As I review more sex toys, I’m learning some things about myself, toys and the sex toy industry.
1. Every woman is different. Our cunts are different. Every aspect is different. But just like the media is pushing that a size 2 is ideal these days, it seems that sextoy manufacturers are trying to tell me that my cunt is built wrong. I certainly feel that way!! I just got the Rock Chick today, a highly recommended toy by many other reviewers…..only to figure out in 10 minutes flat that it simply will NOT work with a cunt built like mine.
Like what? Well, my outer labia are fuller than average. Perhaps because I’m not skinny? Dunno. My clit is the size of Hello Kitty’s nose (thanks ) and it requires a fuckin map for new partners to find it. Even a seasoned partner has trouble! When it comes to sex toys like….dual stimulators…..Remote hands-free “butterfly” vibes….. These are meant for women who’s outer labia is not as full and their clits peek out to say hello world!
It seems to me that “the way I’m built” isn’t normal. At least that’s what porn models and the sex toy industry are leading me to believe.
2. My vagina is an F student in Braille. I see so many dildos that are touting how “realistic” they look, and have veins for added sensation. Or any of the countless non-penis-replica vibrators and dildos that have raised swirlies and bumps and ridges. I just can’t tell. I’m tight, but perhaps just not as sensitive. Since when did my girlie bits need to learn Braille just to get off??
3. Just because you pay over $50 for a toy, don’t expect it to be glorious. I’m not saying to stop buying them. But I’m not guaranteeing greatness. I’ve got numerous pricey toys I’ve reviewed that, had I purchased them, I would be pretty ticked off at their lack of oomph or single-minded design. We-Vibe. Doc Johnson I-Rabbit thingiemabobber. Even some of the Lelo toys I’m finding myself disappointed in their lack of power. Is it because they’re rechargeable? I’m not sure.
Most cheap-shit toys I, understandably, end up disappointed with as well. Tonight I got this bullet vibe from the lovely ladies at sextoy.com. At first I’m practically shouting from the rooftops my love for it! It’s -powerful-!!! Finally!!! But then, quickly, I find a defect. When I turn it on….it’s not turning on. I hafta shake the egg. Sometimes though it’s just fine. I’m still trying to determine if this is a singular defect, or the product as a whole. (I see now that it’s a wire issue. Gonna try a dab of superglue somewhere)
4. I’m learning that there are many of you who love my writing as much as my tits. I’m also learning that there’s many of you just here for the tits. So be it. But I have to wonder sometimes….what would happen if I pulled all my pics? What would happen if I never posted a nude photo again? Would my readership and commentors drop off like mayfly’s? (so help me – if you comment and cry out “nooo!!! don’t take away the noodz!!” I’ll slap you. I really will.)
5. I am learning that I’m part hermit, part social butterfly. What does that mean? I crave conversation, I’m in love with Twitter because it’s sometimes like a big ole chatroom. I’ve been up too late a few times lately just chatting around with a bunch of us in the same “circle” (we all follow each other) and having fun. Conversely, because my updates are private, people have to request to follow me. I’ve been denying most people lately. I look at them suspiciously, wonder why they want to follow. Perhaps to just have “another number”. I have over 200 followers of my twitter stream, and more than half never say boo.
That’s all I’ll bore you with tonight. Honestly I’d be shocked if most of you read the whole thing. Skimmed it, perhaps. I should put some sort of code in the posts that tell you something cool like….I’m giving away a $20 Babeland giftcard soon, or something. Hidden words that, if you read it all, will stick out to tell you that secret message.
Nah. I’m too lazy. And I need to visit more websites that will tell me that my cunt is built all wrong.