May 112014
ETA: Since writing this post, I decided to take a step to making what I do now earn me a potential living wage: Patreon.
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IslandI’ve been doing a lot more lately than I envisioned I would be, rounding in on my 6 year anniversary of starting this blog. I think I’ve known for a couple of years that I like doing what I do, and would like to do it more and more professionally, but I’ve really been reminded of that lately. While modding over at Reddit, I get at least one chance a day to mold a clueless sex-toy-seeker into a sex-toy-owner. I think I’m pretty good at it. I tend to ask a lot of questions, really try to get an understanding of their body, their preferences, their dislikes and turn that into a recommendation that is spot-on. Last week I even created this whole huge questionnaire created in Google Docs, which starts off asking what type of sex toy they’re seeking, and then (similar to a choose-your-own-adventure book) their answer dictates what questions they will be asked next. I worked long and hard on it, so I’m not really sure about sharing it publicly just yet. In the age of “well if you published it online then you must be okay with me appropriating it and calling it mine” I am wary. Maybe needlessly wary, but nonetheless I only give out the link to the people who actually need help. After all, if you’re not in the market for a sex toy then there’s no point in you going through the quiz, right? That would be boring!

Earlier today my husband and I were talking and as it sometimes goes, we talked about money. Because we were talking about places we want to visit this summer. He knows that I desperately want to travel to Europe someday. But we’ll never get there with our money situation the way it is now. We’ll never have that kind of excess money. I need to return to work. When we moved 3 years ago for a new job for him, the salary was enough that I didn’t *need* to get a job right away. We need every bit of money I make from advertising and affiliate commissions, though. I would have had to get a part-time job without it. But the fact is, I can’t make enough money just from this blog to save up for big trips. Or costly emergencies. Or a big renovation on the home we’ll be looking to buy next year.

Yet it depresses the fuck out of me to imagine going back to the only job I’m qualified for – the administrative assistant field. Sure I was good at the first full-time admin job I had, working for a small company, but it was stressful and didn’t pay well. The next job was boring and soul-sucking. Neither were what I wanted to do with my life. But I’ve never felt that I had any marketable skills.

But this? What you’re looking at right now?

This I can do. This makes me happy. I think I do a pretty good job at it. But I don’t live in an area, or even a state, where there are NICE sex toy shops. We only have ones that I’d refuse to work for, because 95% of their sex toy stock is the shit I tell people to avoid. When I think back to the people I used to work with at those admin jobs, I cringe. They were small-minded closed-minded people. They are nothing like the people I have met in my 6 years doing this.

Even if I went back to life as it was for the first 3 years of my blog……working full time, grabbing blog and social media time during slow periods at work and in the evening, it still would suck. Spending 40 hours a week in a job that depresses me is my idea of hell. I’d rather avoid it unless it is 100% necessary. Would I happily be “on call” for sex toy retail sites when someone needs help choosing? You bet. Would I enjoy working from home doing something for a sex toy retail site I like? Fuck yes. But I don’t know how to make it happen. I don’t have a degree. I don’t know how to break into it. I want to keep reviewing and being a small-time sex toy concierge for Redditors and my readers, I want to keep on educating people against toxic toys. I need to. It feels like it’s the ONLY thing I’m good at, the only thing that makes me happy.

But my happy is on a small island, offshore just enough so that I can see it but not enough so that I can swim to it and I can’t find a boat.

 Posted by at 3:32 pm
May 102014

Jopen Ego e5I get a lot of sex toys to review, so recently I nudged my husband to find something he’d like. It’s been a long time since he’s had something he loved for a prostate massager, so after some poking around at Shevibe he picked out the Jopen Ego e5. The Jopen Ego line is specifically aimed at penis and prostate toys; most of the line, in fact, is comprised of cock rings. They have four cock rings, all of them looking like some giant plastic kiddie costume jewelry ring you’d get in a toy vending machine for a quarter. Then there’s the Ego e4, which looks like your average prostate massager – aiming to hit the prostate two-fold, from inside and out. But the Ego e5 intrigued him. It looks very much like your average g-spot vibrator. In fact, I can see strong resemblances to the Envy Five, except that the Envy Five doesn’t have an anal-safety base.

Usually it’s true that what’s good for the g-spot is good for the prostate – something curved or angled, or just big and fat. And while one aspect of the Jopen Ego e5 is good – the motor is located at the end – it has a lot of small issues that don’t add up to a win for him.

The Good

The vibrations are quite nice – much more rumbly than buzzy, and pretty powerful in fact. I wouldn’t call it the most powerful motor I’ve felt, but it’s certainly no weakling. The silicone is nice – no texture, not a lot of drag, but not super silky, either. It doesn’t attract lint and fur easily. And the overall shape is great to be used externally – much enjoyment was had when I pressed the length of it against him during a blowjob. We positioned the vibrating tip to press against the anus, and he received pressure and vibrations against the perineum, balls and base of his cock.  And as I mentioned above, it’s also good that the motor is located in the tip.

Jopen Ego e5The Bad

While the vibrations are rumbly and powerful, apparently straight vibrations are not something his prostate enjoys. It’s overkill, it’s boring, it’s just nothing special. If the Ego e5 had a pulsating function, it would have greatly improved his opinion. And despite the shape of the Ego e5 appearing to be prostate-friendly, he simply couldn’t get it to really hit his prostate. Not to mention the fact that the best position for him during use made the middle “bloop” rest at the sphincter – very uncomfortable indeed. He also kept hitting the button during use and turning it off. The Jopen Ego e5 uses a single button – you click it to turn it on or off, but must press and hold to ramp up in vibrations. Once you’re at the maximum level of vibrations, there’s no way to back down in intensity without turning the vibrator off completely.  There’s also a decent amount of flex in the first “joint”, which he isn’t sure is a good thing. He personally likes a lot of pressure on his prostate, though. Ironically, he’s had better luck with a straight, hard plastic vibe than the Ego e5.

What about the G-Spot?

Honestly I think this vibrator would be better suited for g-spot users. I tried it out before handing it off to him, and while it wasn’t quite powerful enough for my tastes, it should be powerful enough for most. And, this would give us g-spot people another damn color choice besides the pinky-purple that Jopen seems to think we want. The gender binary and stereotypes are strong with this company. The entire Ego line only comes in royal blue, while most other Jopen lines only come in “femme” colors.

Should you get it? Jopen Ego e5

At the end of the day, unless you think this would make a great g-spot vibe, we can’t recommend the Jopen Ego e5 for prostate play. After failing with this style we began to think that the e4 would suit him better, but then we read Incendiaire’s review and found out this baffling bit: on the e4 the motor is located in the external arm. What the fuck? Why? Regardless, the Ego prostate massagers just don’t seem to be worth the price tag. I honestly don’t see him ever using it again for its intended purpose, but we may pull it out for blowjob assistance now and then. Of course, I have an aresenal of other vibes that work just fine for that application.


Thanks to Shevibe for hooking us up! I hope to find him something else wonderful for prostate massage in the near future. For now, the list of possibilities includes: the Nexus Gyro Xtreme, the Fun Factory Duke, or the Lux LX3 Plus. Anybody have any experience with those?


May 082014

We’ve been hearing rumors for many months now of Shevibe and Tantus collaborations, which is pretty much the most exciting thing ever – my two absolute favorite companies! And of course with Shevibe involved, you know there’s going to be amazing artwork – right down to the box it arrived in! Actually, this collaborative effort is getting an all-new brand: Vibeology. I don’t know what’s down the road for Vibeology but I know it’ll be unique and awesome.

 The silicone for Bound is fairly firm – it’s not the most firm I’ve felt from Tantus, but it’s not squishy, either. Then again, a bulging-hard cock trussed up in tight bondage rope wouldn’t exactly be soft and plush, now would it. The texture of the silicone itself is also a bit different from most of my Tantus stuff. It’s got a fair amount of drag to it; I wouldn’t exactly say rough, but if you’re familiar with Fun Factory silicone, it’s like that. Between the silicone texture and then all the extreme texture just from the design? Yep, you’ll probably need some lube.  This dildo is pretty unique in design. And I think it’s going to feel different depending on how it goes in – each side of the dildo has something different. It seems to curve a bit down instead of up, but the bulging flesh in between the ropes creates a hump in the upper third half that would really wake up the g-spot or prostate.

Very reasonably priced, too! $59 for a pure, silicone dildo? Yes, please!
Max Diameter: 1.6 inches / 4 cm – Insertable Length: 6.3 inches / 16 cm
Anal safe – Harness Compatible


Full review in a few weeks!

Don’t forget that right now, Tantus is having a sale on vibrators where you get a free suction cup attachment. 25% + a free suction cup? Yes, please!

 Posted by at 5:55 pm
May 052014

WandsThe Bodywand Original is the latest in a long line of high-powered “wand massager” style vibrators meant to knock your socks off and modeled to rival or beat the power of the famed and fabled Magic Wand. Every so often I get in a reviewing jag of gathering up the recent additions to the wand vibrator category to see if there are any worthy innovations–or lately, if there’s anything out there to rival the Lelo Smart Wand Large. As a result, I’ve got enough wand vibes to host a successful orgy.

There are numerous styles in the Bodywand lineup, but the Bodywand Original is the plug-in electric version. Unlike the old Magic Wand, Bodywand uses the dial to ramp up the power. A lot of other companies use this design as well. The dial aspect does get a bit confusing in use depending on how you hold it. If you’re holding it for someone else, and the head is pointing away from you, then thumbing the wheel “up” or away from you will turn the motor down in intensity whereas thumbing the wheel “down” or towards you turns it up. But if you’re using it solo and the head is facing you, then it works as you would want it to.

WandHoldingSelf WandHoldingOther Wands3

Funny thing happened: as I grabbed my other electric wand massagers to do a comparison, I noticed something very startling; the Bodywand Original is a dead ringer for the Fairy Wand Original. The ONLY differences seem to be the way the Bodywand behaves on the lowest setting, the color, and the fact that Bodywand is “designed in Japan” but made in China, while the Fairy Wand claims to be made in Japan. The plastic body design and the head is utterly identical between the two. While Bodywand boasts a vague “soft touch” material for the head, I’ve found that it’s very similar to the material of the Fairy Wand head, only ever-so-slightly less firm. It’s got a tiny bit of give at the edge, but it’s nothing you’re going to notice in use versus the Magic Wand. Bodywand also does this weird gyrating thing at the lowest level where the entire thing visibly shakes. For some reason on the lowest setting it’s susceptible to vibration dampening when pressure is applied.

Is it powerful? Yes. Do I like it?

Nope. No thanks. Take it away, please. The vibrations are that mixture of surface-buzzy and ultra-powerful that leads to a numb vulva  for  a little while after use, and an itchy vulva during use. I had the extreme desire to stop masturbating with these wands and just relieve the itching with some very monkey-like scratching. Sure I was able to orgasm but it was a painful orgasm ripped from me like birthing a small baby. I forced myself to climax as quickly as possible just so that I could remove the damn vibrator from my vulva faster. 

What I’ve really been looking for is a more reliable and affordable version of the Lelo Smart Wand Large. I still love the vibrations it puts out, more than any wand ever and more than most all internal vibrators, but after 1.5 years of not-frequent use, it started having problems. Others had problems right away. If Lelo would offer up a 2 year full warranty and lower the price, I’d still recommend the Smart Wand Large but until that happens I’ll hunt for something comparable. I really feel that the Bodywand Original’s vibrations are nearly identical to the Magic Wand. Powerful, but just not the right kind of power for everyone. Magic Wand, Bodywand and Fairy Wand all feel the same on high — they’re like a rhino on cocaine, where as the Smart Wand Large is like Barry White.  The power of the Mystic Wand can’t quite compare to these beasts, but it’s just a much more pleasant type of vibration, and so I’m able to orgasm easier with the Mystic Wands.  I can’t really compare the vibrations of the Bodywand to the Wahl 2-speed. The Wahl is just so unlike any of the wands, since the two speeds give such a different experience – one is like a hummingbird, the other like a woodpecker.

The head of the Bodywand Original is compatible with attachments meant for the (Hitachi) Magic Wand. It’s not silicone, so it’s probably somewhat porous, but thus far the material is much more resistant to discoloration and staining than my Magic Wand. However, these damn ridges in the head are super hard to clean sometimes – and at the wrong angle during use can actually sort of hurt. The company makes a g-spot and a “rabbit” attachment that will fit only this model of Bodywand; I tried the Vixen Gee Whiz on it and it works ok…not like the Smart Wand Large, but it’s ok. Although to be fair, I’ve had stand-alone insertable vibes that are more powerful.

Bodywand Original - Showing the difference in heads between Bodywand, Magic Wand and Fairy Wand. Magic Wand head is highly textured, it almost looks like a subtle brain pattern and as a result it looks very dirty compared to the others.

I’d still personally put the Smart Wand Large at the top of the list, followed by the Wahl if my clit can tolerate it, followed very closely by the Mystic Wand with a big gap on the scale before we get to the Bodywand / Magic Wand.


Thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Bodywand Original to review!

This is the first in a long line of wand massager vibe reviews coming up this month, all culminating in an epic Wand Off post. Other Wands I plan to review soon are the Bodywand Rechargeable, Doxy Massager, Shibari Halo Wand, and hopefully a PalmPower.

May 042014

A lot has happened in my 6 years here, and a lot has happened with me, sexually, over the last ten years. 6 years ago when I started this blog, I considered myself to be moderately kinky. Over the next few years, as a pseudo-relationship worked its course, I considered myself to be highly kinky. You see, when someone I’m very much attracted to is very much into something sexually, their enthusiasm for it rubs off on me and I suddenly see things from a new perspective. I’m not faking it for them, I’m genuinely exploring previously-unknown facets. Not all have worked out for me. Two attempts at being the dominant one in a sexual relationship failed miserably; the second one succeeded only in making me realize that I was more submissive than I assumed. When those two relationships ended, I didn’t have a distaste for being the dominant one, I just knew it wasn’t my thing.

But a few years ago, something happened in my personal life that pretty much completely turned me off of anything kinky. I no longer want to tie up anyone or be tied up. I don’t long for spankings, or being controlled–but I still love having my hair pulled, go figure. In fact, this personal rift was so severe that (husband aside) I went from a 3 on the Kinsey Scale to a 5. It is rare indeed that I find myself attracted to someone who identifies as male these days. My sex life with my husband isn’t faltering for it, in fact we’re personally better than ever – my love for him is very strong, and our sex life is great. But if things were to go back to being open again? I’d only be interested in female-identified or genderqueer people. My porn preferences fall in line with this, too. I quickly scroll past the random hetero-based sexy image in my Tumblr dashboard, rushing to the next all female one. I’m finding that my attraction to cis-men is very rare.

I don’t really want or need to get into the details of what happened in  my personal life to cause such a change in me1, but the change is there and I honestly don’t see it going away anytime soon. The anti-kink in me is strong enough that I don’t want view blogs that are heavy on the kink or D/s. For awhile I pondered if I ever really was kinky, or was I just a poser, a chameleon? But I realized that my inclinations went back much farther and weren’t born from being with certain people–intensified, yes. “If it turns you on, it turns me on” applies a lot to me, in part because I’m (until recent years, I guess) largely open-minded, always (no matter my preferences) sex-positive and very much an empath. But the person who dragged me deeper down that rabbit-hole of kink was such a twisted, sick fuck (in the serious way, not in the “fun” way) that I guess I still view BDSM related things as being in the same mental box as that person, and I really want to light that box on fire. Yes, one person managed to be so heinous that I’m not only ruined for kink but done with cis-men that I’m not married to. Is this highly abnormal?

This feels very much like that time I made grilled chicken marinated in Italian dressing and despite making it many times before, the last time coincided with a stomach flu. I puked up marinated grilled chicken breast all night. Haven’t been able to tolerate chicken + Italian dressing without wanting to sympathy puke in 15 years. I realize the analogy is um, fucked up, but that’s the best I can come up with, lol.  I’ve also realized that since I’m pretty much awful and recognizing when anyone other than cis-men are flirting with me, and seem to lack the ability to know how to flirt with anyone other than cis-men, it’s just gonna be me and the husband from here on out. It’s fine, despite how much I’d like to occasionally date a femme person. Like, a lot. But no really, it’s fine. I’ll just watch. Wait, no, that sounds creepy.

I guess this is just one of those rambling, navel-gazing posts with no reason or purpose, save for me formally and publicly announcing: I’m Not Kinky Anymore. If you are, that’s cool and you do you. But I’ve got a little line in my sandbox and I just can’t cross it. If your blog is mainly kinky, please understand that I might adore you but I won’t be reading your blog and for that, I’m sorry. It’s too much of a trigger.

  1. Those who have been around for a few years and paid attention will remember what happened a few years ago – yes, that’s the “thing”
 Posted by at 11:17 am
May 012014
Tantus Suction Cup Dildo Attachment shown with a Tantus Echo vibrator, bullet removed. The Tantus Suction Cup is pretty much amazing if you’re the sort who just loves suction cup dildos but wants something safe. So many of the suction cup dildos on the market are made from really porous and/or toxic materials! Also, this month, Tantus is having a huge sale on this stuff, see bottom of the post for more deets!!

So the Tantus Suction Cup accessory only works with their vibrators. You remove the bullet and insert the stem of the suction cup into the now-empty bullet hole. This is a very acceptable trade-off for me, because even though I adore Tantus dildos, I’m not a fan of Tantus vibrators…the bullet is at the base, and the vibrations just don’t travel very well through the shaft and to the tip, or not well enough for my preferences anyway.

While there are some Vixen dildos that seem to have a naturally concave base that works as a suction cup (like the Raquel) it has its limitations. A suction cup, generally speaking, works best when it is more flexible. The base of the Vixen dildos is a somewhat firm silicone and while I was able to get Raquel to stick to numerous surfaces, I still had a little trouble once I started moving the dildo slightly side-to-side. When pulling straight it worked like a champ. But the silicone of the Tantus Suction Cup attachment is very flexible. As you can see from the photo comparison below, the suction cup is normally about 1 inch deep, but totally flattens out when properly applied to a smooth surface. In order for a suction cup dildo to work at all though you need to have a totally flat and smooth surface. Newer glass and mirrors work well. Some wood surfaces can work. In my house we have painted drywall and the Tantus Suction Cup works sort of well on that, too–it stuck as I pulled on it for a minute, but when I left it there and walked away it fell down 5 minutes later. If you want to use it in the bathroom, you’ll have to make sure not to stick it to any sloping surface of a tub or any tile that is smaller than 3.5″.

When you’re utilizing the natural concave base of a dildo for suction cup purposes, it’s going to be more prone to un-suctioning (or whatever the term is) if the dildo gets moved side-to-side too much because the suction cup is part of the singular design. With the Tantus Suction Cup though, the dildo can move side-to-side on the post and the suction cup isn’t affected as much. It will be affected for the larger, heavier items. Vibrators such as Duke and Goliath should only be paired with the suction cup if you’re putting it on a table or something horizontal–it’s probably too heavy to put on a vertical surface.

It’s not super difficult to insert the suction cup accessory into the bullet hole. I can’t do it one-handed, but if I use both thumbs then it goes in easily. I find that it’s much easier to attach the suction cup to the vibrator first and then suction the whole thing wherever you want it.  It does require some ability to grip and pull to remove it, but it’s nothing major. While it’s not difficult to remove, it also doesn’t come out easily during use. Unlike inserting a bullet, you don’t need to lube up the suction cup post, because you don’t want it to be too easy to slide out.

Tantus Suction Cup Tantus Suction Cup - Showing before and after suction on a window Showing the Tantus Suction Cup attachment on a Tantus Vibrator, creating a perfect silicone suction cup dildo To best insert the suction cup, position the post first at the entrance of the bullet hole and then press in with both thumbs on the underside of the cup.


Pick out anything from their Vibrators section OR choose the Echo, Leisure or ProTouch from Grab Bag, and then snag a Suction Cup. Voila! A safe, silicone suction cup dildo! If you prefer, you can also pick your poisons from Shevibe: Here is the Tantus Vibrators collection at Shevibe, and the Suction Cup.


 Posted by at 1:13 pm