I shouldn’t have to worry, right? Wrong. Well… not about a rape, but… sexual harassment? Oh yeah. I’ve known too many cases at work where someone gets reported to HR for a crude joke or … just using terminology that offends. I have certainly known a few assholes – guys who would leer at women in the office and audibly talk about their “tits” or ramble on about wanting to do this or that to her. These are the guys that warrant a harassment claim – someone who makes life miserable for that person … even thought they’ve been told to stop. It’s especially bad if it’s a person in authority.

I still worry, though, because “harassment” of this sort is often in the eye of the beholder. The majority of crude jokes I hear at work are told by women. They try to lure me in, but I always smile and walk way. There’s no way in hell I’m putting my job at risk. All it takes is someone who’s not overly fond of men overhearing bits and pieces of the conversation, taking things out of context and it’s yet another “ignorant male.” There’s one woman, in particular, who likes to flirt with me. Sexual comments, but you know… I’m fine with it. I don’t say anything back, but if I were offended… I owe her the courtesy of telling her before reporting her to HR and ruining her career. People who offend don’t always know they’re BEING offensive.

It can also be a generational thing. There was an older lady who worked for me years ago. A nice woman. I had a team of 20 – a mix of men and women. I had a habit of saying “boys and girls” and she pulled me aside one day and told me she found it incredibly demeaning to be referred to as a “girl.” Now… I thought she was being a little too politically correct, but I was still mortified to know that I had offended her. If someone at work bothers you, you need to tell them before escalating the situation. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they don’t stop, then report their ass… but I’m constantly on guard because I don’t want to accidentally offend someone who won’t give me that courtesy. I like my income.

So then she felt really bad about it the next day and just jumped to “Well, I told him we should stop and he didn’t, that’s rape.” Honestly, I don’t think it is. If she would have stopped, he wouldn’t have forced her. Maybe he should have, but she should have too.

I think that happens more often then we want to believe, especially when there’s alcohol involved. Girls (and guys) who “say no” but then don’t stop themselves aren’t rape victims.

And anyone who cries rape when it didn’t happen? It’s a slap in the face to real rape victims.

I have a cousin who had a situation come up. His brother, my step-cousin, was going through issues with his ex-wife. Ex-wife was making my extended families life hell and she decided she was going to be a real bitch. My aunt and uncle were at the time still keeping their grand daughter at times (ex-wife/ my step cousin’s daughter) and Ex-wife reported that my cousin was molesting the child who was 4 or 5 at the time I believe. So, he was investigated, as were my aunt and uncle so many times. He never inappropriately laid a hand on the girl and after weeks of interviews, background checks, investigations and more, they came to the conclusion that nothing wrong had happened between my cousin and the child. They live in an extremely small town and a lot of people found out about what was going on. My cousin was humiliated by what was going on, he was innocent, and ex-wife was just being a cunt. After the child said over and over that my cousin never did anything bad to her, ex-wife eventually said that she had been “mistaken” in her “assumptions” about what went on in my aunt and uncle’s household. Months later, she said she didn’t even think about the kind of trouble my cousin would have been in before she opened her mouth and lied. Did she get in trouble at all for her lies? No. My cousin was humiliated and had people looking at him like he was a sick freak (they live in a very small town where everyone knows everything about everyone) for months after that, even though it came to be that he was innocent of everything ex-wife had accused him of doing.

It’s wrong to wrongly accuse anyone of anything like that. Be it rape, molestation or any kind of abuse, sexual or otherwise. It can ruin someone’s life. If they had gotten someone who chose to believe ex-wife’s lies and not investigate into as much, he would have done jail time, become a sex offender and had his life fucked up over some vindictive bitches bullshit lies. It’s fucking wrong to do that to someone.

– PB