Nov 302009

Well, I made it through the holiday and weekend without killing somebody or getting disowned. Barely. Dinner with the in-laws actually wasn’t *quite* as bad as I expected, perhaps because this time they were forced to talk to us without my mother there. I nearly said a few inappropriate things but managed to catch it in time. The food was better than previous years thanks to my subtle and sometimes-secret intervention. You see, his dad doesn’t use salt, butter, etc on most standard things…no seasonings. It is my firm opinion that mashed potatoes need salt, butter, milk. I think he just mashed them up with the starchy potato water. But I covertly threw in about 1/4 cup of kosher salt into the boiling water, so they weren’t completely awful. I also snuck salt & pepper into the gravy while I helped stir. Due to me buying him one of those digital probe thermometers that are endorsed by Alton Brown, the turkey turned out beautifully – shockingly, he listened to me about time and temp. Of course, he still kept obsessively wondering if the goddamn “button” had popped yet despite me telling him it wouldn’t pop, it didn’t pop last year, its meant to pop up at higher temps than we want.

Dinner with my family on Saturday ended up being a nightmare. My mom was in a shit ton of back pain and sick from it. No matter what I did or said it was nearly impossible to get her to just let me handle it so she could lay down. When the extended family showed up to help, it became this chaotic nightmare. Between having 7 adult women and 2 teenage girls in the kitchen and having 3 younger kids literally running and screaming through the house, my nerves were fried before we sat down to eat. In fact, I couldn’t even sit at the table at first, I wanted to just run away. I felt claustrophobic, and just wanted to be alone. Had to take a valium to get through it. Saturday cemented the fact that I’m not ready for kids, and when I am, I am adopting a girl. The boys…..I don’t know why I’m surprised, they’ve been hell-spawn since the age of 3 but holy mother of pearl I told them to stop running, stop jumping, stop the pillow fight, 45 times if I said it once and it all made me want to stab my cousins for not discplining their kids better (or at all).

Apparently being off of most of my psychiatric drugs is really messing with me in bizarre ways. I was on one ADD stimulant and 2 antidepressants (which are a stimulant in their own way) (wellbutrin and a new one for fibromyalgia pain). They took me off the Wellbutrin because the one day I was in to see the psych my blood pressure was elevated. He then said that I didn’t NEED to be on two anti-depressants and so he took me off the Wellbutrin….forgetting that the other one is slightly different and given to me for my fibromyalgia, forgetting that the Wellbutrin affects dopamine whereas the other one does not. I’m always too overwhelmed when I’m at the doc and so I didn’t think of my comeback till later: “The reason I came to see YOU was to work out if it was alright for me to be adding that fibro med onto my current psych meds and you said it was fine. Now it’s not??”.  And then my pill-taking schedule got all out of whack (breaks in routine do that – the NY trip was a big break in routine and then I was out of the ADD med for a week and then the med change) and I have consistently forgotten the ADD med now for 2 weeks. The other one I mostly remember at night, mostly forget during the day. But somehow being off the stimulants has made me manic.

When I was first put on all three at the same time, I now realise, was when the writer’s block first kicked in. I’m able to do a little bit more now, but I’m still having problems. However I’m not in the fog that I was in back then. I’m such a puzzle, and I need a better doctor to figure me out. I’ve been on so many meds, so many diagnosis and nothing yet appeases Psychiatric Goldilocks….nothing is just right. It seems that the more stimulants I am on, the more asleep I am. Which can make some sense….its why they give ADHD patients (some of whom are already notoriously hyper) a stimulant to calm them and their brain down. In some ways I kinda like this manic phase. Sure, my ability to focus and shit is way off kilter but I’m liking the nervous energy. Of course not when it results in the “Lilly wants to cower in the corner and cry” just from being in a loud chaotic mass of family members.

WOW. That was a fucking rambling scrambled mess, wasn’t it…..

This is why I haven’t yet written much these last two weeks since the manic has kicked in….sure the beginnings of ideas and ability are there but I can’t make it proper and pretty and…..readable lol. Um so yeah….sorry….but Rage asked for it!

Nov 272009

She always was able to lose herself in a good book. Her vivid imagination painted the scene, conjured up the voices, simulated the emotions. It was a blessing and yet sometimes a curse. As was usual when reading an erotica book, she was able to imagine herself in the scenarios being described. Her most recent acquisition of erotica was no different and she couldn’t deny the throbbing in her cunt. That night, her mind instinctively included Him in these thoughts; but the moment she consciously realized what her mind was doing, she shook it off and kept on reading.

“Must not do that anymore”, she said to herself.

But oh, the pull of her mind, it was too much to deny. She surrendered and let her imagination run free. Just one more time.

As her orgasm built she could practically feel His hand on her throat, his lips at her temple, could almost hear the filthy words he would have uttered at one point. It had been a long, slow climb with an expected grand finish.

The orgasm, however, surprised her.

It was not her cunt releasing fluids and climaxing with pleasure. No, there was wetness but it was not in the right place. As her weak and confusing clitoral orgasm diffused, the tears pouring from her eyes suddenly came into focus.

Instead of the built up sexual pleasure releasing, the blocked heartache released. She let the tears do their thing, she let herself be lost in the emotions and the purging. The  painful, heavy lump in her throat had to be dissolved. She silently wept in the darkened bedroom; tears for the lies she had told herself, tears for the fantasies that would never see the light of reality, tears for the loss of him, tears for what she wasn’t able to give him. Bitter anger for never managing to be “more” than the ghosts of his past; self-defeat for not managing to be enough of……anything, really. So much wrong, not enough right.

When the tears stopped of their own accord, she acknowledged to herself: “That was the last time”.

The last time her fantasies would include him.

The last time she would long for him.

The last time she would cry over him.

She put his shoes away; in a box, in the closet, underneath a stack of junk. Chin up, deep breath…..walk away.

Pleasurists #55

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Nov 272009

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #54? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #56? Use our submission form and submit it before Sunday November 29th at 11:59pm PST. Be sure to read our submission guidelines.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Looking for something other than reviews?
The latest (and first) edition! e[lust] #1

Editor’s Pick

  • LELO Elise by Scintillectual
  • Remember when I said I was on hiatus from relationships? Well, I lied. I know, I know! I can hear my friends railing now about the fact that I jump into things too quickly and yes, she has already moved in with me. But, really, I do think she’s THE ONE. Before you get all hot and bothered, let me introduce you. Dear reader, this is LELO Elise.

    Note: Apparently I’m loving LELO reviews again this month (last week’s EP was LELO Ella)! I’ve read many many Elise reviews so they have to be special in order for them to catch my eye or make me want to finish them, and this one is written in an extremely entertaining manner so even if you’re burned out on LELO reviews like I thought I was it’s definitely worth the read.

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews… Continue reading »

Nov 252009

*Disclaimer: I’m kinda off my meds right now. Well, some of them. Somehow going OFF the stimulants has me more awake to the point of being jittery, has dissolved the “inappropriate filter” a good deal, while at the same time completely killing what little ability I had remaining for focusing on the tasks at hand. You’ve been warned.

Actually, the only people I’ll likely end up offending are the ones who are too uptight and take themselves too seriously.

As I sit here hoarding the pumpkin roll and orgasming over the cream cheese frosting, let me take this time to say that if there was a product that made male ejaculate taste like sweetened cream cheese (but ew no NOT the consistency thankyouverymuch) then I just might become a cocksucking whore. Seriously it’s shameful how much I’ve eaten today and the absolute lack of self-control when I’m in the room with an item frosted with cream cheese. I daresay I’d even eat banana bread if it had creamcheese frosting on it. (holymotherfuck I bet people click on the link to this page from google searches for ‘cream cheese frosting recipe’ and hoooboy are they in for a shocker and no I don’t mean the hand gesture)



Oh, clarification: Twitter is not  cyber-sex chat room. I know of two couples right off the bat who are going to heartily disagree with me on this (and they know who they are) but I also know of many others who will agree with me on this (and if you don’t cop to it in comments, then you’re a Douchetard). Before they get pissy, let me say that my opinion on this doesn’t mean I have anything against them personally. Not at all. But since I have to see the cybersex tweets in my stream because I follow you, I feel I am allowed this opinion. Captain Awkward (pronounced CAPTAIN AWWWWWKWARRRDDD a la Captain Caveman) is here to tell you kiddies that it’s usually not hot, it’s uncomfortable. It’s private and we feel like we’re intruding but yet we’re not. If you find your cybersex to be so hot that it would be a shame to hide it from the world, then turn the transcript into a blog post.

The Problem with Yoga

Crissy has a new post today up at Toy With Me. I love this lady, but I have to learn not to read her posts while at work. I had to suck in my cheeks like fishyface and bite them so as to not bust out laughing and then be quesioned “Whatcha laughin at??” by the first nosy co-worker who walked by. I also must say that Crissy is one fucked up lady for thinking up these sex positions in the first place, these positions that require the safety harnesses that the Cirque du Soleil. Or.


[……..] OOOOO or in a zero gravity room!!! CRISSY!!!! THATS IT!!! These are sex positions to try when you have a zero gravity experience and if you started a pay-by-the-hour zero-gravity hotel with these illustrations hung up like art, for inspiration, you’d make a fortune. In Japan.

I know, right?!?! (call me, I know a guy, he’ll back it if we install spycams)



I’m a people-pleaser. Yes I know that sounds like a bad line from an interview or cover letter for any given retail job or a euphemism for big ole slut but I really am. Some tell me I’m too nice, and I’m finally realizing that I think I am. I’ve seen recently that a few friends are taking advantage of me, taking me for granted. Let me tell you something. I do not have the ego enough to state that the grass isn’t greener on the other side of me. It very well could be, because people I am FAR from perfect. But let me just say that when you slight me in favor of that greenie-green grass? You’d better learn to love it because the gate will be closed, you can’t come back and get the same quality of grass that you got from me before. I will not be the temporary placard while you wait for the better thing to come along.

Also let me just say that if anybody reads that and feels the need to ask me if I’m referring to them, then they should take a minute and think about why their guilty conscience assumed it so. And when you’re done thinking, just keep it to yourself.



I’m really dreading the holiday this week. Why? Did you read the disclaimer up there??? The in-laws are a little….proper. I can’t swear in front of them. I feel the need to sit ramrod straight and make sure I use the proper fork. I’m so afraid that I’ll make last years slip-up look like child’s play. All I did was spill something on the pretty clothe tablecloth and out of my mouth flew “SHIT!” and the table went silent as my hub and mom tried to stiffle giggles and the in-laws tried to not let their abject horror show. In conversation this week with one of the two girlfriends I have with whom I can let the snark fly, she’s telling me about a family Christmas tradition that they’re practically being held at gunpoint to play along with. I can’t tell you all the details and really it’s a “you have to have been there” but I said “Christ what is this, a Merry 3rd Reich Christmas?!?”. *sigh* Or how about I’m in Target the other day, and I pick up a container with no barcode on it OF COURSE and I’m in a hurry OF COURSE but thankfully instead of the guy making someone go check, he asked if I recalled the price. Jesus man, no, I barely remember what row I parked my car in. The price was fuzzy in my head but I knew it started with 6 and ended with 9. I said this. I SAID THAT! I said “I think it’s like $6.29 or $6.49….I’m not sure. I know there’s a 6 and a 9 in there but I forget that middle number” and then he asked his manager for the ok to just use that price and SHE asked me and I SAID IT AGAIN and I didn’t REALIZE what I was saying until I walked away from the register and then I was overcome by embarassment and the giggles like a goddamn 12 year old.

Holy Fuck.

I’ll just have to tell Hub to do most of the talking tomorrow, and then for the dinner with my (considerably less uptight) family on the weekend, I’ll be sure to avoid alcohol and make sure the adults know that Aunt Lilly might not be “under 18 approved” this weekend and to hide away their children.

e[lust] #1

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Nov 212009


HNT Courtesy of Coy Pink


Welcome to the first edition of e[lust]! Below is your source for inspirations of lust and sexual intelligence from a wide range of sex bloggers. Want to be included in the next edition? Submission period opens for e[lust] # 2 on November 20th – subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for all updates! Check out the submission guidelines and rules of general conduct here.


This week’s top three picks as chosen by fellow e[lust] participants:

At Your Service – His hand pushes on my thigh and I turn away from him, allowing him to inspect my ass. His hands spread my ass cheeks and again I flood with wetness.


Cinderella – “‘I want to fuck you…’ he growled, nipping at her neck and kissing down over her breasts, biting at her nipples through the fabric, making her cry out.

Anal Sex Pt 2: The Ins and Outs of Butt Sex – Butt sex is what you make of it. Enjoy yourselves, be careful, and try everything that looks interesting.

Editor’s Pick:

The Slut Chronicles #5 – The Flight Delay – “When her eye caught his blatantly checking her out, he only grinned wider, with no remorse at all and it was she who blushed furiously.”


A note from the editor: And so it begins…


See also: Pleasurist’s #54 for your sex toy review needs.


Continue reading »

Nov 212009


You all know I love my written erotica, so reviewing these books is quite a treat for me. Sure, the sex toys get me off, but these books can get me worked up enough in the absence of anything else to a high enough level of arousal to elicit some really strong orgasms.

There are two main types of erotic novels – full novel-length single-author jobs, and multi-author short story compilations like this book. I can appreciate both. The full length books allow you to get immersed in the characters and scenes; if the author and reader have vivid enough imaginations then the reader can feel like a true fly-on-the-wall observer or even part of the action. It takes skill to be able to pull this off in short story format and I have to say that many bloggers that I read can pull this off just as well (or even better) than some stories published in these anthologies.

It’s the nature of the design that when you buy these compilations, you will have varying opinions of the stories contained within. The pieces in Frenzy: 60 Stories of Sudden Sex are about brevity. Brevity of the encounter or of the tale. Given the title I expected all the stories to be about “sudden sex” but some fit the description so loosely that it can throw you off a bit, waiting, “where’s the impromptu fuck??”.  Some are so short that they don’t even fill a page. While these can be just as erotic and vivid, it takes great skill to do so. I don’t think that many of the super-short-shorts in this book deliver. They have potential but more is needed.Most of the pieces in this book though are between 3-5 pages, a good length.

Of course with the shortness of the story comes the ability to cram in a larger variety into the book – and this means a greater probability that you’ll be aroused by most of the book. And aroused I was. I found myself devouring 3, 6, 8 little shorts in each session. Of course there is a necessary break inbetween sessions for sustenance and orgasm. But ultimately you have your choice – do you laze away your day and succumb to the temptation of escaping into many different little worlds and orgasms? Or do you draw it out with daily respites like an oasis, a sweet end to your day?

All in all, do I recommend it? Yes indeed. Alison Tyler included a great many hot steamy pieces here. I don’t count every erotic compilation book a success and this fares pretty well in my opinion. If you’re looking for even more short-attention-span stories, I’d also recommend her 2003 book “Down and Dirty: 69 Super Sexy Short-Shorts“. I’ve had that one for a while now and it’s one of the few I’ve pulled out every couple of years for a re-read. Thanks to for sending me today’s book!