I too wrestle with submission although I know I am submissive and have the submissive personality. There are some things that I react to in a submissive manner and others I absolutely DO NOT.

There are different levels of submission.

I will think on this more – do some research and get back to you.

I did love my gift btw. Thank you R …
but R play nicely … we subs give because we want to make you dom’s happy happy happy … when you are not happy happy happy – it hurts our heart and our brain.

I agree full heartedly with Maitress.

I think if you and R were closer and he was able to gently spank your ass for not doing things exactly the way he intended that would be better than the ‘word spanking’ for the physical is a reminder to do what you are told and also provides so much pleasure in the pain (easier to remember – so much easier).

I hope that helps babydoll … for you are so damn sexy and sweet and I missed talking with you these last few days … I’m trying to wrap my brain around all that is happening to me … I feel change and it frightens me … i don’t know how to make it all fit; my brain is all scattered and I’m quite possibly a wreck and I can’t think of anything but being with him again … while my ass heals – damn it was black and blue …

SO I have neglected you my darling and I am sorry!

I am trying to work my way back.

When i submit to Mistress’ desire, my will to object has been given away. If She wants to flog me, my need to not allow harm to be done to me is given to Mistress. Therefore, She is my protector, & She looks after my well-being. This is where i agree with Nadia West.

When i obey Mistress, i do as She tells me. In the same example above, if Mistress wants to flog me, & She tells me to lie down & stay still, i do as i’m told.

Submission is also a gift. It should be treated with respect. If not, you’re not submitting, you’re being bullyed.

Finally, i do not think that being submissive means that i am a doormat. i feel it means quite the opposite. i submit my will to my Mistress, because i trust Her, whether it is by Her hand or another. But, that does not mean that ANY Dominant person can expect me to submit to them. In fact, i’m more likely to answer them with; “Piss or, shit-for-brains.”

Now, i shall go & read the rest of your blog.

anonyslut
Maitresse’s darling slut

~ Thanks for chiming in. All the insight is helping.

One of the things I like about submission is that he takes on the responsibility of taking care of me. It’s not that I can’t (or don’t) take care of myself, but there’s a comfort in knowing that while he asks a lot of me, he gives me a great deal as well.

~ Yes I can certainly say that R does a lot for me in the “non D/s” sense, thats for sure.

Well, I don’t mean to be diffictlt but the more I think about things, the more I think nobody “knows” anything. We can only get closer or farther away from being OK with ourselves. And you sound pretty OK with yourself. I like what Rori said: the dom should help you succeed. If they don’t, they aren’t doing their part. Communication always ends up being the crux of things.

Great blog, great post.

~ I didn’t say the relationship was D/s. It has its moments but 75% we are not in that side of it. I don’t get turned on by labels.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself to your dom completely. In my mind, giving myself over completely doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll never be bratty about something. Then again, I identify more with the Daddy/babygirl dynamic than the Master/slave dynamic.

I guess, I’m just saying that there’s nothing “wrong” with you. No decent dom would expect you to be able to fully submit right away as you start a D/s relationship. It cheapens it, kinda like saying I love you after only dating for a week. I do definitely think that you should talk to R about things, though.

One thing that’s really important, I’ve found, is that if you’ve done something to feel like you’ve failed completely, your dom should help you succeed next time. Take your failures as a learning experience, something that can help you bind together and know one another on a deeper level. Also, D once told me that my failures are his as well, so when you feel bad or disappointed in yourself, R probably feels bad and disappointed in himself as well. And next time you’ll both try harder. With that in mind, you can grow to give him more and more of yourself. It doesn’t need to be immediately and all at once.

Sorry that was so ramble-y!

~ No, ramble and lengthy is just fine by me :) Thank you for commenting, it’s giving me points to ponder.

~ Yeah, I’m trying. thank you.

~ No….it’s not possible…but also this is just mental and something to be worked out in my head. Getting rid of the jaw-clenching reaction and associating with old/bad obedience reactions.

Are you doing things for others just to make them like you or do you do it in part because it makes you feel good? Also how do these people perceive the things you do for them? I’m guessing that they see it as a you showing that you value them and you’re willing to go out of your way to help them or be good to them. Me for example, I do things for the gf to make her happy because making her smile or cheering her up makes me feel good.

“I still hold myself taut when submitting. I cannot fully let go.”

Why do you not fully let go? Is there a part of you that doesn’t want to give over full control or is there a corner of your mind that loves the idea of rebelling even just a little? With the gf she loves to be a bit of a rebel because she knows that if I’m in the right mindset she’ll get more of a punishment which she enjoys. Is it that way with you or is it something else? Just trying to get the mental gears going for you with the questions :)

~ When I say that I do things and I realized that I subconsciously was thinking “If I do this, he’ll like me more” it’s more of….things I’m being asked/told to do. Not things I come up with on my own, really. Which I do come up with things on my own, but thats a slightly different color of horse.
I cannot fully let go because I have a teeny bit of uncertainty. Fear of the unknown.

Peace – life is a journey of exploration!

:)

Blue

~ It’s not the current situation I’m unhappy with. It’s my own viewpoints and mental standing that I’m trying to work out.