Apr 202010
 

The flirting has been coming back in bits and pieces; odd occurrences and mostly lighthearted. Some improper things said, things we used to say, and then 5 minutes later it’s back to talking about whatever.

I don’t know why it’s back.

He is the one who put the ban on this side of the friendship, last year.

I tried very hard to stop thinking about him that way for many months. I wouldn’t let myself. It worked for a number of months though, I kept it at bay. And then the first time of falling off the wagon together I tried to quickly push it away. “Shouldn’t do that”. Teasing here, inappropriate innuendo there.

But every now and then I give in for a few minutes with him. I guess he’s giving in, too. Occasionally he’ll get Toppy with me and that affects me even more. He knows it. But we shouldn’t do this. But I think we can’t help it, given the infectious grins that spread on our faces for the few minutes.

And it always starts off so inconspicuously. Innocent, like the sort of teasing that might occur now and then between any other pair of friends who share a hint of attraction to each other. But the problem with us is the history, the knowing how to push each others buttons. We shouldn’t. But it’s hard to resist. It’s an ego stroke, I guess. It feels good in more than one way.

It always shocks me how quickly an off-hand, innocent “joking” remark can turn into something that makes me squirm. Last week it was bratty banter and a “shut up or I’ll whip you” which, in text, is harmless. Harmless, except for how badly I still want him to actually do it. Before I could catch myself I said something to the effect of “front or back?” and the mental image of him wielding a flogger or his hand to my naked ass and then my bare cunt was just too much for me to handle. He knew it was getting to me; and I told him so. When he gave me an order (half-joking?) it would have been so easy for me to give in and answer with nothing more than the “Yes, sir” that wanted to fall off my tongue. I shouldn’t, I knew it. He tried again and it took all of my self control to stay my course.

Of course, where did I find myself hours later?

Egging him on. Giving in, subtly. Telling myself, telling him (but not outloud) to go there again and I’ll follow. Thankfully (I guess) he didn’t take the bait. Either I was too subtle or the “shouldn’t”s took control for him again or he was merely too deeply embroiled in work drama whereas first thing in the morning he’s still in transition. A minor rebuff, a reality check for me. Just as well……….

  • Chris

    Sweet Lilly,

    This is so often the case.  We put brakes on desire “officially” but cannot keep our lusts from surfacing.  Convention and expidience create a tension that only explodes when we least expect it.  The explosion can be so strong as to destroy us.  Such wild and blissful destruction! Thx tyranny of lust.

    We long for a tyrant….