Posted by Lilly | 0 Comments

Soundtrack of the day (or week, really)

I escaped the Big Storm mostly unscathed…many of my Bubble Crew seems to as well so far. My body is still recovering from the tremendous flare-up that rolled in before the storm did. We only have one family section to worry about, who are on Long Island. It’s sounding like the town and possibly the house are in bad shape and I am very concerned but not as concerned as I was for my mother. I suppose it is because my mother is widowed and frankly…not very strong anymore. Indeed, last year’s flood nearly did her in.

I did a buttload of laundry in preps for the power to be out, thinking I could fold/put away when there was nothing else better to do. Except, the power didn’t really go out and I can find LOTS OF OTHER THINGS TO DO. Poor laundry. So neglected.

In other news  e[lust] seems to be back on track. I admit I’m not ready for it, but I’m also not ready to give up on it.

Today I’m playing music that seems to be fitting in with where my head is at recently…..Strong, supported, and laughing at the stupidity I am seeing. (in related news, I’d give my left big toe to be able to sing as well as these ladies)

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I’m so movin’ on, yeah yeah

Conversation once colored by esteem
Became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood
Took a vacation, my palate got clean
Now I could taste your agenda
While you’re spitting your cud

And it doesn’t make sense
I should fall for the kingcraft of a meritless crown

……

Turn on my heels

Step out of this sight
Try to live in a lovelier light

 

I’ve loved nearly everything by Fiona, but I’m not sure about this album yet.  Lyrics are good though….as always.

All text and images on this site require permission before they can be used anywhere. To obtain permission click here to contact me

Posted by Lilly | 2 Comments

It’s not easy being a sex blogger

In recent months I’ve been able to tell a few outside-the-bubble people that I am a sex blogger. It’s always a weird thing, filled with uncertainty and trepidation. A few weekends ago it was a fact about me that came out pretty early on into being introduced to new friends, friends of a friend. And sure enough they seemed to take it pretty well. I’m not used to spitting that out. But OH IT’S NICE to talk about my sex toys, the silicone, the jelly, the chemicals to non-bloggers. I was told I lit up when I spoke of it all.

I’ve lamented sometimes that I feel worthless because I don’t have a job. A few friends remind me that I *do*….this website. So the question is, do I return from leave, or do I hang up the gloves? Revenue from advertisers/sponsors is maybe 1/6th of what it was a few years ago. My affiliate commissions, though, have increased quite a bit so there is a bit of evening out, but not quite enough to balance the scales. It’s not that I do this for the money, I never have. But it’s been very nice and I’ve come to rely on it. Of course, one should never rely on something so fickle.

I’ve been away from the blogosphere for quite awhile. I’ve kept up reading some of them, I check into Twitter for brief moments here and there but that is it. If I really missed it all, don’t you think I’d be checking up on the social media sites more than I am…..? So that’s the question. Do I hang it up. I’ve had some wonderful support in my hiatus. People telling me how much they’ve learned from me, how I’m needed in this “fight”, this “War on Sex Toys (or more accurately, Jelly)”. I think about posts I could write and I come up dry. I have back-logged reviews to write and the motivation is lacking. Perhaps I need to force myself into it, which is why I’m writing this. Squeeze some words out, see if more follow on their own.

I finally will be changing over my site very soon to the New Me. Maybe that will provide the kick in the ass I need.

All text and images on this site require permission before they can be used anywhere. To obtain permission click here to contact me

Posted by Lilly | 10 Comments

Babble Babble Toil and Trouble

Remember when I was happy? I was really and truly happy. Sure I had it all figured out. SO SURE. But sometime around the time I was preparing to visit my mom and my friend, I stopped finding time to exercise. And while I was there, my mom said one, small stupid thing that maybe had a bigger effect on me than I even realized.

I lost my happy. It’s fuckin gone. It doesn’t help that while I was at my moms, I had a goddamn dream about the one person I’m trying to hate and forget. I finally parted ways, officially and thoroughly (as much as life circumstances allow) with the man who dominated (literally) my first 1.5 years of blogging and who was a major fixture in my life for nearly 4 years. I stopped writing about him and even had to remove some posts and change some posts because someone from his real life found his old blog, found his Blogger account, therefore found all his old comments on my posts and connected some dots. Big dots. Life went into a tailspin for him and I supported his need to keep his life from falling apart, so I covered the tracks as best as I could. Even though I needed and wanted to write about him sometimes, I couldn’t. I suppose I could, now. I suppose I could tell everything. If this woman from his past does still read my blog, I don’t frankly care if she would see it and realize that he lied to her. It was years ago. None of this applies anymore.

ETA: I love you guys, you know that? Just wanted you to know.  Your support means the world to me, and I’m coming back slowly. Getting my groove back on (nerd, so fucking what) and making the most of everything I have. Enjoying new friends and living in the present…not the past anymore.  I’ve moved on, way past “rage” to literally “no fucks left to give”. If he lives, dies, thrives, fails…none of my concern or care. Liar liar….*shrugs* go away.

Tangent, much? Wow. I don’t know if that stupid dream (all of 10 seconds) invading my head space did it, if my mom did, if it was the stress of the piece of shit car he gave me finally dying and the need to replace it now a true need and not just a want to replace it simply because he gave it to me and I wanted to rid my life of all things Him. And with the need to replace the car came stress about buying the right one and stress of a new expense.

ETA: Our wonderful families pulled through and I finally have a BRAND NEW car. And I love every inch of it. I pet it sometimes. It’s awesome. It even heats up my ass. I feel incredibly lucky and supported by our families. I couldn’t have gotten this car without them and without my husband’s love, support and help.

I never got back into exercising. Weight loss stalled. My back really hurts, and I know it’s because I stopped doing the workouts. I have stayed gluten-free though, I won’t be going backwards on THAT.

So as I deal with this whole “losing my happy” I keep coming back to wondering what the fuck I should do about this blog. Nobody that read my blog in the first year or two still reads, and understandably so. I don’t date; I don’t have any desire for any kind of online flirtation; I literally cannot force erotica posts and I have no desire to take photos anymore. What’s left? Grumpy rants, the occasional OpEd piece about sex toys, and sex toy reviews. I seem to be doing at least one thing right, since I made a pretty decent amount in commissions lately, but that’s offset by the fact that blog advertising is WAY down. Man did THAT bubble burst. So my long, drawn-out point is that…I’m no longer “Dangerous Lilly”. But my dumb ass picked that as my domain. My blog header image still tries to pretend that “Dangerous” Lilly is just on hiatus, whilst Professor Lilly takes over for a bit but I really think that “Dangerous” Lilly has left the building. Some days I truly consider deleting all of my old erotica, photos and D/s blog posts. Delete all the shit that I wouldn’t really want a real-life friend seeing, all the shit that I think makes this site less professional. But if I deleted all of that, there would be a shit ton of traffic to my blog that would end with a 404-Not-Found error. Now, probably half of those people never go beyond the page that they landed on, but maybe half do. Maybe some come back. Who knows! And then with all of that old shit deleted, I’m most definitely not even “used to be” Dangerous Lilly, the moniker is then very confusing. So what the fuck do I do? I’m known by this name. I can’t just buy a new domain.

Except that I don’t even really want to write reviews most days. I’m behind on that. I haven’t really had a truly, awesomely good rant lately. No really great educational posts. Just kinda…..blah. I’ve been at this for more than 4 years. I’ve been feeling so blase about this that this year I let my blogging anniversary go with nary a word. So few people that were regulars in 2008 are still around. Many bloggers don’t even last a year.

I’ve been considering lately a new banner. One that drops the old blog name of “This Could Be Dangerous”, something that was with me since the first day on Blogger. Of course, that means a lot of people would still keep me in their blogroll as that and newcomers would be confused but oh well. I wonder how many other places I’m listed that way. Maybe I could do something totally different for the header, where I like scratch out the “Dangerous” part and write in “just plain Lilly”. Ditch the little b&w pics. I suppose this would then be a great time to completely change my theme, to one that auto-updates itself, but goddamn I spent days worth of hours making this theme perfect. And then if the blog’s name isn’t “This Could Be Dangerous” and I don’t really WANT to be referred to as “Dangerous Lilly” unless I have to be, wtf do I put in the header, what do I call this place? What do I say about myself in the important section of real estate so that people know what they’re getting here? Ugh.  Maybe it really is just time to hang up the hat and admit I have nothing left to say here.

ETA: Nope. Not hanging up the hat just yet. NEW BANNER. REVISED LAYOUT. YES.

So yeah. This is a post of absolutely no value, but I kinda just wanted to write and let it all out. Maybe I’ll get some feedback.

ETA: I love you guys. Srsly. The support you’ve given via comments and Twitter? More than a sex geek girl could ask for.

All text and images on this site require permission before they can be used anywhere. To obtain permission click here to contact me

Posted by Lilly | 6 Comments

Wake The Neighbors….

When I recently visited my longtime friend, the topic turned of course to sex at one or two points. Clinical, theoretical, opinionated talks. One topic, after numerous drinks by the couple, turned to how much noise my friend makes in bed. Or, rather, doesn’t make.

My bold, outspoken, ballsy, loud-mouthed friend is the exact opposite in the bedroom. That’s not to say she’s “frigid” (I hate that word). She loves sex. Her sex drive is crazy high. She especially loves sucking cock and freely, openly admits this in most cases. It turns her on immensely. Unfortunately, this is the only real thing that her boyfriend knows for sure arouses her. When it comes to sex she literally tightens up. He will see glimpses of her arousal and pleasure bursting at the seams but the moment a sigh escapes her lips she unknowingly clams up.

The discussion about this was basically him openly, and lovingly, telling her what she does/doesn’t do and telling her why he’d like her to be more free. To wake the neighbors. Not just for him, but for her, as well. He reasons that because she’s not at all vocal, be it in voice or body language, to his ministrations, he’s never really sure what or if she is enjoying. After a while, my friend started to take it all the wrong way and assume that he and I were saying that there was something wrong with her and that she wasn’t good enough in bed. He insisted that the sex is phenomenal, he loves it, but he knows that she could enjoy it even more and therefore so could he. That getting her off gets him off. Seeing that he is indeed giving her great pleasure is the best thing for him. I would have to agree with him on that…I absolutely need that feedback, I thrive off of it. I know my husband does, too.

We know why she’s like this. She was married to the first and only guy she ever slept with for a long time. Her and her ex had been together for something like 15 years. Her ex wasn’t much into sex. He never, not even on their wedding day, told her he thought she was beautiful. Sex was always brief, perfunctory and very infrequent. Quiet was encourage. Experimentation was not. So the boyfriend of less than a year has a LOT of “damage” to undo. My friend just feels weird making noise. Or saying anything. And then the circle goes right back.

Another topic in this long conversation came around to how rough each of them likes their sex because somehow my friend and I got to talking about BDSM a little bit. She wanted to know what it all stood for, what the words meant. She liked the sound of both masochist and sadist. Rough sex was discussed between the two of them….a little spanking, a little throwing around, etc. They’re both in great shape and she’s got the most incredible pain tolerance. Yet he’s not quite comfortable with being rough enough to spank her. He’s afraid he’ll hurt her. She’s afraid of hurting him. Despite both of them sitting there telling the other “It won’t hurt that much, don’t worry about me”, they kept insisting the same thing. It was like a huge circle talk of frustration. I’d like to think that some good came out of it all though. I’m hoping it did, since last week she texted me for recommendations on ball gags and wrist restraints. Yay!

So what do you think?

Does making noise mean better sex, if it’s genuine and not re-enacting the scene from When Harry Met Sally? Are there better ways for people like my friend to convey what is working and what isn’t, when they’re not comfortable saying a peep?

All text and images on this site require permission before they can be used anywhere. To obtain permission click here to contact me

Posted by Lilly | 3 Comments

Sex Toy Reviewer Meets the Real World

A few weeks ago I spent some time with a childhood friend that I hadn’t seen in years. She was the first person from the “real world” that I’ve known for years that I told about my blog and my sex toy reviewing. I didn’t give her the address to the site, though. But I was able to talk to her all about sex toys. It’s nice! When I went to visit though a few weeks ago she told me that her sister-in-law was selling sex toys and I was curious. As luck would have it, SIL popped by for a visit while I was also there. It turns out that she’s just doing it as a side business, simply setting up an online store using a distributor and thankfully not doing those awful parties. My friend told her SIL what I do; questions were asked and I felt awesome to be able to answer them and give advice.

Until….SIL’s boyfriend asked for my business card, or my site address, as they were very interested to read what I do  – my reviews, etc. They were impressed by what I make a month in affiliate sales and how I do it. Suddenly I had to clam up. No business card, nope, sorry. Oh, my site address? Um…*looks around* *changes subject*

No way was I giving out my site address to her SIL + BF….no way did I want them seeing my personal posts or my tits. I didn’t even want to give the site address to my friend – not that she would be squicked out seeing my naked tits much, but there are old posts that I don’t know if she’d really want to read. Who knows.

I guess my point is…I’m starting to second guess this site and where I’ve taken it. It’s half blog, half educational/review. Part is personal, part is professional. Only recently is it biting me in the ass, but it’s too fuckin late NOW isn’t it. I can’t suddenly start up a sex-toy-review-only blog. I don’t know if I want to copy my reviews to a second site, rather than moving them, as simply a place to send the people who I don’t want seeing me naked. But if I send anyone professional there, they will see piss poor rankings and numbers. So do I overhaul this site? Get rid of my risque photos? My erotic fiction and erotic non-fiction?

Name That Toy

One thing I did love was talking to my friend and her boyfriend about the sex toys and lube they have, and giving them advice. They started to describe one very expensive toy they’d seen during their last trip to a store (which was months ago) and I immediately pulled up a site on my tablet and showed them the Tiani 2, sure that that was it. Nope, not quite. Ok….We-Vibe? Nope. That’s not it either, but it looks just like it, except that what they saw they say was mostly white with color accents. There were three of them, each increasing in price, each doing something “more” than the previous.

WHAT IS THIS? Because we never did find it. Apparently it was so new when they visited the store, that the salesperson didn’t know anything about it, they’d only received it the day before. There just aren’t very many small, C-shaped dual sex toys like the Tiani and We-Vibe, so what could it be??

All text and images on this site require permission before they can be used anywhere. To obtain permission click here to contact me

Posted by Lilly | 0 Comments

Support Team Tantus’s Good Clean Fundraiser

“Cancer touches us all. At Tantus, over half the staff has had personal experience with cancer, either as a survivor, or having watched as a loved one is treated. It is for this reason that Team Tantus participates in Relay for Life. For 2012, we’ve created this dual-color limited edition toy – the Panacea Vibrator. Named for the Greek goddess of “universal remedy”, 100% of the proceeds from the sale of the Panacea will go to the American Cancer Society through Relay for Life. The Panacea is available in a dual-tone Pearl White and Purple Haze color. The manufacturing process used means that no two toys are exactly alike. The Panacea is available only from www.tantusinc.com.

Help us reach our goal. Order a limited edition Panacea Vibrator, and let your playtime serve a purpose!”

Now, how can you say no to that??? Panacea is the Goddess Vibrator done in dual-tone, basically. One of the great things about the vibrators from Tantus is that the removable bullet comes out leaving you with a hole that can be filled by their Suction Cup accessory. There are very few silicone suction-cup dildos on the market and this accessory is awesome.

The Panacea Vibrator has a diameter of 1.55″ and is  6.25″long. It is selling for $59.99 and is available ONLY at Tantus.com.

All text and images on this site require permission before they can be used anywhere. To obtain permission click here to contact me