Dec 312011
 

Every year the sex toy industry grows and, hopefully, matures beyond jelly rubber/phthalates as their stand-by breadwinner. Sometimes the best innovations are not really much more than a slight re-do. The failures of the year include things that were never tried before – innovation was their downfall. To be fair, it wasn’t the whole “let’s try something new” that was the failure it was the “Did you people even test this shit?” aspect. Beta is fine for online computer games, not sex toys.

The Best New Sex Toys in 2011

I’m keeping this sub-list down to the best sex toys that came out this past year (or at least I’m pretty sure these did)


Rechargeable silicone dual action vibrating stimulator with powerful independent dual motors, one in the stimulator and one in the tip. Double penetration vibrating dildo with smooth shaft that provides fullness in the vagina, while the soft, flexible beads stimulate anally,  made of Tantus’s own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Sil The E-sensual bullet is a powerful vibrator that is powered by your computer. The silicone Flurry is an anatomically targeted Tantus product made specifically to stimulate the G-spot. Flurry's tapered shape features a bulked up base perfect for harness play. Small, elegant and discrete clitoral stimulator covered in smooth soft 100% body safe silicone, with 5 levels of surprisingly strong vibrations , starting with a nice low rumble + 5 different pulsing Worn while making love, the We-Vibe 3 boasts more power, a fully waterproof design, a convenient wireless remote control, and a wireless charger base. A multiple girth G-Spot massager with 7 functions of vibration and 2 stimulating ends, made from phthalate and latex free body-safe A.B.S. plastic with satin smooth coating.

Vanity VR6 by Jopen – The vibrator that made me realize I could love internal g-spot vibrations. Sadly it is the only one in the entire Vanity line that packs the rumbly power punch – the rest have power, yes, but none are quite as Rocky Balboa as the VR61. It’s still not the perfect Rabbit-Style vibrator but it’s something I’m willing to overlook for how HOLY FUCK YES it stimulates my g-spot just by sitting there, vibrating.

Flex Double Penetration by Tantus – I won’t be using it personally but I do own one and have read the reviews. It’s a vibrating dildo with a rabbit-esque attachment of firm “anal beads”. It’s probably one of kind at this point. And it’s silicone, one of the only materials you should put in your ass! Use the included RO-80 bullet vibe for a little something extra or get the Tantus suction cup attachment for more fun.

 E-Sensual USB-Powered Bullet – My new favorite bullet, a close second to the Black Magic Bullet. It’s rumbly and it’s a powerhouse and it allows me to forget about batteries when I jerk off at my usual location – in front of my computer. It can be modified to grab it’s power from an electrical outlet  if you have a smartphone outlet charger and you’ll probably want to pick up a $5 USB extension cable if you want a little freedom from the cord length.

  Tantus O2 Flurry – Really firm core surrounded by plush, softness. Pure silicone, of course. Great base, good size, just all around awesome. O2 Cush for more girth is equally awesome, but load up on the lube. The base is a natural suction cup on the right surface.

   Honorable Mentions:

 Je Joue Mimi – Finally a rechargeable vibrator with a moderately-strong and rumbly, deep motor. It’s not ideal because the buttons are a bitch and for me the magnetic charger easily disconnects. It has flaws but sometimes the motor (intensity and vibration type) can throw out bonus points that make you overlook certain things.

 

We Vibe 3 – The minor improvement to the motor’s intensity and the addition of the remote are good upgrades for those that already like this toy or almost loved the previous version.  Simple, but at least you don’t want to throw it at the wall like some other couples vibes we know.

 

Sweet Embrace – Vibrations that get me off, but it’s poorly designed. I adore it for many reasons but none of them are what it was made for (g-spot massage). It’s an inexpensive vibrator that can be unscrewed in the middle for travel and produces fairly powerful, rumbly vibrations. It’s also a serviceable g-spot dildo in a pinch.

 

The Worst Sex Toys of 2011

Lelo Tiani and the entire Insignia SenseMotion line – The level of disappointment and frustration can’t even be summed up here. Lelo totally bombed here. Between the lackluster vibrations, the remote from hell, the fact that the vibrator just SHUTS OFF if you lose signal to the remote AND YOU WILL, and the high price tag it’s the most hyped thing this year that flopped so horribly. If wishes, hopes and dreams could rescue a sex toy from abject failure then the Insignia line as a whole would have magically been exactly what we expected. But it wasn’t meant to be.

Picobong – The whole fuckin line. Yet another Lelo fail. Marketed towards, I think, younger people? They are a more affordable line from Lelo that seems to be designed by someone not human2. Typical buzzy & weak vibrations mock you behind the cutesy exterior, and every insertable model makes you want to scream because the buttons to control it are now inside you.

The Studio Collection’s Vibrating Brush from Screaming O – Touted as vibrators that could be mistaken for makeup in your purse. But oh! no! Better than the crappy predecessors! I don’t think so. What makeup brush do you own has no bristles? The fake bristles (along with “Screaming O” on the handle) absolutely shot the whole “vibrator in disguise” thing totally out of the water.

Club Vibe 2.Oh – Like the Sensemotion line from Lelo, Ohmibod’s wireless sound/music responsive “public” vibrator is wonky at best, according to all the reviews. Weak and buzzy yet loud and irritating. It had potential…oh they all do, really. But what club-hopping chick is going to want a fairly large hard plastic vibrator shoved in her panties when she’s probably wearing something skimpy and revealing?

 

 

Best Discovery of 2011

My best “where have you been all these years??” discovery that didn’t come out this year but I should have tried it ages ago: Mystic Wand. Gotta be honest, I don’t even touch my Hitachi these days. Or Acuvibe.

  1. This is fact and is admitted by the manufacturer, BMS. Yeah I know it’s put out under CalEx’s label but trust me
  2. Because humans don’t have a “C-spot” and can’t push buttons on sex toys that are buried in their ass or vagina
  • http://adissolutelifemeans.com Hyacinth

    I’ve only one stinking sex toy and it’s a Hitachi so your note about the Mystic Wand and not touching your Hitachi since has really caught my attention! I’m soooo lost when it comes to toys it can all be really overwhelming.

  • Violet

    Oh my word I too bow down to the holiness that is the Mystic Wand – I’d review the damn thing if I could stop managing to loose it all the time. It is a true power house of pleasure.

    And the Vanity Line (Ive got the VR5) has so much power that I too could overlook a few minor issues I had with the practicality of its button placement because it did the job so well.

    Great list of the best and the worst of the year.