Posted by Lilly | 18 Comments

OKCupid: You fail. BIG time.

So not too long ago I got this email from OkCupid. I haven’t logged on there in a good long while, (read: months) and so I was confused to see an email from them. I’d turned off all other ones, so was curious why the fuck they were bugging me.

What did this email tell me?

Here, you can see for yourself:

*blinks*

They’re now segregating based on perceived attractiveness.

I’ll let that sink in a mo’.

No, I’ll just let it sit there on it’s own, because I’m just too damn flabbergasted about it to say much more right now.

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Posted by Lilly | 27 Comments

Isn’t it Ironic

You know how sometimes you don’t realize something as being true until it comes falling out of your mouth with no premeditated thought? Writing is like that, for me. It can be how I work shit out. So I handed in a few posts to Edencafe recently and they decided to run with my little theme and post them all on the same day. It’s Dangerous Lilly Day!

Baby steps this week, one day for lunch I chose a green salad with a half cup of tuna salad on top, and a cup of light yogurt. Two months ago would have found me having the reuben. Was the tunasalad the best choice, when you consider the mayo? Probably not but I didn’t use dressing, and I just can’t eat naked greens. I’m sorry, I can’t make drastic changes and expect it to stick. I bought myself another gelato pint last night at the store. Combine a somewhat-humorous threat by my hub and my own attempt at convictions and I ate only 1/4 of the container.

Then this morning in my email I see a pingback hit on an old post that was basically food porn, where I waxed romantic about Fettucine Alfredo and perhaps grilled cream cheese sandwiches, featuring photos of gorgeous decadent food that I love. Food that I don’t eat every day or even every week. But oh horrors of horrors it’s a FATTY talking about her love of good food. I can’t do that, it’s “disgusting” or so this man claim. I will not link to his post here, I did on Twitter but I won’t give him traffic from this site. He linked to that post and he (without asking of course) re-posted yesterday’s HNT photo.

“She is a blogger who talks about her sex life and how she loves being a fat ass. I will admit that some of her stuff is pretty sexy…until you see her”.  He goes on to show that photo and says how the rest of me “must be a mess” and invited his readers to try and find a photo of my ass as proof, he claims to have spent 5 minutes searching but apparently couldn’t stomach any more. Funny, isn’t it, that my statcounter shows he spent a lot more than 5 minutes saw a lot of photos. He didn’t *read* anything recent though because he says that “Being fat isn’t healthy. It isn’t a lifestyle choice. It is just laziness.” I’m listed as his Freak of the Day because I  both aroused him and disgusted him. I feel bad for him, kinda. I bet he feels guilty when he jerks off 3 times a day, too, and isn’t dating. Most of his site is based on making himself feel better by finding other people to rip apart.

Anyways.

These posts at Edencafe? I’m kinda proud of these but oh be ready for a little conflict in inner voices ;) I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts on these, either here or there.

From the post “Caring about Myself“:

I’m saying I care. About me. About not scaring those who love me and worry about my health. About not wanting to be in such pain and if taking better care of myself health-wise might have an affect on the pain, then it’s damn well time to step up and do it. I have to.

From the post “Pleasure in Food: Finding a balance between yum and healthy“:

Fat, glorious fat. It gives flavor, it gives divine texture. Food that you enjoy with every fiber of your being, food that makes you involuntarily say “Yummmmm” as you eat. Food being referred to as “better than sex”. Foodgasm, my favorite word. Food, glorious food. It makes mouths happy, it makes *brains* happy because of the endorphin rush or whatever. At least to me and those I call favorite people!

And then I got really angry when I started thinking about diet foods. From the post “Foods, Force feminized!”:

Put on your thinking caps here, close your eyes and imagine all the yogurt commercials you’ve seen recently.
Got it?
Now then – where are the men?
Oh look, there’s a man – wait, no, not really. He’s eavesdropping on his wife’s ambiguous phone conversation about yogurt-porn and all these gorgoeous flavors she’s eaten lately. Key Lime Pie! Apple Turnovers! And, I’m losing weight! Where’s hubby? Like the dipshit that media plays him up to be, he’s digging through the fridge looking for these yummy desserts and oh teehee he’s like totally not getting it that it’s really the yogurt right in front of him that she’s talking about! Oh, the hilarity. Silly man. Yogurt is for girls!

Edit: You can’t change mean people, you can’t make them see the light.

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Posted by Lilly | 14 Comments

You hang in there Sunshine, you’re special

Moving on. It’s not an easy thing to do. And encountering douchetards of the “I am Dom, bow before me, bitch” variety makes it more difficult.

Mz. Impy reminded me a few days ago why I left CollarMe. The other kink social site I belong to isn’t anywhere near as bad but there are the occasional dickheads there. I have a profile on these two forums – posting sexy things, pics, etc and on the one the messages are usually more respectful and complimenting and such.

Usually.

I had only mentioned my BDSM past here and there in little bites in various threads, but it was always always “that’s my past and I’m not interested in going there anymore, I’m not looking for a Dom”. But they don’t listen, do they.

I think I held back quite a bit here, don’t you?

Subject: The First Thing…

Message: that I would insist on is that you wear a butt plug to loosen your as up for my thick cock. As your Master you would be expected to make yourself available when and where I said. You can expect to spend much time on your knees attending to my knees.

If your understand my rules you will receive the benefit of my training,

[email]avcbigdog@yahoo.com[/email]

P.S. Just add in the subject line that you are a ‘Willing Sub”

My reply: I think the plug would do better up your ass, because then it might make you take your head out from your ass. Nowhere do I state that I would be receptive to this sort of disrespectful unsolicited email. Learn some goddamn manners.

He did indeed have the audacity to write back:

Suck my cock and don’t dribble, that would be your demostration of manners you cock sucker.

I did not change a thing about his messages.

Let me repeat that for you in case you didn’t catch my drift the first time:

I did not change a thing about his messages.

:)

I mean, you know, should YOU think he’s all 67 kinds of sexy and that you’d be a good willing sub for him? Why, I encourage you to contact him. I just want you two lovebirds to be happy, I really an truly do! I just hope you are well-versed in attending to knees. I bet he was just having a rough day and was in need of some snuggle-wuggle time with his Willing Sub.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the only willing sub I can give him is meatballs with provolone on a soggy hoagie bun.

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Posted by Lilly | 11 Comments

Cranky

Ya know, I don’t do it often, but tonight I’m just gonna let the crankiness flow. Mmkay? Glad you’re with me.

So I don’t know why the fuck I still have a profile on OkCupid*. I don’t go there much anymore. It’s been awhile since I’ve met anyone from there. The last guy that I met I thought it was just a friendly date despite him being enamored with the “Blog Lilly”. We emailed quite a bit and I found him great to talk to. I had thought that I made it clear that despite the fact that he’s seen blog photos of me naked and that I can be mildly flirty, this was a friendly coffee date only. Now either I didn’t make it quite clear enough or he was severely let down meeting the “real life me” in contrast to “Blog Lilly”.  I’ll never know. All I got from him the next day was that I “confused him”. He didn’t know what to make of things, of our meeting. He couldn’t tell me why he was confused or what about. Whatever. I said hello via email a few weeks later and still no reply back. I’m sure he no longer reads the blog. Just before him was Shawn, but she disappeared too eventually after we hung out once. She faded in and out for the next month after and we spoke of getting together again but it never happened.

In recent months, though, Okcupid has been a sesspool of idiots. Stupid emails, crass emails. You guys know, you’ve read a few. Finally I added this to the beginning of my profile: “I apparently need to spell this out, and also put it at the top. I do not have the “casual sex” box checked off, for a reason. It’s because I don’t want a casual fuck with a stranger. So if you feel so inclined to drop me a line touting your mad skillz in bed or just that you’d like to fuck me and would I like to meet to make that happen? Save your time, and don’t drop me such a line. It won’t get you anywhere. If you’re looking for a quickie NSA hookup, I direct you to your local Craigslist.” The “hey wanna fuck” emails dwindled down considerably. Still the straggling asshats and morons attempted now and then. Today’s email was the pinnacle.

Subj: no offense but…
“guys message you for an nsa hook up because your tits are like small countries with vast tracks of land and you’ve put those pictures on your profile. i’m not excusing them, random sexual encounters are dangerous. but as a guy, i thought you should understand.
and that was my way of starting a conversation. its like a coin toss. we’ll see what happens when the penny drops.“

I replied: “So you’re telling me that the price I pay for having big tits is getting unwanted NSA hook-up emails? Or is it just that I have big tits and I’m not ashamed and covering them up like a librarian? Is this like the argument that a rape victim deserved it if she dressed up sexy because she felt like it?”

My pics are not overtly whorishly sexual, they’re sexy and guess what? There’s cleavage. You can’t hide that at 42DDD. So I’m asking for it by having those, as opposed to fun frolicky “look at me having fun with random peers, i must be normal!” pics.

Y’all tell me if I’m being a cunty bitch here, ok? It’s alright, I can take it. Over there in the sidebar, up at the top, I have my copyright listed. It’s also in the footer of every single post, to be seen when you’re viewing a singular post. Basically, you’re free to share/re-post portions of my posts or my pics so long as you have my permission OR you appropriately credit me (i.e. this blog, via link). There’s more than just that but you can read it here. Now, last HNT was only posted on my blog. I didn’t upload it to Twitpic or similar. I tweeted a link, but this person wasn’t a follower at the time (I lock down my tweets). He tweeted about my pic, crediting my twitter account name and linked people to the photo – not my direct link of it, not my blog post link but to an imageshack link where this person uploaded it to his own account. When you view it, there’s zero accrediting to me/this blog. I told him that he couldn’t do that, and to remove it. He argued: “No copyright infringement, Fair Use, U asked ppl on social media to look @ it, I did, & reviewed it on my non-commercial social media page. I also credit you and send pple to UR site. Once there U can try to sell DVDs, videos, blogs, cam-time whatever. However if U do not want my compliments or the extra exsposure, just say so, & I’ll Unfollow – I play nice.“  W. T. F. I have no damn clue what he’s prattling on about with selling shit, I don’t do that. He never credited my site. People are viewing that photo and as has happened before with my pics, someone with a tumblr will repost it and be in violation of my creative commons because they didn’t credit me. I’m now the dramatic cunt because I calmly and nicely told him hey, thanks but can you please credit or remove? your current method is “not allowed”.

I don’t care what I post, what I say, what pictures I put up. There’s only one person who’s ever allowed to use the terms “nasty” and “filthy” in regards to me and that’s R and that’s only in sexual roleplay (which is in the past). It’s not sexy, it doesn’t turn me on. It makes you look like a disrespectful pig. From a stranger, those words are not a compliment or a way to hit on me.

Ok so I just now saw that I had a response to the above mentioned Okcupid mail about my vast tracks of land and perhaps I jumped a little harshly at the poor guy. But still. vast tracks of land?!?!

him: “you’re right. guys should show you respect regardless of what you’re wearing. i only meant to give you a window into the mind of the average male; not offer an excuse for their actions. i’ll remember this. for future reference, i’ll never message someone new and start talking about her vast tracks of land. at the time, it just seemed like a better way to say hello than “hey! i’m bi-polar too! hooray!“”

Oh and while I’m at it I just gotta share with you one last Okcupid email. Got this from a guy who claims to be 39 in his profile but looks much more like 59.

Subj: Head – how bout it?
Body:  How bout some head ?

I swear you guys, I’ve got sexy shit here in drafts. I promise. But for some reason, even though I’m on that “health watch” 2.5 weeks off work and can type to my lil hearts content………it ain’t comin. All that’s flowing these last two days is cranky and snarky and growly. So um, real soon. Promise.

*I don’t now. After proofing this post I thought about it and weighed the pros and cons and dumped the profile. There’s still huge shoes to fill and it’s just not gonna happen anytime soon.

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Posted by Lilly | 16 Comments

Wicked, Wicked Girl

Listen up. I am sweet and sensitive, I am loving and loyal. When I care about someone, I will do just about anything for them to make them happy. Sometimes I go above and beyond – some see that as weak, some see it as amazing.

But cross me? Really offend me or go after me? I’ll cut a bitch.

I’m sure you recall Mr. Orgy, the Okcupid kid whom I tried to convince that he should show up for a “dogging” event I was setting up. I was truly going to keep going with the ruse to teach him a lesson. Until of course, he responded:

how do i know your not just ganna kill me….besides i dont got a car

*facepalm*

I twitched from the irritation caused by the poor spelling and grammar. And then I got a little pissed.

A female okcupid serial murderer? I doubt it. If you don’t have a car, then WTF were you thinking messaging a girl for sex who lives 96 miles from you?

Seriously? Not only did Rico Sauve think he could just hit me up for an orgy, but he thought the orgy would come to  him?

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Posted by Lilly | 16 Comments

A Pervert in the land of Fucktards

Hi, my name is Lilly, and I’m an accidental jail-bait ogler.

I’m sure I’ll get a (not) astonishing number of comments from the guys saying OMG! ME2! But I don’t care about you today. It’s expected of you. (shut up, it is too, thou doth protest too much) This is about ME.

So I’m sitting in the waiting area for physical therapy. I’m sitting, I’m zoning out a bit, jail-bait in question is standing there 3 feet to my left and facing me, talking to her mother. Look, all I saw in my periphery was perky tits in a tight tank top. So I slyly glanced over once or twice to discretely ogle. Then I looked up as she walked into the PT room – and I see that she’s 14. MAYBE 15. I felt dirty. Shamed.

No, no. Before you pat me on my head, it gets worse.

Over the weekend, I’m at my cousin’s house helping out with something. At some point in the day I’m inside, sprawled out on the couch in exhaustion and pain. Cousin’s daughter and daughter’s friends are on the living room floor playing a board game. The 16 year old friend is laying on her stomach, her ass (in the short little gym shorts; also a very nice ass in my defense) just about pointed in my direction, and her legs spread apart, kicking her feet around in the air. I recall being like that, unaware that I was a nubile hot teenager and wearing things just a bit too provocative. Also in my defense I was exhausted; but I stared at her ass a little too much. Like 15 seconds too much. And I shook my head all cartoon-like and blinked my eyes a few times and thought “Whoa. WTF?” and I ran away.

Listen, 14/15/16 year old girls were NOT this hot when I was that age. If they had been, I would have realized my bisexuality in high school. Not that I could have done a damn thing about it, given the state/county/town, but still.

I’m a dirty old pervert. That’s all there is to it.

I feel mostly fine ogling college-age girls. They’re legal, after all. I’ve been hit on on Okcupid numerous times by 19/20 year olds and even if they’re hot and lithe and likely flexible as hell, I just can’t do it, I can’t meet them or fuck them. I’d feel like a dirty old pervert. (not to mention wtf would we *talk* about??) But that doesn’t stop me from asking for a few naughty pics *grins* ……or 10.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of Okcupid. I recently decided to make my status “Available” again. I’m starting to think that the only good in doing so is fodder for ridicule. I’m also starting to think that I won’t fuck anyone (other than my partner) so long as I live in this state. So for the sake of my sex life, we need to move. Anyways. Moving along, I’ll share the ridicule fun with you. Please note that all spelling and grammatical errors are left for authenticity.

subject: eyes are burning (oh god, i thought, this should be good)
message 1: Wow Some one likes there boobs!!! Lol. My eyes are magical drawn to them in every picture. Scary. Lol. And I think I see 3 hands in one picture. My eyes are playing tricks on me lol.
Ken
reply 1: (I had to, you think I’d just let this one go??) Ok so I can’t really tell here if you’re insulting me or …. what….
message 2: No just being a goofball. I like ur pictures and think there quite sexy. Well ur quite sexy
reply 2: I see. Well, you might want to work on the delivery there a bit. My gut reaction was to slap you. But then I can’t slap my monitor.

(I’m evil sometimes.)

Ok so the next one I just didn’t bother to reply and bait, but clearly the boy didn’t read my profile to the end in which I state my loathing for text-abbreviations in email or chat.

subject: hi
message: hi how are u gr 8 tits :)

And then this one. The only thing more laughable is the guy – 20 year old “I’m the SHIT” poseur mixed with “I like cuddling and just want to find a nice sweet girl”. Honey, you’re white and that hat style was never truly fashionable. Also, I know I’m not the nice sweet girl you’re searching for in vain, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat me like a 2-bit whore.

subject: hey (they’re fucking original, aren’t they?)
message: are you on here for a hook up….sex….if so hit me up id love to have a orgy with you and some of your friends
reply: Actually I’m more into dogging. It’s a British thing. I put up an ad on craigslist or just reply to random local guys here with the info – me and my Dom give out the date, time and location. Guys are welcome to show up. Watch me sucking, getting fucked. If I like the looks then he’ll let me suck off the strangers. Sometimes even get fucked by them up against our car.
We’re doing the next one on Friday night at midnight. It’s at this park in {redacted for privacy, town nearby}, I’m just not sure yet the name of it or exactly where, but you should totally come!!
(at least I blurred out his face)  (also want to mention that dipshit lives 96 miles from me. god it’d be hysterical if he thinks I’m serious and actually goes to said park!)

I’m a mean fucking cunt sometimes, aren’t I??? heheeee

(In case I somehow have a few idiots out there reading: No the dogging thing isn’t true, dork. I’ve fantasized about it with … someone…before, but never have truly taken it seriously)

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