Nobessence Fling – A Unique Wooden G-spot Dildo

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Dec 102011

Nobessence Fling, a wooden g-spot/prostate dildoThe Nobessence Fling is an ergonomic, wooden dildo that goes beyond a simple handle – it actually has a hole where two fingers rest perfectly and comfortably. Fling is actually pretty discreet, too, since it doesn’t look like a dildo thanks to that handle. I would feel pretty good about passing this off as a trigger point massager – I have fibromyalgia and other things and trigger point massage therapy works pretty well for me; My bad spots are all on my back, shoulders and neck so I can’t do it myself with just fingers and the Fling actually does a decent job of that. If I were to travel with this sex toy I would feel confident that most people aren’t going to assume that it is a dildo. Especially since it is wood and the sex toy uninitiated usually don’t think of dildos being made from wood. The box that it arrives in is like all Nobessence boxes – padded on the inside and made from sturdy pressboard in two pretty colors – and can be used for storage (the sticker on the bottom is the only thing that gives away the sexy toy status and the sticker removes easily) but isn’t good for travel.

Fling is pretty small and is definitely a g-spot (or prostate) dildo. It is not going to provide much sense of fullness but it will do the job it was made for – target the g-spot. The fat bulbous head maxes out at just over 1.5 inches (but is not the 1.75 inches listed on the site) and the insertable portion is at most 3.5 inches. This shouldn’t be an issue for most as usually the g-spot/prostate isn’t going to be any farther inside than 3 inches (anatomy varies, so “1-3 inches” is considered the generic gauge). The way that the handle is made forces your hand and fingers to cup and curve a bit and if you hold it as intended this translates into a small range of motion that concentrates on pushing the bulb up and into the g-spot. Pressure combined with a little massage is usually a sure-fire way to get your g-spot to respond. The finger-hold can work if your partner is using it on you as well; they’ll probably want to slide it palm-side down (like a bad-ass set of brass, er, wooden knuckles!).

Nobessence Fling, a wooden g-spot/prostate dildoNobessence Fling, a wooden g-spot/prostate dildo

Like any Nobessence “sculpture”, Fling is beautiful. Glossy, shiny and slick it is made non-porous and body-safe by the coating. Check out the care & cleaning for Wood section on my sex toy care guide, and feel free to use any type of lube that you love best (but you won’t need much!) Directly from the manufacturer’s site:

NobEssence’s trade secret Lubrosity™ coatings and processes stem from years of meticulous research and development and meet USP Class IV and VI Medical Standards. Sculptures attentively encapsulated in Lubrosity™ coatings are odorless, may be soaked in water, and remain in body-contact for hours at a time – no waxes to melt away, no salad bowl oils to leach out or maintain, and no toxic petroleum distillates.

I won’t mislead you – Fling isn’t cheap – but there really is no other sex toy out there quite like the Fling and the quality of any Nobessence item makes the cost easier to tolerate. Provided you don’t drop a wooden dildo on a hard surface (it probably won’t break but if it lands right it might dent or crack it a little – in which case seek a replacement) it will last a long time. There is nothing in a Nobessence wooden dildo that will react with any lube or other toy material.

The Nobessence Fling is something I’ve wanted for a long while and now that I have it I have something that will have a permanent home in my overnight bag – Fling is a perfect travel dildo. Small, discreet, easy to clean and it weighs practically nothing (5 ounces, I think?).


Dec 052011


Many bloggers will start out on the free Blogger/Blogspot services (it seems to be the AOL of blogging platforms, more people start out there than WordPress) and somewhere down the line decide that it’s time they have their own domain. And then they make a huge mistake.

They delete all their posts.

I presume they do this because they’ve read that Google penalizes for duplicate content. Perhaps they do it because they don’t want people coming to the old blog anymore. But if you have ever submitted to Sugasm, Pleasurists, e[lust], or simply had any post from your old blog linked from anywhere….deleting the posts will cause you to lose traffic. As I run the broken link checker plugin on both of my sites, I’m seeing this happen more and more. Did you know that you can tell the search engines not to crawl/index your site, that you can set this in the dashboard at Blogger and say that you don’t want to appear in search engines? That’s all it takes, and then your content won’t be seen as duplicate. When I left my old Blogspot blog a few years ago I looked high and low for things to do to help transfer people over to the new site. I had found some code that would automatically redirect (unfortunately since the New Blogger change over happened, that code doesn’t work – if I could find something again that worked I’d set it up); I changed my header, my sidebars and my front page post all to say that I’ve moved and here’s the link. So at least if someone would come to a post linked from Sugasm or Fleshbot, they won’t find a dead page and they might click on through to this site. If I really felt like doing a whole lot of work I’d go back to every post that has been linked to from Sugasm and Fleshbot, on the old blog, leave up only an excerpt of the post and put in a big link to the post on the current site. Since I was only at Blogger for like 3 months that wouldn’t be so bad for me.


PR Companies

It’s a dirty business, I know. But didn’t anybody ever teach these guys that sending me a press release or a non-personalized email isn’t going to catch my attention and make me give a shit? And when you send things to the e[lust] account and expect me to publish ANYTHING there, I know goddamn well you didn’t even look at the site. I put up a Contact page and removed the direct links to my email/Twitter/Facebook etc so that hopefully one out of ten assholes trying to reach the “site administrator for a link exchange”1 might read why I don’t want what they’ve got and maybe they won’t email me. Yeah…right. The latest in the circus (and no, I didn’t change a thing, just bolded the wtf bits):

Hi – 
I know you’ve written about (relationships, sex, blah blah) so I thought you might be interested in Bedsider. I’m helping Bedsider,, a new public service campaign from The Ad Council, connect with bloggers and social media influencers like you. I’m hoping you’ll be able to blog/post/tweet about this women’s health initiative.   
Bedsider is all about preventing unplanned pregnancies and helping women find a method of birth control that’s right for them and stick with it. The U.S. has one of the highest rates of unplanned pregnancy in the entire developed world. Nearly one in ten unmarried young women (ages 20-29) has an unplanned pregnancy each year. This means fewer opportunities to complete their education or achieve other life goals, and increased health and social risks for mother and child.
At women can explore, compare and contrast all available methods of contraception, set up birth control reminders and view videos debunking myths about birth control..Here’s the press release: embeddable widget shows where to get free birth control: funny, new videos
Please let me know if you need any more information, hi-res images, video or if you’d like to conduct an interview.  And let me know if you do post about it so the Ad Council can thank you from their social media channels2.

1. Wow. “blah blah”?
2. She fucked up the links and half don’t even work
3. I left off the singlelineoftextthatcontainshernamenumberandPRsiteaddress because it all ran together like that and I don’t want them to get traffic, but the company (if you can call them a company) is helpsgood. Yeah, even the name is bad grammar.

I actually forwarded this monstrosity to Bedsider, saying that if this is the best that their hired PR can do they might want to rethink using them3. I’ve left in the one working link to Bedsider because despite the atrocity that was the PR4, the campaign is actually decent – I would have liked this site about 4 months ago when I was reconsidering my birth control (all because I was terrified of a repeat performance with Mirena IUD, the first insertion was awful and the next 3 weeks were awful. The second was painful during, but fine afterwards). They tell you how to get free birth control, they give you the highlights (or lowpoints) on each method of birth control, where to get emergency contraception, and other good stuff. Of course, some of their “articles” could use some heavy work, like this one on side effects. Brushing off a woman’s consideration of the possible side effects of birth control – hell any person considering any medication is going to have some concern over possible side effects – is just plain bad.

Know Your Audience – Also, try not to offend or piss off your audience

I think a lot of bloggers can agree that lately the level of ridiculous bullshit arriving in our inboxes is at an all-time high.

I don’t accept every advertising request (just like they don’t all accept my pricing) because sometimes the site or item is just so….bad. Like the guy who wanted us to talk about his blowjob book. But first he wanted me to be an affiliate and get a percentage of sales. It was so many levels of vomit-inducing horribleness. I’m not sure he ever truly wanted to pay for advertising, he was just one of those who wanted people to “review” his shit. I’m also not going to accept a banner ad for a penis enlargement site that says this: “Most women want an endowed partner with a big and thick penis, capable of satisfying their most secret desires”. Wow. Way to go. MOST women?

Do I look stupid? Naive? Do I sound like I’m gonna take bullshit? News flash, I’m none of those. I’m also too smart to agree to crap like this:

Howdy there,

Hope keeping well. I’m just getting in touch to ask if you’re open to reviewing content from freelance writers at This Could Be Dangerous – if so, I’d love to put together a high-quality article written specifically for the site. I’m 29 and have been working as a professional writer and researcher for five years now, and in that time there isn’t a lot I haven’t already covered (I’ve attached a few samples below for you to check out).

As long as you’re happy with the resulting material, you’d be welcome to publish it as you see fit and the content will be owned by you entirely (in that I won’t send it to anyone else, either before or after publication).

There is absolutely no charge for this and no strings attached; the only thing I would ask in return is that I’m able to include a link to a site of my choosing within the article – nothing shady or unethical, just one of the professional businesses I freelance for.

Do let me know if you’re interested, and if so I can get something written for you over the course of the next few days. Needless to say, the offer is open to any other sites you might own as well as I appreciate you may not be interested in this kind of mutual back-scratching however, so if I don’t hear from you, no offence taken and I won’t trouble you again.

Oh, it’s goldmine. “Free Professional Writing” and oh goodie, it’ll be owned by me!! “Mutual back-scratching” …..really? Really?? To make matters even more ridiculous, I get emails like this on the e[lust] account, too. Yes because that site is just brimming with “articles”. I’m actually not sure what I find more aggravating about emails like this….that they’re trying to go for the whole “FREE” angle as if I’d actually pay someone to write a post here or that they’re conning me into a free advertising/SEO link and not even willing to pay for it. I get requests/offers for paid articles, too, as in they want to pay me to publish it on my site.

Here’s the thing: Any post by these people will have a link. Or two. More if you accept payment. This is free, permanent advertising. Those links there in my sidebar, under Site Sponsors? Those people pay for those links, and I don’t take contracts longer than a year. You all know how I feel about douchebags like Dave who try to spin the permanent link for a price that would offend anybody. A post is up, presumably, forever. Now would the people who paid you to put up the post check in a year to see if it’s still up? No clue. Will your readers lose respect for you? Most likely. Those sidebar links rarely get clicked on. I know this. They know this. We both also know that a link in a post is pretty damn likely to be clicked by half of the people. So to offer me the equivalent of one month of text link advertising in the side bar for a post containing links is offensive to me.

Another thing I won’t do anymore is review a website. If I talk about a site and if I link to it then I genuinely like it – and I’m going to do so all of my own volition. But to ask me to review your (pay) site in exchange for a few weeks of free membership is… No. I also won’t do a site review post for money, either. As I said above…it’s permanent advertising. This review post that they will offer you a small one-time payment for will likely contain a couple links of their choosing using anchor text of their choosing. And since it is a post and not in the sidebar more readers will be clicking the links. So it’s SEO AND TRAFFIC. And they act like the blogger is being properly compensated. There’s no way that any company will ever pay me a fair rate for a site review post – I mean, just do the math: Let’s assume there’s 2 links in the post. If someone wanted 2 text links in the sidebar for a year the price (very discounted, due to the year and the second link) would be in the neighborhood of $400 and some change. There is no way that any site owner would agree to pay that much for a review. I mean I could be wrong, I’ve never actually quoted anybody who’s asked (maybe I will in the future, just to see). My point is that even if I charged them this discounted advertising rate they’re still making out because presumably the post would remain on my site until my site is gone which will not be happening anytime in the next year. Are their links going to remain on the front page? No. But for rank and SEO purposes, that doesn’t matter. I would also assume that a condition of them paying me to do a site review post is that I not hate their site and write bad things about it – in which case the review would be false. And I don’t do that.

The latest site owner guy to irk sent me three emails, all the same. Twice to the blog email, once to elust. The first two times I responded with my advertising rates and information. No response5. So the third time I responded with “500”. That’s it. Just “500”. It was a test. And to THAT he responded. !! All confused and “I’m not sure what you meant there” and shit. So I replied days later and explained. He then apologizes, says that “they” were sending emails out to “several lists online” of sex related blogs so a few people were receiving multiple emails. A: You’re lazy and B: what lists??? He also said he’d follow up with me at the other email address when he returned from traveling and big surprise, never did.

I know that a lot of bloggers have been getting thoroughly annoyed by the repeated emails from purePassionate (hint: pitching free design services to bloggers who designed their own site, pitching free blog hosting and free setup of a WordPress blog on their servers to bloggers who already own their own domain….is fucking dumb) but I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I did an email search on the term “link exchange” (I was thinking about setting up a Gmail auto-responder to just people who have that in the Subject line, redirecting them to actually read the Contact page) and found that overall I’ve received emails from 5 different people at this company since summer. Exactly what makes companies think that sending an unresponsive person email after email is ever going to result in anything good?

Think before you get a blogger to do a contest for you

Really think about it – especially if you’re not a sex-related company and the blog in question IS a sex blog. A few months ago I won a giftcard to Shari’s Berries from KinkyWorld. They’d met at Blogher (which isn’t about sex blogging, just all kinds of blogging) and a contest and a product review was granted. So Shari’s was more than happy to take on the traffic from a sex site; they were happy to have their product talked about, linked to and etc from a sex site; they were happy to have sex-blogger-profiles on Facebook follow them. But they would NOT allow my sex blogger profile on Facebook to complain on their wall – they removed it because my photo was not “family friendly”. My profile is not public, my photo shows cleavage and an item that most wouldn’t know is a sex toy. Because I complained vocally about my very bad experience (Hint: do not ever order their Tiramisu cake, and trust me that those fancy dipped strawberries are simply not as good as they look – nor do they look anything like the promo photos) that was very bad TWICE, the company has refused to publish my onsite reviews of their products. I think people deserve to know when something is crap. It’s why I don’t hesitate to write a bad sex toy review. But apparently just hides the really negative reviews! Way to be trustworthy and transparent!

  1. Update: In the midst of writing this post, a full week or so after making the Contact page, what did I get? Yup. 2 link exchange emails. *headdesk*
  2. something tells me that even though I’ve technically written about the organization, they won’t be thanking me from any of their social media channels
  3. Someone did respond, properly horrified and apologetic about the spammy and crappy attempt
  4. Even though the PR chick tried to contact me yet again to see if I’d write about  Bedsider  and again STILL has not managed to detect or fix the broken links – she blames her mail client, I blame lack of common sense or ability to do one’s job
  5. If you’re going to ask me for a response and my rates, at least have the common courtesy to say “no thanks” or something
 Posted by at 11:08 pm
Dec 052011

Before Mia even got around to mentioning about her virtual book tour, I’d already bought and read her book. The “free sample” portion you can get on Amazon’s Kindle site was devoured quickly and soon I was happily clicking on the “Buy This Book” link. The book is well-written and contains many elements that I love: New York City, sex, getting a peek inside the sex/swinger party scene, love, and a happy ending all wrapped up in a true story. It’s a memoir that’s sexy (and sometimes erotic) with a dash of chick lit, a helping of date-dishing-at-Sunday-brunch, mixed with genuinely helpful advice and tips on things from open relationships to attending a sex party.

About the book, from her site:

A Year of Sex is the debut memoir from writer Mia Martina. After years of recording her sexcapades for her popular podcast “I Want Your Sex,” Mia is excited to release her first book chronicling a year of her erotic adventures.

Mia Martina wasn’t going to sit around waiting for love to find her when her relationship ended. Instead, she went after it – in New York City’s erotic underground. Mia dove headfirst into the sex-party scene, swinging, spanking, and screwing her way out of heartbreak. Follow her on an arousing and amusing journey as she tours the sex dens, women-only parties, and S & M dungeons that make up the city’s sexual landscape. By spending a year as a self-identified slut, she learns more about herself – and love – than she could have imagined. Her wild tale is utterly relatable to even the sexually uninitiated.

While at times sultry and steamy, her adventures will have you thinking twice about what role love, sex, commitment, monogamy, kink, and sexual fulfillment play in our modern lives.

So I’m definitely not someone who has experienced anything she talks about – I’ve never been to a sex party/club or a dungeon, much less one in NYC. I’ve never had a lesbian relationship, I didn’t date much in my 20’s – yet the description is absolutely right. I could still relate and I loved reading about it all. I’ve also come to the conclusion after reading her book as well as recounts from a few other bloggers about swinger/sex clubs/parties that as much my voyeuristic self might love it in theory and as much as I’d want my exhibitionist self to love it….I likely wouldn’t. Maybe the women-only parties, actually.

Mia has fun and learns a lot, and teaches us a lot as well. I keep wanting to share examples but then think “No, I don’t want to spoil the fun” because reading this book is a LOT of FUN. It’s not all fun and games though because this is reality, after all. You just have to read it. And then, if you’re anything like me, try not to spend the next few weeks wishing you could go back to being 27, move to New York City and cram as much dating and sex into a year as you can.

Just some of the things tidbits chronicled in this book:

  • An orgy. Or five.
  • Sex parties with themes and mandatory costumes
  • Sex parties where everybody is clothed and awkward and then at midnight it’s “Undies Time”, a mandatory strip-down
  • Flogging a stranger at a BDSM party
  • Mia giving a woman a lap-dance at a party
  • Mia giving a man a lap-dance in a darkened corner of a NYC rooftop
  • Sex parties that make you cringe
  • Sex parties that make you envious
  • Mia playing the sexy submissive to a very hot couple at a few parties

I could go on, but I won’t. You, however, definitely should.

 Posted by at 12:08 am
Dec 012011

Ah, the holidays. I don’t know about you, but for me and the hubs it means lots of driving combined with sleeping in strange beds all wrapped up in being around 4 germ-infested children.

This year’s Thanksgiving was a little more hectic than usual as we visited his family in Long Island for the first time (surprisingly it was the drive there that caused yelling, panic, getting lost, and stress – leaving LI on Black Friday morning was actually easy). I’ve been battling insomnia for quite some time now; usually my fibromyalgia puts me through long cycles (not unlike bi-polar disorder) where for months I’m passed out by 10pm without help followed by months of me stumping doctors as drug after drug fails me.

I was taking one of the benzo’s, Klonopin, which if you read about it on Wikipedia starts to sound downright scary for longterm use. Couple with the fact that I was immune and to the point where 4mg was barely affecting me. For reference: most people are started at .25mg. Many doctors don’t want to prescribe anything higher than 1mg. I wrangled 2mg pills yet quickly needed 4mgs. It was then that I gave up and started to slowly wean myself off it.

Except….what NOW? Over the years I’ve been on:

Ambien (crazy ass dreams)
Lunesta (didn’t work, plus crazy dreams when I would sleep)
Elavil (worked for awhile, til it didn’t)
Trazedone (worked until I required such high doses that I would be hungover til noon)
Various herbal teas
Melatonin (works, then it doesn’t, then it does)
Advil PM
Flexeril (nope)
Soma (nope)
Zanaflex (nope)

I’m sick of being reliant on drugs. I am. I’m thankful right now that I don’t work because I’d be a mess. No sleep = fibro flare ups. Next up on the River of Dreams is a cocktail of supplements. Namely, I’m going to increase the melatonin and get a timed-release version. Adding in timed-release 5-HTP. And a combo pill (which I’ll be lucky if I can swallow) of Calcium and Magnesium.

You’re wondering where the stupidity and Thanksgiving work into all of this.

I’ve been trying to sleep at night without taking Klonopin. I’ll take it if I’ve been up more than 1.5 hours after taking the melatonin and Advil PM. Despite my exhaustion, this was of course the case Thanksgiving night at his family’s house. I had to sleep….we had a 4.5 hour drive the next morning to see my family. Plus I was having a flare-up and/or coming down with something. Because he was tossing and turning I thought he wasn’t sleeping, either. I asked him something. Then I asked him “Where is your Klonopin?” because I couldn’t find my bottle. He had told me earlier he didn’t bring much spare Klonnie, and in his sleepy stupor he thought I asked “Did you take your Klonopin?” He answered ” ‘course”. I heard “purse”. When we travel he sometimes keeps his meds in my purse. Except now that he takes Klonnie only at night, that’s no longer the case.

Anyways. I go to my purse. Yup there’s a prescription bottle. Take 2 (he had 1mg pills, I have 2mg). Go to my bottle of Coke Zero. Throw the pills in my mouth. For a second I experience a bitter taste and swig in a mouthful of Coke and pause before swallowing….wait..why are they bitter? Maybe I should turn on a light and check the bottle before swallowing….nah. its fine.

Yeah, it wasn’t Klonopin. Instead, I took 20mg of Ritalin. Why I even bothered to fucking look after the fact is beyond me. I likely would have slept if I hadn’t jacked up my adrenaline from fear and panic. I’m ADD, so stimulants don’t wake me up. In fact, too much puts me to sleep. However I haven’t taken Ritalin in well over a year and a half. I’m currently taking Nuvigil during the day and while it should be gone after 12 hours I know that there’s a half-life and some was still in my system. I panicked on how it would interact with the Nuvigil from the morning and the Nuvigil I’d take the next morning. Would I die? Would I be sick? So I did the only thing I could think of. I went to the bathroom and forced myself to throw up – something I’ve never done before. Where’s the fucking uber-sensitive gag reflex when you NEED it?!?! The process was difficult. And painful. And I have no idea how much of it I got out of my system. And I was sick for days as a result.

I will NEVER fucking do that again.

Oh, The Bloggess? She mentioned this NeuroSleep drink that helps her sleep and Neuro Drink was sponsoring the post. Jenny has RA and insomnia as well so if it works for her, I feel like it could work for me. Thanks to her I’m trying it out soon and I have fingers crossed. Of course I also have ordered those supplements too (which, I know, don’t take those plus the Neurosleep, I’ll be in a coma for 3 days) because frankly if the NeuroSleep works it would be a great item to take with me when we do the family visits for Christmas. Very portable. But I only found out about all these supplements because I was researching NeuroSleep. So unless I’m a unicorn and this all fucking fails spectacularly, The Bloggess saved me.

 Posted by at 4:23 pm