Jun 072017
 

Maybe I’m off my game. Maybe I’m too optimistic, but I really wanted the HIKY to be good. I thought that it could combine the sensations of the Womanizer with the appeal of a traditional vibrator so that folks could always find something to like about it. I scoffed at the terms “suction” and “vacuum” because I’ve seen those terms used to describe the Womanizer or Satisfyer and have been told they’re inaccurate for those items (and have never felt either applied, personally, either). I didn’t expect to end up screaming, terrified and fearing literal bloodshed.

Yes, I truly mean literally, unlike half of the people on social media these days.

Update before we get much farther: I couldn’t find any other reviews, at first, of this sex toy so the owners of SheVibe were going to test it for themselves to see if the clit-trap issue was unique to me or a true flaw with the toy. That’s above-and-beyond, folks. But then a Danish reviewer commented on my IG post and said she had the same thing happen to her! Google translate is awful so I’m not sure if it happened to her because the battery also died out during use, or what, but one other report of this problem was enough for SheVibe to pull it from their site. They don’t fuck around with their customers safety, and that’s one reason I love them so.

HIKY is the second time I’ve tried a true clitoral suction toy; the first being the not-a-sex-toy Fiera Arouser. HIKY and Fiera are such opposites – Fiera was so mild you weren’t sure anything was happening, while HIKY can’t be ignored. At first, HIKY was delivering unpleasant suck-and-release pulses. The suction didn’t feel arousing and the release was reminiscent of when someone uses their thumb and forefinger to flick you – sharp and painful. I started blindly fiddling with the out-of-sight buttons and eventually turned on the vibrating portion of the clitoral head. Also, I tried to get a better seal, I think? I’m not entirely sure – I wasn’t paying strict attention to what I was doing because this was just a quick trial run and I was curious. But then we moved from suck-and-release to straight suction and things got dicey.

The motor died out and quit during the suction action, and suddenly the HIKY was stuck to my genitals like a mechanical lamprey.  I tried to rock the HIKY to one side to release the painful suction; nothing happened but a feeling of intense pulling on my clitoris. I tried to gently push down on my vulva, using my fingers, near the vacuum hole to release pressure. Nothing happened. The pain increased. I couldn’t tell if the suction was increasing despite the motor being off or if my panic and pain just made it seem that way. I had flashes of That Scene where someone sticks their tongue against a frozen metal pole. The pain of trying to pry the HIKY off of my clitoris was intense and frightening – I truly thought I was going to cause actual damage to myself. The two minutes my clit was in this Chinese fingertrap of a sex toy felt like an hour. My husband was outside mowing the lawn; I thought I was going to have to waddle to the back door with the HIKY dangling from my vulva like a rotted dick and somehow get his attention to come help me. Luckily, I managed to remove it myself.

Silly me for doing a quick test before errands! The car ride was pretty uncomfortable for another half hour or so. I’d been wondering if the name was pronounced “hike-y” or “hickey” and now my days of wondering are gone – pretty sure I landed myself an uncomfortable suction bruising.

Unlike many sex toys on the market over $75, the HIKY has no exaggerrated set of warnings for use. I don’t know if the unit is defective, if I fucked up, or the whole shebang should be wiped from existence because nobody fucking prototype-tested this abomination. I have a feeling that the suck-and-release stopped releasing as the battery started dying on me suddenly – and it died in the suction part of the cycle, leaving me literally stuck. The vacuum suction of the HIKY should ideally have a release valve for situations like mine, yet it doesn’t. Every other vacuum suction pump on the market, even the cheapest CalExotics model, has a release valve.

Because maybe this hasn’t deterred you; maybe you enjoy having your clitoris hoovered into oblivion or maybe you feel certain I was Doing It Wrong and you’ll perfect it – so I do need to tell you about the other features the HIKY has (or, doesn’t have).

Soft, silicone mouth

I have a small clitoral head and not a lot of hood exposed, combined with fat outer labia and minimal inner labia. Due to the width of the suction side (2ish inches) and how flat it is I had to spread my outer labia to a point of discomfort plus smush everything down like an unruly cowlick. They talk about the “mouth” almost like it’s a Fleshlight mouth, but don’t get your hopes up. It’s “soft” in the way powdery, smooth skin is “soft”, not plush squishy soft.

Internal vibrator

They promised strong vibrations and failed to deliver. I’m not exactly surprised because pretty much every vibrator company promises riduclously strong vibrations and only a few brands have lived up to their promises. I like a g-spot vibrator to have a larger head than the body but the HIKY is shaped very much like an antique carved horn. They don’t give you much room to work with if you want to insert it and still have access to the buttons. The width goes from 1″-2″ but you’ll never get to 2″ if you stop short of the buttons. Holding it this way is also incredibly uncomfortable and even with the buttons outside of the vagina, they’re hard to reach.

Pinpoint external vibrator

Please, stop, you’re embarassing yourself. The carved-horn design should in theory mean that the insertable end also works well as a more pinpoint, external vibrator except that the vibrations are, again, underwhelming. It’s not reason enough to buy this sex toy. It’s them trying to squeeze out as many jobs as possible, like a really bad infomercial – because we all know it’s not worth it to have single-job tools that do their job well, ho no. The world needs more mediocre does-everything-but-wash-your-clothes tools, right?

The "mouth" of the HIKY

I’m at the point in my sex toy reviewing career where, to be honest, I often don’t even have to use a vibrator multiple times to get a really good understanding of it and know my opinion. But I do it anyways because our bodies are different day-to-day and maybe mine was having a cranky day. But this time I won’t be using the HIKY again. Nope. It’s possible that what happened to me was a one-off and that my clitoris will never again be stuck but the trauma of that event was intense and I cannot bring myself to test this again for you – I can definitely say that I disliked it even before it tried to swallow part of my genitals and I feel very certain with my assertion that you shouldn’t buy this.  If you want air pulses, get a Womanizer. If you want a vibrator, get a vibrator – L’amourose Prism V is awesome for both external and internal use. If you want to explore clit pumps, get something silicone like this. Do NOT get this one from CalExotics (also called the Clitopatra elsewhere), reports say it’s also dangerous. Just don’t buy the HIKY. Given my experience SheVibe removed this from their site, because they don’t like to stock sex toys that can harm you (for obvious reasons). If you’re coming to this review and considering purchasing it elsewhere, well….I just can’t give you my blessing. There are a lot of sex toys on the market that I’d recommend before the HIKY which I like about as much as I liked the Rockbox Finger.

 

Thanks to SheVibe for giving me the HIKY in exchange for this review whose purpose will serve to warn and protect and also ensure that my top 10 worst sex toys list next year will have worthy entries.

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  • Tzipora

    I need like a jaw dropping emoji or some kind of gif that expresses my feelings just reading this. That and I am sort of in awe of the shit you had to go through to test this toy. Wow. I’m so sorry.

    I’ve been a big fan of sex toys for over a decade now and feel like a bit of a snob because I know I saw this toy when it was new to some site or another a couple months ago and first was baffled by the shape and secondly, immediately brushed it off because I’d never heard of the brand (I may be even more picky about vibration than you are so I’ve learned basically to stick to the few brands that I know have the kind of vibration I like). But holy shit, this toy… I don’t even have words.

    I’m still personally intrigued by an actual suction toy. Always wanted a pussy pump. In my teens I was one of those overly experimental types and would use bottles in the bathtub to effect some form of suction and I’m utterly mortified and really horrified to confess to the time I was home alone and decided to try the vacuum cleaner attachment (OMG, right? And I would’ve been 17 or 18 I think. Not a clueless kid). So i totally would’ve been the right market for this toy but nope, no way. Not risking this. And honestly the shape of the toy just looked all wrong and you pretty much confirmed that. I’ve got thick outer labia as well and though my inner bits from what you’ve said in your review are probably shaped considerably differently than yours, if anything I actually think it would be even more uncomfortable for me. I feel like it would not only involve uncomfortable maneuvering of my outer labia but that it would be smashing my inner labia at best. Seriously did they not test this on any real bodies?!

    All that said, I salute you for your efforts and was so happy to see a new review from you. Sorry though that it had to be a toy that nearly injured you and caused you actual pain. I hope you’ll consider contacting the manufacturer. They ought to be made aware of this issue. I mean as someone who takes an often very long time to get off, toys die on me all the time and I don’t think that’s so uncommon in general so I’d assume if this happened to you it’s going to happen to others.

  • Adrian

    Hey, Lily. So, just my reading of the G-translate of the Danish review, but it sounds like the battery didn’t go out for her. She says she pulled it off, and threw the HIKY, and it was still making the sound, and then she describes turning it off, so… It sounds to me like this horrible thing gets stuck even when the battery is fine. Which makes it SO MUCH WORSE. Thank you for your reviews, and doing this for all of us.

  • Tess Tesst

    Hi, this is Tess. I’m the one from the review you linked, and had almost the same thing happen to me. It wasn’t because of the battery, that was still okay. But I just tried it out for a while, and I didn’t dislike the feeling, so I kept it on for a while. Then I decided it wasn’t going to get any better and I didn’t like it that much, so I wanted to stop for now. I tried pulling it of my clit, but it was stuck. I pulled harder, and it was still stuck. I panicked, and didn’t think to turn it off (I couldn’t even see the buttons so I wouldn’t even be sure where to push) so I pulled really hard, and then, after stretching out my clit I got it off. It really hurt a lot, even the next day my clitoris was still very sensitive. It was really terrible, worst toy I’ve ever tried.
    Oh and by the way, I’m Dutch (from The Netherlands), not Danish ;-).

  • Megan

    My battery never died. I am in the greatest pain of my life. Unfortunately for me I didn’t read this until I was searching for answers. I didn’t know if I was a complete freak of nature and this was just typical to my poor luck or if this “toy” was just trying to kill me. I am at a loss for words to begin to describe this pain. I am embarrassed for my boyfriend had to try to help pry this monstrosity of an item off my poor sweet clit. She will never forgive me. My clit looks like testicles now. Yay! FML

  • Megan

    This thing just almost killed me. The battery didn’t die. My clit looks like testicles. I almost passed out from the pain.

  • Whoa!! So it just never stopped with the suction?? Were you able to turn it off or did it still not release even then?

  • Ok this is giving me renewed purpose to again poke the manufacturers.

  • I cannot cringe hard enough. So sorry this happened to you!