Feb 262012
 

“She was asking for it, dressed like that”

It’s a common “rape apologist” statement. The women who are raped are blamed because they dared to present themselves as a sexual being. I think that sex bloggers get a little bit of this mentality from male readers. I present my sexual thoughts or even sexual photos. Once upon a time on this blog I even asked for HNT suggestions for new sexy photos. I don’t do that anymore for various reasons. In fact I’m not all that provocative or sexual, period, on this blog. That is a topic though for another post.

My irritation1 lies with the readers who “in fun” take what I give and then demand more. In the vein of “it never hurts to ask” they claim they’re being flirtatious or really just paying me a compliment. If I wanted suggestions, I would ask for them. If I wanted to post more (quantity) photos here, then I would. If I wanted to post more revealing photos here, then I would. But the key here is that it’s whatever I want to do. If you don’t like it, if you don’t find it to be “enough”….then please, seek out what you want elsewhere. There are no shortage (thank god) of sexy sex bloggers who are more revealing, more flirtatious, more interactive than I. I’ve been at this 4 years now and perhaps this is a sign to wrap things up but nonetheless I’ll thank you to keep your assumptive asshattery to yourself.

What prompted this mini rant, you ask? Not just yet another guy2 who thinks it’s ok to ask for more (even when it should be plainly obvious that I have never / not for 3 years posted anything like it) but the utter cheek of a fellow blogger, a fellow female sex blogger (I presume, given her response, I haven’t a clue what her site is) who then takes my response to the guy and makes assumptions about HER. I don’t even know this chick. I didn’t make a derogatory comment about others who might post such photos, I didn’t say “ew gross no”. I said nothing but “I don’t do that”.

pissmeoff

My response would have been similar if someone had commented and asked “Hey that’s great, but you really should review breakfast cereal more!” to which I’d say “Um, have you read my blog, does it look like I review breakfast cereal??” Would I be slamming those who review breakfast cereal? Fuck no. Nor am I slamming the women who do post porn with their reviews.

I might have happily acquiesced if he’d caught me circa late 2008 and had bothered to correspond with me and develop a rapport. Might have. But other than a few other irritatingly “cute” comments on Facebook, I don’t know this guy. He’s the equivalent to a stranger spying me wearing a low-cut top and asking, with an arrogant grin, for me to just show off the rest of my tits why don’t I. Ms. Buttinsky there is the equivalent to a stranger in proximity saying “hey, I’m a stripper, I take offense to your offense at baring your tits, what’s wrong with that, I do it all the time you bitch!”. Anyways, I’m getting off track here.

The bottom line is that now I not only have to deal with the “ugh, not this shit again” of unwanted and disrespectful demands for more of me, but I can’t even tell someone off on my own goddamned space of the internet without someone not at all involved thinking she has any damn right to assume and be offended at a perceived slight.

Seriously?

Fuck off.

  1. Read: NOT “offense”, just abject irritation
  2. Because I’ve written, and other sex bloggers have written, about men who continually ask for way more than we care to give to a stranger and that point isn’t what I’m hounding on here, in case ya couldn’t read that much into it for yourself
  • http://juliettia.wordpress.com Juliettia

    I think that your response to him was just what was needed and in line with your personality. A bit snarky but in that “are you fucking kidding me?” mentality that I think most normal people would react with when that isn’t something they tend to do.

    The girl who commented as you said just personalize what you said despite the fact that it didn’t apply to her or anyone else in the least. The only one judging her was herself.

  • http://not-a-jerk.blogspot.com/ Not-a-jerk

    Unfortunately, humanity is fantastic at taking offence and seeing threat when there is none. Believe it or not, this is actually an evolutionary advantage; missing a genuine threat could get you injured or killed. Missing someone who’s being nice or neutral just means you miss out on some happiness, and when it comes to evolutionary psychology, happiness is a luxury.

    This effect comes up in distressed relationships all the time; one or more people involved with mistranslate neutral actions as threatening, and then react to them. The resulting (genuine) hostility is almost always responded to in kind, at which point you end up with an argument for no real reason. In fact, the ability to correctly decode threat from non-threat is an excellent predictor of relational happiness!

    If it makes you feel any better, the inability to tell the difference between true and imagined threats is associated with much higher levels of stress and corticosteroids, and Ms. Buttinsky runs the risk of accelerated neurodegeneration as a result¹.

    Further references available on request. I love it when people call “citation needed”. :)

    !aj

    ¹ Sapolsky, Robert. “Stress, Neurodegeneration and Individual Differences”, 2001. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1877467554618436978.

  • http://www.dustbunnyinthewind.com nitebyrd

    Another case of someone using internet anonymity to say something to another person they would never say in reality. And another self-absorbed nobody that thinks the world revolves around them.

    A rant was warranted.

  • http://www.coypink.com Coy Pink

    Ah, my skin has gotten so thick. I am like a duck. This kind of shit just rolls off my back. The delete key is my friend. I have ZERO time to waste on “requests” like these. If I’m in a nice mood and try to politely say nope and they ignore me, then I block them, delete them, ignore them. I will waste none of my precious time on asshats.