Apr 292011
 

I write this post on my last day of the job I was working when I started this blog. It wouldn’t feel right to not blog today while at work.

Well. Kind of. 2 years ago we were “restructured” and so while I still worked for the same branch and in the same block of buildings, my job duties and the building I worked in changed. And with that change back then also coincided the beginning of changes in what I’d be able to get away with at work. There was a time with a certain man when it was commonplace for me to be masturbating at my desk while chatting away with him or someone else, taking photos to be shared with him, someone else, and/or the blog. Usually all three.

So while I will walk away today from this building and these particular coworkers knowing that it’s not the place I sat the day I first penned this blog, it’s still “the place I started this blog” at. And through fate, and the butterfly effect, it is roundabout because of this blog that I am leaving this job today and this state in a week. This fact alone is utterly mind-boggling to me: that because of connections of connections I made through this blog my life is changing in a hundred ways. I never imagined that anything connected to this blog would have such a huge impact on me but this is the final straw of being proved wrong, and not the first time I’ve been proved wrong on that subject. While this blog is not over, this chapter of my life is and I have changed.

Yesterday I felt compelled to do two things “for old time’s sake”; the things that were once the staple and theme of this blog. I snapped some risky risque shots (to be shown in upcoming WantonWednesday posts), inspired to recreate the first office photo taken. I then pulled out my trusty silver bullet vibrator and orgasmed at my desk, again, one last time. I didn’t do it for the reasons of old…..sadly. I had no chat companion saying dirty things to me, no erotica fiction tumbling forth from my fingertips. And it was with sadness that I realized I had no one to show the photos to, either. Yes, you all….. But back when I was taking these regularly it was always for someone else. A request, a demand, a dare. And this time I had nobody to giggle and send the snaps to. It was a very melancholy realization. The nature and backbone of this blog has changed….for better or for worse, I don’t know. My social-sexual life is nothing like it was that first summer of blogging or the first year even. Will it ever be again? I don’t know.

I’ve always been the sentimental sort. To a fault. I didn’t much like high school; I wasn’t popular, I hated the school itself and the throng of other students pressing around you at all times, I hated the classwork and etc. But yet I still had connections. I still “grew up” there. Had friends. On the last day of high school I cried. I took photos. I looked around at every period of the day with purposeful eyes, trying to memorize everything. I knew that life was changing and even though I was leaving behind a chapter that wasn’t always good to me it still held a treasured place in my life. That’s kind of how I’m viewing this last day. Did I start the blog *because* I worked here? Because of my dire boredom back then? Quite possibly, yes. I started it not long after I found a way around the very restrictive internet policy (I used a remote login site called Logmein.com, and just did everything via my home computer. In later times I would up the security to accessing Logmein from Portable Firefox loaded up on a usb memory key). I browsed OkCupid and made acquaintances that led to me creating this blog. To finding the world of sex-blogging in general. While this city and what we thought we’d get out of the move to here ultimately let us down, I think I’m realizing that it was a necessary step. We were meant to be here at this time. It doesn’t make it suck less, I can’t stop viewing it as somewhat of a stall to our lives (because the progressions and gains that were “supposed” to happen, didn’t)…..but it brought us to this day. To next week. To the next big chapter.

So yes, while I won’t miss much of anything concrete here – (not the buildings, or the way things are run, or the job I did, or most of the people around me, or the office itself, or the commute, or the downtown city, or for that matter our apartment) save for one or two people and the simple convenience of many stores being in a close driving distance – I am a little sentimental about this day. To be certain though I am happy for it’s arrival. I am happy at the prospect of my future after our move, happy to move on from this place and this state and the ideals here.

But I won’t forget what this place did to me, for me, brought me. I have no ties, though, no true friends and no family in this city. The few friends I made here will shortly fade away I’m sure…..and so there you have it.

It’s time to go.

 

Other than a WW post next week, expect this place to remain fairly quiet yet until we move and get a little settled in. I think both hubs and I have kinda been unconsciously waiting on me to be done with work for the full-throttle srs bzns packing to begin (which doesn’t leave us much time to do it, but then I think we both perform best under pressure).

  • http://ravenquince.wordpress.com Raven Quince

    Change is good for the soul and makes you grow in unexpected ways. Just as you grew from this last phase, you will in the next. Best of luck to you in your new adventure, may you land with both feet firmly planted in your new reality and while embracing the unknown.

  • Joker_SATX

    I can certainly understand this. And I must say I admire the elegance in which you have written this post. I truly enjoyed reading it!

    Change is hard but it helps you grow. Fortunately for us, I believe it will make you grow into a much better blogger…just based on the experiences you mentioned here.

    I know I am fairly new to your blog but in the months that I have been following I have enjoyed what I have read and I have become much more “educated” in the world of sexual blogging.

    Don’t ever think…even for a second, that your words have had minimal or no impact. That is simply not true.

    I, and all my fellow inmates at the asylum, wish you the best of luck in your move. I already know you will make a success of your future endeavors. And I am excited at the prospect of what these changes will bring here.

    Laugh at Joker

  • http://www.dustbunnyinthewind.com nitebyrd

    I’ve been reading your blog for quite awhile but Joker has said what I’d like to echo. You have always written thoughtful and many times provocative posts. I look forward to continued reading.

    Even places/positions/people we don’t care for become part of our life experience. We can only hope to make the not so wonderful into something educational and/or cautionary.

    Have a safe and uneventful move! Take time to de-stress and enjoy!

  • http://kinky-world.net/ Kayla

    This post is amazingly well-written, and I love that you took the time to write it. Even if your reasons for this blog have changed, I must say that I still enjoy it, and you do an amazing job.

    Have a fun (if that’s possible) and unstressful move! I hope the new place is rockin’!

  • http://www.thegreenlightdistrict.org Emerald

    Thank you for sharing this post, Lilly. I found it intimate and moving and appreciate your creating and offering it. All best to you always, and a safe and pleasant move to you.

  • http://www.coypink.com Coy Pink

    I started reading your blog very shortly after you started writing. I’ve followed your journey and watched the transformation of Lilly over the past few years. I’m thrilled that you get to start a new chapter of your life and a new adventure in a different state and in a darling house. I’m excited to see where this next turn takes you. I’m confident you’re in for some fun and exciting new times. Love you, my friend!