Jan 152011
 

Long ago and in a land far away I wanted a Cone vibrator. Eventually I read enough reviews that told me to avoid it. Sadly there were not enough reviews out when I asked for the Cleo that would have told me to stay away. In fact, nearly all of the people on EdenFantasys who’ve reviewed it already claim that it’s a lot of things that I claim it is not.

Brass Tacks – What does it feel like? The number one thing that other people claim it is (to which I say “Are we using the same toy?!?”1) is Powerful. While I can agree that to some women  this might be considered “powerful” it isn’t to me and I have enough to compare it to to say that with confidence. Here’s the thing – a deep, rumbley sort of vibration can feel like it’s more powerful than it is. That’s why I tend to enjoy them so much. That sort of vibration stimulates beyond the surface.  But then to those women who find the Cleo powerful the Wahl, the Harmony Bullet, or any electric massager will be considered “whoa nelly you’ll burn off my clit” powerful. This isn’t to say I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. But I cannot ever give this toy an intensity rating of anything higher than 3 out of 5. Maaaaybe a 3.5 out of 5 but EF’s rating system tragically doesn’t allow for half-star choices2. And I’ve even tried 2 different sets of batteries to be sure one wasn’t half-dead. How sad is it that I have toys that pack a far greater punch on half the battery power?? My Harmony bullet is the same deep vibrations and runs on 2 AAA’s and knocks the pants off the Cleo in terms of power. Sometimes even *I* have to back down off the top level of vibrations on the Harmony.

Ono Cleo vs Lelo Mona – I know, their shapes are nothing alike, nor are their intended uses. But it was the best vibe I could find that had the same type of rumbly vibrations. I would say that High on the Cleo is like setting 5/6 out of 8/9 on the Mona (I had trouble determining exactly how many levels there were on the Mona). I always expect a battery-powered vibe to be more intense than a rechargeable. That’s usually been my experience. Not this time!

The Cleo’s big draw is the unique shape which is great for those who like to rub/grind their clit against a vibe. The other big draw is that it’s meant to be used in the shower/tub because it comes with a big-ass dual-sided suction cup. Ah, the suction cup. I hate it.

  1. It stinks, and fairly noticeably at that
  2. Unlike the SinFive suction cup dildos, the suction cup base does not firmly affix to the toy via screwing in. It’s a suction cup on both sides. It suctions to the toy AND to the wall, leaving two points of possible instability.
  3. Suction cups are picky fuckers – they require a completely 100% flat and smooth surface. Too much moisture, too little moisture, it slides around or falls off. Do you know how cringe-worthy it is to have your solo tub session come to a clattering LOUD halt when your sex toy falls off the wall?!?

You can most assuredly use this without the suction cup feature. Unfortunately….this requires big hands if you need to hold it. As you can see below, I had trouble holding the base with my small hands. Sure, I could set it down on my bed/pillow/other surface and grind away but the base is slippery smooth, hard plastic. And the base unscrews very quickly – there are no threads, just a quick quarter-twist. (this also makes me highly question the waterproof-ness, since there’s no rubber o-ring)

What is up with that shape? It’s an interesting shape – in fact it kinda reminds me of a pommel horse (ex-gymnasts cheer! a vibrating pommel horse!). A design that, again, I thought would get me off. And it might have if the vibrations were a bit more intense or a bit more concentrated. They are concentrated to a degree in the larger protrusion but it’s not enough for me personally. I’m also not sure what the point is to the dual humps. For me this grinding/rubbing action is only good for the clit, not my vulva or labia (but others might love that) and it’s certainly not capable of penetration. I just don’t get it.

I’m supposed to reach around where now?? The controls are just two buttons discretely hidden in the silicone, plus and minus. They seem to be located in a really bad spot for changing the setting during use – they are located underneath the smaller of the two humps….and most of the vibration is in the larger hump. This means I would have to reach under or back around me to change it during use. So I had to choose the setting (high, straight vibrations for yours truly) and then put the toy in place. Since I hate patterns and found the lower levels of vibration boring, this ended up working out for me but won’t for those who like to change up their sensations during use. The buttons themselves require a bit of effort to push (certainly not as easy as Lelo buttons) and glow faintly when pressed. There’s a number of different vibration intensity settings and then eight different pattern settings.Really? 8? Overkill but if you like patterns you’ll be sure to find one here you can enjoy.

The packaging is also sub-par for a toy of this price. It comes in a colorful + black flimsy glossy cardboard box with a window. There is nothing “premium” about the packaging and so don’t expect to use it for storage. There’s no storage bag or anything for it. For the cost of this toy I’d expect at least an upgrade on the packaging.

Bottom line: I’m having a really tough time recommending this. Since it’s primarily marketed as a shower toy, the base is difficult to use without the suction cup action. But it also doesn’t quite work too well in the shower. For the flaws, the lack of oomph, the pitiful packaging and finally the high price tag – I’d say to avoid it unless you can catch it on a really good sale and don’t require direct / intense vibrations. If rubbing with moderate vibrations is your thing, you might like this. But, really Ono? A price tag of over $70?? No. Other than the fact that the colored, main portion is velvety silicone I can find absolutely nothing about this toy to justify this price. If it were priced more like the Pleasure Tops (which sadly isn’t silicone) then I could recommend it as a novelty addition. Sure, it comes in pretty colors and looks different and cool. Does that make up for everything else? No.

 

  1. When I read the first paragraph of the descriptive review I really wonder if I got the same toy, they kiss up to it like it’s going to win them money!
  2. this right here is a travesty because many times I’ve wanted to give a halfsie rating
  • CLP

    Great review. I’d been trying to figure out what the hell this thing is/does and if it would be interesting for me. I was on the fence but the points you made are the ones I also look for; it sounds like it wouldn’t work out for me, either. Namely, I need all five of five stars in order to even WANT to play with a toy. Thank you for that!

  • http://duskinchains.wordpress.com Dusk

    Nice review. I thought I was lucky enough to win this from EdenCafe, but it’s really a pain in the ass to try and use. ><;

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    Holy crap, that thing is bigger than I imagined.

    Sounds like a pain.

  • http://pollyvincere.wordpress.com Polly Vincere

    This seems to be yet another attempt to be “innovative” while forgetting the basics reason for making sex toys: to get people off! If the controls are difficult to reach and operate, I’m not going to reach for the toy.