This blog is a sad and sorry state of affairs. It really is, lately. My writings have suffered and I haven’t figured out why, exactly.
Until I’m too deep in it to come out.
I do not suffer from clinical depression. I do not have a serotonin disorder. However, when any chemical imbalance is left go for too long, it can start looking like something else. I’ve seen untreated dopamine disorders (ADD, for example, like myself) manifest as severe anxiety or depression. Treating the anxiety/depression with mental health meds for those disorders doesn’t help. You have to treat the underlying cause (which is why my husband went so long with improper treatment).
My issue is still tht I can’t find a decent doctor that’s covered under my insurance and local. There’s very few here taking new patients, and I discovered that driving 30 minutes to a doctor’s appointment IS a big enough hassle to warrant not doing it. My last 2 docs overmedicated me. So I’ve been off everything and for awhile there I was doing ok.
Not ok. Frankly, I’m depressed as shit right now and can give no decent reason. Sure, hub’s out of a job but we’re not destitute. I had a nice trip to NYC and going to Seattle end of this month. We’ve got medical bills for me that we’re whittling away at but I’m soon going to be paying most of them off with a sidejob I just did. No, I’m not getting any web design work but it’ll come eventually. My blog might suck ass right now but e[lust] and the co-op are going well. I truly hate my 9-5 job though and dislike many of the people in my office. I wish I didn’t have to come here. But I’m the only source of health insurance, and there’s a hiring freeze on so I can’t move elsewhere within the “company” to at least get out of this particular section. I’m having pain issues, again. Memory/brain issues again. My bff is too busy at his job right now and he’s barely around so I miss him.
I have friends.
I have a good husband.
I have nice cats.
I HAVE a job and health insurance, even if I hate it all.
Sadly, brain chemical levels don’t give a flying shit about what’s going on in your life and that you “should” or “should not” be depressed/anxious/manic. There is no “buck up, soldier, it’ll be ok tomorrow”. It’s just wonky chemicals and I know this but finding a doctor is such a goddamn huge hassle, plus I feel like I should have my outstanding bills paid before I add more to the pile, yanno?
So yeah. This isn’t much of a sex blog lately, and I’m sorry for that.
But sometimes…..ya just gotta squeeze out whatever’s in there, validity or relevancy be damned.
What do YOU do when you’re not feeling your normal sexy-blogger-self? Do you just write for the sake of writing and figure the sex part will get back on track soon? Or do you go dark and quit altogether for a temporary respite?