Apr 082011
 

A quick break in my lovefest blogging of MomentumCon. Today’s post is brought to you by the never-failing producer of sex blog fodder, OkCupid.

Now, I could just ignore this email. But I’m actually not sure how I feel about it.

To preface: This guy’s profile is kinda weird. Not necessarily weird in a bad way, just that he’s using a type of humor that I’m not responsive to right now. Or wit. Whatever. So his language/wording is off-putting in a way, even in the first paragraph. But it’s the second paragraph that’s irking me.His reference to thinking ahead is that I have listed myself already in my new town noting that I’ll be moving to it soon.

You think ahead. I can appreciate that. I’ll probably be here in may, so I’m saying hi. You seem… competent. And confident. Good things that begin with C.

I’m pretty turned on by the fact that you’re married. Is that good or bad for you? I’m liking the idea of having you and then returning you to your main man. tell me about how that sits with you.


First of all, my profile is more geared towards friendship. I mention it twice, in fact. I do not have the “casual sex” box ticked off. But he probably only skimmed the profile anyways.

My first reaction is that I’m offended. Disgusted by him. He’s objectifying me and he doesn’t even know me! His primary interest in me seems to be the mere fact that I’m married. WTF happened to getting to know someone first before coming on so strongly? This isn’t AFF where sex is the bigger end-game target. Not one thing in my profile suggest that I’d respond favorably to such a blatantly sexual message.

My second, more thought-out reaction is leaning more towards tolerance. Ok so maybe that’s his kink. And if we’d already had a well-established rapport and chemistry with each other I wouldn’t be offended by that statement.

Would you?

I’m debating on replying to him, and if I do, how and what to say. Do I play the indignant, offended “you misogynistic jackass” card? Or do I attempt to tell him that I’m not interested, I’m looking for friends and that he was out of line with his comment since it was his first message to me. Do I show tolerance? Or is he just truly a douchenozzle in an asshat that I can go off on?

Update: I replied. He replied. Apparently I’m a frigid bitch, lol, and there’s a lot of other gals on OKC who are much easier than I. Here’s the convo:

ME: It doesn’t sit well. At least this early on, that is. Perhaps if you’d admitted that after a connection and chemistry was established I’d be more accepting. It’s a valid kink.

But since you do not know me at all and that is the only thing about me that you showed interest in it very much feels like objectification and is a huge turn off.

HIM: ah, alright then. i guess i go for the sexual connection first and see what develops especially when there’s no relationship in the mix.

ME: But you cannot just snap your fingers, lead with an overt hit like that and expect a favorable response. A sexual connection is not instant.

You’d do better trying this attempt on women who have checked off the “casual sex” box, or in response to nsa craigslist ads.

HIM: you’d be surprised how often this works on okcupid, actually. I’m really not looking for more than someone to chat with, lean on/support emotionally in a light, friendly way, and fuck regularly… the bar for this is often passed after a 5 minute meeting in public. The only problem is that i can’t tell who’s into it till i ask :) I got your “no”, and that’s fine. let me know if you change your mind.

*HEADDESK*

 Posted by at 6:01 pm
  • katrinaholloway

    i would go with option #2 (state politely that he’s out of line), but then again, in my experience, even when you’re nice & polite, more often than not you get an insulting response…

  • emme0704

    WTF is “competant” supposed to mean? Because you are a chick? You can type? Ugh. Don’t waste your time on him.

  • Jesper

    Look, I’m a dude, a guy, a man – call it what you like. – And I can tell you right now, that the only thing that bloke has on his mind is sex! Friendship my arse… You’re smart enough to give him a miss, Love. Nothing to debate, and you know that deep inside :)

    ~Oh I know that’s his interest, and I have no desire to give him an actual shot. It was just a matter on how I responded. Scathing bitch or explanation.

  • http://www.PinkSexGeek.com/blog/ Crista.Anne

    You’re making me miss OKC a little bit as I *love* these messages. Poor fuckers who ignore my profile and message me anyway were my main venting grounds for whatever was frustrating me on a given day. If guys sent me n00dz I would enjoy mocking them between my girlfriends. (For the record, my profile loudly stated that my sharing/mocking would happen. Assholes just don’t read profiles.)

    IDK. If it were me? I’d probably send a message asking where exactly they got the idea that sending a message like that was okay and did they really expect a positive response to such a comment. Perhaps explain why this is Not Cool with a terse tone. Nice Best Of Both Worlds.

  • Serafina Brightside

    As for me, I would just have ignored him in the first place. You did a good thing for yourself by responding though, as that is what you wanted to do. As for his last messages to you….I’m not sure what answer to give you. Maybe you should block him or ignore him from here? It’s all up to you. And good luck.

  • http://alanandmichele.com Michele

    Ugh! He sounds like a serious asshat in too many ways to list, so I don’t think I’d have been as nice as you were about it.

  • http://www.mollysdailykiss.com Molly

    His message seems to so condesending, as if he is impressed that you can form actual sentences….no shit!

    I would have given him a swift kick into touch and well done you for your response

    Mollyxxx

    ~ I tend to be too quick sometimes to get defensive and offended and assume condescension so I tried to play the tolerance card but he proved me wrong!