Feb 122009


In my post earlier this week I spoke of how one’s impression of sexbloggers can differ greatly from the reality.  Many of us that participate in HNT post weekly provocative half-nekkid photos. We’re dressed in sexy near-nothings, or wearing nothing and posed sinfully. Not all, but a lot. And most do not include their face in the photos. Therefore many readers must think that we must be model-beautiful to be posing and preening like that and having all this sex! All this hot, sexy, kinky sex!

And the fact is, we’re not all 10’s. I read on the swinger blogs quite often that the couple writing was disappointed by the lack of attractive (to them) people at the swinger clubs to fuck – but hey we all have sex. Words and attitude can make up for a fuck of a lot, I’ve found. We’re all tapping in to our inner Sex God(dess) and bringing it slowly to the forefront.

Those who responded to my earlier post agreed that their real-life, non-superhero alter-ego is a good “cover” so to speak. Perhaps some of us are “average”. Perhaps others are “above average” in the physical appearance department. But, regardless, unlike people such as Audacia Ray and Violet Blue and Rachel Kramer Bussell, our real life work/socialization doesn’t have anything to do with sex. We are not “out” in that way.

Someone brought up a good point though. And a few points to ponder.

It all seems so innocuous, doesn’t it? These masks that we wear in public and even to our close family and friends. The question of the moment is : Would you treat somebody you know personally near and dear to you any different if all of the sudden they had a blog. What if they had a sex blog? What if…. they had a sex blog and you’ve been commenting there for a long long time?

So….what if?

What if you found out that they had a sex blog?

I’m not going to touch on the area of co-workers because you’re not usually close to them despite sometimes seeing them more waking hours than your family. But what if you found out your aunt/uncle/cousin had a sex blog? Your parent(s)? Your child? Is the blood relation a multiplier in the squick factor?

In speaking of a family member, I don’t know how you all were raised but as a kid you were kicked out of the room for “adult” conversations. As a teenager you likely hid your burgeoning sex life from these authority figure adults. And holy gods it was eye-burn-worthy if you walked in on a family member (parents, worse) having sex. It’s a fact of life, it’s something nearly everyone does to some degree. But with those people it’s a taboo topic. Now I know of people who openly and graphically speak of their sex lives with, say, their mom. I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. To find out a family member has a sex blog could be awkward, weird and uncomfortable knowledge.

Now, your close friends. It’s a different matter, no? Those are your peers to whom you likely do talk about sex with in some fashion. Depending on how prudish all or some involved parties are is the extent of the conversations. I know that any sexblogger wouldn’t be very phased by the knowledge; we’re all open and sexual beings.

What if you found out that they have a sex blog AND you’re a regular reader/commenter?

Would it lessen the blow, or the squick factor, with family members? Or would it be worse because you’ve now inadvertently been privy to all sorts of information and maybe photos that well…..just isn’t “normal” for family members to share.

What about if it were a friend? A sex that you’re not attracted to, would you be less open to their kinks and likes now that you know them? A sex you are attracted to but perhaps not the particular person; is your view of them going to change? Will you suddenly be attracted to them in real life?

What if you are the one being found out, or being read?

I know one blogger in particular had this problem and for her it was a major squick factor (because it was a family member who found her blog, and continued to read knowing it was her and her half-nekkidness).  Would you expect those who found out to treat you negatively or at least think less of you? Or would you adamantly insist that their views of you not change? Would you be furious if you lost the friendship of someone who had very opposite sexual ideals, solely based on your blog?

Me? I would likely embrace the knowledge if it were a friend. I wouldn’t be upset that they never told me, most likely. A family member would be a different story. I think I would be a bit scarred. I think there would be a bit of deterioration to the relationship, perhaps temporarily perhaps permanently. Is that wrong of me being a very open and sexual person with my peers?

If I were found out  – I would completely expect that my family members would see it all very negatively. Real life friends? I don’t know. An open relationship isn’t normal but it isn’t as taboo as infidelity. Of course I have a healthy dose of “embracing mysluthood” on here which could be seen negatively as well by many. I’d be saddened if I lost a friend or was shut out entirely by a family member, but if they’re so uptight and unforgiving that this would be my great sin….hm. I don’t know.

Feb 112009
{note: This is not for HNT and there will not be any HNT this week}

He had me mark myself for him. Branded, I suppose. “This hole is for Master to cum in” was written on my thigh for him to see. “R’s Whore” written in another spot.


When I see him, I know he’ll write on me. He has said he’ll do it in black permanent marker. A “tramp stamp” across the small of my back. Filthy words for him to see as he’s fucking me. What will he write?

For His use only

Cum Slut

If found, return to R ok maybe not…heh

When I return home that night to my partner, I will whisper to him the slutty filthy things I did, that were done to me; he’ll see the words and take his own turn claiming my cunt.

I will wear the words in secret for days until they disappear on their own. I don’t know how long it will take for permanent marker to wash off, but I suspect it’s at least a few days.

I don’t know what else he might write. Any ideas? What would you write, be it on me or on your own slut?

Feb 082009

If you worked in my building, if you saw me on the streets, if you met me at a party, would you ever guess I write this blog and post these pictures and do what I secretly do?

Probably not.

Outside of my partner, no one in “real life” knows about this blog. This is the case for many many (most) blogs I read. It is the case for many others, this blurry line between “real 3D life” and the virtual reality world we have created between IM and email and blogs and commenting and Twitter. So when I was at the party back in November, it was very surreal to be meeting these people whom, for some, I knew intimately from the neck down – “It’s so nice to put a face with the tits!” – and more surreal to be called Lilly as if it were my real name. But I got used to it, I got used to hearing it. It’s not a huge deviation from my real first name anyways.

Last night I met Naughty Secretary, whom I’ve been chatting up online for a number of months. We only live a few hours apart, it’s a wonder we waited so long! But we’re lazy. The reason for the monumental occasion was her birthday party.

First, let me ask this to other bloggers who’ve met bloggers: Were you surprised by how….”normal” the other person looked? I mean many of us post risque or pornographic photos, artistic nudes, words to make your mother blush. But you wouldn’t peg us into that at first look or first conversation even. Right? Have you ever been let down? Expected someone more flashy? Or do you, like me, merely sit there in the quiet moments and think “But you don’t look kinky!!” (as Catalina said of Nadia‘s MasterDoc when meeting him at the NYC party). Take, for example, NS’s man. As I played Go Fish with this guy, glared at him for taking my damn 8’s, or merely listened to him in conversation with others, the contrast between what I knew about him from her and what I saw in front of me proved moreso that you really really cannot peg kinky unless they’re dressed in kink leather gear or something. So I wonder what people think of me.

As I said, no one in my “real life” knows about my blog. When I might speak of those I’ve met online because of the blog, I’m always at a loss to say how I know them. I usually gloss over that. But at NS’s party, everyone there knew or would know that she has a sexblog and writes erotica. I was also introduced as such to everyone there at some point in the evening. It was surreal. Did they think “Really?? Her????”.

She’s awesome to hang out with, by the way. But no I wouldn’t peg her without knowing that she writes erotica so professionally. So deftly does she blur the line between fact and fiction on her blog that one never knows which is which.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I got a new cell phone Friday. This was a harried occasion, I found out from the person who’s plan I had been on that they decided not to renew their contract. I couldn’t complain, I wasn’t paying for it (call it compensation for 3 years of brutal hell working for the man), but 2 days notice leaves one in a bit of a bind.

I really wanted a Blackberry but couldn’t yet afford the monthly plan for it – Later this year I hope to, and I might need more internet access in a phone because I still have no earthly idea what will happen when my department merges with another and we move to a different building. My job duties will likely change and there’s a decent chance I’ll lose internet access. I’ve mentioned it before. It makes me realize how damn attached I am to it. But it’s not something one can ask in their interviews for a new position/job – “Will I have internet access here so I can fuck around during the workday here and there (and everywhere)?”

So now I have this cool little AT&T Quickfire phone – all sorts of new for me with its QWERTY keypad and touchscreen. The photos that it takes are bigger than my last phone, I’m sure you’ll appreciate them more. I had originally gone with AT&T because I thought I’d want an iPhone. Indeed there are all these cool apps and the camera is awesome and blahblahblah. BUT it’s entirely touchscreen, you cannot use a stylus, and this phone I have now is making me feel like I have fat fingertips. So I do believe I would launch my iPhone across the room in short order, therefore, a Crackberry is the most advanced I’ll likely ever go.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My patience is waning. I am getting bored more easily these days. I have become fickle and keeping my attention is not an easy feat. I will flippantly cut a blog from my public or feed reader blogroll. Quit following someone’s updates on Twitter. Glare suspiciously at the constant 1-2 dozen of people sitting there in my Twitter queue that want to be allowed to follow my updates and I reject most of them. If I don’t know you or know of you, it’s not real likely, honestly. I view Twitter differently than a lot of people, I think.

I am removing people from my IM buddy lists and my cell phone and email contacts. I am culling. I don’t know why, or what the end result will be. S, for example, disappeared around the holidays. Only to come back a few weeks later all apologies and valid (family) reasons. Fine….but then he’d disappear again. Come back again, disappear again. I’d hear from him for an email or two in 24 hours and then nothing for 2 weeks. And to be honest, I just lost interest. I’m not willing to get invested in a play relationship or friendship who disappears more than Houdini. Sigh….next!

As I trim the dead I realize that the ones I am keeping in contact with are the important ones, the only ones who really matter. I am not a social butterfly, I keep my circle tight. And even within that circle is an inner circle of which there are only a handful – at the end of the day only their prescence matters.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is the “Sunday-morning-I’m-not-totally-sober-or-awake-and-the-bed-is-comfy-but-here-try-out-my-new-phone” photo. Thrilling, eh?


Sugasm 158

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Feb 082009

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #159? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Sealing the Deal
“A hand reached down and grabbed my chin firmly, pulling it up to get a look at my face.”

Wait for me on your knees.
“She’s not scared or wincing but open and accepting, drinking in the sensation.”

What DO Women Want?
“This cultural context also means that what research describes might not be how things actually are, but how the current culture is shaping them to be.”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Political Opinions

Editor’s Choice
Like Rube Goldberg

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

 Posted by at 10:59 am