Feb 102011
 

In 3 months, a new life for me begins. In 3 months we’ll be moving a few states away. In 3 months I will no longer have to drag my ass every day into an office job that is stifling, boring and irritating. In fact, we’re not even sure what I’ll be doing for work and we’re not 100% worried. Due to husband taking classes for the last number of years I’ve been the main breadwinner – going to jobs that either wrung me out mentally or bored me to death. Now he’ll be the one working and I’ll be…..a housewife? Nah that doesn’t sound right. (I hate cleaning and I suck at it)

But my online earnings will become even more important, especially in the next few months. I’ll need every penny to go towards the move and our life there, instead of it just being my “fun fund”. I’m fretting about advertisers, I’m crossing my fingers that lovely readers and stumblers-upon will end up buying sex toys from my affiliate links. *hint hint* What I will NOT do is ask outright for a donation from my readers as if I deserve your money just for being mildly entertaining or informative. My life struggles are not your problem.

With the husband set to pull in enough money so that I have more freedom I’m finding myself wondering what to do about this freedom. I’ve wished for the online jobs working with sex toy companies since I started but was always unable to do so because of my fulltime job and the fact that I was the provider of health insurance. Last year a site I really loved went up for sale, The Fat Girl’s Guide to Living, and I wanted to buy it so badly. I knew that I could mine their advertising potential and make it earn money whilst keeping up with the wonderful articles that I and others had found so helpful. Sadly I could neither afford it back then in either time or money; even more sadly the owner is just letting the site sit stagnant with no new posts. I had really hoped that the creators of the site wouldn’t let that happen but I guess they succumbed to the lure of getting more money from the sale rather than keeping their pride and once-joy going.

Another change that might happen is that I might show myself a little bit more on here. This week’s Wanton Wednesday, while being small and a little blurry and high contrast, showed a lot of me. Or at least more than I was accustomed to showing. I’d done my best to stay anonymous and most of that was due to my job because:

A: I did a LOT of blogging while at work. Twittering. IMing. Cybering.

2: A lot of things that I used to blog about were done at work; photos, the raunchy conversations, the masturbating at my desk.

Given who I worked for (wow, I’m already using past tense. I still work there for another 3 months!) I could have easily gotten fired. Well, I guess that I could have gotten fired no matter who I worked for, those are not the marks of a model employee. Now that that need for cover is gone, will I be “out” totally? No. You’ll still know me as Lilly. While I don’t have a ton of family that I think would ever stumble across me on the internet randomly, using my real name would help them if they ever googled me.

I don’t know what my future holds, but I’m pretty damn sure it’s brightening up real quick. I think this move affords me the freedom to be more ME both online and in reality. Let’s face it….a rote job that makes me stabby and bored is a soul-sucker.


I will ask one thing though of my fellow bloggers: For the month of May I need a trusted soul to take over e[lust] as that’s when I’ll be moving. It’s reallllly difficult for me to hand control and trust over to someone else, but I don’t want to put e[lust] on another hiatus. Whomever takes over needs to have the time to devote to it daily during the active period; paying attention to details, checking to make sure the entries are all coming in ok, wrangling up volunteers, etc. It’s not an easy job in some ways but maybe for someone not ADD it is, lol.

 Posted by at 10:27 am
  • http://www.dustbunnyinthewind.com nitebyrd

    Oh! The Possibilities! I must confess I’m more than a little jealous that you’ll get to stay home and explore all the things you’ve wanted to do.

  • http://www.pinksexgeek.com Crista.Anne

    Congrats on the move, positive life changes and all that good shit m’dear.

    I’m “out” as a blogger/ex-sex worker and use my real name. For me, it is very much a double edged sword. I feel a sense of “truth” to myself that I didn’t when I was anon (though I can see people feeling the exact opposite) and I enjoy a good sense of ‘fuck you, this is who I am.’ My family overall has a ‘Oh that’s our Crista’ but I’ve lucked out as my escapades are tamer than some of my other blood relatives. It has bitten me in the ass a few times in the past, but for the most part I cannot complain.

    At the same time I am well aware of the permanence of the net. Some people in my past keep tabs on me easily that I’d rather they’d forget I exist. My husband gets a little annoyed that his some of co-workers have an impression of me that more fits their fantasy of what a sexually liberated wife would be like instead of the reality. When my Dad was alive he once stumbled upon me on a porn site, and that was a pretty interesting/fantastically uncomfortable conversation.

    Staying Lilly but having the freedom to show more of yourself than previously I bet is a perfect combination of in and out of the sex blogger closet. Congrats to you darling.

    (Oh, and I’ve recently decided that I like thinking of myself as a “kept woman” versus “housewife” or “SAHM”. Terribly un-feminist of me, I know.)

  • http://joker-satx.livejournal.com/ Joker_SATX

    I am happy for your new found freedom! Yay you! Here is hoping that you find fulfillment and reach all of your goals!

  • Garnet Joyce

    You are exactly where I was before I moved out to CA. I was the bread winner at the soul crushing office job while my wife earned her phd. It has been so freeing to not have that responsibility anymore. And now I have a job I truly enjoy. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope it turns out as well for you as it has for me.

  • Hubman

    We’re very excited for you, I hope the move brings you all that you’re looking for and more!

  • emme0704

    This is so exciting! I hope the next 3 months unfold into the life you want and get up rearing to go every day!

  • Surreal227

    I’m so glad to hear things are turning in a better direction for you. Perhaps with this new change (and hopefully less stress!) your health will improve. Hope to see more posts of your crazy adventures after the insanity of moving. Good luck on the new adventures… and remember to always think of them as just that. :D

  • Nurse Rat_chet

    Congratz on the good news. I certainly hope y’all are moving someplace warmer… ;)

  • http://100waystobeperverse.wordpress.com Janie

    That’s so exciting for you. Moving and everything will be stressful but it’ll be good to have a chance to do something you really like. I’m looking forward to what you come up with!

    xoxox

  • http://blue-eyedvixen.com/ Vixen

    That newfound freedom has got to feel very empowering! Good luck on the upcoming move!

    xoxo

  • http://candjwithatwist.blogspot.com Chloe

    I am stoked for you, and know this is a good thing! Love the last pic, btw!

    XO

  • anonymous

    I want to admit something here…I quit reading your blog for the last few months because I have felt that you have been mildly unpleasant to read. I have very little time in my life to read, and felt that you were going through a melancholy phase of sorts. Please don’t feel defensive but when I have the chance to read sexually natured blogs, I want to read hot, sexy, sultry blogs to keep my sexual motor running of sorts. With that being said, the blogs that I used to read have become a political campaign for fund raising, woe is me and the like…
    I decided to take a peek of what you were up to today and completely LOVE what you said…your life struggles are not my concern; nor do I have the capability or the funds to support everyone that I read about online. I am a woman and I have a very intense nature in that I feel heartbroken over other people’s problems and want to HELP everyone but I have VERY shallow pockets myself. With that being said, my sexual escape of reading of certain online blogs has been a total let down as of late and don’t even bother :(
    I commend you for your honesty and wanted you to know that while I may not always read your blog I certainly appreciate your candor and wanted to say just that :)
    I hope this doesn’t come off as condescending, I merely wanted to say Thank You…
    Everyone writes their blogs for a reason and everyone reads them for a reason….I realize we all go through seasons and ebbs and flows from the highs and lows of our demeanor :)
    Please feel free to delete if you find this completely offensive…

    ~ I really feel that you could have gotten your point across without resorting to mild insults in the beginning, but I won’t disagree that my blog HAS changed and I quite realize that I’ve lost readers who wanted to read about sex. I’m also curious why you chose not to use your normal commenting handle, but yet kept the email address. It’s ok for me to know who you are, but not others?