HNT Wicked Wednesday pic is one post down……
I have a lot of social issues and flaws (to the point that I have been asked once or twice if I have Asperger’s, lol) and I do or say things that come out wrong. As my position in the community as creator/editor of e[lust], I also too often censor myself and try to remain neutral.
Combine those two things, and the result is a huge infraction of friendship.
Recently Roland posted again about one of his favorite subjects to rant about….Entitlement and Privilege. My eyes glaze over anymore, and I have a personal policy of not engaging in fights in comments. Why?
1. The person starting the debate/rant/diatribe is 9 times out of 10 a stubborn mule. They will not listen to anything other than agreements. They will continue to counter your arguments, facts and opinions until they are blue in the face. I have seen others do it without hesitation and guess what happens? The arguer is left PISSED and rabid-eyed, frothing at the mouth while the one who started it is calmly chuckling to himself.
2. As I said up there, because of e[lust] I try to bite my tongue too much. When I started it, I knew that I had friendships in the community that put be definitively on one side of the room, so to speak. Just because I am friends with this group and against that clique, though, didn’t mean that I wanted to alienate anyone from participating in e[lust]. I had visions of fostering a community-wide thing where gang lines got blurred. Holy fuck, you can stop laughing at my pacifist ass now, really. Ok, seriously, stop laughing at me. Are you done yet?
Even though part of his rant was about a person I care about dearly, Kyle, I commented on the post but held my tongue on my feelings. Roxy, in true hell-hath-no-fury fashion, took me to task about it, ripping me to shreds on her blog. Utter itty bitty shreds. Her words are vicious, and meant to hurt (unlike my actions of silence, which wasn’t meant to hurt). But I put myself in her shoes, in Kyle’s shoes, and I have no argument. She’s right. She’s 100% right and I’m unhappy with myself for my need of neutrality.
Part of what was said on Roland’s post:
The usually brilliant Butchtastic Kyle wrote a blog post about his humiliating experiences at the hands of the TSA agents at the airport. Normally, I would think this would be a topic to break the beers out for, since I too have had some head-spinning experiences with security dudes before and love to compare notes.
However, here’s the rub; Butchtastic Kyle was whining – and it’s fair to call it exactly that – about the inappropriate search he received for going through airport security packing a silicon cock.
Yep, weeks after the dude in Detroit tried to blow up an airliner with explosives hidden in his underpants, Butchtastic Kyle thinks it’s in somehow appropriate to march through security with six inches of silicon stuffed in exactly the same place – his briefs; and then gets pissy about the reception he got (both from security and in the comments on his blog, including mine.)
So my words, that I shouldn’t have held:
You’re wrong. You are flat-out wrong. You missed the entire point of the post, of the incident he recalled, his words. Did you even really read it? You, a white hetero cis-male, couldn’t ever possibly put yourself in Kyle’s shoes and understand how the TSA’s treatment felt. The TSA had every right to pull him aside and do a search. That part I will not deny and I don’t think Kyle was, either. It was the utter disrespect and disdain they served up to him. The lack of privacy and humiliation. NO ONE deserves that shit from ANY ONE. Period. If you suffered the indignation of a public humiliation I’d bet all my pretty undies that you’d be up in arms and fricasseeing the offenders.
After Britni attempted to school him in comments he replied to her “You seem to always assume that your perspective is the only correct one, and that anybody who disagrees with you is somehow not entitled to have an independent opinion of their own.”
BLACKER THAN NIGHT.
He also said in comments “Some people in this community are aware that I was actually the subject of a documentary in the UK on a certain form of discrimination!” Then pray tell, how HOW can you say Kyle was WHINING? How would you react if one of us wrote up a ranty blog post saying how you were coming off as a whiny, entitled sad sack? I invoke the Golden Rule here. Try it sometime.
Another quote, while I’m at it:
Ultimately, if I’ve learned anything from this experience it’s that it’s all very well to call out people like Britni and Kyle; but you sound like a bit of a horse’s ass if you end up exhibiting bloggy behavior that’s arguably worse than theirs.
That was said ironically, right? Seriously? No, really, tell me it was.
I have learned 3 lessons
1. Even Switzerland has to step in sometimes.
2. ….shit, I forgot the second one……
3. I’ve grown up. Old me would have read Roxy’s rant and written her off for doing it publicly without bitching me out personally, and for her vicious words. This Lilly read it. Thought about it. Talked to Roxy. Cried and apologized and did the whole “other shoes” bit and went “wow….she’s right. I was wrong in my inactions.” Publicly apologized and attempted to right the wrong.
So Kyle….and Kyle’s loving White Knight (roxy)…..I am humbly and terribly sorry. Sorry for remaining neutral and thinking it was ok. For not seeing that the way I handled it was wrong. Sorry for not saying fuck my “job” and drawing a line in the sand. Mostly, sorry that you are hurting and I didn’t help.
I won’t be making this error in judgment again.