Posted by Lilly | 17 Comments

Ugly on the Inside

Most people are not graced with the symmetrical beauty that is deemed “perfect”. Many people do not have what is considered by fashion to be a “perfect” body – i.e. no excess fat, certainly no rolls or pudges, no stretch marks, skin that defies gravity, etc.

But are most people ugly?

No.

I will not sit here and claim to be a saint and say that I never ever make poor comments about a person’s clothing/body/whatever. Sometimes I do. I think most of us do. But when you do it all the time and out loud? I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care if you are Angelina fuckin Jolie’s twin sister. You are ugly. A lot of people don’t know the reasons why I started Wanton Wednesday. One of the reasons was that I didn’t care for the attitude the creator took against “sex bloggers” (an attitude which he has spread to others); I didn’t care for the attitudes of many of the bloggers who participated in HNT, either. Is Wanton Wednesday then the “misfits” version? I don’t know. I don’t care. I sure as fuck am not going to win any beauty contests and I will fully agree that many people do not find fat women attractive on the outside. You know what….you do your thing, I’ll do mine, and if you’re going to judge me or other people who could very well be the most awesome somebody you might ever meet, just on their looks? You’re not a person I want to know.

I visited the blog of someone and really…I should have known better. I already know what kind of person she is. Somehow she’s able to spout off shit like this and get pats on the fuckin back. Glad I don’t know any of the people who were commenting, either.

I don’t want to read anymore posts from women pushing 40 who go out and get liquored up.  I outgrew that before I was 20.  Grow up.  I don’t want to read anymore posts from so called sex bloggers.  The bulk of them are people sneaking around behind someone else’s back.  Grow a pair and get out, or work on what is there.  I don’t want to watch people who’s own marriage is such a joke give marital advice to someone else!  One day I just realized how small and stupid so much of this is.  People posting photos of themselves, so someone else will say how hot they are.  Because, let’s be honest here.  No one is going to say…”Sugar, you have cankles, or those boots you think are so naughty make your pudgy calves look even fatter.”  No one is going to say, please stop showing us your saggy boobs.  It’s like a competition to see how many compliments they can get.  It’s mind numbing and shallow.  There are a handful who actually do it well, and look good doing it.  But the bulk of them……sheesh.

No, I’m not linking to blogger and I probably won’t tell you if you ask – her identity isn’t the point and most likely you don’t know her anyways (one of you will). She is ugly on the inside. I do not want to associate with her or people like her and I hope to hell that no one who participates in WW is anything like her. In her posts she may or may not be referring to people I’m friends with or hell, even me for that matter (” Women who’s nipples look like they fed an entire third world country should NAWT be showing them off on the internet.” or ” At one point I didn’t know where my place was in blogland. I wasn’t a Mommy blogger. I did NAWT want to be one of the crazy sex bloggers.” could easily apply to me, lol).

I don’t care what you look like. I care what is INSIDE OF YOU. I want friends surrounding me who are beautiful on the inside, so beautiful that they outshine others. Many of the people I consider a friend would fit into that. I am not a happy go lucky person – I can be grumpy and cranky and get easily disappointed/upset at the shittiness of peers. But I do know one thing. I am NOT ugly inside. I won’t tolerate anyone who is, anymore. Excuse me while I go fuckin belt out “Don’t Rain on My Parade” or something.

To my friends, to my loyal readers, to my Wanton Wednesday group:

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring you down
Don’t you bring me down today…

No matter what we do
No matter what we say
We’re the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times

We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring us down

~”Beautiful”, Christina Aguilera

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Posted by Lilly | 6 Comments

Scandal Shack Dot Com – Thievery and Copyright Violation!

A lot of my fellow bloggers are having their content scraped and posted on scandal shack dot com – They’re flat-out stealing; they put your words (or photos!) onto their ugly ass ad-laden website without any links to the blogger who wrote it or anything. The only way that you can tell is when someone uses a WordPress plugin that adds copyright protection words/links to their RSS feed (like AAG does).

It’s being done by scraping the content from your RSS feed – they’re pulling from a lot of sites so it’s not being done by hand (quite obviously, or this lovely post by AAG wouldn’t be showing up as a post on SS.com, hehe). I’m posting this warning for you to go check out the site and make sure your content isn’t being scraped. Mina tangled with them directly to no avail, so there’s info in her post on how to report the copyright violations directly to the site’s host. Hopefully with enough complaints the site will go away altogether.

But that only fixes that exact site. And who knows, the guy might do it again. In fact, it’s not the first or last time we’ll ever see our content illegally scraped. I personally use a plugin for WordPress called “No More Frames” which does something to prevent the scripts the scraper is using from pulling your content. My content is, so far, not on the site. It is either because this plugin does actually work OR my feed isn’t worth scraping :)

I guess we’ll find out soon enough, if this post shows up on his site.

This is a lot worse than what a certain vibrator company once did with copyright violation and sex toy reviews, because at least they acted professionally and took things down from their site. This guy is just using it as content filler to fill up the gaps (albeit small) between the garish ads.

 

ETA: The host of the site is on Twitter, perhaps we can employ that method after aggrieved parties have formally sent in their copyright violation email? it’s @Hostgator.

ETA2: I asked, “How many reports of copyright violation does it take for you guys to shut down his site altogether?” @HGSupport, who had been responding to the @Hostgator complaints from bloggers, was asking for support ticket numbers. I personally don’t have one, but others have reported it. Their response to “how many”? -  “Just one, which has not been received at this point. Again, if we can get the ticket it will be handled as quickly as possible.” Which makes no sense, because Mina said in her post that HG removed the posts that she reported as scraped. So they DID have one report. Sadie also sent a complaint on Friday. Are they just blowing smoke, or are they slow?

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Posted by Lilly | 9 Comments

Sex Toys: Single or Partnered, there is no shame in owning them

Thanks to Teagan for the Coalition name ;)

I read something somewhere recently, an innocuous little joke-in-poor-taste, where the author (a reviewer, no less) made a comment likening the ownership of “too many” sex toys to needing to find a partner. That because they happened to own a lot of sex toys it meant they were in even more desperate need of a sex partner – Not you, dear reader, just that person (to be clear). But then again….maybe somebody read that and thought “Oh god…I have a lot of sex toys TOO! Oh no, I’m a sad, miserable person and need to find a partner, stat!”¹

I am a reviewer. I own a LOT of toys (mostly because I’m a reviewer, otherwise I wouldn’t because I’m not rich). I like my variety. Some I keep but aren’t my taste anymore. Even before I was a reviewer I had a lot (relatively speaking; it was a lot to me back then, a normal amount to me now) of toys, because I was muddling my way through purchases trying to find ones that worked for me and my body. I was never embarrassed about the quantity. In fact, I have always been proud of my collection. It’s like having a big book collection – different styles for different needs, different moods, etc. Some for a solo quickie, some for a drawn-out tease, some for g-spot, some for …..you get my point. Some are just for me, some are better for use with my partner.

But never would I equate my use-frequency or quantity of sex toys to a need for having or not having human partnered sex². There’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

Do I think you, my reader, are to be pitied because you do NOT own a lot of sex toys? Only if you desire to own a lot. If you have a few ones that really do it for you and that’s that, fucking awesome. If you orgasm easily and do not need them…..I am highly jealous but still, fucking awesome for you. If you want a large collection or just can’t find the right one for you then yeah, I pity you, because the right to bear orgasms is in the fucking constitution³, damn it.

Did I make a mountain out of a proverbial molehill here in my little rant? Possibly. But there ARE people who are ashamed of sex toys⁴ and they don’t need that shame added to and there are men who feel threatened by sex toys and women who let their men feel threatened by the toy – they hide it instead of teaching him how it can be a wonderful addition to their time together and not a replacement.

 

Sit down, have a cup of coffee and let it all out. Yell at me. Agree with me. Ask me for help in expanding your own collection. I love to help give orgasms *grin* and by that I mean helping you shop, you silly perv.

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Posted by Lilly | 14 Comments

Get off my lawn! (Twitter gripes)

Yeah this is just gonna be a long, rambly/ranty post about Twitter shit. Sorry.

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I’m not the sort of Twitter person who gives a shit about the numbers. Or rather, I don’t care how many follow me. I don’t ask for more. When people request to follow me, unless I know of them, I usually stare and get all grumpy-old-man-get-off-my-lawn about it. There’s a reason I have a locked profile. Well, numerous reasons. But one of them is so that I don’t have irritating/annoying/spammy people following me. Recently, what appeared at first to be a spammy dude calling himself tiny_penis, asked to follow me. Based on his first tweets and his profile I declined. Why? numerous reasons really but he just didn’t seem to be the sort of person I wanted replying to my innocuous tweets and making them relevant to his tiny penis revolution.

Tangent: I decline a lot of people who request to follow me. I say and do and show things on Twitter that are more personal than my blog and so part of my pickiness is privacy protection. If someone doesn’t have a profile/timeline that interests me, seems relevant to me, or if they don’t have any tweets or just look “sketchy” to me then I don’t allow their request to follow. Men, and usually even women, who make it clear on their profile that their Twitter profile is a means and method to flirt and get cybersex are a definite no. Submissive men who only play the submissive role on their profile and in their tweets also probably won’t get in. I don’t want or need or like seeing a random barely-relevant reply to my tweets along the lines of “May I kneel at your feet” or something. Yes, I’ve had it, and that’s why I don’t allow them anymore.

So the tiny_penis guy gets a decline. And then (man this irks me when people do this, like I’m gonna change my mind??) requests again. THEN he @’s me on Twitter saying he knows I declined and wants to know why. First of all, my profile is locked and so he wouldn’t even see my reply.

But ….. yes he will. Because I made a comment on twitter about this, he then replies again to me saying he’s sorry to bother but what’s the harm in asking why? Which means he saw my tweet. I ask how and he claims a friend relayed it to him. I’m thinking this is just a secondary secret profile of someone already following me. That or he’s telling the truth and it’s a little creepy. Either way it’s creepy. If someone with a locked profile declines your request it is bad etiquette to start demanding to know WHY. It’s my timeline, my Twitter, my circle. I have control over it for a REASON and no I do NOT owe anybody explanations every time I decline a request.

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Random irk: When people ask me on Twitter for my email address. Um, well, my blog address is in my profile and on this blog here my address is readily available. Lazy much?

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Random irk 2 (and 3 and 4, clearly): Why do some people RT a FollowFriday in which they were named? If you’d like to thank someone for it, then just @ them directly.  And why do some people FF me when they don’t ever interact with me? If you actually thought me interesting and worth following, wouldn’t you interact with me on Twitter? And WHY do some people RT a tweet in order to reply to the person. I don’t need to see your conversation if I don’t follow the person.

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I’ve gotten a little more heavy-handed with unfollowing lately. I’ve unfollowed some people and it doesn’t mean I don’t like them anymore (in most cases). Why do people get so pissy about that? It’s not always personal – I might very well still read and like your blog and you as a person. But some people that were in my timeline were either doing nothing by RT’ing/Tweeting about EF/Sexis articles and not saying anything personal; or doing so many effin contest tweets that it felt like it was all I ever saw from them. I’m sorry if I don’t want to see bombardments of contest entries, thirteen tweets about an article, you selling your used panties, or your incessant hashtag games. I clearly personally offended these people so most did the retaliatory unfollow. *sigh* Go for it if it helps you. Why does unfollowing someone on Twitter have to be taken SO fucking seriously?

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Actually, why does ANY of this shit matter? To me, to you, at all?

Man I’m ranty. I thought about being cheeky and adding a poll to see how many people reading this got personally offended, but what’s the point? If you are, speak the hell up and say so.

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Posted by Lilly | 5 Comments

If penis mocking is your best revenge, your IQ must be low

I’ve run across this twice now have been disgusted both times – at the people who RT it and join in, at Twitter for letting these accounts go on (I don’t know about you but I’ve reported both accounts for spam twice now) and of the two accounts involved in this.

1. James here seems to have a Twitter account for the sole purpose of telling everyone “take it down NOW bitch” over and over again for the last 6 months. Wtf? That seems fishy. If he’s real I can understand he’s upset but jesus try the sugar before the vinegar. If you’re an asshole to people it’ll make them feel justified in joining in the virtual roast.

2. this is like the chicken and the egg…..which came first…Kate‘s twitpic blitzkrieg or James’ twitter account?

3. They’re both essentially spammers. Tweeting shit at people randomly and yet this is ok with everyone?

4. First of all, it’s a tiny photo – both the crotch shot and the full body. It could have easily been photoshopped. Secondly, flaccid length is not at all representative of erect length. He’s obviously a “grower” and since she didn’t bother to show a photo of his erect penis….well, she doesn’t have much ground there.

But really and truly now Kate if this is the best you can do for “revenge”? Tweet obsessively for months and months on end, all hours of the day, spamming and harassing people with possibly-fake flaccid-penis photos?? You, my dear, are pathetic. I just can’t tell if all of this is real, though. And if it’s not real….then what is the point?? What’s really going on here?

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Posted by Lilly | 26 Comments

The Value of the Anonymous Blogger

In the last few weeks I personally have been feeling like many readers (and “out” bloggers, and even some other not-out-yet-pompous bloggers) potentially feel like anonymous sex bloggers lack merit, or value, or validity. That without using our real name and/or showing our face, we are to be regarded with suspicion and perhaps disregard. We are characters, we are actors, and we are probably not real. That early 20s girl with the perky tits and enviable sex life? Since she won’t show her face or reveal personal details well then….she must be lying about her sex life! This isn’t to say that the vast rainbow of sex blogger types doesn’t have it’s own false prophets. I’m sure there ARE bloggers pretending to be a whole other identity, just for the fun of it. That doesn’t mean we all are.

A number of members of TBK’s fanclub have voiced that “out” bloggers such as herself are the only type of worthwhile bloggers. The rest of us are merely hiding being our various veils of anonymity, using our internet space to deceive and play tricks. In light of the Alexa scandal, I imagine that this school of thought will be reinforced. And I’m not referring to the entire scandal, involving the deceit of other sex workers, I’m referring to simply her status as a “sex blogger” in the eyes of her fans. I’ve read statements from others this weekend brushing off her lies, saying that all bloggers who use a pseudonym are guilty of using smoke and mirrors to one degree or another, or that we all lie about some things in our blogging, or who was she harming? (read that particular answer here). So please let me clarify some things about myself to you, to the puritans and hunters, to the skeptics and accusers and radical extremists.

~My fiction writing should not ever degrade the value of my other types of blog posts – educational, editorial, personal, or reviews.

~My pseudonym is not meant to deceive you, it is meant for my privacy so that I can speak about sexual things openly and honestly without unwanted people (namely, co-workers and family) reading about my sex life. I have that right to privacy, do I not??

~Just because I do not divulge every facet of myself on this blog, this does not mean I am play-acting. If you’d like more of the “real me” than I care to share on this blog, then all you have to do is follow my Twitter feed (which I keep locked because I lower one of the veils of anonymity).

~I do not personally feel that a blogger is only genuine  if they show their names/faces. I do not feel that the advice & reviews of bloggers such as AAG, Epiphora or Arabella are less accurate or trustworthy just because all I know are their pseudonyms. I did not take EssinEm or Curvaceous Dee or Coy Pink or Britni any more seriously once I saw their full face in photos on their site – and by that I mean they were who they were, I valued them and their words….face shots or not.

I am not at all suggesting that we trust every blogger. But I am also saying that not every anonymous blogger is a liar, or acting, or somewhere in between those two.  Please, stop discrediting every anonymous blogger just based on anonymity itself.  And on that note….if you feel I am untrustworthy because of my anon status…..don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

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