Jun 142010

I’ve got some pretty major pet peeves when it comes to the written word, particularly when talking about sex. I wrote about all the sex slang words I hate, but the incorrect use of “vagina” when what is actually meant to be “vulva” is really friggin irritating. And I don’t just hear men saying it, I see it from a lot of women.

And I boggle to try and figure out why they word it that way.

You cannot, really and truly cannot, literally shave your vagina. You are shaving your vulva, your mons, your pubic region but most assuredly NOT your vagina.

While gathering photos and links from Wikipedia, I came across this article from 2003 which was written in part because of language used in The Vagina Monologues. I’ve never seen/read/heard this play, so I’ll have to take her word for it, but the point remains the same. Vulva and vagina are not interchangeable.

Let’s have a little anatomy lesson, shall we?

From the Wikipedia page on “Vagina“:

The word vagina is quite often incorrectly used to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally; strictly speaking, the vagina is a specific internal structure.

From the Wikipedia page on “Vulva“:

The vulva has many major and minor anatomical structures, including the labia majora, mons pubis, labia minora, clitoris, bulb of the vestibule, vestibule of the vagina, greater and lesser vestibular glands, and vaginal orifice. Its development occurs during several phases, chiefly the fetal and pubertal periods. As the outer portal of the human uterus or womb, it protects its opening by a “double door”: the labia majora (large lips) and the labia minora (small lips). The vagina is a self-cleaning organ, sustaining healthy microbial flora that flow from the inside out; the vulva needs only simple washing to assure good vulvovaginal health, without recourse to any internal cleansing or douching.

I’m not going to post the photos from the Wikipedia pages on here, you can see them for yourself there. I wanted to particularly point out one that I found to be fascinating (ok, and a bit arousing if I’m honest, I am a full-fledged perv after all): Comparison photo of the same vulva in an aroused and unaroused state. Why am I fascinated? In part it’s in the same way that watching close-up video of a woman orgasming is fascinating/erotic to me. But I can’t say that I’ve ever taken such a comparison photo or noticed such a difference on my own body from unaroused to aroused.

Jun 132010

This question was very simply asked of me recently on my Formspring. It seems to be a very popular question for men to ask of women. Is it perhaps those that might fall into the smaller-than-average camp doing the asking so that they hear more women say “No, it doesn’t matter” to bring up their confidence? Or are too many men made to think that anything less than 7″ is considered to be small?

Britni recently addressed something similar, regarding being a size queen with dildos but not with bio-cock. I’m pretty much the same as her. I am most definitely a size queen when it comes to my sex toys…but there’s a reason for that. Using a dildo is very VERY different from how I get fucked by a guy. The angle, the force behind it, the speed, etc. When I’m using a really fat dildo, I tend to barely move it at all. I like the full feeling, the pressure. I’ve never fucked a guy with a cock quite as big as the fattest dildo that I’ve used. My husband is fairly well-endowed, and there was a pretty long time period in my life when the first few moments of penetration with him were painful. I’ve luckily moved past that now, but why I did I have no clue.

Too big?

There is, in my opinion, such a thing as way too big when it comes to bio-cock. I have to be perfectly honest with you….if your cock is any more than 8″ long or 2″ around….I’ll likely pass on sex. Especially in length. The vagina can and does expand during arousal and penetration, especially the last 2/3; the cervix will retract as well. The amount of expansion and retraction though varies from woman to woman. Some women can accommodate a 9″ cock…some can only handle half of what I consider my max. To me though whenever I get the ubiquitous cock-shots from Craigslist or dating site emails, if the guy is showing off his monster cock…..I utter an “eeek!” and move along to the next one.

Some positions, for my husband and I, are quite difficult. Doggie style for instance. In that position, if he’s not careful, he’ll bang my cervix and it’s quite painful. And sex isn’t as fun for either of us if we have to focus on being careful.

Too small?

“It’s not the size of your cock, it’s how you use it” is true 97% of the time. But back in the day I can recall being with a couple of guys whose cock was shorter and thinner than I was accustomed to…..to the point where I had to actually ask “is it in yet?”. Either they were unskilled or what, I’m not sure but I do know that there is a “too small” for me…… However, I’ve yet to meet a man again who was that small and it’s not common. “Too small” in my opinion is less than 4″ long and less than 1″ wide. But that’s only my personal opinion and my vagina.

Average is not Average

Considering that the average length of the human male penis, aroused, is ~5-6″, the word “average” shouldn’t ever be taken here as derogatory. Average is more than fine with me. After all, my g-spot is probably only about 2″ deep, and the most concentrated nerve endings are in the first couple inches of the vagina. There are positions to change up the depth of penetration during sex and also affect the snugness of the vaginal canal during penetration.

One of the things that I feel bad about with my husband’s length is that I can’t really get much of his cock in my m0uth for a blowjob. I can’t deepthroat. Guys who fit into the average range are more likely to consistently receive a “full coverage” blowjob, where someone can meet their nose with pubes, lol.

We all have our hang-ups and fears about our body parts during sex. Porn can contribute sometimes to these hang-ups, seeing as how they tend not to show men less than 7″ in porn. Guess what guys? We’re not all multi-orgasmic from penetration like the women in porn. We don’t expect you to shoot your load across the room. We don’t expect John Holmes-sized cocks to be hiding out in your pants. Porn is a caricature, often times. (this is why I prefer amateur porn)

Book Review: The Best of Best American Erotica 2008

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Jun 132010

There’s really four types of erotica books, when you get down to it.

The first is kind of what many us grew up mocking….the Romance Novel that was really just word-porn disguised by a sappy plot and trite nicknames for body parts. Think Fabio on the cover, sort of books.

The second kind is still a full-length novel but it’s more artistic in its prose. The thinking man’s erotica, I suppose. A real story, real believable emotions and situations. If you find flowing hair and ripped bodices in these it is only because the novel is a period piece.

The third kind is a bit like the first, but in a short story anthology form. Of course, it only resembles the first in that there’s a lot of sex. A lot of raunchy sex. Which inspires you to either fuck yourself or fuck your closest most willing partner. The books that Rachel Kramer Bussel and Allison Tyler edit are mostly like these.It’s like a sex toy for your mind.

The fourth is a bit like the third, but in short story anthology form. Thinking man’s erotica. Stuff that leaves your brain wondering and your hormones maybe wanting more, there’s a bit of a buzz (or maybe a lot if it particularly resonated with you) in your underwear. There’s perhaps outright sex, perhaps just sexual innuendo and talk. It inspires you to fill in the blanks, to lower the book unconsciously and let your mind wander.

The Best of Best American Erotica 2008 is the fourth kind of erotica book.

That’s not to say it’s bad, by any means. Some of the stories you’ve read and don’t fully realize until it’s over that it was, indeed, erotic. Arousing. Twisted, maybe. Some of the stories actually made me feel almost like I shouldn’t be aroused. The first 3 stories, for example. The first is about a brother and sister, twins. They’re closer than your average set of siblings. Way closer. The second story is about two addicts; the female ends up cruelly using the male. Ruining his life, and then leaving in laughter. The third story is about a couple with sexual issues, and a therapist who goes too far and then gets caught in their fucked up trap. There’s sex in these stories, no doubt. But it’s kinda like the stuff of fetishes. So many of these stories end up having a twist that surprises you. Just when you think it’s a lesbian story….maybe not.  One thing these stories all do have in common is scene and character development. You get background, foreshadowing, you know their wall color.

The book is the 15th anniversary of The Best American Erotica series, edited by Susie Bright. The stories were picked from the 14 prior BAE editions; at the end of each story the author writes a few paragraphs about the piece – where they were in life when they wrote it, how they feel about it now, what inspired them, etc. You don’t normally get that kind of insight from anthologies. At the end of the book, in addition to the anthology-standard author’s bio section of those who appeared in the book is a list of every person who was published in the BAE series (just names) and then a guide to the most influential erotica editors, sex zines, etc. Susie contributes a story to the book, as well as her editor intro to the book which talks about her journey of editing the series, and as well as her thoughts on the pieces included.

What this book is: Erotic writing, that sometimes is barely erotic and sometimes is teeming with it in a slightly disguised way. This is literature. This is something for book lovers and erotica lovers and writers.

What this book is not: Something to read to get your motor running. This is not a fluffer book. This is not a book that you get 3 stories in and have to either fuck or jerk off. Some of the stories will indeed affect you that way, some will not.

Thanks to Edenfantasys for sending me this (way too long ago) for review. I’m glad to have it in my treasury and highly recommend it.

If this book is your style, you’ll also enjoy Best of Best Women’s Erotica, I also own this one.
For more of the raunchy style, in addition to the RKB and Allison Tyler compilations linked above, I also highly recommend Frenzy: 60 stories of Sudden Sex (short, and the point stories)

e[lust] #15

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Jun 132010

Photo courtesy of Sexy Tiger X

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #16? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Evolution – Open Marriage, Swinging, & Polyamory – Do we REALLY believe that there is one love for us? Do we really believe there’s one cock or pussy to fuck for the rest of our life?

Sweet To Taste – “I’m dinner tonight,” she breathes. “So don’t let me get cold before you start feasting.”

Having a boyfriend makes me feel fat I know my worth as a person isn’t devalued by my weight – but I can’t get past the notion that my worth as a partner is.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Fucked by a StrangerFor as long as I can remember, I’ve had this bizarre, twisted fantasy. The roads leading to it were different, but the end result the same: a stranger fucking a very willing me in my bed in the dead of night.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

At Her Mercy“You have been such a good boy today. Where do you want me to put your cock next?” she said with a wink.

See also: Pleasurists #78 and #79 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 5:51 pm
Jun 102010

I’m too lazy and tired and wrung-out to post anything of worth. It’s like my right-brain just up and left me. So you get this boring conglomeration of snippets.

I added an option to subscribe to my updates via email. It’s not different than what you’d see in the RSS feed, it’s just that I know some people don’t use a feed reader or would prefer another method. The emails go out every morning that they’re needed…..no new post, no email. The email will contain the entire post, photo and all. There’s a link in my blog sidebar up near the top. Just click, fill out your info, and be sure to look for the verification email from Feedburner to ensure you’ll receive the updates.

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I’ve decided to try Formspring again, except this time it’s in my blog sidebar over there. Please don’t be a douchecanoe with your questions, being anonymous isn’t carte blanche to ask things you’d be ashamed to attach your name to. Decent questions I’ll answer on Formspring, so check back there. Really good questions might inspire a blog post!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In exactly one week from today, I’ll have been blogging for 2 years. To mark this occasion, I’m having a really big giveaway of 6 different really awesome prizes. It’s a surprise till then, so be sure to check back!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh, I activated a feature in this really cool WordPress Plug-in that I’ve had forever but never really took full advantage of. It shows comments that I’ve gotten on posts right in the feed! It’s not instant with updating the newest comments or my replies, but it’s still pretty great.

That’s all, folks!

Jun 072010

I no longer consider myself “bicurious”, and I haven’t for a number of years. But some days I still feel that way,  due to a lack of even one good Girl Date.

I’ve been with women sexually…..less than a half dozen, all encounters that happened through either planning to have sex or something similar. I’ve never actually *dated* a woman. Not for lack of trying! I had one encounter, once, that had a possibility of being….well, I don’t know. I’ll never know, because it was cut short. With the exception of that woman, for a few moments, I don’t think I’ve ever flirted with a woman face-to-face. Internet? sure. lots! I’ve even had dates with said women with mixed results.

Back in the heyday of Myspace, I met a few girls that I’d randomly friended on there (because they listed themselves as bi..yes I admit it) and had flirted with for a few weeks online. Flirted and became friendly with. The Goth girl was awesome; we got along famously, like the start of a great friendship. But I couldn’t detect any flirting! Do women flirt differently than guys? And I didn’t know how to be flirty with a woman. It seems different, somehow. In the end, the relationship failed for many reasons. One of which was that we lived an hour apart and she didn’t drive. Another date went horribly because at least for me, there was no attraction in person. It wasn’t her looks, it was her personality and the way she spoke. Too young, too um well that’s not politically correct so I won’t say it.

I went out with a girl I met on Okcupid last year. Again, it was like two friends hanging out. I mentioned her here very briefly (and she even let me put her up as a secret guest HNT!) and while she did kiss me at the end of our….date? hang-out? the atmosphere had still been friendly. So I was still left confused.

I’ve hung out with women I have a crush on, and guess what? No flirting. Either I’m undateable or the phenomenon Nadia (her friend, actually) calls the “Lesbian Sheep Dance” is alive and well.

I love women, but I apparently fail at dating them.

This needs to change.