Lilly

Jul 242016
 

rightyclit2For a lot of people who like direct stimulation to their clitoris / clitoral shaft (the external part), they find that one side is usually more sensitive than the other. For me I usually have no hope of orgasm unless that tiny spot is stimulated in some way – whether it’s super pinpoint stimulation or moderately-focused-yet-powerfully-rumbly stimulation.

I first noticed this years ago when I found the first vibrator that mostly worked for me – a cheap pocket rocket – and noticed that I had to angle it just so to hit that tiny little spot on the right side of my clitoral shaft. This spot is so sensitive that a vibrator that is only semi-powerful and mostly rumbly can bring me to orgasm yet a super-powered broad-stimulation wand style vibrator is hit-or-miss. Despite the many wands I’ve reviewed, they’re really not my favorite and I could happily avoid them forever. If they’re buzzy, too? Ew, nope. Never gonna happen.

So after a reader found my review on the aforementioned vibrator where my strange analogy went something like this:

“My clitoris, which is a righty btw, responds just fine to some pressure and localized vibrations to the magic spot there on the right side. Many vibrators can’t get to that exact location because they’re too big or the vibrations don’t travel well enough to reach that spot. My clitoris isn’t on Main Street, it’s in a gazebo on the town green surrounded by land with only one sidewalk leading to it and it can’t hear you from the road unless you’re loud .”

They promptly had a happy freak-out:

“THIS IS A THING THAT IS TRUE FOR OTHER WOMEN?????? I’ve never fucking told ANYONE this about myself, I was worried it was because I broke by body doing something wrong as a kid or something, I have always felt too ashamed to tell partners. And this is a THING? Having a clit that is a “righty”??? Sorry this is kind of life changing for me. I didn’t know other people were like this. Have you met other women like this? Do partners get it when you tell them? Thank you.”

Poll the Mob

For years I thought I was “broken” because my clitoris isn’t sensitive enough to orgasm from manual stimulation 95% of the time. I desperately want to prove to my dear reader that yes, THIS IS A THING and it’s not uncommon! I took to Twitter to ask how many people have a preference on the side; I asked if some have a sweet spot, but on both sides; and I asked if they have no sensitive spot at all. Then we get even more geeky and ask if the sensitive side corresponds to your dominant writing hand. And for most, it does. SEX GEEK.

There’s no normal. There’s no “broken”. There’s atypical, there’s fussy, but I can promise you, dear readers, that someone else out there is just like you. Whether you have a spot, or you don’t, you’re normal.

How to Pamper your Righty (or Lefty)

As for wondering if partners get it when I tell them? I would hope so! My husband has figured it out on his own due to my reactions. However I haven’t had sex with anyone that I cared to give directions to since I figured this out and understood it. Penises have sensitive spots, too. My husband has one little spot where I can do the slightest thing and get a big reaction, so why wouldn’t a clitoris be the same? I’ve found that most sexual partners want to know how to please you best, and how to make you scream out an orgasm. Most partners would *love* to be shown and told exactly what you need. If they are not receptive to this or somehow get offended? Ditch em or fire them from clitoral duty and do it your self.

Some of my favorite vibrators for pinpoint stimulation are: The Crave Vesper; the We-Vibe Tango (super intense and rumbly); the Iroha Kushi and Yoru (and probably the Tori, even though I haven’t tried it); the Leaf Fresh+.  If you don’t mind kinda-buzzy vibes consdier the Jimmyjane Form 2; but I’m reluctant to recommend it with the problems I hear. Maybe the Crave Duet? I really need to try one of them.

 

The photo for this post is a “pussy galore” pendant from this Etsy store; I thought that the little gemstone next to the pearl was a good illustration for the sweet spot, although mine is typically up a little higher – if you’re looking at the clitoris, my spot would be at about 10 or 11 o’clock.

 Posted by at 5:42 pm
Jul 192016
 

Satisfyer Pro 2 review

Update 7/21/16: A few things about this review are going to be irrelevant, so please see the expanded update at the end.

I need to start off by saying that I’m a bit reluctant to like and recommend the Satisfyer Pro 2.  And no, it’s not because of the y-instead-of-i cutesy spelling that reminds me of that sex toy store we won’t talk about anymore. It’s because I find rip-off designs to be problematic. It’s because I think epi24 has a patent pending on the Womanizer and if they’ve patented “pulsating air” coming out of a silicone nozzle focused on a clitoris, then the company who makes Satisfyer is going to be in deep shit. It’s also because the Satisfyer Pro 2 is a fraction of the price and is waterproof, unlike the Womanizer. I have maintained in each review of the Womanizer that the price is way too fucking high. But the Satisfyer Pro 2 is $60 whereas the Womanizer W500 (also sometimes called the “Pro” version) is $220 at SheVibe, and the W100 is $160. Satisfyer has made every effort to be like the Womanizer, right down to a cutesy name, a removable silicone head with a cone nozzle and the “touchless” aspect. So the drastic difference in price has me skeptical, yet unsure at this point who to direct this skepticism at – is the Womanizer trying to empty our bank accounts, whereas the Satisfyer is much more accurately and reasonably priced? Or is the Satisfyer Pro 2 so affordable that one has to wonder what the catch is? Where is the Satisfyer Pro? If there’s not a 1, why is there a 2? Was there a non-Pro version? Who is this Pro – the user it’s marketed towards, or the device itself? Am I really this jaded? All valid questions, folks. 

Is the Satisfyer Pro 2 a copy cat of the Womanizer?

Satisfyer Pro 2 head vs Womanizer W500 headYes, this is identical “technology” to the Womanizer, but it lacks a little finesse in the end result. The Womanizer W100 has only 5 speeds but lets you push the power button to quickly return to the lowest speed if you need to take a little break in the intensity to slow down your orgasm that is potentially hurtling towards you like an out-of-control 18-wheeler coming down the mountain with failing brakes. The Womanizer W500 has a plus and minus button to explore the various settings. Yes, I hate the placement of said buttons on the W500, but at least the easier option is there. With the Satisfyer Pro 2 you have to cycle through 11 settings and then go backwards through those settings. I do not fucking have time or patience to cycle through 11 1 settings. And oddly the “lower” settings feel more intense to me because when you make the pulsating air faster instead of slow/punchy, the upper levels just start to feel like kinda-buzzy vibration. I dislike the upper few levels, yet I’m forced to experience them twice if I want to increase and then decrease the settings – this is insulting, infuriating and confusing. I loved the lower settings on the Womanizer W100 and W500 because, for me, they were great “foreplay” – they kinda felt like oral sex, and definitely felt different from vibrations. It felt also kinda like tapping or the most something could really feel like a tongue without making clitoral contact. Those first few levels on the W100 felt so good to me that I didn’t want to orgasm too quickly, I wanted to continue to experience the sensations. Only the first two or three settings on the Satisfyer Pro 2 feel this way to me BUT they still lack the subtleties and nuances of the first few levels of the Womanizer, before things start to get to be super intense and kinda blurry. By the second setting my lower abdomen is contracting from the intensity of it all, if that makes sense. With the Womanizer, either of them, there’s an obvious difference between each setting. Maybe a little less so on the W500 when you get into the upper intensity levels, but it’s still discernible. With the Satisfyer the differences between the levels are minute and so I don’t know where I am with all that clicking.

If we’re going to go with my odd, Lilly-esque metaphors, it’s like Womanizer W100 is the teenager, all slender and dressed in fashions that scream for attention; the Womanizer W500 is the adult with more power and a refined sense of style; the Satisfyer Pro 2 is the toddler just learning to count, loudly screaming the first few numbers in succession, rushing from “1, 2, 3” to “9, 10, 20, 100!” – while wearing a tasteful princess dress? Okay these odd metaphors have quickly gone to a bad place.  And yes, in literal terms, the Satisfyer Pro 2 is louder than the Womanizers. Same type of noise, just louder.

I prefer the body design of the Satisfyer Pro 2 over the Womanizer W500 which has always felt like holding a potato. An awkward potato. Yes, I also like the color better. It’s a pale copper. Maybe rose gold? It surely is less gaudy and ugly than the Womanizer W100 designs. It might actually match the iPhone 6 colors. HEY – IT’S NOT PINK! Surely that will please a bunch of you.  I think I also prefer the head on the Satisfyer – the opening of the cone is blunted whereas the opening of the cone on the Womanizer heads has an edge – that edge can be a little irritating when you apply pressure to get a better seal. Also: Fewer seams than the Womanizers. In terms of aesthetics of the Satisfyer 2 I actually don’t have anything to complain about.

I need to also say at this point that I’m already really irritated with typing “Satisfyer”. I hate that spelling. I hate it a lot less than calling a sex toy “Womanizer”, though. I hate it less than cliched ideas of what clitoris-owning people want something to look like. At least the design of the Satisfyer Pro 2 is more gender neutral? So it has that going for it.

Jesus Fuck On Wheels This Is Intense

Here’s what I need you to know about the Satisfyer: It’s intense. On the one hand, it’s good – it consistently gives me an amazing and strong orgasm. The kind where my chest looks sunburnt, my face looks like I’ve had 2 shots of vodka. But they boast that the “touchless” technology allows for multiple orgasms. I was able to do that with the Womanizer because I was easily able to go back down to the stimulating-yet-gentle first level and leave it there to ride out my intense orgasm. With the Satisfyer I’m playing a game of chicken with my clitoris, leaving it on as long as I can stand it before I yank it off post-orgasm. The Satisyfer Pro 2’s first power level is equivalent to about level 4 of 5 on the Womanizer.  The Satisfyer, unlike the Womanizers, is completely waterproof and they say that using it under water makes it even more intense – I don’t have a tub, but I don’t think I’d want it to be more intense. This is coming from someone with a self-proclaimed clit-o-steel, a clitoris that responds well to deep, rumbling pinpoint vibrations.

Just like the Womanizer, the Satisfyer Pro 2 doesn’t rely on vibration or true suction, it relies on pulsating air. When you combine this forced air with a nozzle that creates a seal there will be a tiny, teeny bit of suction going on but after experiencing an item with actual, intentional suction I can tell you that one shouldn’t buy a Womanizer or Satisfyer expecting clitoral suction.

Satisfyer Pro 2 compared to the Womanizer W100 and Womanizer W500 - who will win the crown?

I am really fucking torn on this. The price is easier to swallow for those who want to try out this new style of clitoral stimulation, but the high intensity is going to be too much for some people. It’s damn near too much for me on some days, to be honest. It has all of the subtlety of a jackhammer. If you know you like pinpoint clitoral stimulation and you know you want quicker orgasms without the build-up or you know you need high-intensity sex toys, then try the Satisfyer Pro 2. Honestly if the Womanizer didn’t exist I think I would feel differently about the Satisfyer (and I would love it) but it is impossible not to heavily compare these items. Without the super high price tag of the Womanizer I would be thrilled to see a moderately affordable sex toy that can produce such intense sensations while being waterproof and rechargeable. The Satisfyer Pro 2 has, without fail, brought me to an intense orgasm every time I’ve used it. My reservations are that I personally dislike how you must use it (cycling through all 11 settings and back again) and that it is a copy of the Womanizer technology. However for those who are less concerned about the political aspects of copycat designs and simply want to experience a powerful, focused clitoral stimulator at a price that won’t break the bank? I think this might be your ticket.

Update 7/21/16: Days after I publish this review, Satisfyer puts a blast out to the PR wires. XBIZ reports that the new version of the Satisfyer Pro 2 will be “90% quieter” but more importantly:  “According to Satisfyer’s Vice President of Sales, Jerome Bensimon, when it is activated, the Satisfyer is now more than 90 percent quieter, and the pulsation also starts much more softly, so that every user can find his or her perfect intensity level.” Hopefully I’ll be able to test this out. New versions supposedly available in August.

My thanks to Shevibe for sending me a Satisfyer Pro 2 in exchange for my unfailingly honest review. SheVibe is also the generous sponsor of my upcoming trip to Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit 2016.

 

 

  1. really, 20, if I want to try out a little more and then get back to the first setting
 Posted by at 4:51 pm
Jul 162016
 

Today we're talking about Doc Johnson sil-a-gel sex toys, and why they're causing chemical burns on genitalsOn the days that I wonder if I’m still relevant, if I’ve done enough of worth1 to make this blog helpful, I have to remember situations like this email. My heart absolutely sunk as I read it. I was grateful that I wrote about Doc Johnson sil-a-gel additive and all of its problems so that this reader could get the truth on what could be happening to her, but I am so angry that this is happening. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, DOC JOHNSON??? Why do you insist on trying to polish the turd that is heavily-softened PVC by boasting about some mysterious “anti-bacterial” chemical that you add to your porous materials? A chemical that is clearly NOT rainbows and puppies judging by the number of people who have told me that their Doc Johnson sil-a-gel containing sex toy caused rashes, redness, small blisters and extreme pain.

Because I am not a doctor, and some parts of this email concern me even more, I’m sharing this with you, dear readers, to see if anybody can chime in. I’m also sharing this story because I want to know how many complaints like this will it take for Doc Johnson to ditch the sil-a-gel?

Although I have been very sexually active from a very young age I have always had an aversion to sex toys and never tried them. An accidental pregnancy put my libido into extreme overdrive while at the same time isolating me from my husband due to stress and tension, so I emotionally braced myself and decided to join ranks with all of the other women I know by masturbating with a Doc Johnson double ended dildo I received at my roller derby team’s white elephant christmas party. 

I have been suffering from repeat bouts of what I first thought was a yeast infection or BV, because of extreme itching and burning on my inner labia, but I haven’t had any discharge or foul odors. It literally feels like a chemical burn and often causes my clitoris to swell and the skin to peel. 

My list of drug allergies is like a mile long, including benzocaine, lidocaine, and micronazole and I get contact dermatitis from most soaps and anything that contains fragrances so I have always been very careful about what I put on my skin. My midwife suggested that it must be an allergic reaction to my husband’s body soap, the pH of his semen, or just my sensitivity to the pH and hormonal changes caused by my pregnancy. The only thing that seems to “calm” it is an ice pack followed by a thick layer of vaseline. 

As weeks went by, I realized my husband was intentionally avoiding sex with me and I suspected he might be having an affair, so then I worried that all of it could be an STD. I accused/confronted him but all my tests came back normal and he explained that he too had experienced a rash on his penis after having sex with me and didn’t want to get it again. We tried condoms (non latex) but it happened again AND I have also been suffering from an irritable uterus which means I get pre-labor contractions that force me to lie down and relax, so he pretty much decided we should just abstain from intercourse while I’m pregnant.

So out of sexual frustration I began using that dildo even more regularly, but really I am tired of it and it doesn’t provide the intimacy that I am craving. Desperate to figure out how to end this vaginal irritation, it dawned on me that the combination of petroleum and the rubber dildo might be a problem since I know you aren’t supposed to use vaseline as a lube with condoms so I began researching it and stumbled across your piece about Doc Johnson Sil-a-Gel.

So now I feel like “Eureka!” that’s got to be the root of my problems, but what are the full consequences? Obviously I am ditching that dildo and being such an awful first experience I doubt I will ever try a different sex toy, but how long will it take for me to heal?  And more importantly are there any documents or studies concerning phthalate toxicity during pregnancy??? I know this is a super long email and that you are not a doctor, but I am pretty freaked out and would appreciate any guidance, information, or direction you can give me.

So let’s delve into a few things first. Dear reader, please don’t let Doc Johnson sil-a-gel ruin you for sex toys. There are thousands of true, body-safe sex toys out there that won’t cause reaction – silicone, aluminum, stainless steel, glass, wood, and hard plastic to start with. Because I can’t recommend a dildo without knowing much more information, I’m reserving that for future conversations with the reader. Secondly, I’m not a fan of Vaseline in the vagina or on the vulva, so let me suggest some organic, non-refined coconut oil to help protect and moisturize the irritated skin without affecting your pH – only if you know you aren’t allergic to that. A small percentage of people are.

For those willing to make educated guesses and suggestions here, I do want to note I’ve already discussed lube with the reader, and know that it isn’t the cause of her problems.

As I researched the Doc Johnson “Ask The Doc” archives for some more info on their sil-a-gel products, I briefly pondered submitting my question about why people are experiencing chemical burns from using a Doc Johnson sil-a-gel containing sex toy. But then I came across so many flippant AND WRONG answers from whomever is in charge of this page that I am just absolutely stunned. Completely gobsmacked. I can only assume that Doc Johnson is never going to admit that there’s a chance that something about sil-a-gel is caustic and stop using it in their sex toys. They repeatedly advise their customers that it’s safe to use oil/oil-based lubes on their PVC dildos. Um, no, no it’s not. How about we look at this jar, which began with one large chunk of PVC as part of the dry mix and quickly degraded from the oils put out by other sex toys in the jar? Then they tell their customers that it’s safe to put their dildos in the dishwasher. Subjected to heat. A: this won’t do any goddamn good for getting it “clean”, because it’s porous and 2: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? I don’t believe for a minute that softened PVC will withstand the heat of a dishwasher.

Customer asks: Can I use silicone lube with silagel? Doc Rep answers: "Yo...So Sil-a-gel is an antibacterial compound that we add to our "Made in America" products. It is not a coating or a separate material. It is added into our material in the raw mixing phase so that the antibacterial agents are actually engrained into the product and will not wash away with use. Although you should always wash your products with mild soap and water, Sil-a-Gel is our way of going the extra mile to make sure that your products are as safe and clean as they can be"

Customer asks: Does platinum silicone have platinum in it and is it 100% silicone". Doc Rep answers: "Just silicone....the Platinum is like... when you get a Platinum credit card it's not platinum. At least mine isn't"

*facepalm* Yes, actually, there are trace amounts of platinum left behind and they can be detected in lab tests. It’s called platinum silicone because platinum, the mineral, is used as a curing agent. Not because it’s like a “platinum credit card”. For fucks sake, really?

Customer asks: What grade is your platinum silicone toys (ex: food or medical grade)? Doc Rep says: "that would be health grade"

Um….can you show me what “health grade” is, by definition? Can you tell me it’s even a thing? Because I can’t find that.

Customer asks if coconut oil is safe on PVC, Doc Rep says "we don't test coconut oil on our items. But as far as I know PVC is a very hardy material and if you wash right after use it should be fine"

So here we have one of many answers that the person/people behind this section of the website should really just answer with a ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE:

Customer notices that they see answers here saying that PVC can be used with "any lube we like" which they assume to also include oil-based lubes, but every other website says that PVC degrades from oil (which, it does). They ask what lube they SHOULD use. Doc rep says "R5 (PVC) can be used with water based, silicone, or hybrid lubes".

Here they kinda get vague, by not really answering the question directly. And yes, every other website DOES say PVC degrades from oil, because it’s true. So while they won’t outright admit they’re giving wrong info, they vaguely say that it can be used with “water based, silicone or hybrid lubes” and they don’t say “Hey sure! It should be fine with oil!” like they do in all these other answers. “Should” be! SMH.

Customer asking if oil-based lubes can be used with Doc Johnson products, particularly the crystal jellies. Doc rep says: "Our UR3 pleasure items can only be used with water based lubes. All of our items made of PVC can be used with just about any lube you want". Way to dodge the actual question!

Customer asks: "will oil based lube degrade phthalate-free PVC toys? I'm not talking about if it's safe for humans, but only if it negatively affects the toy itself (resistance, durability). The Doc Rep answers with a mere: "Should be just fine". SHOULD BE.

Oh and yeah. Dishwasher safe. They never tell you to turn off the heat drying. I’ve always been under the assumption that heat is bad for these unstable materials. Given that the rep(s) don’t even acknowledge that oil is bad for their non-silicone materials, I don’t trust these recommendations, either, and neither should anyone else.

Customer asks: Is the crystal jellies classic dongs dishwasher safe? and Doc Rep says: "Oh yes. you can put them in the dishwasher but use the top rack".

customer asks: How do I clean / disinfect a Softee dont? (PVC) and Doc rep says: " warm water and liquid soap work great. You can even try the top rack of you dishwasher" (typo theirs) (and yes, they say "try" without giving any qualifiers on avoiding heat)

You know, I really liked the Truskyn line. I’ve assured others that Doc Johnson silicone IS silicone. I’ve said that while I don’t love their immense offerings of porous sex toys and I fucking hate their sil-a-gel bullshit, that they weren’t as bad as some of the other big companies. I don’t know, now. I just don’t know. Their responses when someone questions them are really fucking lovely: 

customer says: hello. I've been reading a lot about PVC and the safety factor of its use in sex toys. Since you supposedly do not use phthalates in the Titan men rumpy butt plug may I ask which plasticizer is used? and Doc rep replies: "All of our material that we use has been deteremind to be body safe. Oh....and we do not give out proprietary information. And...I have learned not to believe everything I read online"

Customer asks: Why do the silagel products always smell extremely abhorrent? Doc Rep repeats the same explanation about sil-a-gel as above, but says first "So...sil-a-gel isn't a material and doesn't smell" LIE!

“Sil-a-gel isn’t a material and doesn’t smell”

BULLFUCKINGSHIT IT DOESN’T SMELL!!

 

Please, don’t buy sil-a-gel-added products. Just don’t do it. This may mean you have to avoid Doc Johnson as a brand if you do not want to spend the money on silicone sex toys.

  1. and yes, after 8 years I still have those days
 Posted by at 3:57 pm
Jul 032016
 

Sandra-Bruce-600x600-Speaker-QuotesIn exactly 1 month I will be heading to Woodhull’s 7th Annual Sexual Freedom Summit, or #SFS16, courtesy of my amazing sponsor, Shevibe.com.

The Sexual Freedom Summit is more than just a place for the blogsquad to converge upon and roam the halls like a bad-ass gang from some progressive musical – it’s a place where we also learn a lot and bring that education to you readers. Take a look at the schedule of sessions and please comment if something jumps out at you that you’d like to read more about. I may only live-tweet it, but I also may blog about it.

The first thing I KNOW I’m doing is JoEllen’s Sex Geek Salon. And of course on Friday night I’ll be at the Blogsquad PJ Party.

The session I KNOW I’m attending is “Navigating Social Media Practices for Adult Businesses”, not because I’m planning on becoming a business but because one of my amazing sponsors is on the panel, Ms Sandra Bruce, and also Metis and blogger extraordinaire, JoEllen. It’s a topic I’m going to tweet the fuck out of, and it’s a topic I hope the companies who follow me will pay attention to. From how Blush Novelties handled blogger backlash about them copying a Tantus & Shevibe design to the problematic beached whale that we know as Lelo, to simply the clueless newbie companies who ask big-name bloggers to promote their sales for free or retweet our review tweets by quoting and adding in a link to THEIR store…..there’s a lot of education that needs to get out there.

I’m considering attending the following, and I’d like input from my readers – which of these would you most like to hear about? I know my brain;I can’t cram in a ton of sessions, I have to pick and choose maybe 4 or 5 total.

Social Justice in Sexual Health Research and Care: A Case Study in Bacterial Vaginosis

Sexuality Education Through a Social Justice Lens

Facing the Monster Under the Bed: Continuing the Conversation about Sex and Depression

Side Effects May Vary

Sex, Laws and Video: Legal Updates from Woodhull’s Free Speech Advocates

The Whore Singularity: If everyone’s naked on the Internet, is no one naked on the Internet?

I can’t even put into words right now how much I’m looking forward #SFS16, how much I need this time with like-minded people. Daily life, when your co-workers and family members are much more conservative than you, wears on a person after awhile. Spending 4 day surrounded by diverse, smart, like-minded people is so amazing.

 

p.s. a big huge extra-special thank you shout-out to SheVibe for sponsoring me to attend for a second year in a row. I wouldn’t be able to attend without their support, and that they think so highly of me as to spend money on my attendance means so much to me. Make sure you’re following them on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram for amazing SheVibe art and more. 

p.p.s. a special thanks to Crystal Delights, Holistic Wisdom, and Ignite Pleasure Products for agreeing to sponsor Caitlin, Sarah and Sugarcunt, ensuring that the #blogsquad learns and grows in rank, that these sex educators & bloggers get the chance to learn and spend a weekend with peers and mentors.

 Posted by at 12:21 pm
Jun 222016
 

Last week, the 15th, was technically my blog anniversary but I felt that bitching about Lelo and Charlie Sheen took some priority.

I started out this calendar year doing things different. I tried to vow to write something every week. Every month I’m giving away gift cards to my RSS subscribers. I’ve mostly posted every week, although sometimes I’ve missed. When I started 2016 out I really thought that my 8th year would be a bigger deal to me, that I would know for sure where I stand.  I wrote on my 5-year blog anniversary that it was my 800th post; I checked in to see where I was at for year 8 and was confused at first to see I was only at 837 posts.

But then I looked at the private posts section and found 140-some posts that I’d taken away – the trying-too-hard “sexy” photos, the erotica that was written mostly for someone else. At the time I hid those posts I was starting to divulge the blog to a few people in real life and I didn’t want them to see the photos or read those words. I also thought I couldn’t be taken as seriously if I had those posts up. Seriously by who? I don’t know anymore. But it doesn’t matter. The girl who wrote those words and posted those pictures doesn’t live here anymore. I’m a full-time dildo-burner and toy-critic, heavy in my “sex toy activism” and, yes, SJW posts. I’ll go ahead and claim that label. I don’t see why it’s a bad thing.

I found it interesting to look back at blog anniversary posts over the last few years. At year 3 I was deeply depressed after having moved to a new state the month prior. I didn’t expect the move to be bad, in fact, I’d looked forward to it. But the change and isolation was tough. Year 4 I just apparently ignored the blog anniversary, with nary a mention.  At 5 years I was dealing with some personal stuff and thought I was going to have to quit blogging. I was planning a slow fade-out but after 9 months the situation changed and my time freed up. My attitude changed. And my blog continued to change. Year 6? Big fucking change. I was lighter, I was happier, I was back. I was sure of myself, my blog and grateful. Year 7 I mused on the fact that all of my friends now are friends I have through blogging. You guys GET ME. I LOVE YOU, MAN.

It’s now officially 8 years. At least I’m not breaking tradition by forgoing a blog anniversary giveaway! I just don’t have time for the prep and the stress and the things one must do over the course of a big blow-out giveaway. I’ve opted for the kinder, gentler thing this year which is reward those who read me. Fear not, there’s a giveaway or 10 every month now in blogger land. They’ve become so commonplace! I could start an “In MY day” story but oh, you already know I’m an ole fogey so I don’t need to confirm that, now do I? If I make it to 10 years then I will do something major, I promise. But right now I’m getting used to working full time for the first time in 5 years (and in a job where I cannot be on social media and my blog all time, go figure) and it’s killing my scheduling and my writing! But hey, I’ve done some writing things this year that I’m a little proud of:

For now though, I am literally counting down the days until the Sexual Freedom Summit of 2016. It will be the Best Thing Of The Year.  AND I haven’t yet gone a whole month without a post, so that’s good. Year 8 is still lookin good. I don’t have plans for anything big and groundbreaking the remainder of the year so I will take suggestions!

 

We’ve come a long way, baby….

 Posted by at 9:02 pm
Jun 152016
 

A telling conversation on Twitter about Lelo's feelings on our anger about partnering with Sheen for the Lelo Hex. When asked why they are working with someone who has assaulted women, Lelo responds by saying they are not endorsing his past, that this is about promoting condom usage and preventing STIs. How many new sex toys has Lelo put out in the last 3 years that have made reviewers wonder “Did they even test this on a human first?”. But hey, prototyping, that would be the smart way to go. It also costs money, so Lelo is going to avoid that. Instead, they’re going to continue to make products that are often more miss than hit; they’re going to hype them up and add gimmicks like scent or music-responsive capabilities. They’re going to angle for that celeb market that Jimmyjane tried to corner years ago with their Little Platinum and Little Gold vibrators – they’ve started offering 24K gold plated versions of their half-assed sex toys. They’ve made offensive ad campaigns but nothing has angered the sex-positive, feminist community (and, arguably, well beyond) like their Lelo Hex condom.

FYI: The links to other articles are worth full reads. I couldn’t make umpteen quotes from them all so trust me on this one: You want to read these.

Why? Because they chose to use a celebrity who has been charged with domestic abuse on partners time and time again. Sarah chronicles this well, starting off with this gem:

If you only know Charlie Sheen as a man of negligible talent whose body composition is probably 13% cocaine, you might not be familiar with the night he spent in jail after assaulting his then-wife, Brooke Mueller. This was in 2009. He was charged with felony menacing, third-degree assault, and “mischief”. He was released on $8,000 bond. He pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault as part of a plea bargain and never set foot in jail for this crime again.

The comments have been furious and plenty on social media. I gathered up just a very small fraction of the best tweets about the Lelo Hex debacle; it should give you a pretty good idea of the flaws people are finding with their decision to partner with Charlie Sheen AND their condom design which makes it pretty imperceptible that there’s a hole/break. Just what we all want, right?

Lelo’s response has been to basically not give any fucks about the haters and just continue on sticking their heads in the sand. As written in the New York Times

Steve Thomson, LELO’s chief marketing officer, said in an email that Mr. Sheen was “the perfect choice for LELO, a tragic reflection of the current situation in sexual health of today, but more importantly, a symbol of change with the strength and the courage to confront key issues head on.”

And that is really the heart of the problem, and my primary reason for putting them on my Blacklist. They give NO fucks about their retailers, the sex educators, the bloggers, and their customers. Don’t believe me? This comment on my post that details all of my grievances with Lelo over the years is from someone in the industry who needs to remain anonymous:

I think the thing that upsets me the most is that Lelo – or at least the individual(s) at Lelo that are in charge of creating the most recent rounds of campaigns – simply don’t care.

I don’t say that as a ‘they obviously don’t care as they’d be back tracking if they did’. I say that as someone who is acquainted with at least one individual who orchestrates these decisions, as far back as the Pino shitstorm. I watched their personal Twitter account and their interactions with their peers who were asking them WTF they were thinking. They were proud of it. They *are* proud of their Hex work, and have made that abundantly clear.

They. Don’t. Care.

Publicity is publicity to them – negative doesn’t matter. They referred to sex bloggers and educators who were rightfully questioning their decisions as ‘whiney SJWs’. Our opinions mean zero to them – and in fact, the more we tweet, the more they can say they’re the hottest topics of conversation.

They feel they are too big to fall, too trenched in the industry to lose out. The more attention, the better even if it’s folks throwing out their Lelo toys in mass droves and swearing off never working with them again.

They. Don’t. Care.

I am not supporting the Lelo Hex. As Bryan Menegus at Gizmodo aptly put it: “Safe sex is important, and everyone should wear a condom. It just doesn’t have to be this one.” I am not supporting Lelo. I’ve spent 2 years actively trying to recommend other brands to people instead of Lelo, but some items are just (unfortunately) better than the competition. Not many, but a few. However, every single review I have published for them will link to this post. Every extraordinarily reluctant and infrequent recommendation will come with this post as a warning. I am done reviewing their products; if you are a reader and want to know MY opinion on their new items….sorry. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.

2r6ft54

One more choice quote that I have to pull; from Menegus’ article at Gizmodo, linked above: [the Lelo demonstrator/employee?] also insisted on showing me that, once fully unrolled, the HEX has the word “respect” printed in some sort of latex bas relief at its base. “Respect, what?” I asked, genuinely unsure of the message’s implications. “Respect the man who wears it,” was his impromptu answer. 

Further reading: 

Molly’s Daily Kiss – Is it just a big Con dom?

Ninja Sexology- Hex no, Lelo

The CSPH – Video: Why The CSPH Store No longer stocks Lelo

A small sampling of the many people on Twitter who proclaimed outrage and/or boycotting promises when the announcement came out.

The comments to my Tumblr post show even more people boycotting Lelo – this goes beyond educators and bloggers

The Smitten Kitten: Writing about why they won’t be stocking Lelo products

Educator Jill McDevitt with her thoughts about Lelo, and her boycott

Cara Sutra: When a Condom Fails

UK shop Sh! writes about their feelings on the launch party and the choice of Charlie Sheen as the rep

Horny Geek Girl, another blogger boycotting Lelo

The Daily Beast: Charlie Sheen’s Lelo Condom gets the shaft from sex bloggers

Because this whole thing needs a theme song:

 Posted by at 6:46 pm