Oct 092015

LamouroseDeniaThe L’amourose Rosa Rouge very quickly became a Top 5 toy for me for its rumbly goodness, intensity, and warming element that made clitoral stimulation with it awesome. The L’amourose Denia lacks the warming element but as a dual-stimulation vibe I actually still like it quite a lot – this doesn’t sound like high praise but consider the source; I rarely recommend or use dual-stimulation “rabbit” style vibrators. Would I love the Denia more if the clitoral arm had the warming element? Yep. The added warmth that Rosa Rouge brings aids in blood flow and increases my ability to orgasm. Previously the Jopen Vanity VR6 held the position as “most loved rabbit vibe” for me, even though it wasn’t perfect – the clitoral arm didn’t hit me just right, and the clitoral arm was kinda clampy. The Lelo Ina 2 was okay but again the clitoral arm just didn’t have enough oomph for me. But the L’amourose Denia has all of the rumbly intensity I need and something else I didn’t think I needed – flex.

Flex and Shift

Normally I need a solid tool for internal g-spot stimulation because I need a LOT of pressure on my g-spot. This changes when the internal vibrations are very strong and very deep/rumbling like the L’amourose Rosa Rouge or the L’amourose Denia. Intense and rumbling vibrations on the internal arm was why I had a love-hate relationship for so long with the Vanity VR6 – loved the internal arm, hated the clitoral arm. And while, in the end, half of the time with the L’amourose Denia I need to use the internal arm externally to tip me over the edge, I don’t think most people will have that “problem”. If I had more patience (which I rarely do, these days) I could actually orgasm with the Denia used properly. It’s probably the first rabbit / dual-stimulator that fits me properly because of the “Flex and Shift” action – meaning there is flex and movement at the base of both arms. Usually the clitoral arm is a branch off of the internal arm and the internal arm is rigid with no flex or movement. That’s what makes the Denia different, and able to actually fit me comfortably. I did find that the clitoral arm of the Lelo Ina 2 was also more comfortable over the original Ina and the Vanity VR6, but the Denia still wins out with even more comfort and right-spot-hitting. And while there is a lot more flex to the Denia, overall, this doesn’t mean it lacked pressure for me on the clitoral arm which I do need. It provided pressure, but not too much, with the ability to adapt to my body. The intense, rumbling vibrations inside stimulated my internal clitoral legs and g-spot more than most vibrators can.

LamouroseDeniaVR6Ina2There is a bit of an oddity that comes with the Flex and Shift technology, something that may bother some people. The ability for both of the arms to flex, combined with motors so intense, leads to some vibrator “dissonance” in some positions – I’ve never owned the Jimmyjane rabbit-eared Form (I cannot keep the damn numbers straight) so I’m not sure if it’s a similar thing or not. I don’t feel it all the time but when I do it’s kind of like using a subtle pattern. It’s not exactly bad but it can be a little distracting for me sometimes. The L’amourose Tech Department explained it thusly:

Although variables of motor rotation can be controlled with electronics, motors are still physical machines and subject to several physical consequences. A key factor in the issue you cited has to do with sympathetic resonance, or in your case, dissonance. In simple terms, this means that one motor directly affects how the other behaves. This is further complicated by variances in vibration intensity, how you are holding the product, how the product is flexed during use, etc. We maintain the highest quality in all of the components of our products and assemble each one with care, however there is no way to control something like sympathetic resonance when using motors that are as robust as ours.

Like the L’amourose Rosa, the Denia sits on a faceted gem-like base to charge magnetically. Not so good if you have an asshole cat who likes to bat things and knock them over, but otherwise it’s fine and I don’t mind it. When it sits on a base, versus having a fob that must dangle and be subjected to gravity, it won’t disconnect and stop charging. The battery on the Denia also holds a charge for a really long time; longer than Lelo does for me. I hadn’t used the Denia since probably February and I pulled it out in June to start writing this review1 and it still worked like a champ.

Some people dislike the fat base/handle on the Rosa and Denia; for me it’s a godsend because instead of having a longer handle that sticks out from my vagina and away from my arms, this base means I can easily reach and manipulate the vibrator. For my arthritic hands a fat base is also easier to hold. A lot of people dislike the buttons on the L’amourose stuff – they’re part of the silicone skin and you only have slightly raised markings. There are no discernible buttons, and they’re on one side of the base. For me this makes it a bit easier to avoid accidentally turning it off during use but it can be a bit of a pain to find and reach the buttons during use.  I personally allow such imperfections when the overall result is body-shaking orgasm – I don’t make that statement lightly, but the L’amourose motors just do it for me.  The design of the L’amourose Denia, and Rosa/Rosa Rouge, is a part of why I love it so and why it’s so comfortable for me to use. It simply works better for my body size and my limitations. You may not find this to be true.

But Oh My God The Price

Once again with L’amourose, I have to talk about the price and if it’s worth the price. At Shevibe, who has a better price than Lovehoney, it’s $199. This is a significant chunk of moolah. Only a few Jopen Vanity models are more expensive than the Denia. It’s $10 more than the horrific Lelo Ida; $10 more than the disappointing, mild Lelo Ina Wave; and $50 more than the regular Lelo Ina 2. Even the now-dethroned Vanity VR6 is significantly less at $129. The vibrations overall are barely stronger than the Lelo Ina 2, but the vibrations are more rumbly and the clitoral arm has just that extra edge of intensity and rumble that I need (plus added comfort). The warranty on L’amourose is a little longer than Jopen and Lelo, it’s 18 months whereas the former two are 1 year. From what I’ve found so far it seems that the build quality of L’amourose is superior to Jopen and Lelo. I’ve also had readers write to me complaining about customer service in regards Lelo’s warranty department, and Jopen will always require you to mail them the failing vibrator for them “to check”, on your dime, and it they may not even decide it’s broken. All in all I’ve probably tried just under a dozen dual stimulation vibrators; I try to avoid them because most will not work for me. But the L’amourose Denia blows everything else out of the water. It’s just that much better, for me, than everything else I’ve tried.

L’amourose Denia vs Lelo Ina 2

It’s funny, reading over my review for the Ina 2 I wonder “why don’t I use this more?” and then I go to turn it on after a few months and find it dead. Oh, that’s why. The Denia sat dormant for 4+ months and still kicked to life, full throttle. I said that “the clitoral arm on the Ina 2 provides the proper amount of pressure for me and hits me in the right spot.” in regards to the Lelo Ina 2 and it does have a lot of flex at the base of the clitoral arm. But the Denia has flex on both arms and this, for me, gives it a bit of an edge. Is this bit of an edge worth the vast difference in price? I think that if you prefer the traditional style of rabbit vibe where the handle sticks straight out from your vulva; if you need obvious buttons; and if you really really need to cut down on cost, get the Lelo Ina 2. If you need a little more power, a little more rumble, a bit more comfort? Go for the L’amourose Denia

L’amourose Denia is Great For:

  • Those who hate finicky charging cables
  • Those who need a lot of power and deep, rumbling vibrations
  • Those who hate clampy clitoral arms that don’t offer enough flex to fit you
  • Those who don’t require intense pressure on the g-spot
  • Those who sometimes want to turn off either the internal or external arm – Denia allows you to have only one running at a time
  • Those who like their vibrators to be waterproof


L’amourose provided me with the Denia long ago to review, but I was so blown away by the Rosa Rouge that I almost forgot about the Denia! Then life hit, and all reviews took a backseat. I can’t recommend the brand more, as brands go. Get your L’amourose from Shevibe, they carry just about the whole line. 

  1. yes, yes, I’m slooowww lately
Oct 072015

Author’s Note: This post is continually updated as things happen so please be sure to read to the bottom for the latest updates.

I’ve been accused once of being a bully, and a mean girl, on social media because I dare to stand up for myself and other bloggers. At the risk of facing more accusations like that I’m writing this piece and bringing this situation to light because the further we dug the more it went from “weird” to “predatory”.

In my research on glass sex toys I came across a scare-tactic article from “A Touch of Glass ®“, a UK glass sex toy retailer. Much of their information is correct (the cheap mass-produced China glass items are indeed cheap and can break easily) but they take it a step further, warning folks that shady companies might use “window glass” and insinuating that the glass dildo can shatter to bits while in use. That’s false, and it irks me.  Given that they sell many designs that are commonly found elsewhere in the industry from many companies, I have my doubts – one such design is known best in the reviewing circles as the Bent Graduate from Don Wands. It is replicated by EdenFantasys, SSA Glass, and dozens of no-name glass sellers on Amazon and even Etsy. Every version of that glass dildo that I have tested by polariscope has failed. Yet their company claim leads one to believe that one wouldn’t find a dildo in their shop that doesn’t pass a simple stress test: “To maintain such a venerable high standard, our glass dildo product range specifically excludes the cheap far-eastern imports of dubious origin and questionable quality, flooding the mass market these days.”1

I don’t follow this company on social media but I’ve seen them around and yesterday a photo they posted for #asswednesday, oddly enough, tweaked my Spidey Sense. I did a reverse image search and surely enough….there’s the photo they used but on The Chive, a “bro” site that frequently does round-up posts of selfies from around the ‘net. Then I did a reverse search on the avatar – and found that the unedited version is used on many adult dating sites as a “teaser” image for “some of their members”. This same avatar image is also used for “Jenny Dillar” on Facebook who is listed as the Owner/Partner2 of ‘A Touch of Glass ®‘.  On Twitter recently a new employee was introduced..yet even her headshot is fake. Why even do that? When you read the “About” pages on their website which introduces us to three lovely women (Carol, Jenny and Lauren) is it said that LAUREN is the person controlling the Twitter account….yet Jenny’s picture is used. It’s all very weird and shady, isn’t it? Now it could be that the photos that they are posting on Twitter and Facebook are really this young woman who also submits such photos to Tumblrs which causes them to get picked up and used without credit by these many adult dating sites, porn sites, and The Chive. It could be. I’ll allow that possibility to stand. But it is my opinion that that isn’t the case, that they have plucked these photos from the web and use them as their own. Their tweets and commentary on the posts when they share the photos usually insinuate that they are saying the photo is of them, “Jenny” or “Lauren” or whoever. 

TouchofGlass1 TouchofGlass2 TouchofGlass3
TouchofGlass4 TouchofGlass5jennydillar

Even if these photos are real…this is pretty unprofessional. It feels a bit odd that a retail shop would allow their social media manager or even a company partner to flirt, approach others for photos, and share personal risque photos of themselves on a company account. Of course, this might be something they think they need to do to stand out from the crowd of adult retailers. Since the website claims that Lauren is running the Twitter account they also fill us in on how Lauren is a model3.

No stranger to yoinking photos from the ‘net, ‘A Touch of Glass ®‘ is also using a random image of Jennifer Lopez on their homepage. I’ve got a feeling they’re not paying to use her likeness.

TouchofGlass6 touchofglass8

But the real owner of ‘A Touch of Glass ®‘ isn’t hard to find. When I was asking my fellow bloggers if they were as weirded out as I was, David over at The Big Gay Review did a quick web search to find that ESHOPS (UK) owns ‘A Touch of Glass ®‘ and that the owners of ESHOPS are David Mattocks and Janet Mattocks4. As David (Big Gay Review) puts it the “information is from Companies House – it’s from the UK governments business registry – so that is who owns ESHOPS, which in turn runs A Touch of Glass ®.” and this is public knowledge. Updated Info on this: It seems that they stopped doing business as A Touch of Glass last year, and now just operate as EHOPS, which Jessica pointed out to me last night. Neither place seems to show any employees, but I’m not certain one would have to report that in this manner? I’m not 100% that regular employees are shown on this site. Also note that ATOG was registered to: David Mattocks 44 Rectory Avenue Corfe Mullen Wimborne Dorset, his home address. He probably dissolved this when he ran for Town Council or whatever it’s called.

I haven’t had tests run on their glass pieces yet5 but my suspicions are strong that their glass isn’t what they represent it to be. And them using fake photos and creating what I speculate is a fake persona for social media isn’t criminal or anything more than weird, but things make a quick turn into predatory when I am told by no less than four reviewers that they were privately asked to send over explicit video of them using the product, in exchange for being sent the product for review. Luckily the bloggers who revealed this did NOT send this person their explicit video but I fear that others might, or already have. Here is the account of one blog reviewer who would like to remain anon for now, and I’m sharing this with her permission:

I was messaged via Twitter asking if they could send me products… in exchange for a VIDEO for the ‘VIP section’ on their site. I have no idea what or WHERE this ‘VIP area’ is. I said no and avoided them for a while. I have since reviewed for them (quite recently in fact) with no issues, but I know they are still (over a year on) unsolicitedly asking people for videos in exchange for toys and I just think it’s kind of, well… icky.


This “VIP Section” is referenced when you view the “About Lauren” page on their site, they say that Lauren is running it. But it sounds like they have been asking this of reviewers for many months now with no VIP section coming to fruition. I don’t take kindly to my troupe being taken advantage of, and that’s what this seems like. It’s my opinion that the UK glass sex toy retailer ‘A Touch of Glass ®‘ selling at cannot be trusted by reviewers OR customers. A Touch of Glass ® appears to be misrepresenting the identity of the person running their social media networks, causing people to assume they’re speaking with (or sending photos to) a young woman when it fact it could very well be they’re sending them to an older man. When they use this misrepresentation of identity to make other people feel more comfortable about sending them explicit photos, this feels predatory. This feels wrong. It doesn’t feel like a company I could ever recommend you to trust, and that’s why I’ve decided to write this post. I can’t not tell you what I’ve found, so that you can make up your own mind based on that, versus the smoke and mirrors the company has apparently laid out.

I have not approached the company privately, because we are not connected on social media. If the company would be interested in replying and clearing the air here, they are welcome to do so. If my speculations and opinions are wrong, and there is a more honest situation going on here, I’m very willing to publish their story. I would have gone to them first if it were merely about the fake photos but once I found out that they had asked many reviewers to send explicit video (something I have never had ANY company ask me for) I decided that my speculations and opinions, and the information from other reviewers who may comment here and share, warranted public light. You can make up your own mind if you want to do business with this company, whether you are a reviewer or customer. I wouldn’t, and that’s my opinion. The image just below is a screencap of the account runner offering a mere dildo as payment for an explicit video.


Readers and bloggers, does this information change your level of trust of this company, or any company that might do this? Have you ever seen these actions elsewhere by another company? Have you had any interaction with this company that strikes you as unprofessional, or troublesome? If you’d be willing to share your story but do not want to do so under your blogging identity feel free to use Disqus anonymously and I will make sure it’s published, and your identity won’t be shared by me.


UPDATE: Shortly after this post went live the @eroticglass Twitter account was made private. Those who are Twitter friends with the account say that some of the photos I called out above as being fake are now gone. The Jenny Dillar fake Facebook account is gone, however Jenny lives on still (for now) on Google Plus and Linkedin. The actual website for the shop used to list David Mattocks as the site designer and linked to his personal page, but they removed that as well, you can see the image below though that shows it was there. There is also a screencap of a little interview talking about “Carol” and her “friends Jenny and Lauren” starting A Touch of Glass. The entire story seems to be a fabrication. I wouldn’t expect this company to last much longer, as David seems to sell his businesses all the time. The detail someone else commented about below, matching car photos both about being in Colorado on the same day from David’s personal FB account (the post is public, btw, but I obfuscated details just because I’m wary at this point) and the ToG picture is shown, screencapped before they locked their account down. Speaking of Jenny’s G+ account – I can’t see much, but I can see two other photos that, judging by the filename (Jenny250) and their use on her page seems like they’re claiming it’s Jenny…despite that face looking nothing like her profile picture. A reverse image search found it being used by a Mary Thompson from Michigan on a Moms page; later on someone named “Jenny D” used it on a moms group page when the talk turns to “sex toy testers” re: Lovehoney.

TouchofGlassJennyGTouchofGlassJennyLTouchofGlassfooter TouchofGlassStory

TouchofGlassCar1 TouchofGlassCar2JennyMomsTouofGlassJennyG+

Update 2:

Day 2 after the post went live, there are new “closings” and changes. The Google + page for Jenny Dillar no longer has that fake profile photo.  The Twitter account that was made private in the hours after the post went live is now completely gone. The “About Carol/Jenny/Lauren” pages on site have been taken down, but we have screenshots. Other websites and Twitter accounts also owned by David Mattocks, like “Amelia of Mayfair” are now gone.  Kara found this page which talks about the businesses that David Mattocks runs; judging by this I wouldn’t be surprised if they close down A Touch of Glass and start a new one up in a few months or a year. Below are more screenshots of things now missing, or just more information as it’s found.

Also, David Mattocks has yanked his personal site which was pretty much just a page of pompous bullshit, no major loss. He seems to not understand that 1. The cat is out of the bag and 2. Erasing Twitter accounts, web sites, and pages from websites doesn’t erase them from the Internet Archives, doesn’t negate our screencaps, and doesn’t hide the fact that he runs the business and ran with this predatory deception for so long with A Touch of Glass.

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12162337_10153792491134683_670442011_o 12077271_10153792546494683_217176053_ndavidmattocks1davidmattocks2

UPDATE 3: I received an email from a very shaken-up UK woman who wanted to remain anonymous, as she no longer is a sex blogger, but she grew to trust the person running the Twitter account. She was talked into sending them video, and she did. She received video too, claiming to be Jenny, but she never viewed it. She was sent nude photos and sent photos in return, until one day when David Mattocks slipped up pretending to be Lauren: “I swapped some photos over DM again just last month but then a couple of weeks ago she messed up, I then realised I had been sending photos to someone who was lifting photos from sites after a photo was sent to me with a message and then the same photo but cropped and the same message was sent again, they obviously didn’t realise that they could delete the photo and message but I would still see it. I saw the Uncropped photo which was from porn hub of a Caity Minx. I felt thoroughly used, disgusted at myself and like a total idiot now I feel more of one. I spent so long tweeting this account in a normal way that I wasn’t suspicious when things were approached in a business way with a bit more of a fun twist shall we say.”

Another blogger tried to email Lauren and has received back an error message that indicates the email account for Lauren has been deleted.

Becks sent me her Moody Blue glass dildo to run my home polariscope test on. While the upcoming glass test post is a bit of ways off, this much I can tell you now: You do NOT want to see rainbows. Rainbows means not annealed. Not annealed means it was made cheap and fast, and most certainly in a China plant. They tried to claim to one person that the glass dildos they source are hand made in Germany. I think not!!! A Touch of Glass / specifically has warnings all over their site about cheap China glass, with assertions that THEIR products are not. Are we surprised that they’ve outright lied? Customers, you have overpaid.

ToGwarning ToGwarning2 2015-10-10 09.23.49

Update 4:  Another blogger contacted Jenny, Lauren and Support emails to request their affiliate balance be paid out – emails to Jenny and Lauren bounced, naturally, but the Support email went through. They did not receive any response, but DID receive a payment of the balance of their account. If you are an affiliate of A Touch of Glass and would like to cease your relationship with them, it seems they are honoring requests to pay out and close out accounts – albeit silently. Any attempts at emailing David Mattocks have gone unanswered.

Update 5 / November 8th: It was brought to my attention on Twitter that A Touch of Glass is BACK on Twitter as @PleasureGlass now and is right back to trying to solicit videos this time under the guise of instruction girls to be “information” rather than “pornographic”….but still explicit. Right. ALSO: Within mere hours the Twitter account went from private (but not before blocking all bloggers involved in this post) to deleted.

ATOGblocked ATOGPLeasureGlass1

  1. from their “About” page:
  2. whereas in the About Jenny section of their website, Jenny is listed as Commercial Manager and Carol is listed as the person who started the company
  3. From their site, the About Lauren page: “Also – if you hadn’t already guessed it – before corporate life, Lauren was a model. Well, she is drop-dead gorgeous. And go take a look at our Twitter page and guess who’s picture that is. The one on the left. Yep! See what we mean now? Mind you, the stunning shot here is nothing short of eye-watering don’t you think? Lauren is currently busy with setting up our VIP Club that will include restricted member-only access to our exclusive Connoisseur Collection of glass dildos – which we’d rather refer to as ‘dilettos’ – plus a portfolio of photographs and videos which we consider to be far too racy for unrestricted public access. More details coming soon, but if you can’t wait, please contact Lauren for an update.”
  4. Who are no strangers to owning businesses, as was found here:
  5. This will happen shortly, I have an item on its way and two other reviewers will be testing from afar – this will be listed in my large post about glass testing that will be live sometime later this month
 Posted by at 2:12 pm
Oct 052015

Ooh by Je Joue Line Fall 2015Lately I’ve been having a real thing for truly affordable, decent sex toys so I was perhaps a little too excited for the Ooh by Je Joue line to come out. As soon as I heard about it I ran right to Shevibe and asked them if they planned on carrying it, can I review it if they do, etc. I’ve loved every Je Joue vibrator I’ve had my hands on so I had really high hopes for this hot-swap-style sex toy geekery. It’s not quite the first time this concept has been done, but this is unique in that we know the line is going to expand greatly – I already know there will be a smaller motor, a smaller cock ring, a butt plug, a flexible dual-stim, a smaller Pebble, a Rabbit and a g-spotter. The “mix and match” or “modular” concept is great – spend a little now, and a little along the way, and soon you’ll have a small collection of items for less than you’d pay for them singularly.  The Large Motor I have is listed as compatible with pieces 1,2,3,4,5 and 9 – and we only have access to 1, 2, and 3 right now. More will be revealed in January 2016, with a few more coming in Spring 2016**  pictures of the full line viewable at the very end of this review.

I love the idea, as you can tell. Ooh by Je Joue be great if the execution didn’t fail. Trust, I’m super sad that I can’t recommend the entire line as it is right now. I wanted to love this. But I also kind of expected it to be even lower-priced than it is. I wanted the Large Motor to be closer to $30 than $50. I basically hoped for every component to go no higher than $40, with most at $301. Am I delusional? Apparently. But that’s a story for another day.

You can start off with just the Large Motor and the Pebble, or buy “kits” although these don’t save you a whole lot, just a few bucks. What Happens in Vegas is the cock ring and classic insertable; Her Name is Rio is the classic insertable plus Pebble; and London Love-in is the Pebble and cock ring. Happily they offer cool colors like mint green and bright yellow in addition to the standard pink and blue. The packaging is super cute, made to look like little coffee bags or chocolate bags. Which you would think makes the packaging easy to open, but it’s not – scissors are required and it makes me sad. I expected the bags to be as easy to open as a bag of Lindor Truffles. The shapes are pretty easy to put together and disassemble. It doesn’t require much strength to press on the necessary part of the shape to eject the motor. The silicone is satiny-smooth, much like that of the regular Je Joue items – it’s just barely noticeable that it’s a little less silky.

One point of quality that does concern me slightly is that the silicone skin seems haphazardly glued to the plastic base on the shapes. The glue is sometimes so sparsely placed and so wimpy that if you’re not super careful when washing a shape if it’s not clicked in to the motor you probably would get water trapped down in between the plastic housing and the shape. The silicone on my Cock Ring easily separated from the plastic housing, while the Pebble seemed to be glued very well and I couldn’t even separate them. The Classic had even less glue than the Cock Ring. I pulled the silicone skin down off the plastic housing on the Cock Ring so that I could show you the metal clips responsible for keeping the motor clicked in – but it also shows me that the plastic housing the motor slides snugly in to is also responsible for vibration dampening.

Ooh by Je Joue Large Motor

I can’t wait to see the small, because the Large Motor is pretty small overall. The vibrations of the motor alone, no attachment, are shockingly deep and powerful on high. There are two mediocre patterns. But the odd thing about these vibrations…they’re not smooth. The steady vibrations almost feel like a pattern. It sounds like a helicopter on the lower settings. You can feel a rapid pulsing; not enough to deter from orgasm, but it’s discernible and I’m undecided on love vs hate. This is actually the same experience as the other Je Joue motors in the Mimi and Uma but since I never use those on the two lowest settings, I never really noticed it. The Je Joue Mimi has 5 intensity settings while the Ooh Large Motor has 3. The Large Motor by itself on high is equal exactly to the Je Joue Mimi on level 4. But when paired with the Pebble or Cock Ring, high is a little less powerful now than the Mimi on level 3. I don’t actually know if you’re allowed to use the motor naked – by itself the motor is really intense. I don’t think they intended for it, but what’s the worst that could happen? The recharge port has a silicone flap over it and seems like it could be water-resistant at the least. I’m grasping at straws here, aren’t I…

Ooh Vibrating Pebble

Ooh by Je Joue Pebble vs Je Joue MimiThis is the stand-out piece; take that as you will. It ends up being a similar shape to the Je Joue Mimi with less punch. The tip is rigid-flexible, meaning I can make it move with my fingers if I try but it won’t make a bit of difference to my vulva. This is the shape the motor was truly meant to work with best. However due to the overall cost being $75, and the more powerful Je Joue Mimi being $90, I feel that you must be absolutely certain you can put the Large Motor to good use for at least one other attachment. You’ll have to decide if the Cock Ring is right for you (and then purchase the London Love-in set to save a couple dollars) because if not, I don’t think you should purchase anything from the Ooh line yet. The Pebble shape is pretty versatile and can be great for all genitals for external play. Pebble comes in hot pink or sunny yellow.


Ooh Cock Ring

Ooh by Je Joue Cock Ring vs Lelo Tor 2I handed the ring to my husband and he immediately proclaimed it would be too tight to comfortably be on his cock. He said he’d be able to get it on if he put it on while flaccid but then once he was fully hard he wouldn’t be able to get it off – not a good situation to be in.  I figured as much, so it didn’t even get tried out in the field. The silicone is stretchy-ish but not the most stretchy I’ve come across in silicone cock rings. It feels tighter on my fingers than even the original Lelo Tor. Also the shape ends up being comically large – probably a full inch longer than the Lelo Tor. It sticks out a little over 2 inches. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a large, protruding cock ring. The Ohh Je Joue Cock ring feels like the  Duplo of the rechargeable cock ring world. However for someone with minimal labia and an exposed clitoris I can imagine this shape would feel great for grinding against. I tried putting the ring around 3 of my fingers at the second knuckle and it cut off my circulation. There’s always the chance it might be awesome to attach to your smaller dildos for harness play. If the receiver is in to grinding on the dildo, they’ll appreciate the vibrations.  Similar to the Pebble in design, the vibrations transfer as well as they’re able to in this system. The cock ring is available in a dark cobalt blue (which they call “electric”) and a pale mint green.

Ooh Classic Vibrator

This one is such a let-down. The center is solid and the vibrations do not transmit well at all. There is barely a whisper of vibration past the handle/motor. In fact it’s so infuriatingly bad that I have to wonder “did they test this?”. There’s a review on Babeland already for the Classic Vibrator which talks about how powerful it is and I’m all “are we using the same vibrator?”. I cannot recommend this. The We-Vibe Glow does *such* a better job of transmitting the vibrations from the Tango down the shaft and into the tip. If the Ooh Classic Vibrator were a standalone product I would be ripping it to shreds for even daring to exist. It’s that bad.  The fact that the two components cost $90 is a major insult. It’s not even worth $30 for the whole thing. It’s all down to the design of the attachment and motor. Sadly, this tells me that the “coming soon” items like the g-spotter and dual-stim will also probably suck. 

Ooh by Je Joue Classic Shape GutsTaking the Classic shape apart like I did the Cock Ring shows me exactly why it’s so terrible – the motor slides into the plastic housing and the other side of the plastic housing is glued to a hard plastic rod that goes down the center of the Classic. So only the vibrations that touch the spring and screw inside of the plastic housing could possibly be transmitted. It’s a shit design. Taking the rod out of the silicone shows that it barely is vibrating at all unencumbered that way, and then they go and encase that in a half-inch thick shell of silicone and expect vibrations to somehow make it out the other side? The people under the dome had a better chance of escaping than these poor, strangled vibrations2. I’m not an engineer and even I uneducated lil old me can see that this won’t work. Yet they did it anyway and you’re going to waste your money and they’re okay with that. Honestly the more I think about the design of the insertable Classic, and the design that is clearly going to be the same in future shapes unless they do a total overhaul, the more pissed off I am.

One could say that I’m idealistic and what can one expect from something affordable but I don’t think that’s the problem. I think that, like many companies, they didn’t beta test these with knowledgeable users. Or at all. There is definitely a way, some how, to create this modular system in a way that takes better advantage of the lovely motor. I think the answer though is to shape the vibrating motor more like the Tango – the long and thin lends itself to transferring vibrations farther than a short and wide motor. But then you have a system that’s quite similar to what’s already on the market and there’s no point to that. But the way this system is built right now I can assure you that none of the insertable pieces will have very much vibration at all.

I wanted to love the Ooh by Je Joue line, I wanted to recommend this, but I’m only able to truly recommend the Ooh Pebble. I’m cautioning against getting too carried away with dreams of building a set until we see the rest of the collection. I think that the motor needs an overhaul, the silicone needs to be stretchier for the cock ring and the insertables need a total re-design to get vibrations to actually travel versus held up in the handle like a bad traffic jam.


Big thanks to Shevibe for getting this to me pronto and indulging my odd excitement. I was provided this set in exchange for my honest review.

** The insert in with the toys shows the shapes of the upcoming designs and I’m skeptical of everything else needing the Large Motor.
OohJeJoueFullLine1 OohJeJoueFullLine2

  1. The two smaller shapes are $25 which is a great price point, but the shameful Classic is $40
  2. I haven’t watched the most recent season because the show was so awful, so I’m left at “maybe they escaped? maybe they were eaten by the void?”
 Posted by at 9:48 am
Sep 172015

Patchy Paul G5I finally have a Fun Factory vibrator that I can recommend. I’ve been underwhelmed, overstuffed, had pubic hairs ripped out, put to sleep, and bored. I tried out the G4 version of the Patchy Paul and Big Boss and was let down – I’d read about big vibrations with deep rumbles and I expected delivery. We know how much I love big rumbles and lots of power. And they were rumbly, but the large amount of silicone meant that the vibrations had a lot of fighting to do to stay strong and avoid dampening. I was so underwhelmed by my G4 vibrators that I never even reviewed them. So when the Patchy Paul G5 was offered for review I jumped on it, hoping for something to back me up on my overall feelings about the company. 

You see, I’ve always liked Fun Factory, in theory. Their vibes have never worked for me but this pissed me off a lot less than when Lelo vibes didn’t work for me. Fun Factory has always had cool designs, albeit with some high prices (remember the Sinnflut line?). They’ve always been different enough, unique, “fun”, but without boasting lame/non-existent “revolutionary tech” or trying to claim absolutes. With the G5 vibrators you can experience flex and give, unlike the silicone-skin-over-hard plastic like Je Joue, Lelo, and many more. 

Fun Factory also usually has a very draggy silicone – matte finish with a texture that means even I need lube. Fun Factory silicone is a bit of a lube hog, so be sure to stock up – water-based, hybrid or coconut oil is fine. But unlike a lot of companies, Fun Factory doesn’t focus on the gendered colors. Patchy Paul G5 is available in Neon Orange and Green, as well as light Pink. 

Another upgrade to the Patchy Paul G5, and the whole G5 line, is that the controls are just a lot better vs the G4 line and even many other vibrators on the market. They kind of idiot-proofed it. If you try to just hit the + to turn it on, the red Fun button blinks to remind you to start there. This isn’t brand new for Fun Factory; the Stronic Drei and Amorino had it as well.  These are vibes for people who hate to read a manual just to work their vibrator. Unlike the G4 line, now there are two obvious little metal nubs that show where the Click n Charge magnetic charger will go (and the magnets are quite strong). You can’t screw up using this vibrator. You can hand this to anybody, even a total vibe newbie, and they’ll immediately understand how everything works. When you hit the Fun button it starts out in the middle of its vibratory range – there are two lower settings and 3 higher settings. Once you hit the + enough to get into Pattern Land you can cycle through the 6 basic patterns by continually hitting the + button. To leave Pattern Land you have to hit the minus button. Again it’s not super complicated and didn’t ever leave me feeling like I had to turn the vibrator off and back on again just to get myself back to straight vibrations.


So how does it feel?  The vibration power level is a significant improvement over the G4 line and a huge improvement over less expensive Fun Factory vibrators. The motor seems to be about in the middle so in the G4 line the tip felt bland. In fact the difference in vibration oomph is enough to make me even more disappointed now with the old G4 line. You have no idea how badly this upgrade was needed, for such a pricey vibe. With the Patchy Paul G5 on high you do feel vibrations in your hand, but it’s not overwhelming. When inserted it does suffer from vibration dampening, a good bit more than the Rosa Rouge, but it’s still powerful enough to stimulate the clitoral legs for me. Because the motor is in the middle I am feeling most of the vibration right at the vaginal entrance, since I can’t insert the entire length.  I was able to use the Patchy Paul G5 both as an external vibrator and an internal vibrator – it wasn’t as great as using the L’amourose Rosa this way, though. The vibration dampening I experienced with the first inch or two just from my labia-o-steel was enough that in certain positions I didn’t feel enough oomph to get me to come.  The design is awesome for those who want to work up to using more length and width internally  – the nose is a flexible just-shy-of-1.5″ curved tip which narrows back to 1″ wide and then slowly gets fatter up to about 1.6″ but that’s not until you get close to 5″ insertable. I feel like the max insertable length is more like 6 or 6.5 inches versus what FF claims and I don’t see it getting up to the 1.75″ max width they list, either. 

There’s a good amount of flex for the top 3 inches so if you need solid vibrators that can apply firm pressure to your g-spot, this might not be your thing but if your g-spot, a-spot and/or clitoral legs respond to deep, penetrating, powerful vibrations? Patchy Paul G5 is your jam. It’s an easy-to-use, powerful vibrator that is pretty versatile, too.  Would I recommend it over the L’amourose Rosa, though? Honestly no. However the Rosa is $40 more (while the warming Rosa Rouge is full $100 more than Patchy Paul G5) and I understand that when the price climbs closer to 200 it’s hard to justify. The Patchy Paul G5 doesn’t have reliable all-over vibrations like harder vibrators (such as the Lelo Mona 2 or Je Joue Uma) but it is definitely more powerful than the Mona 2 or Uma and definitely more rumbly. I feel that if you don’t have the fleshy outer labia like I do which can provide a decent amount of vibration dampening (by surrounding the vibe tip with flesh) then you could easily use the Patchy Paul G5 externally and experience deep, powerful vibrations that slightly eclipse even the Rosa. While I would recommend this vibe I still found myself abandoning it during testing for the L’amourose Denia (because my Rosa Rouge was dead).

Patchy Paul G5 isn’t a quiet vibrator. In quiet room you’d be able to hear it from under the covers and probably on the other side of a closed door. It is more noisy than Lelo, L’amourose, Je Joue and even Jopen vibes.  If you need stealth sex toy time you’re going to want to turn on music or buy a white noise machine. I feel like Patchy Paul G5 really could claim the title of “the Barry White of vibrators” – yet they don’t, because Fun Factory isn’t a pretentious asshole company.


My thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5 in exchange for my honest review.

Aug 262015

Woodhullsfs15[pstWhen it came to past conferences, I wrote about my experiences and it seemed to all flow out – whether it was that first year when it was still good, or that last year when I knew I wouldn’t be returning to Catalyst (and thought I’d never go to another conference again). But Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit 2015 was just…so…

When I think of moments, of people, I get all emotional and I cry. I can’t find words that will do justice to the amazing time I had. How much it transcended past conferences. How much I love the Blog Squad1, Shevibe (my sponsor for the trip, I cannot thank them enough), Tantus and Smitten Kitten. Rather than being a ball of nerves and gluing myself to the side of one person for the whole thing, I was able to relax and just hang out with various people thanks in large part to the overall atmosphere at Woodhull and in large part to the Tantus-sponsored bloggers’ lounge. Having a place where we could all relax and talk to each other and hide during/between sessions was amazing and vital. It was simply the start of things for us, as bloggers, as we kept being thanked by Ricci and others for being there, for tweeting, for the publicity, etc. When the collective Twitter reach is at least 25,000 (not taking into account Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, and our blog readers without social media) I cannot imagine why bloggers would NOT be welcomed with open arms and treated kindly. Suffice to say this was new territory for us all, this gratitude and welcoming. No longer merely tolerated, flat-out ignored or chastised, we felt respected, and that we matter.

This post is long and I’m not sure all of you will care to read the whole thing because so much of it is personal. But I have to write this whole thing because I need to be sure in later days that it happened, that it wasn’t a dream and it wasn’t Oz (although when it came time for me to leave, I certainly thought it had to be Oz). I also need you fellow non-blogger sex geeks (or fellow bloggers who haven’t attended a conference) to understand what it’s like because I think you should attend the next one if you can. Find a fellow sex-geek friend to hang out with and then revel in the workshops and the brain sex and the glory that is being able to have these discussions with a big bunch of other like-minded individuals. 


I registered, which had some funny moments. In the bags they hand out many people had some interesting items from Lelo but my bag had none. I’m sure that’s how Lelo would have wanted it, anyways, so it all worked out but I found it funny. Then they hand me a lanyard for my ID based off of my photo preference – I don’t want my photo taken so I’m given this florescent yellow lanyard……that has Pipedream all over it. Slowly, others came in and I got my first looks at new Tantus dildos and the glory of the Tantus coffee mug. Dizzy2, Luna and a few others like myself with Pipedream lanyards moaned about how it felt like punishment because if there is one company we wouldn’t want around our neck, it’s Pipedream. I could almost feel the burning on my neck, like water on the Wicked Witch. Thankfully Lunabelle3 packed a Sharpie so I was saved. Since I was the sex toy mule for Reenie’s4 Woodhull giveaways, a few of us ran up to her & Lena’s5 room to help her fill goodie bags and squeeze silicone from Damn Average and Frisky Beast. I wanted to steal one of the FB squishy paws and DA squishy cubes but I was good! Once we’d spent a lot of time in the Blogger Lounge we headed for a room and hung out awhile, with Bex6 finally rounding us up to order Chinese delivery (she was a lifesaver because getting us to agree and do something was like herding cats). The only sex toys I brought were the horrific ones, like the Rockbox Finger because really….seeing people’s reactions in person is just priceless. When I explained that I needed to run the batteries down because the battery cap was stuck, it was passed around the group like the Sword in the Stone. Artemisia7 proved to be the most cunning and mighty and finally killed the beast. Then it was off to Bedpost Confessions. Ricci Levy – after thanking the bloggers for attending and tweeting and being awesome8 – told a story of her lifelong struggle with weight and accepting her weight. For those in the audience also battling the F word and the stigma around it, it was a particularly emotional story. After Ricci received a standing ovation Epiphora9 , on the other side of Artemisia, says to me “Do you need a hug?”. I did and I got one right then and there, an awesome healing hug that I will not forget. We eventually all headed back to the hotel room and loudly talked about everything under the sun, including (shocker) shitty toys and toxic toys. It was a good day.


I got up early to eat and stress out about my upcoming session that Caitlin10 helped bring to light. I felt like I said weird things and talked too fast during our panel but no one seemed to agree (at least to my face). The session was amazing and powerful. Having some of the Blog Squad up front11 was super helpful, giving me friendly faces to focus on if I felt like I didn’t know where to look when I was talking. A true testament to the fact that millions of grown-ass adults walk around right now with a limited understanding of the anatomy of their bodies and their partners bodies as it relates to pleasure was evident in Jennifer’s story. They told us of an elderly couple who finally came into the store after trying everything they knew (and advice from doctors and therapists) to bring her to orgasm and nothing worked. Jennifer asked the simple “Do you know where her clitoris is?” and he replied that he must, for he rubs in that general area. She educated them and he called her the next day saying that, while they didn’t reach their goal in one night they finally knew they were on the right path and finally had been told the key piece of information they’d been missing for years. Jennifer sobbed at the end of the story, we all cried, and it was a powerful session. I collected the tweets from our session and plan to reread them whenever I need strength and reminders that what I am doing matters and I need to keep doing it. We cried during Monster Under the Bed. We felt all sorts of horrified, angry feelings about the lube industry at Sarah’s lube session. After so many feels, and then an awesome dinner with Shevibe12, Metis, Piph, Penny13, JoEllen14…. I’d had enough for that day. I ran out of spoons, as did many. Many of us crashed early that night, but woke up ready to learn and socialize for Saturday. 

Other awesome Friday things: passing around the Hello Touch X in the blogger lounge and griping about the user manual; me toting around the Pleasure Purse and showing people the Jar of Horrors in person; I got to see the shiny gorgeous metal Doxy and feel the Doxy Skittle in person, both of which I will be reviewing when they come out. 


I slept in and missed a morning session I wanted to attend, but got my afternoon session – Yes All Genders. Afterwards I stopped at the Njoy table and saw prototypes that I cannot share publicly but I feel they need a signature petition to be made for public consumption. Greg has all these ideas that he deems “not good enough” and so they don’t see the light of day which is SAD because his “not good enough” is already many times better than many exisiting sex toys. I also got a great cleaning tidbit from the “don’t do this” files and I’ve added the update to the Care & Cleaning Materials Guide. Then onto a pool & pizza party with Smitten Kitten and the blog squad. Then we stopped in at the Liberty Ball for a little while, long enough for a few dances and long enough to see Buck Angel go all Magic Mike XXX on us which, if you missed it, I’m so sorry you missed it. Soon though a group headed up to Piph’s room for the blogger PJ party. There were so many conversations going on at once and fun things happening and I finally got to spend good quality time with Mary and Harry15. Next year we need a sound-proofed room away from sleeping quarters for this shindig where we can cackle as loud as we want after midnight (boy are we loud). I saw Luna’s dildo collection and just was in awe of colors, sizes, and squish factor. Reenie tried on a harness and dildo and was adorable. I stayed in Piph’s room just past 3, not long after we were finally reported to hotel security for aforementioned loud cackling. As I walked back to my room alone I couldn’t help but cry already missing those I just said goodbye to. Despite being tired and knowing I needed to sleep for my drive the next day, my brain wouldn’t let me sleep. 


Waking was painful. The hall where the sessions and vendors had been was empty, and sad like a ghost town. I went to the brunch but didn’t eat and realized I needed to go pack and get on the road. I said goodbye to those I didn’t say goodbye to in Piph’s room and packed and checked out. I ran into JoEllen and Elle in the hotel lounge and got to say goodbye to them. Leaving was hard. The drive home was filled with tears (partly because my car and my GPS turned against me, partly because the 6 hour drive turned into an 8.5 hour drive, but mostly because I didn’t want to leave my friends). Here’s how I really and truly knew that the conference was the best I’d ever attended: I wasn’t ready to go home. As much as I’ve loved events in the past, my limit was right about around the 4 day mark – the few times I’d stayed til Monday I ended up cranky on Sunday night and Monday morning, ready to be in the comforts of home. But this time I wished I’d stayed, I wished I’d arrived earlier. 

Ok but what was it REALLY like?

There were actually a number of sessions I thought were interesting enough to attend besides the 3 I did attend and the 1 I fully expected to attend, but I also knew that I had to be picky and limit myself. To jump from workshop to workshop would have worn me down much faster. For the first time since my very first conference, I felt that the array of sessions was diverse and interesting. For those looking to really educate themselves, the longer 3-hour academies were probably wonderful – but I know myself I don’t have the attention span to finish a movie in one sitting, much less a 3-hour academy. I don’t like leaving/entering when one has already started, though others did this, however I would consider it if the subject were a necessity to what I do on this blog. But there were many choices for workshops (maybe too many during some time slots?) and everything was kinda fast-paced – I would have liked more time for lunch break and maybe a little more time between workshops BUT that fast pace allowed for the workshops to be 90 minutes; the past conferences I’ve attended it was 50 minutes and that just felt too short. 90 minutes was pretty necessary to fully dig into the topics in the sessions I attended. In fact, Caitlin, Jennifer, Metis and myself had so much to say that I don’t feel we took enough questions/feedback from the audience. I was hoping to hear from store employees about their attempts/successes/failures at educating customers. If anyone was at that workshop and wants to chime in on things, please feel free to do so in the comments.

The hotel was, I think, better than the Crystal City hotel of prior conferences if only for layout, design and the fact that where we were put, the hall of meeting rooms we used, didn’t feel like we had to hide. In the hotel used for Momentum and Catalyst the registration area was right outside the elevators and we shared a floor with the hotel pool, so there was a lot of “think of the children and the offended adults” hiding of stuff. There were some issues with the hotel front desk staff and confusions (due to the hotel apparently changing ownership?) but overall (despite my room being used for someone’s smoke break) the room I was in was great and the hotel was great. Of course there was an issue with the pipes? I think? Causing some very loud whale-song noises during workshops which made it hard to hear and pay attention. Yes, we had less food options vs Crystal City but I think we still made it work.

I would like to be in another workshop next year, if possible, despite how stressed out I was about speaking in front of people. Or, maybe not, maybe I’ll just listen and learn next year. We’ll see. You can expect posts from me over the next month inspired by what I learned about trans inclusivity, sex & depression & anxiety, and of course LUBE.  Something else you can expect: A renewed commitment to supporting my fellow bloggers. I was reminded that weekend that Jennifer’s motto “It’s good business to do good business” also means that as a community there is no harm to support others. I will not support my Blog Squad any less because, what, they may get an affiliate sale that I didn’t? No. Invalid. We are all mighty individuals but together we are loud, we get shit done and we are fucking fabulous. We are changing the world.

When you’re a sex blogger and especially an anonymous blogger you may not have the ability to have these conversations often about sexuality and sex toys. Any of you can imagine – find something you’re passionate about, something that 95% of the people in your everyday life don’t get or you don’t want them to know about. Now imagine you are in a place where EVERYBODY is passionate about that and it’s like an oasis of wonder. It’s brain sex. So you’re excited and happy and overwhelmed and then….then it’s over. Con-drop is a thing and in these situations it’s so hard to return to your boring life, where you can’t just rattle off things about the subjects you’re most passionate about to a room of others who are just as passionate and you certainly can’t talk about burning dildos in everyday company or admit to just anybody what the state of your bed looks like. And I don’t know that I’ve ever had a “vanilla” friend admit so freely how alike our bodies are in what sex toys we like and ask if my clit is a lefty or righty but Mandi and I just talk about it like it’s coffee16. A whole entire long weekend of being my “authentic self”, able to say anything I want, is freeing.

I owe a debt of gratitude to for sending me to Woodhull; to Ricci Levy & The Board for making the Summit so amazing and welcoming; to Tantus for the blogger lounge; to the Blog Squad for letting me hang out with ya. 

Everyone has a different perspective of the conference and attended sessions I didn’t, so if you’re curious to hear more please read their posts:


  1. Calvin of Smitten Kitten came up with this since we all seemed to travel in a pack. Being the geeks we are, we embraced it with glee – Artemisia, Penny, Caitlin, Bex, Epiphora, Mary, Dizzy, Mandi, Reenie, Lena, Lunabelle and me
  2. Quiet but easy to talk to, Dizzy was among the first I was able to sit down with and it was great to ease into social-ness with her
  3. Smart, funny, kind, amazing Luna packed the most useful stuff, from Sharpies to a mobile bar to a suitcase of dildo brands many of us have never seen in real life
  4. Reenie is just as cute and sincere as you would imagine. I adore her completely. She says fabulous things, like after donning a Spareparts harness and a dildo says “OMG! Does this mean I can send dick pics now???? And she just walked around, waggling fantasy cock dildos in the halls and hotel areas like NBD. I can’t wait to see her again
  5. SASSY. That is Lena. Well, after some vodka. Pre-vodka Lena is still sassy and awesome, friendly and sweet, I can’t wait to see what her blog will bring
  6. She of cleavage and fabulous smile, full of energy and hugs, so easy to get along with and so caring.
  7. Caring and kind, beautiful and easy to talk to, rolls with anything – whether someone wants to call her Jill because she looks like a Jill or Piph thinks her avatar isn’t nearly as hot as she is in reality and needs to be changed, pronto
  8. Yes, we were all shocked at that, and it ended up being only the first time of many that weekend where all bloggers were thanked
  9. True story, I was intimidated to hang out with her but she’s great – sweet and funny and adorkable, unapologetically honest, she will not hesitate to say exactly what she’s thinking – Piph will be the friend who will tell you what you need to hear, the whole “not sugarcoating it” stuff applies to all aspects of her which is fabulous
  10. I had a lot of femme-clothing envy this weekend but Caitlin raised the bar. Their outfits? ON POINT like whoa. Head to toe fancy and “put together” and retro and so awesome. Having them moderate the panel was a great help to my anxiety.
  11. I remember most the faces of Bex, Penny and Lena but my mind was so hyper and messed up, I know others were in my viewline but my brain didn’t register them in the memory banks
  12. As a company, you know I love them but as people? Sandra and Thor are gems and I am so amazed I get to consider them friends
  13. I really wanted to learn some photography stuff from Penny because she is amazing, but there wasn’t any time. Penny in wonderful; sweet, funny, down-to-earth and fun to be around. I think she’s great
  14. Joellen takes more introvert-time away to recharge, so I didn’t get to hang out with her nearly as much as I’d wanted but I already knew that she is fabulous and smart and bullshit-free. She is eloquent and amazing
  15. a fabulous couple, I really loved talking to them and having them around. Mary thanked me for being her inspiration to leave her toxic-toy-slinging ex-company and finally love what she is doing, and that was both weird for me to hear yet awesome
  16. Mandi is damn awesome and so fun to talk to, she is pretty and funny and sweet. At first I didn’t know who she was because I wasn’t wearing my glasses enough to see her nametag and she looks different from her avatar so I kept wondering “Who is this cool blogger?? Why don’t I know of them yet?? Must remedy”
 Posted by at 10:16 am
Aug 202015

I often wish there was a sex toy / sexuality version of There are so many myths, uncorroborated theories and flat-out wrong ideas. This will have to do! Comment with your own myths or ask if one you’ve heard is myth or fact. 

You can test a vibrator in-store by putting it on the tip of your nose.

photo of a brochure from CSPH saying: Fun Fact: Test vibrators out on the tip of your nose while in the store, it will give you a better indicator of how the vibrator will feel against your genitals (vs testing the toys out in your hand). If it makes you sneeze, it is probably too strong for you. This isn’t really myth or fact, it’s just subjective. The theory is that if it “makes you sneeze” it is probably too powerful for your clitoris. I actually saw this tidbit in a brochure for the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in my Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit 15 swag bag and it saddened me1. I love this organization and have supported them, but this “fun fact” worries me that those who need something strong will feel shamed or will not get the vibrator they really need. My clitoris (and I know I’m not alone) is not very sensitive. I require strong, rumbly vibrations. If the vibrations are particularly rumbly, then it doesn’t have to be super-strong (hello, Tango, I love you even on level 1). Every vibrator that will work for me bothers my nose. Hell even vibrators that will never be enough for me can make me sneeze, particularly surface-buzzy ones. 

You won’t know if a vibration type or strength is good for you until you try it. You can start with cheap vibrators and one that I like recommending for external play is the Doc Johnson Black Magic Bullet. It’s not high quality and might not last you more than a couple months. But it’ll give you a really good idea of where you stand especially if the last vibrator you tried was too mild. Maybe the Black Magic isn’t enough, maybe it’s pretty good but not quite enough for some days, etc. Whatever the case may be, you now have a barometer. Put THAT to your nose (or drop your jaw and put it in the hollow of your cheek – see how far the vibrations spread) and or your hand and memorize how that feels. Did it make you sneeze? Ok, so what. It’s what you need, so it’s fine.

If there were such a thing as “too powerful” then the Magic Wand wouldn’t have gained a cult following as a genital vibrator for masturbation.

Toy Cleaner is all you need to keep that PVC dildo perfectly safe

Myth until the end of time. The whole thing is porous (but not absorbent) so you can only clean the surface. Since the material breaks down over time and things are living in the pores, the community in your dildo will come out to play. And you definitely don’t wanna hang with that crowd. This goes for rubber, TPR, jelly, “realistic materials” of unknown origin, etc. “Toy cleaner” for non-porous is just kinda pointless unless you’re traveling and plan to share with non-fluid-bonded partners because there are other easier and cheaper ways to clean/sanitize your sex toys. 

Covering a sketchy sex toy with a condom will solve all your worries

Unproven. This might (and boy do I stress might) help for a little while with TPE/TPR dildos if it’s a polyurethane condom. TPE/TPR seems to be the only porous material that doesn’t give a chemical burn (I could be wrong, FYI, and they could be lying) but it is porous and unstable (hence using polyurethane condom because the instability means its leaches oils and oils ruin other condoms). The condom might buy you some time with regards to keeping bacteria out of the pores, or to keep fungi in the pores from coming at you during use, BUT you need to cover 100% of the sex toy surface. I don’t mean the surface going in you or on you. I mean the whole. damn. thing. Handle too.

Silicone sex toys will “melt” or deform if you let them touch in storage.

I have covered this to death but I couldn’t leave it out of this round-up, simply because I hear it so often. Even when I make a post specifically showing that it’s not a thing.

Large girth sex toys will “ruin” a vagina or make your butt incontinent

For most people and in most circumstances, the body is really damn elastic. Vaginas can birth a 10 pound baby and not have the cavernous qualities of a small garbage bag afterwards.

Can the PC muscles lose their tone and affect things like tightness and bladder control? Yes, but they can be toned and exercised and brought back to full strength – without necessarily needing surgery. 

Wood sex toys will splinter, glass sex toys will shatter

I’ve already covered the wood thing in great detail. Glass sex toys, even if they’re not annealed or even made from tempered glass, are very unlikely to shatter in use into tiny pieces as is suggested here. It could crack, yes, if it’s a cheap glass item. But unless you’re shoving something like a lightbulb inside of you (btw….don’t do that) you’re using something that is solid, not flimsy and hollow. More details on glass sex toys and their quality/strength to come shortly, by the way – I plan to do testing and research that will educate you and yes concern you but I will  not use scare tactics based on dramatized situations.  Straight dope, y’all.

If you want something soft, you HAVE to buy jelly or “realistic” mystery materials

After Woodhull I can personally assure you this is wrong. I squeezed so many super-duper soft silicone items from Lunabelle’s treasure trove. I was shocked that someone could even use something so soft. These aren’t mainstream brands (yet) but it is out there. Damn Average, Frisky Beast, Bad Dragon, and so many more. Even the Vixen Vixskin and Tantus O2 is very soft and squishy – they have solid cores to make it easier to use, but it’s still soft. Yes, many silicone toys are very firm but not all. Don’t let that deter you. 

Vibrators will desensitize you and make it so that you cannot orgasm without them

I will not disagree that certain vibrators (for me, it’s the Magic Wand and similar) can give you a very temporary numb feeling. I am not a doctor (not that most doctors know a damn thing about sex toys and pleasure) but I feel pretty confident in saying that this is a myth. In fact, over my time with sex toys, I’ve been able to orgasm with less vibration strength than I used to need. I’ve had more instances of hands-only orgasms since I started using vibrators and those orgasms used to be about as rare as a brown spider monkey2 but are probably at African Penguin3 level now.

Sex toys are only for single people (who aren’t having partnered sex)

This is like saying that now that you’re in a relationship, you never masturbate anymore, in any way. Masturbation is healthy. It’s not something you necessarily do because you’re not attracted to your partner. Masturbation/orgasm can be very relaxing, can help you sleep, can help you focus, can ease anxiety, and so on. Sex toys are merely a tool. That’s it.

Sex toys can be used in partnered sex and to great results. Again, they’re a tool to enhance sex. It’s not like a sex toy says “You, the person I care about, are not attractive enough / good enough sexually for me”. Do you wear lingerie for your partner? Do you light candles? Yes? So how is a sex toy really any different? The notion that only your partner’s body should/can provide you with pleasure is very antiquated, and very damaging.

Does your partner like a hand job (penis)? Do you enjoy seeing them receive that kind of pleasure? So a masturbator sleeve is going to feel even nicer than your hand – this you can surely understand, yes? It’s softer. It might have nubs. So why wouldn’t you want to use this on your partner and watch them experience even MORE pleasure? Now think about this in relation to every other body part and every sex toy on the market. When my partner uses a sex toy on me, or watches me use it, it is just as (if not moreso) intimate than applying the body part to the body part. If you live giving your partner pleasure then why wouldn’t you want to give them even MORE pleasure? 

Sex toys made specifically for partnered sex are The Thing and need to be Hands-Free

Every couples” toy I’ve tried has not worked for me. The idea behind these specific things is that the vulva-owner wears them for PIV sex; they’re supposed to be unobtrusive, and require little effort once they are in place. But when you combine friction and slippery stuff, the chance something could really stay hands-free is fairly slim. Plus they usually rely on your body being built the exact way that the toy makers demo vulva/body is, and if not may not fit just right.  The We-Vibe can work for some and I hear good feedback. But I also hear just as many disappointed people who experienced all fails. In my opinion that’s a lot of money to spend for a maybe, when you could just re-work your foreplay and sex positions to include your toys. Would you rework those things if one of you became injured or disabled? There’s your answer.

Hands-free is very hard to achieve, so maybe let’s let that one go? Or consider the toys with suction cups, or the Liberator toy mount pieces.  And there’s no need to look for a specific “sex toy for couples”. If you’re using it together, during partnered sex….guess what? It’s now a “sex toy for couples”. You’re welcome.

I got a man! (What’s your man got to do with me?)

FYI someone needs to remake a video for this song and have a dildo be the dude in the song.

To the cis men saying their “girl” doesn’t need a “rubber penis” because: cis dude exists: Your penis is not a god. Let me ask you something, cis dude: You have consensual access to a vagina/butt/whatever now that you have a partner. Are you really trying to tell me you’re never gonna jerk off? Ever? That is some bullshit. Ever stick your dick into something other than another human, and had it feel good? Yes. Why should your partner be punished because you have a god complex? Try using that dildo you’re so afraid of on your partner, with your partner. It’s sexy to watch. You can get a view you normally wouldn’t during sex. And you’re still participating in giving them pleasure.

For those who think that because they “have a man” they don’t need a silicone dick, well, that’s your choice I guess. You’re the receiver, so you choose what you want. You can angle a dildo in a way that the attached penis probably can’t move. You can twirl and twist the dildo, and an attached penis cannot (should not) do that (unless the body attached to the penis is rigged to the ceiling like a Cirque du Soleil gymnast and there’s a whole lot of complicated…stuff…going on). That’s neither bad nor good, it’s just a thing and if it feels good then do it. Maybe you have tried dildos and do not like them. Maybe you tried dildos that weren’t right for you (been there, done that, so keep going and maybe try a Pure Wand) but hey maybe you just don’t like dildos. THAT’S COOL. I’m not saying you have to like a dildo. If you have zero trouble getting off clitorally with your hand or your partners fingers/tongue? Bravo. You’re lucky. Carry on and don’t experiment with pleasure if you don’t want to. BUT YOU CAN, ok? And if you cannot orgasm at all or with any frequency/reliability from your partner’s fingers/tongue/penis? You are not broken. There is no shame in using a sex toy to help. 

Cis men who enjoy anal/prostate play must be gay/queer

It’s not about the things you like having done to you during sex, it’s who is doing them.  The prostate is often called the “male” g-spot (starting to hate that term but, whatever, if it helps the cis men I talk to, then fine) and it feels fucking awesome for most people to have it stimulated. The ass also has a ton of nerve endings – these are there regardless of gender. We all have the same nerve endings. Every butt, regardless of gender or sexuality, has the ability to really fuckin love the sensation of beads, penis, dildo, plug, or vibrations in and around this sensitive zone. Don’t like it? Fine. But it has nothing to do with your gender or sexuality. 

Calling it: Myth now and forevermore.  Wanna read more? Start here

Anything can be a sex toy if you’re brave enough

That should be changed to actually read “dumb enough”. Just the other day I found someone selling anal beads on Etsy that consisted of sead beads and larger round beads strung onto jewelry-making beading wire with other wire involved. The beads? No. They are glass and those can break off. Plus cleaning between them??? OH NO. No. And then, the wire?? It could puncture you internally. It could be fatal. The seller doesn’t seem to agree with me and others, it seems. Primary email interaction isn’t getting my point conveyed and they seem to feel their stuff is safe. Kinda like the person who made those clay and wax dildos, but he got super angry with me. 

See also: carrots/vegetables/food, markers, salami, syrup bottles and cold cream jars – not a dildo

Sex toys are amazing tools and you should try one or 24 at some point in your life

Fact. Or I wouldn’t be here right now on this blog, doing all the things I love. Granted, not all sex toys are amazing but speaking in generalities? Magical stuff, people.

Thanks to Artemisia, Girly Juice and Reenie for reminding me on a few of these. 

  1. Actually, it’s what prompted this whole entire post. And I also want to reiterate that I love the Center and Megan and all who help run it, but I don’t like that tip/fact and wanted to speak about it, it just happened to lead to other myths
  2. Critically endangered
  3. Endangered
 Posted by at 7:22 pm