Oct 282009

I like making people happy.

Sex makes people happy.

No, this doesn’t mean I’m going to become Lilly, International Prostitute (although some days I consider it, when the bank account balance weebles and wobbles). But it does mean that I am more than happy to help you pick out sex toys.

Hello, I am Lilly – your personal sextoy shopper!


I’ve had a few readers-who-aren’t-bloggers ask me for some recommendations after they’ve felt comfortable enough to do so. Men, namely. In fact most of those who ask for my help are men.  But giving recommendations to men for toys for them is actually alot less complicated than giving advice for a toy for a woman. On one of the forums that I’ve joined recently I put up a post letting all the pervs there know that I’m a toy reviewer and will gladly offer advice on which toys to purchase. I’ve answered about a dozen questions there and I have fun doing this.

I’m not the be-all-end-all sextoy expert, I know that there’s bloggers who’ve reviewed a lot more toys than me (but I think 80% of us are more qualified to recommend a toy than Sue Johannsen) but I’ve learned a whole hell of a lot in my time reviewing. I’ve learned which brands to avoid and which to trust. Which materials to avoid. How to give a real good educated guess on what a toy will be like that I haven’t tried, but have tried something similar. And how to wade through the reviews that others give in which opinions vary widely. For reviews on toys, there’s no site that I trust as a whole more than edenfantasys.com. The reviews on the site are a mixture of buyers and bloggers. For the most part bloggers kick ass at reviewing and I can glean pretty safe knowledge between the two types of reviews. Many other sites like Babeland and VibeReview don’t have a distinction of blogger reviews – every little blurb review appears the same no matter the person doing it. For the blogger review you have to go find the blogger’s site. Call me jaded but I’ve seen some “buyer” reviews on these sites that look suspicious to me and I have to doubt if it was done by an actual buyer person like myself.

Edenfantasys also has numerous other tools for buyers. The 1:1 viewer so you can see the true size; the ability to filter toys by their material, size, brand, etc. No, they’re not a super-store carrying 10 thousand items, but I quite like that. The super-store sites tend to carry 30% jelly, 40% cheap shit junk and 30% good stuff.

So. Fire away! Email your questions to me and it’ll all remain confidential. If I ever want to write a follow-up post to this with reader questions and my recommendations I will ask your approval first. Here’s a starting point of what I’ll need to know to begin helping you:

  • What gender is the toy for?
  • Is the toy for you, a partner, or a gift to a friend?
  • Do you have any known allergies to things like latex, etc?
  • Is the toy for you and just you, to be used sometimes by you and sometimes with your partner, solely as a couples thing or what?
  • What’s your general price range? Keep in mind that you can’t always get a really great toy for less than $20, especially in categories such as male masturbators. I’ll only recommend a toy over $100 if I truly feel there’s no other decent alternative for less.
  • Do you (or the recipient) have any health issues or known sexual issues that need to be taken into consideration?
  • Have you tried any sextoys in the past and if so, which ones and how did they work out for you?
Oct 212009

More babbling and boring words, in my effort to just write about “whatever” and  not strive to fit into the theme of the blog. Bear with me :P I might lose readers, but I don’t much care these days – you can expect that the rambling babbling real-life based posts will continue for a bit. At least I’m writing. That and I have some un-sex shit I need to get out.

I didn’t say anything at the time, but I had a scare a month ago or so with someone accessing my blog and the IP showed to be from my work. They didn’t stick around to read much and they came to my blog through someone else’s blog. Minor but still freaked me out.

Anyone who’s an anonymous blogger has had scares, I’m sure. Anonymous blogging isn’t easy, especially when the things we blog about would not go over well in our little corner of “the real world”. We must take care to not show too much in pictures. We must change details about ourselves and those we write about.

For example, in the first week of blogging I didn’t know that and gave “K” a different initial. His real one. I didn’t think a thing of it. While his paranoia might have been a bit much because it wasn’t like he had any online ties to me or something (other than perhaps browser history), it’s still a valid concern. So ever since “K” I’ve had to make up names/initials for anyone I’ve talked about that doesn’t match their real name, and also change little details. And it’s not always easy to keep track of what details I’ve changed about a person. Sometimes I’ll have to go back and read prior posts to remember what hair/eye color, location, age, marital status etc I’ve given them.  Even for me, especially for me, I’ve changed details.

I really envy bloggers like Carrie Ann who is fully “out” on her blog. It would be much easier! Infidelity bloggers seem to be more susceptible to the “vanish in the night” phenomenon but I know of other sex bloggers who’ve had to shut down their blog because the wrong people found it. Some move their blog like Amy and Roxy and some others just vanish. So if you come here one day and find me gone……you know what happened and it will likely be work-related.

Facebook, and my stupidity, doesn’t make this anonymity business any easier. I have 3 main email accounts. The blog email, my personal gmail and my personal yahoo. Real life friends and family know the yahoo one. Last year when I created my “real life” Facebook account, I signed up using my personal gmail account because it was what I primarily used and I didn’t expect family members to hunt me down on there. Some blogger friends know this personal gmail account. Well, last year when Jake created his blogger-identity facebook account he used the “add friends from address book” feature and added the real me. I quickly realized that that was a link between my two worlds and it had to go (sorry Jake!). Not too long after that, though, I dropped FB because I just didn’t use it. When I came back to FB I created my blogger-identity account, like so many other bloggers were doing. And then I ended up re-activating my real-life FB account. You know how Facebook likes to “recommend” people for you to friend? Well one day it recommended the real-life me to my blogger-identity account! As soon as I figured out how that happened (I’ve forwarded emails from one gmail account to the other so they’re linked, apparently) I changed the email address from my personal gmail to my yahoo.  Apparently, Facebook never forgot my gmail account even though I erased all traces of it from there. It would still recommend blogger-me to real-me occasionally.

What I didn’t realize, until recently, is that not only was it doing that to ME but to other people. Recommending blogger-me to real-me friends and vice versa. A real-me friend did a friend request to blogger-me. I think my heart stopped for about 10 seconds, lol. Luckily, out of all my FB friends, she is the sole person that it doesn’t matter. I already knew we shared similar sexual views and we’d had conversations in the past. Plus she says she recognized my cleavage. I had to laugh at that one. So, ok, fine. Added her as a friend. I still didn’t think that anybody else would make the correlation like she did. Enter in another privacy-invading Facebook tactic. When said friend commented on one of my blogger-me photos, that activity showed up in the “highlights” section for anybody who was her friend. If they clicked on the link, it would take them to my photo album. Nevermind the fact that I had privacy settings out the wazoo. It would still let them see the photos but not my profile. I found this out through Hub who is friends with both me and her and knows about my blog (obviously). Since I had no way of making Facebook forget about the goddamn correlation, combined with it’s wacky ideas on privacy, that led to me deleting the blogger-me Facebook account. Just in case any of you wondered where I went on there :)

Oct 182009

As you can see, I’ve written very little this month. The words just won’t come out, the block is being stubborn. Perhaps I have expressive aphasia or perhaps I’ve just watched too many episodes of House while I was off from work. It’s honestly like someone stole my words before they can even form. This condition isn’t just affecting my blog posting, it’s affecting my online conversations as well. I’ll find myself staring at the IM screen, unable to say anything to my best friend, unable to start new conversation threads. The issues there are a bit more complicated than I care to talk about here, but luckily he’s swamped from all areas lately and doesn’t have the time to even notice.

I was off work for 2.5 weeks for health reasons as I mentioned on my side blog. However it was almost equally for mental health reasons; the pain can make you go crazy sometimes and I was cranky – mostly at work but some at home. During my time off I had plans, I even made lists of those plans. It all fell so very short and I felt so disappointed in myself. I had planned to write a great deal and have completed posts in backlog for times when I was too busy or otherwise unable to write. Ha! Ironic, eh? I had also planned to take a whole bunch of HNT pics. I did try, but I hate 98% of them. I couldn’t seemingly come up with anything creative enough or anything that translated onto film the way it did in my head.

And it’s not so much that I can’t come up with things to write about. Before my break started I had started about 12 drafts just to get the post title and/or ideas down so that I didn’t forget. At that time I could have written them; I guess I should have. Now I stare at them and I can’t put sentences and paragraphs together. I can’t nail down a cohesive flow or fully express what is in my head. Not surprisingly my libido is also down. But is it the cause of or because of the writing block?

So this post is as much of an explanation of my absence as it is my attempt to just fucking write SOMETHING. Heh, speaking of which, reminds me of the shining moment of my ADD test recently. I’m seeing a new psych and even though I’ve been tested before, he apparently didn’t believe me/it and wanted it done again. Basically a lot of questions are asked – some are “on a scale of 1 to 5” type, some are frustrating (count backwards from 100 in steps of 7, which was embarassingly difficult for me), and some are stupid (copy a few stick drawings). One oddball question was that he told me to write down on the piece of paper in front of me “A sentence, anything at all that comes to mind”. My “expressive aphasia” had already started and I just stared blankly at the paper for 10 seconds, felt stupid that I couldn’t even do it, and took the smart-ass cop-out route. I wrote “anything at all that comes to mind”. It wasn’t until much later that day that I lamented that I even fucked THAT up because it wasn’t a properly full sentence!!!

I need to go be somewhat productive today. Boring shit. Grocery store, laundry, try out a new curly-hair product and hope it works for me, make up my medication packets for the week, and do a few things for the NYC trip in November. I figure if I can do a little here and there that I won’t be running around like a madwoman for the 48 hours prior and end up forgetting things.

I’m not hitting spell check today. I’m not previewing it and rereading it. I’m just going to click “publish” and let that be that. I apologize for the snoringly boring post, but it had to be done. Yes, I know, every blogger (except AAG who never runs out of words or the ability to string them together) goes through writing block and blah periods. I know, I’ll get past it. So instead of telling me those platitudes, how about you recommend a blog to me that you think I might not know about? Or ask me a question that I’ll answer in a future post (not so much throwing out an erotica topic, though). Or, recommend places in NYC for me to check out. Even if it’s just a really awesomely cool example of fancy architecture in an old building. Or a place to get food that has “the best” something.

Oct 132009

One, just one

Long and skinny, it’s not enough. It’s a tease, a horrid tease, it makes me mad.

Two has a purpose

Two can stick firmly side by side and do curl-ups like they teach in books and magazines.

Two isn’t bad but soon I’ll ask for more.

Three, give me three, I need to feel the feeling of being full in a way

At first three felt like four, like a magician’s ruse. I couldn’t quite believe you that three wasn’t four.

Three hurt in that delicious, big way.

The next time around, though, three was the new two and I soon found my hips silently reaching for four.

And somewhere along the way, four snuck in.

But my eyes were closed and I couldn’t see the logical, I only saw colors as I focused on the sensations.

I close my eyes so that I may feel more intensely and more surely.

I close my eyes so that nothing distracts me from the climb.

Afterwards, in my giggly hazy post-game show, I was in happy awe when you said it was four, right up to the knuckles and a little bit of five, even! As I stared at your hand and marveled at the width my cunt just stretched, stretched like a toothless grin, I showed you how to form your hand so that five might gain entrance next time. It’s my goalpost and not yours, but you aim to please nonetheless.

It’s not until later that I think it over and I mentally compare his hand to His hand. The hand that’s been there is an artist’s hand, a drummers hand. Strong but long and thin. His hands rough and bigger, His fingers are thicker. And I wonder if His hand would ever have been able to gain full entrance. But I shudder a little when I remember that this was His curiosity as much as mine and he would have made that hand go in there, no doubt about it.

Oct 122009

Whew, what a mouthful of a title! So this review is for something that is pretty unique and can be viewed as the “Sybian Lite” in a way. It fits into the sex furniture category but also the Hitachi accessory category. As you’ve gathered from the title it’s a cushion meant to hold the Hitachi Magic Wand so that you can straddle it and grind away hands-free to orgasm.

The product was originally called “My Buddy”; maybe it’s my age but there’s one thing that pops into my head when I hear that name and it will always and forever be this annoying child’s talking doll from the 80’s. Or 90’s. whenever it was.


The Love Seat is a block of foam covered in a stretchy nylon-ish fabric. The foam is carved out a little up top and there’s an opening sliced open from top to bottom that you thread the cord through and then the handle of the massager through; the massager is then surrounded by foam. It’s really very simple to figure this thing out. You don’t need to remove the cover to insert the massager, you just shove a hand down the center with the plug of the cord in hand, and get that through to the bottom of the Love Seat. Keep pulling and then push the handle down inside. Continue reading »

Oct 092009

The market for suction-cup dildos isn’t really very big. Remove from the list anything made of jelly, rubber or cyberskin and it ends up being a mighty small list, indeed. So I was thrilled when I found the SinFive line of sex toys, even more so when I saw that they make two suction-cup dildos. While they’re not silicone, they’re still a very safe material. EdenFantasys lists it as “WTP” which is “completely non-porous, odorless, phthalate and latex free. WTP is tested under strictest European safety standards to be totally safe for the skin and inside the body.” Well that’s pretty damn good! In my eyes the design is a bonus – it’s phallic but not a replica of a penis.


I chose the Pikilo over the Burgono because of size. The SinFive Pikilo is Continue reading »