry per household/IP address. Attempting to create fake entries will get all of your entries deleted.
  • Obviously, you’ll need to give me your mailing address (privately) should you win one of these. Keep that in mind. I won’t be responsible for lost packages should you try to have it sent to a fake name, to your workplace and they refuse it, etc. If it comes back to me I will have to pay for that return shipping, and that’s not cool.

COMMENTS ARE CLOSED. Thank you all for entering, but as this is not a random drawing, it’s going to take some effort on my part to narrow it down to 8 winners out of I don’t even know, more than 40 entries at least. I will notify the winners via email. If one doesn’t respond within a few days, I’ll choose a backup. 

 Posted by at 10:58 am

e[lust] 45

 Uncategorized  Comments Off on e[lust] 45
Apr 182013

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #46? Start with the newly updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 ~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

 Bringing Toxic Sex Toy Facts Out of the Attic

How Do I Get My Wife to Dominate Me?

I Need This

  ~ Featured Posts (Molly’s Picks) ~

Speaking the unspeakable


 All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 2:09 pm
Jan 292013

As the dining room table cleared slowly of all the many sex toys piled on it for organizing, little by little things were left behind. The bowls that held tiny clit toys and bag balls soon just held the balls. A dildo ended up in the second bowl and then we thought to combine them like…


I don’t even know like what.  But it would make a great conversation piece during dinner! With the right people of course. Maybe.

But in the filtered morning light it looked more artistic. I think. Or I’m on crack.

The Tantus O2 Cush surrounded by various Luna Beads

The Tantus O2 Cush surrounded by various Luna Beads





Toy with me Tuesday
 Posted by at 1:59 pm