Jul 112011

Thanks to Teagan for the Coalition name ;)

I read something somewhere recently, an innocuous little joke-in-poor-taste, where the author (a reviewer, no less) made a comment likening the ownership of “too many” sex toys to needing to find a partner. That because they happened to own a lot of sex toys it meant they were in even more desperate need of a sex partner – Not you, dear reader, just that person (to be clear). But then again….maybe somebody read that and thought “Oh god…I have a lot of sex toys TOO! Oh no, I’m a sad, miserable person and need to find a partner, stat!”1

I am a reviewer. I own a LOT of toys (mostly because I’m a reviewer, otherwise I wouldn’t because I’m not rich). I like my variety. Some I keep but aren’t my taste anymore. Even before I was a reviewer I had a lot (relatively speaking; it was a lot to me back then, a normal amount to me now) of toys, because I was muddling my way through purchases trying to find ones that worked for me and my body. I was never embarrassed about the quantity. In fact, I have always been proud of my collection. It’s like having a big book collection – different styles for different needs, different moods, etc. Some for a solo quickie, some for a drawn-out tease, some for g-spot, some for …..you get my point. Some are just for me, some are better for use with my partner.

But never would I equate my use-frequency or quantity of sex toys to a need for having or not having human partnered sex2. There’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

Do I think you, my reader, are to be pitied because you do NOT own a lot of sex toys? Only if you desire to own a lot. If you have a few ones that really do it for you and that’s that, fucking awesome. If you orgasm easily and do not need them…..I am highly jealous but still, fucking awesome for you. If you want a large collection or just can’t find the right one for you then yeah, I pity you, because the right to bear orgasms is in the fucking constitution3, damn it.

Did I make a mountain out of a proverbial molehill here in my little rant? Possibly. But there ARE people who are ashamed of sex toys4 and they don’t need that shame added to and there are men who feel threatened by sex toys and women who let their men feel threatened by the toy – they hide it instead of teaching him how it can be a wonderful addition to their time together and not a replacement.


Sit down, have a cup of coffee and let it all out. Yell at me. Agree with me. Ask me for help in expanding your own collection. I love to help give orgasms *grin* and by that I mean helping you shop, you silly perv.

  1. maybe I’m just grumpy today but it felt a little sex-negative to me *shrugs*
  2. That comes out wrong. I’m not referring to an equine sex partner or other animal, egads. Just…not battery operated or inflatable is all
  3. whut? I read “life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” as pursuit of MY happiness which includes orgasms and sexual release
  4. to people other than their parents, I totally get that, I don’t want my mom or family members knowing about my jerk-off accessories or even that I do jerk off just….because…
Nov 182010

I’ve run across this twice now have been disgusted both times – at the people who RT it and join in, at Twitter for letting these accounts go on (I don’t know about you but I’ve reported both accounts for spam twice now) and of the two accounts involved in this.

1. James here seems to have a Twitter account for the sole purpose of telling everyone “take it down NOW bitch” over and over again for the last 6 months. Wtf? That seems fishy. If he’s real I can understand he’s upset but jesus try the sugar before the vinegar. If you’re an asshole to people it’ll make them feel justified in joining in the virtual roast.

2. this is like the chicken and the egg…..which came first…Kate‘s twitpic blitzkrieg or James’ twitter account?

3. They’re both essentially spammers. Tweeting shit at people randomly and yet this is ok with everyone?

4. First of all, it’s a tiny photo – both the crotch shot and the full body. It could have easily been photoshopped. Secondly, flaccid length is not at all representative of erect length. He’s obviously a “grower” and since she didn’t bother to show a photo of his erect penis….well, she doesn’t have much ground there.

But really and truly now Kate if this is the best you can do for “revenge”? Tweet obsessively for months and months on end, all hours of the day, spamming and harassing people with possibly-fake flaccid-penis photos?? You, my dear, are pathetic. I just can’t tell if all of this is real, though. And if it’s not real….then what is the point?? What’s really going on here?

 Posted by at 3:04 pm
Oct 252010

In the last few weeks I personally have been feeling like many readers (and “out” bloggers, and even some other not-out-yet-pompous bloggers) potentially feel like anonymous sex bloggers lack merit, or value, or validity. That without using our real name and/or showing our face, we are to be regarded with suspicion and perhaps disregard. We are characters, we are actors, and we are probably not real. That early 20s girl with the perky tits and enviable sex life? Since she won’t show her face or reveal personal details well then….she must be lying about her sex life! This isn’t to say that the vast rainbow of sex blogger types doesn’t have it’s own false prophets. I’m sure there ARE bloggers pretending to be a whole other identity, just for the fun of it. That doesn’t mean we all are.

A number of members of TBK’s fanclub have voiced that “out” bloggers such as herself are the only type of worthwhile bloggers. The rest of us are merely hiding being our various veils of anonymity, using our internet space to deceive and play tricks. In light of the Alexa scandal, I imagine that this school of thought will be reinforced. And I’m not referring to the entire scandal, involving the deceit of other sex workers, I’m referring to simply her status as a “sex blogger” in the eyes of her fans. I’ve read statements from others this weekend brushing off her lies, saying that all bloggers who use a pseudonym are guilty of using smoke and mirrors to one degree or another, or that we all lie about some things in our blogging, or who was she harming? (read that particular answer here). So please let me clarify some things about myself to you, to the puritans and hunters, to the skeptics and accusers and radical extremists.

~My fiction writing should not ever degrade the value of my other types of blog posts – educational, editorial, personal, or reviews.

~My pseudonym is not meant to deceive you, it is meant for my privacy so that I can speak about sexual things openly and honestly without unwanted people (namely, co-workers and family) reading about my sex life. I have that right to privacy, do I not??

~Just because I do not divulge every facet of myself on this blog, this does not mean I am play-acting. If you’d like more of the “real me” than I care to share on this blog, then all you have to do is follow my Twitter feed (which I keep locked because I lower one of the veils of anonymity).

~I do not personally feel that a blogger is only genuine  if they show their names/faces. I do not feel that the advice & reviews of bloggers such as AAG, Epiphora or Arabella are less accurate or trustworthy just because all I know are their pseudonyms. I did not take EssinEm or Curvaceous Dee or Coy Pink or Britni any more seriously once I saw their full face in photos on their site – and by that I mean they were who they were, I valued them and their words….face shots or not.

I am not at all suggesting that we trust every blogger. But I am also saying that not every anonymous blogger is a liar, or acting, or somewhere in between those two.  Please, stop discrediting every anonymous blogger just based on anonymity itself.  And on that note….if you feel I am untrustworthy because of my anon status…..don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

 Posted by at 12:58 pm
Sep 232010

A lot of people in this country live in their own bubble and don’t even know or care about sexual freedom – not to be down-putting but they are usually very religious, heterosexual and “vanilla” (i.e. non-kinky). Sexual freedom does not affect them. But yet, it does. Do you realize that we have the freedom to read and write these sex blogs? To buy sex toys? Actually, there are still some places even in the US where sex toys are illegal, I believe Alabama is still holding onto that rule.

For those of you who love your vibrator/dildo/masturbator – can you imagine that being illegal??

There are still some states where sodomy is illegal – it’s not as enforced anymore but it was at one point. Yes, there are/were laws about the kind of sex you could enjoy in your own home.

Think about that.

Think about the bigger issues, like the fact that is most places in our country, gays/lesbians cannot get married and enjoy the same rights as hetero couples. They are people, who are in love. When you strip aside the gender and what you think your god says is “ok”? It’s all just love and support and happiness.

But you know….to me, sexual freedom isn’t just about the laws and law-makers. It should be a mindset for everyone. No one is throwing Christians in jail for being Christian so why personally persecute the kinky, the non-hetero non-gender-conforming people? We fight and rally for equal rights for female vs male, black vs white…but not sexual freedom. Who the hell am I to judge you as a person based on your sexual preference?

Watch the following video made by Tiye Massey, daughter of Woodhull Freedom Foundation advisory council members Dan Massey and Alison Gardner. She interviewed a lot of people in NYC about what sexual freedom means to them. Some answers are insightful, and others make me a little sad.

I encourage you to weigh in here with what sexual freedom means to you. If you are reading this blog, then you have more sexual freedoms than some people. I haven’t even touched on all of the issues in this topic, so add yours if you want in comments.

“I am a free lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please.”

—Victoria Woodhull

Some other good posts for the day, I’ll add them as I find them:

The Examiner: How are you celebrating Sexual Freedom Day

EssinEm: Sexual Freedom Day

Sex in the Public Square: Sexual Freedom and Higher Education – Why Sex Weeks are a Good Idea

 Posted by at 9:07 am
Sep 102010

“Oh, he made my blood just burn
I flipped so far, I thought that I would not return”
~”Get him back”, Fiona Apple


I sat here yesterday typing out the beginning half to an erotica story but I just haven’t been able to finish it. I have a post about the TLC series “Strange Sex” nearly done, but haven’t finished it. This rant? Feels soooo good and is just flying off my fingertips. In fact the keyboard would yell “ow!” if it could. It might just have there a second or two ago. Sorry, keyboard.


In order to get back into the erotica groove, I joined Lushstories.com recently. I went back to some of my earlier work here on the blog to post over there. I chose the Taxi Cab Confessional posts, and at first tried to submit them in two parts. Part 1 was soundly Rejected with a litany of sins, mainly it lacked content and was “far too short”. Ok, fine. So I put the two parts together, separated the one occurrence of two words lacking a space between, corrected my lack of conversation “”” and re-submitted. A day later it was accepted. It garnered some pretty nice, high praise from the members/other writers there.

Now, before I go any further….I must say this about Lushstories. Not quite a year ago I’d seen the site because someone had tried to submit their story from there to e[lust] and I wouldn’t allow it. I glanced around the banner-ad-laden site and saw stories that made me long for Literotica. Bad, bad erotica. Trite plots, bad euphemisms and a metric fuckton of incest stories. Not my thing, sorry. Not only was a lot of the erotica not my taste but it was painfully long. Perhaps others enjoy painfully long erotica, I don’t have the attention span for it.

Today I tried to submit a piece that was always one of my favorites, “Fucking for Art“. If you’ve not read it, or are no longer familiar with that piece, I encourage you to give it a quick glance to further understand the moderator’s responses to me.

This personal note was sent to me with the standard “Your story has been rejected” email:

I am both a photographer and a model. This is impossible: “I made them hold poses for 5-10 minutes, sometimes difficult poses, until I got the angle of light and the angle of the shot “just so”. Try holding still for thirty seconds, never mind a minute, never mind up to ten, and especially for difficult poses. A real photographer does not demand that the models wait until she gets the framing and light right, at the cost of the models holding a pose. This is also rather short in length. In addition, use a comma before reported speech, not this – : Also use a comma before the final quotation marks, as in this: “Carrrrieeee” I taunted. Thank you.

Wow. Me:

Seriously, my story is being removed for plausibility?? I’ve had this posted in two sites and no one has ever cared about such a detail.

I’m sorry but given some other stories I’ve read on here that present situations both unlikely and impossible, I’m confused as to why mine got singled out. Also, with regards to length, there is no posted word minimum but yet I seem to keep submitting things that are too short?

I can appreciate the story moderation but it feels like the reasons for mine getting rejected do not apply to every story submitted, as I have most certainly seen stories short or with a misplaced comma or misspelled word.

My story was about 8000 characters, theirs doesn’t do word count. As Rayne pointed out to me: What about models who sit for painting and drawing classes? They hold poses for 5-10 minutes! And in fact that angle was my inspiration for the story. My inspiration story was similar, but the artist in question was photographing for his paintings he’d do later.

Her rude response made me fume:

You had the good luck or misfortune to come across a photographer. Go ahead and stay still for an entire minute, never mind five or ten, and get back to me on it. If you put the detail in and it isn’t believeable {Note: I’m copy/pasting, that misspelling there is hers, ironic no?}, then one day someone is going to get back to you on it. In this case, it was me. Good writing depends on the details holding together.

I also verified a story of yours the other day and extensively corrected it, which I do not have to do. You are welcome, by the way.

Yes, your stories are short and lack structure, but they have been verified anyway, with effort on your part and good will on ours.

I pointed out Rayne’s comment to her in a single-sentence reply of “what about models for painters/drawing classes?” but ironically she never responded.

What a self-righteous cuntwad. Fuck off, to the whole site. Seriously. I’ve pulled my profile and my stories. Crap like “love poems” of which I wrote better emo-crap in highschool than that; erotica that makes the Fabio-covered-burning-loins seem tolerable….and I get yanked because this cunt says my plot basis is unrealistic???? Geezus they even have a fuckin “Supernatural” category! I was reallllly tempted there to link to the drivel I was referring to but I just couldn’t do it to the authors. I’ll take out my anger against the Moderator-Bitch-From-Hell but not innocent writers, no matter how much I want to say “look at this crap!”


Moving on.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*deep breath*

Today on Twitter I ran across this tweet:

I (as Toyswap) replied:

@Epiphora and @FemeDeliciosa jumped in as well, and to us (the sex toy reviewers on TSN in general) the term sanitize/sterilize means the same thing. No, I do NOT mean that they’re 110% professional-grade germ-free but they ARE the very definition of sanitized. This derision and PR idiocy is coming from a company that makes such winning products (can you hear my sarcasm?) as Clone-A-Willy (ew, rubber); a “Tongue Vibe” which is basically a tiny cheap bullet you strap on to your tongue; Clone-A-Pussy (also, ew, rubber) and dodgy “libido stimulators and supplements” that you ingest. Go ahead and call me a sex toy snob right now if you want but if I ever owned my own sex toy store, products like these would never be sold.

Both Epiphora and I attempted to tell the person behind the account what ToySwap actually IS.

I said: “you do realize that TSN is a private network of educated sex toy review bloggers who trade safe items amongst ourselves?”

E said: “We all have a LOT of toys that we never use. It’s nice to be able to give them a good home. Plz quit the butthurt responses.”

Their responses:

No…come on. They’re playin with me. Surely they’re not THAT thick-headed????

Yes. they are.

I replied: “oh, really? You can provide a Lelo toy? A whipspider toy? A tantus silicone dildo? For free?”

SHOCKINGLY, I received no reply to that one.

Jun 142010

I’ve got some pretty major pet peeves when it comes to the written word, particularly when talking about sex. I wrote about all the sex slang words I hate, but the incorrect use of “vagina” when what is actually meant to be “vulva” is really friggin irritating. And I don’t just hear men saying it, I see it from a lot of women.

And I boggle to try and figure out why they word it that way.

You cannot, really and truly cannot, literally shave your vagina. You are shaving your vulva, your mons, your pubic region but most assuredly NOT your vagina.

While gathering photos and links from Wikipedia, I came across this article from 2003 which was written in part because of language used in The Vagina Monologues. I’ve never seen/read/heard this play, so I’ll have to take her word for it, but the point remains the same. Vulva and vagina are not interchangeable.

Let’s have a little anatomy lesson, shall we?

From the Wikipedia page on “Vagina“:

The word vagina is quite often incorrectly used to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally; strictly speaking, the vagina is a specific internal structure.

From the Wikipedia page on “Vulva“:

The vulva has many major and minor anatomical structures, including the labia majora, mons pubis, labia minora, clitoris, bulb of the vestibule, vestibule of the vagina, greater and lesser vestibular glands, and vaginal orifice. Its development occurs during several phases, chiefly the fetal and pubertal periods. As the outer portal of the human uterus or womb, it protects its opening by a “double door”: the labia majora (large lips) and the labia minora (small lips). The vagina is a self-cleaning organ, sustaining healthy microbial flora that flow from the inside out; the vulva needs only simple washing to assure good vulvovaginal health, without recourse to any internal cleansing or douching.

I’m not going to post the photos from the Wikipedia pages on here, you can see them for yourself there. I wanted to particularly point out one that I found to be fascinating (ok, and a bit arousing if I’m honest, I am a full-fledged perv after all): Comparison photo of the same vulva in an aroused and unaroused state. Why am I fascinated? In part it’s in the same way that watching close-up video of a woman orgasming is fascinating/erotic to me. But I can’t say that I’ve ever taken such a comparison photo or noticed such a difference on my own body from unaroused to aroused.